


The Fallen Spear

by Yellow_Beacon



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Royalty, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst and Feels, Bad Flirting, Blood and Violence, Blow Jobs, Denial of Feelings, Dirty Talk, Hand Jobs, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Masturbation, Mentions of Rape/Non-Con/Abuse of Original Character(s), Mutual Pining, Original Character(s), Period Typical Bigotry, Politics, Unresolved Sexual and Romantic Tension, Very Slow Burn (very), strangers to enemies to friends to lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:42:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 35
Words: 123,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24797869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yellow_Beacon/pseuds/Yellow_Beacon
Summary: Christopher Bang had it all. A castle, an adoptive father who treated him like his own. Two siblings who looked up at him and adored everything he did. A beautiful maiden wrapped around his little finger and a betrothed from one of the richest kingdoms in all of Azgaar. He was even lucky enough that the responsibility of being a ruler would fall on his little brother since he wasn't the king's legitimate son.But fate worked in curious ways and when his betrothed came back after eight years to see him the week before their wedding, a young man had accompanied her. A man with lips even fuller and eyes even darker than the young princess, with a carefully combed fringe of blonde hair that perfectly framed a splatter of light brown freckles across his cheeks, nose and eyelids.And Christopher just knew that this would be the asshole that would ruin it all.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Comments: 676
Kudos: 777





	1. Pulcherrimus

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, darlings ♥ thank you for clicking on this fanfic, I really hope you will enjoy it. I post new chapters on Sundays ♥
> 
> https://treasure-my-aurora.tumblr.com/post/622923975191838721/the-fallen-spear-azgaar-world-map ↞↞↞ this will send you to a map over Azgaar ♥  
> This is a Spotify list that I listen to while writing, hopefully, it will help set the mood for you while you're reading as well: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1WUFwFD2hIhpjjJzvOaKyy?si=aRv_3JEXSwCH44GXYuiSug
> 
> Chapter name meaning: Beautiful

Christopher Bang was three years old when his mother married into the royal family of Westspire. The marriage was completely out of love- and completely out of rage for the diocese system that had been handpicking spouses for the young kings and queens for generations.  
It had taken a long time with months of sleepless nights. Plotting and turning every problem and conspiracy against their love into an argument- that it would be the best for the kingdom of Hinosia. That a loving relationship between two people, regardless if the new queen was a widow or not, would secure a safe future. 

Christopher was five years old when he became a big brother to a cute little princess. Five years old when he learned that life was so much bigger now when he had someone to protect- someone to care for more than his mother and the castle’s many cats and dogs. Five years old when the princess closed her hand around his pinkie finger and he looked up at his mother’s tired face with wonder in his eyes, mouthing a promise to her that he will protect his sister with his life. 

Christopher was seven years old when he first fell off a horse. The sound of his mother’s surprise scream echoed in his ears when he quickly curled up in a ball to protect his body from the frightened animal’s hooves. His mother’s arms around him when she picked him up from the ground. The smell of rosewater and orange-blossoms from the essential oils dropped on the pulse points on her neck and wrist enveloped him in familiar security. The sound of a gunshot from a flintlock pistol made nearby birds take flight and he gripped hard onto his mother’s fur coat when the ground shook slightly from the weight of a heavy animal hitting it.

Christopher was nine years old when his little brother was born. The church bells rang for three days in a row at the hour of the boy’s birth and he hid behind the curtains of the massive windows in the ballroom when hundreds of guests overfilled the rooms of the castle, congratulating the king and queen on their newborn heir. He was nine years old when everyone forgot about him. When he realised that he was nothing more than his mother’s past mistake. Her nearly fatal miscalculation with the king of Vernesvia. A man that had spent five years abusing her, forcing himself upon her until she finally successfully birthed a son. A man that had died very mysteriously a year after the boy had been born… and Christopher was glad he never got to know him. That meant that he didn’t have to answer to the handmaidens’ chatty gossips whenever they got bored with the secrets that circulated around the castle.

Christopher was eleven years old when he first met his future wife. She was pretty but way too girly and complained about her dress getting dirty when he’d taken a shortcut through Clay gate where the city’s poor, old and sick lived. He’d stuck his tongue out to her then and told her that he’d gladly see her trying to find her way back the usual way through the Seven songs from his bed-chamber window instead. Needless to say that he got a very stern but still respectful talk about how to treat a fair lady after they both had arrived back at the castle again, the hem of the princess’s dress ridden with stains of mud and murky water. He’d always respected the king- his adoptive father, and the talk just emphasised the trust he’d always had in his mother- that she’d chosen her second husband with her heart.

Christopher was thirteen when he got into his first fistfight. It had been with one of his cousins- the king’s sister-son because the snotty, stupid prince had called him a bastard and Christopher, who was always adamant on being correct had immediately called back that his legitimate father had been a king as well and that they had been married when he’d been born but the other prince just wouldn’t listen “Your mother was a widow because she’s a murderer” he’d called out, “She strangled your father in their bed-chamber, I heard mother’s maid say so” Christopher had never punched anyone in his entire life and it hurt surprisingly much when the boy’s nose got crushed underneath his closed fist, “My mother is the queen and you do best with shutting your mouth if you know what’s best for you” he’d hissed out to the prince.   
He never really got back into the small group of young boys after that. Everyone seemed too scared to play with him.

Christopher was fifteen when he first laid with someone else. It was rather anticlimactic since the poor girl was scared for her life that someone would find out about them, especially since she was just a simple maiden that worked in the kitchen and occasionally helped with cleaning the chambers. She caught his eyes when he’d arrived early from breakfast one morning and she’d been changing the sheets of his bed. Everything escalated quite quickly after that. He knew that he was betrothed to the sweet princess in the south but he hadn’t seen her for four years and they wouldn’t see each other for another four- on the same week of their wedding. It wouldn’t hurt to be at least a little experienced until then, right? So that at least one of them knew what they would be doing?

Christopher was seventeen when his mother took her last shaky breath after fighting against a fatal illness during the harshest winter in the city of Elicstow. He didn’t stop crying for two full days. Many people came knocking on his bed-chamber; the king, his younger siblings, numerous handmaids and shield brothers. Even his own favourite maiden came knocking when the moon was at its highest. He’d opened the door to see her standing in front of him in nothing but her thin underdress. The material was so light and white that he could see the contour of her body when the moonlight shone through it. But he only sighed heavy, rubbed his red eyes with the back of his hand and dismissed her with a wave of his fingers.

Christopher was nineteen when he truly felt fear for the first time. Varnesvia- his mother’s homeland and the country she inherited after the king had died, had gotten enough of uninterested monarchs and useless councils that didn’t bother with civilian casualties when they raised the taxes once again to give more money to the crown. The king of Hinosia- his adoptive father- had, of course, decided to meddle in affairs that weren’t truly his own and claimed that Varnesia belonged to him since he’d inherited it from his now passed wife. Christopher had been sent on a mission to travel down to the small kingdom and claim it in his king’s name but the people were not happy about seeing him when he came knocking on the door of the citadel. They were even less happy about hearing the news and he lost ten good men when trying to reason their way out of complete slaughter. The blood had tasted like iron in his mouth when he bit down on his tongue- desperately trying, and finally, after a long hour of negotiation, to talk his way out of complete disaster. Two more years and countless of spilt lives passed before Varnesvia would become an independent country, with a democratic court, no more monarchs and no crown to tell them what to do.

Christopher was twenty-one when he tasted blood in his mouth the next time. It was the week before his wedding and the young princess he’d met eight years ago stood in front of him. Gorgeous as the dawning day with long black hair like silk. Framing a pair of brown, deep eyes with full, dark eyelashes, perfectly trimmed eyebrows, a cute button nose and a pair of lips that he’d gladly kiss for the rest of his life. Dressed in a wonderful deep royal blue gown that must’ve taken months to sew and with jewels that spoke of her family’s riches. She gave him a small, sweet smile and it would’ve taken his breath away if it wasn’t for the person next to her. With a secure arm looped around the young woman, a big smile on a pair of lips that seemed even fuller than hers and eyes that were an even deeper brown. The exact same button nose and not black, but blonde hair that was shortly trimmed in the neck, parted in the middle and perfectly framing a splatter of brown freckles across his cheeks, nose and eyelids. Dressed in similar colours as the princess, with a body that made his heart flip. The whole vision of the man took Christopher’s breath away completely and he felt a sickling jolt in his body- like that time when he got kicked in the stomach by one of his cousins- the same one who’d teased him years ago. 

Christopher was twenty-one when everything he’d ever known was completely thrown out the window, before it smashed against the muddy, stomped down ground below.

Christopher was twenty-one when he first met Felix.

Christopher was twenty-one when he first fell in love. 


	2. Ira

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter name meaning: Anger

“Are you really going to leave without asking me the question you’ve been dying to ask?”   
The maiden- his favourite girl and most trusted private advisor, pulled her underdress over her head and only rolled her eyes at his question. It was still early morning, just before breakfast and a bird chirped happily outside the window, enjoying the warm spring weather just as much as the couple in the room. Chris raised one cocky eyebrow, placed his forearm underneath his resting head and held back a small, proud smile when the maiden quickly glanced at the way his naked upper body stretched out from the action before she cleared her throat and started to make her hair into a braid while she looked away again.

“She seems pleasant from what I heard from the gossip around the servants. There were several…” she exhaled, seemingly rather bothered but still masked it pretty well, “Several things that they pointed out about her but- um… all of them seemed to agree on one thing at least” she paused, held back a grimace and turned to him again where he laid sprawled out on the large bed,   
“What?” he asked, and she sighed and forced a small smile,   
“You’ll be most happy with her. She has the hips for the job and a pretty face that you’ll be able to enjoy seeing for the rest of your life”  
“Oh,” Chris gave her a small smirk, “You’re not jealous, are you?”   
She forced another smile, thankful for the fact that even though the prince was good at many (many, many) things- the awareness of micro-expressions and ability to connect two dots when it came to how others might feel, weren't really his thing.   
“I have to leave. See you later, my prince”

Chris hummed something incoherent back and gave her a small nod before he raised from the bed just as the door to his chamber closed again. Sighed to himself and walked over towards the window that was aimed towards the north, completely naked and still with traces of cum stained on his lower stomach. He looked out over the city that billowed down and beyond the small hill that the castle was placed on, saw smoke rising from the bakery over in the outskirts of Clay Orchard- the inner, walled part of the city and felt his stomach grumble at the thought of the freshly baked goods that would be taken to the market later. His gaze continued to wander, over the large garden that opened up just before you reached the castle gates, then to his left towards Smoke Tower and the poor people that lived huddled up there and to East Town at his left where the city’s wealthier inhabitants lived.

A gust of wind picked up through the open window and played with his hair for a moment, bringing his eyes down towards the courtyard below and he immediately took a quick step backwards when he recognized the man and woman that walked the gravel road below. They occasionally stopped to observe the meticulously shaped hedges and carefully planted flowers, chatting amongst themselves. He took another step backwards with a thoughtful frown, mindful of his own nakedness while he watched his betrothed and the man from yesterday. A wave of curiosity washed over him while his gaze lingered on them, wondering quietly to himself who this man even was? They had arrived too late yesterday, Chris had already changed into his sleeping gown when his servant had knocked on the door, apologized deeply for bothering him and then informed him that the princess of Oranobia and her party of handmaid’s and servants had arrived. Chris had cursed under his breath at the bad timing and lowered his gaze, ashamed when the king gave him a small disappointed smile at the fact that they couldn’t welcome their guest’s better. Back then, Chris and the young princess; Isabel, the second of her name, had only barely had time to greet one another and the latter had apologized at her late arrival. Apparently, a bad storm just across the border had set their journey back nearly six hours. But the king had just dismissed it with a wave of his hand, happy that the families; Westspire of Elicstow and Ashdown-Lee of Oranobe would finally unite in this much needed time of alliance. The princess and her party were led aside towards their quarters and Chris only had time to look over his shoulder and meet the strange man’s eyes. Still with a protective arm close to the young woman beside him. That stare had been burned on his retina for the remainder of the night and he knew that he should probably wait, simply because it would be rude to interrupt this early in the morning but he was just way too nosey for his own good.

“Ellyn!” he called out after much consideration and the servant just outside his door opened it gently before taking a step inside. She was old and had been with him for his whole life, originally serving his mother when she had been a child herself, “Bring me some soap, a bowl of hot water and a change of clothes fitting for a walk” he said gently and could hear how Ellyn softly hummed and then curtsied before she took her leave again.

Chris continued to look out the window while he waited. Watched how the foreign pair walked around the flowerbeds, gesturing towards the delicate pink flowers that his mother decided to have planted there after she’d married the king. The man watched from the flowers to the woman and Chris’ mouth fell open when he leaned down, plucked one of the pink beauties and placed it in the braid that circled around the princess’s crown.   
How dare he? The pure audacity. Chris couldn’t believe what he was seeing, and a flash of anger made him clench his fists. The foreign pair laughed amongst themselves, continued walking along the path and Chris was unsure if it was because he’d been staring for too long and gotten confident in the fact that nearly no one saw him through the window of his small tower, or if the man simply had been aware of him the entire time because he suddenly turned and locked eyes with him- completely out of the blue. Chris leapt backwards at that, scared that the man might’ve seen a bit too much than he liked to reveal and then jumped again when there was a soft knock on his door, 

“My prince, the water is ready for you” Ellyn interrupted his fright train and he nodded silently while closing the window again, “and your clothes as well” she continued and he could hear from the rustling of the fabric that they were placed on his bed, “Do you acquire any other help, your highness? Perhaps someone who can help get you dressed after you washed up?”   
“I’ll be fine. Thank you, Ellyn” Chris answered and gave her a smile over his shoulder.

He washed with the cloth and soap that had been provided, dried up with a small towel and then went over to his clothes, scoffed a bit at the high quality of the fabric and wondered if Ellyn guessed who he’d been watching and wanted to impress. He took a quick look in a mirror after securing a belt of gold around his hips, tried to comb down his mane of dark, curly hair and only just untangled some of them from each other before he gave up again. Two men from his own hand-picked, private guard automatically followed in his trail when he exited his room and started to walk down the winding staircase,

“Fine day for a walk today, Chris” one of them said and the other snorted out a small chuckle, “Yeah, fine like a lady” he added while the prince only rolled his eyes and answered,  
“You’re lucky I consider you my closest friends or you’d be in deep problem calling me by my first name in public”   
“Like it’s the first time” the younger of the two commented and Chris only sighed while he combed his hair out of his forehead.   
The heat was intense and smells from all different directions swayed back and left in the dry, early summer day. He was already warm in his clothes and didn’t even want to imagine how warm it probably was in the guards' clothes. 

Changbin of house Seo of Vatano and Jisung of house Han of Dostan had been his friends since they both moved here after their mother’s had joined the Abbey, basically at the same time, still in mourning of their husband’s deaths. Chris always thought that it had been faith that pushed them all together that cold November night four years ago when they all walked into the city’s most famous brothel, placed just between Smoke tower and Sunset town- South-west from the castle. It ended with them all getting kicked out because they rather quickly stopped caring about the girls and just started to complain about their lives instead, all of them swearing that they would be nothing like the disappointment their fathers were.

“Prince Christopher, what an honour” the princess approached him just as he rounded the corner of the castle and reached the back courtyard. The flower was still in her hair and Chris only glanced at it shortly before he gave her a small smile, forcing back the anger he felt again when the man stopped just a step behind her. Arms locked behind his back like a military man standing on attention.   
“My Lady Isabel, will you walk with me?” he asked, and the young woman gave him another soft smile and nodded her head before she turned her glance at the man behind her,  
“Of course, but I was reminded earlier when my brother spotted you watching us from your chamber” a deep flush covered Chris’ cheeks at that and he wet his lower lip while forcing another smile at the man, “that the two of you never got introduced to each other yesterday" she took a step aside and motioned for her brother to approach him, “This is Felix, my older brother and the crown prince of Oranobia”  
“Oh” Chris managed to say before the man in front of him bowed deeply, _way too deep_ for someone from the higher line of succession (and therefore higher hierarchy rank) than him and annoyance once again flared up in his chest when he was forced to bow even deeper. 

Crown prince, eh? He was surprised. The marriage between himself and Her Highness, Lady Isabel wouldn’t result in any heirs to the throne. Both since he wasn’t legitimate and she a woman and neither of them had any say in getting the crown before any potential children of the crown princes. Their wedding was therefore only because of political reasons. Felix, however, was an important person. He should be home, prepared to say the oat if Oranobia would get attacked and the king killed.

“You seem puzzled-” the crown prince said and didn’t hide the small smirk that followed when Chris’ mouth fell open slightly at the depth of his voice.   
He clenched his teeth, not liking this conversation at all. Politics had stopped being his thing after the failed attempt with Varnesvia two years ago and he could quickly say the wrong thing to the wrong people,   
“I was simply surprised that such a significant person as yourself have the guts to leave his country in this time of raging wars and uncertain political climate”  
The smirk faltered slightly and exchanged to a small smile. One that you gave children, “and I find it strange that the king isn’t here with you” Chris continued and the polite smiles on the foreign pair disappeared,  
“I’m quite surprised that you don’t know about our father’s critical condition. One would think that you’d be at least a bit interested with the family you’re getting married into” Felix continued and took another step forward, only to be stopped by his sister who placed a gentle hand against his midriff,  
“I think the correct phrase is that Lady Isabel will be married into _my_ family” Chris smiled back but the words that left his lips was drenched with poison, “and a king with weak health is even more of a reason why you should be home” Chris continued and the crown prince’s fingertips brushed softly against the hilt of the sword at his side,  
“Is that a threat, Christopher of house Westspire?” he asked, and Chris was just about to reach for his own sword when Isabel took a step forward,  
“Now, now. It’s not even time for breakfast. Let’s go, brother” she placed a soft hand on his arm and though his posture relaxed a bit, he still stared at Chris with stern eyes,  
The flower had fallen out her hair when she jumped between them and Chris only broke the gaze to see it lay on the gravel ground.   
“Let’s talk at the feast later, your highness. Forgive my brother, please” she gently gripped his elbow and made him turn on his heel again.

Chris sighed deeply, jaw clenched when he leaned down to pick up the flower, placed it in his pocket and watched them walk off. Annoyed with the fact that his gaze didn’t linger on the sweet roundness of the princess’s bottom in the gorgeous deep red gown she was wearing, but rather on the straight back of her brother. The light blonde hair of his competed with the white in his long military coat, which was completely covered in beautiful, intricate details made with silver thread. The sun captured the pure illumination of his whole figure and Chris once again found himself losing the air in his lungs when his heart skipped a beat.  
Fuck this marriage and fuck Felix Ashdown-Lee.


	3. Mirabilis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter name meaning: Wondrous

“I’d like to make a toast to my future daughter-in-law; Her Highness, Lady Isabel Ashdown-Lee and her brother, His Royal Highness, Crown Prince Felix Ashdown-Lee. Thank you for finally blessing us with your presence once again. We- all of us-” the king stretched his arm out towards the two rows of tables that lined out from the edges of the honorary table, forming a horseshoe shape, “truly look forward to the union of our kingdoms. Especially in times like these” he nodded to the foreign siblings first with a solemn and respectful smile and waited for Felix to raise his glass back before he could complete the toast, “I really hope that you’ll find the following days at our humble palace enjoyable. Christopher will surely help you around the vicinity, since he knows the city better than most of us” he gave Chris a small teasing wink and barely stifled the small heartful chuckle that broke through when the crowd laughed and clapped their hands at his embarrassment. Most of them were very much aware of all the deep shit the king had saved him from during his youth.

They raised their glasses and shouted out a “Huah” that rang among the stone walls before drinking down the tangy red wine. The chattering continued among the people along the tables and Chris watched them all with curious eyes. From the princess’s cute handmaid that sat furthest at the edge on his left, together with his little sister’s many maiden’s and chamber ladies. All of them trying to stifle their giggles while looking over at the handsome guards and shield brothers of the princes at the other table.   
Chris could see Jisung and Changbin talking to two of the foreign men that had arrived with the party, presumingly life guards as well from their clothes, the way they talked and held themselves- the stiffness in their backs to the polite small smiles that were exchanged between bites of food and sips of wine. They looked less strong than his own guards, but rather more… fluid. Lithe in their movements and Chris wouldn’t be surprised if both of them preferred to use long range weapons like a bow or even a spear, scythe, or halberd rather than the traditional sword. They seemed like each other’s opposite too, one quiet while he listened to Jisung’s (from what Chris could see) very engaging and captivating story. Probably the one about the pack of hungry wolves that had attacked them in early morning barely two years ago, since it was a story that frequently came up at times like this and Jisung himself always made sure to boast that he had made sure that they’d gotten out alive with the traps he’d set ‘just in case’ right before they went to bed. The dark-haired man had nodded with a small impressed smile and Chris held back a small laugh when his friend quickly looked away again, the tips of his ears flushing red.

The other man was much more into the conversation and Chris could hear his laughter from where he was sitting, at least fifteen seats away. The blonde hair that framed his face lingered way beyond his jawline and gave him an appearance that seemed much more fitting someone from the aristocratic sector but Chris could still see the way his biceps worked under his loose white blouse and guessed that many other men had probably miscalculated the guard’s beauty as something feminine and fragile before they lost their lives. He surely looked forward to seeing them in battle in the performance shows leading up to the wedding. His gaze moved, from his many cousins and their handmaiden’s and shield brothers to the servants and party of his betrothed before it landed on the woman in question. Heard her laugh softly at something the king had said but he couldn’t make out because of the buzz of voices around him, and couldn’t help the tug on his own lips when he thought to himself that he certainly wouldn’t mind that laughter for the rest of his life. Or the tiny dimple in her cheek and the way her black curls fell over her chest, low enough to nearly touch her upper thigh. Or the way her breast bounced gently in the tightly corseted bright blue dress she was wearing. That was, of course, until someone else moved into his line of sight.

“Oh, you think I’m pretty enough to stare at?” Felix asked with his eyebrows raised, “Come on then, stare some more” he continued, the tone of his voice so mocking that Chris had to clench his jaw to not say anything back and the irritation only boiled harder when the prince’s unfairly full lips stretched out in a way too pleasant smile while he fluttered his lashes.

Chris squinted at him and just barely caught himself before he accidentally stuck his tongue out. Remembering that he’d rather keep it to himself since he preferred to use it. The Prince’s hair was slicked back now, just enough to make it seem casual, with a few strands of hair that gently touched his forehead. Dressed in similar blue colours as his sister, with a steel grey waistcoat over a white lace ruffled under-blouse, pants in the same grey colour and Chris hated how well the cold palette matched with the dark brown in his eyes and the white blonde of his hair. He tugged on his own clothes, suddenly more conscious of his own green suit, the silk embroidery on it and even though it was hand sewn by the castle’s own royal tailor- the silk thread of different colours seemed bleak compared with the strong blues and gentle greys of the man beside him. He cleared his throat; a bit bothered and adjusted the ruffles of his own white under-blouse. Jaw tensing up again when Felix leaned towards him, “It’s almost a pity that the pigment in your clothes make you seem even less of an engaging person than you already are”

Chris turned to the other man, startled by the rude words that had fallen from his lips and was only stunned momentarily when seeing Felix’s face much closer than he expected. The prince smiled again, head tilting just as much as he dared without risking the delicate crown on his head from falling off. Eyes twinkling, like he just got the exact reaction he wanted from the other,   
“That was so astonishing unmannered by you that I don’t even take offence to what was said” Chris answered and the smile on Felix’s face only grew wider, “Oh, so he can hold a conversation. I’m surprised”  
“It’s quite hard to even want to hold a conversation with someone who has insulted you since first glance” Chris answered, swallowed hard and hoped that the reckless words wouldn’t affect anything larger than he could handle. But the prince’s eyes widen and Chris couldn’t see if he was puzzled or pleased with the attack while he took another bite of the roasted duck that had been served (as entree number three for the evening, thank you very much)   
“You picked one of mother’s flowers” he explained and fished out the, now crumpled, flower he’d carried all day,

Felix nearly choked on his wine when he glanced over at the sad floral in Chris’ hand. Two petals laid a centimetre or so away, and he gently picked it up between his thumb and index finger, “I’m sorry” the prince said and offered his first genuine smile of the day, “I know about the queen’s passing. I didn’t mean to cause any harm on purpose. I simply saw a pretty flower and wanted it to put it in my sister’s hair since I guessed that we would eventually see you during the day”

Chris nodded quietly, appreciative but not really ready to forget and forgive just yet while he pocketed the dying flower again and stuffed his mouth full when he remembered the awkward moment that morning. He hoped that Felix had forgotten about the incident that involved him watching them but the God’s seemed to test him, for the countless time today,   
“So… why were you staring at us?” Felix asked while watching Chris over the edge of his glass when he took another sip of his wine. Clearing his throat while Chris only sighed and forcefully finished chewing his food before he felt comfortable enough to answer,  
“I was just looking out over my surroundings. It’s just something I like to do after I wake up- watching the whole city come alive, from East town to the east, Iron springs at north-east, Seven seasons at north, Smoke tower to the west and Sunset town just south-west- all of them surrounding Clay Orchard and the castle gardens. I want to see my home before I get on with the day, so that I’m reminded off what I’m fighting for if that time would ever come”   
Felix nodded and looked rather… impressed? He snorted out a small chuckle and went back at his meal, “Who would’ve guessed. You are more than meets the eye, Christopher”  
“Chris” the other nearly interrupted, awfully fast, “Only my mother used to call me Christopher”   
The crown prince nodded, the big smile on his lips sincere, “Chris it is then” he said, held out his hand and Chris took it with a small smile of his own, “Call me Felix, or just Lix. I don’t care much for titles and full names”   
He sighed and took the curiously warm, small hand in his. Happy that they had gotten to an understanding with each other after the small mishap that morning. Maybe this Felix Ashdown-Lee wasn’t a complete idiot after all. 


	4. Aestus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter name meaning: Tide

The smell of musky sweat, dry sand dust and ingrained old blood laid heavy in the air when they approached the arena. It had already seen its glory days of fighting and killing and was now more used as a training ground and amphitheatre for shows and performances. Some men from the royal guard had just arrived as well, to make sure that his little brother, aged twelve, didn’t hurt himself on the blade he used to train and Chris gave them all a small smile before they walked through an arched valve and then started their descent down the stairs. It was seated for just about 500 people, in a half-circle, with walls that reached three meters up at the furthest seat, protecting the audience from the sun if the performance was during the day. Standing like an ancient monument in the middle of the castle garden, among planted flowers and high trees. It was strange to think that this had been a place for death and annihilation a thousand years ago. Now only the dark discoloured patches of long-ago dried-up blood served as a reminder of a time that had been. Young men from the aristocratic sector were standing in small groups of three and four, there to train for the performances in two days,

“Seems like the crown prince is just as eager to show off as anyone else” Changbin mumbled under his breath and Jisung only scoffed while Chris sent him a wary look, silently warning him not to speak too loud when a group of his sword brother’s, men that he’d trained and known his whole life, quietly chuckled as they passed,  
“Your highness, lovely seeing you here with…?” Felix started and gave the three of them a small pleasant smile,  
“Oh, this is Jisung of house Han and Changbin of house Seo. My most trusted men, lifeguards and closets friends” Chris answered and waved his hand between the two while he talked.

They bowed deeply before the crown prince, and the plated armour rustled in the motion. Chris felt a bit bad for them since they were his best friends, but they never complained while wearing the panoply, ensuring him that they didn’t swear the oath to complain. The armour itself was of the whitest steel, with intricate gold details on the chest and shoulder plates. The faulds consisted of a fish scale mail that draped in the front and sides, dropping enough to fully cover their thighs but with enough mobility to not hinder their movements. Perfected by the city’s best blacksmith for over a year and gorgeous enough that they received long stares of the common people whenever Chris and the two walked around town or visited the market. He’d even heard them brag about it to maidens of all kinds (poor, wealthy, young, and older alike) guaranteeing that the royal emblem- the silhouette of an owl in front of two crossed spears- was just as impressive up close.   
They had skipped the helmets for the occasion and Chris couldn’t help but notice how Jisung gave the guard on Felix’s left side a small smile when he bowed back.

“Ah, I’ve heard about you both. One house with bad luck is strange enough but two? And with the same story as well?” Felix started and Chris held back a grimace when Jisung took a small step forward,  
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jisung asked, a bit agitated from the prince’s vague but strikingly rude words,  
“Oh, sorry. I just find it intriguing how two people managed to lose everything after one night. Their father, their mother’s sanity, their siblings”   
Jisung drew his sword faster than Chris could react and if it wouldn’t be for the quick reflexes of the guard that had just given him a smile, the crown prince would surely have been injured badly. Jisung swallowed hard when his sword fell out of his hand from the blow of the long spear before the sharp edge of a halberd pressed unforgivingly against his throat, ready to separate his head from his shoulders if he made another move.

“Your Royal Highness. Is this really necessary?” Chris asked with a voice that wavered with distress, one arm against Jisung’s chest to make sure that he didn’t do anything more stupid while the other reached out in front of him, like he’d be able to stop the man from hurting his guard.   
“Of course it’s not” Felix seemed to be a bit taken aback with the whole situation as well but didn’t make an attempt to stop anything since he had been the one who’d gotten attacked, “I was talking casually. Minho here-” he nodded towards the man that hadn’t moved a muscle, the blade of the axe still pointed against Jisung’s throat, “has lost family as well. His three siblings were butchered by his dad before they reached their seventh birthday. If I knew that you were so sensitive, I wouldn’t have brought it up”

Chris scoffed and clenched his teeth while Felix placed a gentle hand on Minho’s to make him lower his weapon again. It was first then he realised how deadly quiet everything was, and he looked up to see that everyone, at least thirty people, stared at them with worried glances,  
“Nothing to see here. Everything is fine” Chris promised with a tight smile and a wave of his hand and even though some of them still stared intently at them, most went back to what they were doing,  
“Are we done? I wanna start competing” Felix’s other lifeguard complained with a whiny voice that didn’t match the dark, graciousness of his appearance at all,  
“I’m sorry” Jisung swallowed hard, and bowed in a 90-degree angle, “it was rash of me to act on my feelings. My family’s tragic history still haunts me”

Felix dismissed his apology with a gentle wave of his hand and gave the other man a small smile, “and I seemed to have forgotten that there are realms and acceptance of variation out there. Oranobia is evidently much brasher than the kingdom of Hinosia. I’ll keep my tongue in check the next time”   
The smile on his lips reached his eyes when Chris nodded to his apology. Still with his heart thumping quickly in his chest with the fear for his friend,   
“Let’s alleviate some tension with some friendly competition, should we? Felix asked and motioned for Chris and his guards to stand next to him. Jisung only paused momentarily and glanced at the man’s halberd again, frowning slightly when the sun glimmered in the sharp blade of the axe at the very end of the spear,  
“This is Hyunjin of house Hwang” Felix continued and Chris nodded his head, still a bit shook up but managed to smile to himself when he recognized the last name of the beautiful man who had complained about wanting to get started earlier. No wonder the thought about him belonging with the aristocratic sector struck him during the feast yesterday- _he was one of them_. House Hwang was one of the most established families in whole Oranobia, and with the Nighwell Keep as a towering fortress planted in the fishing town of Arcos, northwest of the kingdom’s capital Oranobe- they were also filthy rich, “and this is Lord Minho of house Lee, my aunt’s second son and heir to Elkmire Fortress in Andovale”

Chris nodded his head to the man with the halberd, receiving a respectful but pleasant smile back and if it weren’t for the fact that he’d threatened Jisung, Chris would be much more impressed. Both men stood just behind the crown prince again, dressed in full armour but with the lack of helmets as well. It was made of darkened steel, with a silver patterned on the chest and shoulder plates, surrounding the emblem of the hawk with extended wings that stretched over the middle of both places. A dark blue cape fell behind them, fastened at the crooks of their necks, and ended just below the kneecap. It looked impressive, Chris had to admit that, even impressive enough to be compared to the magnificent styles of his own lifeguards.

“Let’s get started!” Hyunjin said with a smile that certainly charmed both women and men alike, and Chris barely had time to react before the man pulled an arrow from the quiver that was fastened at his back, placed it in his bow, pulled the string back, held his breath and then fired it off without hesitation.  
His mouth fell open and he evidently must have missed it, because there wasn’t just one arrow stuck in the shooting target that was placed a good 50 meters away- but three. Neatly lined up vertically with the middle one stuck perfectly in the small red bullseye, buried deep enough that only the feathered end of the arrow still showed. Applauses immediately erupted through the arena and a big, proud smile crinkled the young man’s eyes when he bowed gently to the surrounding crowd. His sweet, flustered demeanour completely contradicted the artful display he just performed.   
Felix gave him a small but beaming smile when the applause silenced and Hyunjin turned to them again,

“Very impressive...” Changbin said, twirling his flanged mace in one hand and hatchet in the other, impatient to show off what he could do as well.   
Jisung’s fingers brushed against the longsword on his back too and he was just about to draw it when the crown prince turned to the fellow prince,  
“Chris?” Felix asked casually, causing everyone near them to turn their heads from the use of his first name but the young man ignored them all, “spar with me?”  
Chris smiled at that and cleared his throat when a warm feeling of pride spread through his chest at the request, “I’m flattered, your Highness… but is such a good idea? Among all of these people?”   
Felix chuckled, fingertips brushing against the hilt of the sword at his side and the look that he sent Chris next caused something uncomfortable to churn in his stomach,  
“Why?" Felix continued, "perhaps you'd prefer to do it more privately? Or wait…” he chuckled gently, “you don’t have performance issues, do you? Or else, I mean- simply because it’s my duty as the crown prince- I can’t have you marrying my sister”

The bold arrogance of this man… it took Chris aback, made him lose his breath slightly and bothered him perhaps more than it should since it’s been so many times already. He felt how a red flush covered his ear with warmth and his heart flicked with uneasiness in his chest when the crown prince drew his sword with extraordinary elegance, leaned back his body, tilted his head with a cocky smile and moved his fingers in a ‘come hither’ motion.   
“Come on then, I bet I’ll have you on the ground in seconds-” Felix said, way too arrogant for his own good and Chris frowned deeply when he barely got even a moment to draw his own sword before the other lunged at him. The sound of steel clashing rang in his ears and a few shrieks of surprise echoed in the crowd, bouncing off the arched wall, “You proved that you have the brain to hold a conversation with me yesterday” he flourished the sword in his hand, "but do you have the brawls enough to keep me at bay?” Felix asked, smiling, but Chris didn’t answer.  
He lunged next, swords clashing together again and again but it felt like he was just flailing wildly in the air. The crown prince danced around him, teasingly poking him gently in the side with the sharp point of the sword and he felt embarrassed, humiliated.   
“Come on, Chris. Show me what you got” Felix mocked before Chris shouted out in frustration while he chopped down, and the other prince held his breath before quickly ducking low, bending his body backwards in a motion that Chris wouldn’t even dream of trying to replicate, “There’s no way I’m letting Lady Isabel birth a bunch of weakling children” he continued and swung his sword a bit too close to Chris’ face, creating a tiny nick in his cheek, “Oops, sorry” Felix giggled and with that Chris had gotten enough, he put in all his strength in one blow, thinking that it would make or break the fight.

It caught the crown prince off guard and the clash that followed was loud enough to make the surrounding crowd pull a grimace. Felix’s sword ricocheted back, fell out of his hand and in a moment of hurried calculation, Chris let his fall to the ground too before he leaned down and fully charged the other, making them both fall onto the ground with a loud thud. Chris quickly pulled Felix’s head towards his chest in the process of them falling- protecting him from hitting it against the approaching ground and winced when he felt how the air in the other’s lungs was punched out of him when his back hit the hard stone surface. He locked one of the other’s legs between his thighs to prevent him from getting up too quickly, loosened the grip he had around his head and paused long enough to meet Felix's eyes before he raised his fist above him.  
“I. am. not. weak” he spelt out slowly behind gritted teeth and the crown prince only let out a small noise between a whimper and a sharp inhale when his eyes automatically closed, prepared to feel the impact of the fist in his face.

But the punch never came- or well, he could feel the small gust of air against his face when it struck down on the stone next to his head. Felix opened his eyes again, carefully. Heart hammering in his chest and he could feel the adrenaline rushing through his bloodstream. Chris could feel it too, as hard as his own heart was moving. He wanted to curse under his breath- the crown prince looked even more gorgeous up close and he couldn’t help but wonder (only for a brief moment of course) if his lips would taste of the salty sweat that had collected on his cupid’s bow. Would they taste like his favourite maiden after they had a full morning of lovemaking? Like the passion of lust, of want, of such an overpowering need that his-

“Is it just me or are you hiding a dagger in your pants?” Felix whispered, out drenched by applauses that Chris hadn’t even noticed was taking place around them,  
“Fuck you” Chris mumbled under his breath and begun to sit up again, extending a hand for the other to take,  
“Oh, but that’s not a good thing to say to your fiancé’s brother, is it? Felix gave him a smug smile while he accepted the hand, “I might take you up on that offer”   
Chris let him go and turned on his heel, scoffing while the crown prince promptly fell back on his butt, inhaled sharply at the surprising pain, and then loudly shouted to his back,  
“I’ll see you at the feast tonight, Christopher”  
“It’s Chris!” he shouted back over his shoulder, annoyed, flustered and possibly more turned on than he liked to admit. Thankful that he’d decided to wear a long coat while he walked past the Lords and Sirs that clapped him on the back and congratulated him for his victory.   
But, somehow, it didn’t feel like he’d won at all.


	5. Desiderium

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter name meaning: Desire

The lips that kissed his were gentle, soft like the flower petals outside in the courtyard and Chris let out a low groan that was quickly muffled when those lips moved against his. He grabbed a handful of hair, felt how the strands of it rippled between his fingers and the person in his arms let out a small whine. It was needy, from deep within the chest, dripping with an almost distressed need for more. Chris’ hands grabbed onto the pale naked thighs that circled his waist, pulled on the person’s hair to expose a neck that was just as pale. Didn’t hesitate for a second before he placed his lips just underneath the jawline. Felt how the pulse on the throat picked up in speed, tasted the saltiness of the thin layer of sweat that covered it, deeply inhaled the smell of sunlight, flowers and lemongrass, of warm linen and dust, of wood ash and olive soap.   
He placed his free hand on the small of the person’s back, rolled the body over his clothed cock and felt the burn in the pit of his stomach when a sharp gasp of the other made his skin tingle,

“Fuck, just like that” a voice broke through the silence and Chris opened his eyes slowly, eyelids heavy and his sight dazed and blurry.  
There was a knock on the door, but it seemed distant, away from what was going on the bed in his chamber. A bird tweeted outside. A gust of wind moved through the short hair of the person that quivered from pure lust in his lap.   
The knock was heard again, and he wanted to shout to the adamant person outside it to shut up. A pair of lips kissed him again. Soft. Like the petals outside in the courtyard- wait.

“Wake up!”   
He closed his eyes. Felt a hand move from his abdomen, down over the white linen nightshirt he wore and finally between his thighs. Heard how the way the person on top of him groaned deeply when the hand closed around Chris’ leaking cock… wait- deeply?   
He opened his eyes again. Stars blocked his vision. 'No'… he sighed. Tried to focus. Not stars.  
“Chris. Wake the fuck up!”  
_Freckles._

He woke up with a twitch, breathing as he’d just ran for miles. The knock on his door had turned into thumping and the person’s fists on the hard wood echoed inside his chambers. What the fuck was going on? What time was it? Was he under attack? And why the fuck was he so turned on that he could nearly taste the pheromones he excreted?   
He stumbled out of bed, pulled down his nightshirt over his dick and hoped that there wasn’t anyone important on the other side of the door.  
“Finally awake, huh? I literally had to scream. You’re lucky you live alone” 

Well… If destiny wasn’t a bitch. Felix stood in front of him in a pristine frilled blouse that looked like it had been sewed with a silver thread mixed in with the regular white. A vest of the finest royal blue, adorned with a gorgeous silver embroidered tapestry, was tightly buttoned over that and a pair of high waisted black linen pants with buttons that seemed to not serve any purpose other than just look good, clung to his legs and god. fucking. dammit- this wasn’t what Chris needed at all. Especially since the boner he was sporting was because of the assailant who just tried to punch his door in.  
“Fuck off” Chris muttered and made an effort to close the door, but Felix was quicker, no surprise, and placed his foot between it and the doorpost,  
“Oh no, I did not climb all those forsaken stairs and waited ten whole minutes for you to wake up just to have the door slammed in my face” he said and pushed open the door, half with great effort and half with willpower alone,

Chris only grimaced, mumbled something about ‘his room not being _that_ high up’ and groaned in discomfort when the other prince forced himself into his room. It was one of the larger in the castle, up in one of the towers and with enough space for a family of eight if it had been in one of the houses down in the city. The walls were coated with a layer of clay to keep the warmth in during the night since the temperature could drop to the single digits. But he considered himself lucky still, to live in a place that didn’t get much colder throughout the entire year, or else he might’ve not been able to live there at all. It had been painted a faint orange ochre after his mother had died since it had been her favourite colour, and the canopy bed placed against one of the walls was draped with different layers of dark coloured silk fabrics- from midnight blue to emerald green, to wine red. The window vertically from the entrance door was high enough for him to stand in (he’d tried, one drunken night a year ago, and nearly fallen out when Jisung had dared him to stand there without holding onto the window post around it) and a large wardrobe with basic clothing, nightshirts, spare sheets, belts and jewellery, took over most of the space on the wall that was vertically from the bed. The rest was basically just empty space. A small table and chair were placed in one corner, with an empty parchment and ink laid ready to be scribbled on when he was in the mood to write, and a small handheld lantern stood on the small bedside table.

Felix hummed to himself while taking it all in, “You look… apprehensive” he started out and glanced at the wardrobe at his left, “I won’t find an innocent but easily corruptible maiden in here, right?”  
“No” Chris answered as casually as he could, glance swaying back and forth while he tried his hardest to look at the other directly. More scared that it would bring up memories from the dream he’d just had,  
“What is it then?” Felix asked and took a small step forward, paused when Chris took a step backwards, and then continued to walk, amused by the other’s adamance of getting away. Not that Chris could get very far, and the wall reminded him of that quicker than he would've liked. The crown prince himself didn’t stop until he was merely a meter from him though- way, _way_ too into his personal space for Chris to be comfortable but he still refused to say anything,   
“Why won’t you look at me?” Felix continued and pulled his sword from the scabbard. A hint of fear flashed through Chris’ body when he realised that he was cornered, nearly naked and without a weapon of his own in sight. The other raised his sword, placed the thin blade flat underneath his chin and Chris swallowed hard when he was forced to look up.  
The eyes of the young man were the same as they were in his dream, the same shape of his cupid’s bow and full lower lip, the same splattered freckles adorning his face.   
He cursed silently to himself.

“Oh, you had a _really_ nice dream prior to me knocking, didn’t you?” Felix snorted out a deep chuckle and even though Chris still kept quiet, there wasn’t a need for an answer since they both knew it was true, “Sorry for waking you up then. But your fiancé is waiting for you in the great hall. She complained to me during breakfast that it’s such a pity that you don’t ever eat with us and the king had only laughed and explained that you always had a hard time falling asleep and therefore slept late instead”

Chris only hummed, not in the mood to hold a conversation and Felix withdrew his blade before he gave the other a bright smile, “He promised that you could make it up by taking us on a tour of your city since it will be my sister’s home as well in just a couple of days” he cleared his throat and something solemn and nearly sad shadowed his face.   
Chris couldn’t imagine how he was feeling. He dreaded the day when he would have to accompany his own sister to get her married with a man she barely knew and then live forever in a castle with a bunch of strangers,

“Sure” Chris sighed, “give me a few minutes for myself, to wash up and get ready”  
“I’ll give you five” Felix answered with another bright smile, one that quickly changed to an amused one when he saw how Chris’ face fell a bit, and he let out another low chuckle, “Oh, right. Your _little_ problem”  
Chris didn’t want to argue with him, not this early, but he just couldn’t let the other one win, not today as well, “It’s not _little_ , and I just need a few minutes extra” he tried to point out but was immediately overtaken again,  
“Then I’m _really_ sorry I woke you up. You must’ve been close enough that you could taste it” something dangerous radiated from his voice and Chris tried, _he really did_ , to not think _too_ _much_ about it,  
“I was” he admitted, even though he knew that he probably shouldn’t have,  
“Do you need any help?” Felix asked while walking back towards the door and it was so bluntly it nearly threw Chris for a loop, but the teasing smile that immediately followed made a wave of embarrassed anger spread through his veins instead and he closed the door after him with a force that made it rattle.

The crown prince’s stupid smiling face being the last this he saw before turning around the key in the lock, to make sure that he or anyone else didn’t come in, was bound to be disastrous.   
He rolled his eyes, rubbed his eyelids as if the capture of the other man on his retina would disappear if he did so hard enough. Tried again and again to pull out a memory of him and his maiden instead and it worked- for a while at least- but every time he opened his eyes in the fantasy, Felix was there instead, with his stupid bright eyes, and his white blonde hair.   
Hell, _everything_ about him was stupid- from the way he held himself while he stood and walked. The way he dressed. The way his lean muscles had moved underneath the thin white blouse he was currently wearing. The way he’d sounded in Chris’ dream- so deep and guttural and _needy_. The way his body had felt on Chris’ lap, rolling his hips like a wanton lady that craved him inside.   
Chris had never been with a man before, never even had the thought or even fantasy.

But he had also never felt his arousal tick away as hard as it did at that moment, when he laid down on the bed again, raised his sleeping shirt to his chest and felt his breath hitch when he closed a hand around his cock. He was still rock hard and the skin on his shaft was darkened with an annoyed red from being abandoned for so long.   
It didn’t take much. His brain worked on autopilot, quickly picked up where his dream had left off and suddenly it wasn’t his hand that flicked over the head of his cock- but the other prince. Sprawled out underneath him, as naked as one can be. Gasping for air while Chris planted kisses down his neck, over his chest…   
He orgasmed just a few strokes later, with long ribbons of cum that stuck to the dark, curly hair on his lower stomach.  
Chris held back a frustrated sigh. He was supposed to get married in four days. With a fair, beautiful, and kind-hearted young lady that would make his whole life a living fairy tale.

Felix.   
Felix Ashdown-Lee.   
_What the fuck was going on with him?_


	6. Adapertio

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter name meaning: Disclosure

“That was quick!” Felix said loudly when Chris arrived some fifteen minutes later with both Jisung and Changbin just a meter behind him. Chris nodded to Minho and Hyunjin who stood at the side of the siblings and only gave the crown prince himself a short look before he turned to his betrothed, took her hand, kissed it, and gave her a gentle smile,  
“You look lovely like a rose, my Lady-” he said, turned his back to Felix- completely ignoring him while he felt how his heart grew warm when she let out a small giggle, “-shall we walk?”   
“Thank you for finally blessing us with your company, Christopher. Your father- I mean, the king told us that you’d be alright with a walk through the city. It wasn’t my intention to pull you out of bed and force you with us without any breakfast”  
“Nonsense. Of course, I will walk with you. I was planning on buying something to eat at the market anyway” he kept his smile, even though it was starting to slightly hurt, “oh, and call me Chris for all means” they began the descent down the small stairwell that led out towards the courtyard, “and please… the king wasn’t part in making me but he is still the only father I’ve ever known. I hope my Lady understands”  
“A lot of demands for such a simple prince” Lady Isabel snickered to herself and Chris forced forth another smile, making his furrowed brows seem like puzzlement instead, “Well, you say that but is the king really, _truly_ your father if you don’t share his blood?” she asked with another small giggle as if the question itself was supposed to be funny.

It was the same giggle as earlier, but a confused chill ran through him instead of the warmth he’d felt before. He glanced behind him where Changbin and Jisung met his eyes behind the helmets. They were both successfully holding their laughter’s and Chris himself had to bite down on his own inner cheek from the pure ridiculousness of her words.  
They rounded the castle’s outer wall and found themselves walking down a gravel path, wide enough for two horses with carriages to pass each other without a problem, with a beautiful garden growing at both sides.  
“Oh, brother. We have to return here by sundown and watch the flower’s bathe in its golden glory. It will surely look spectacular”   
“It does” Chris assured her with a small smile, hoping that the tiny misplaced words and awkward moments that had happened so far were going to be it.

The garden itself was a good three hundred meters of flowerbeds, statues and intricate hedges that lined the edges, finally coming to another wall and the guards at the towers opened the drawbridge to Clay Orchard and the big buzzing of early morning trades at the big town square. A marketplace that stretched about a hundred meters was placed in the middle and some of the surrounding people paused and waved at Chris with bright smiles when he and his party stepped out from the castle grounds. They began walking towards the middle of the place when an old lady suddenly emerged from the crowd. She paused and gazed upon them for a few seconds as if she wanted to make sure that she was seeing correctly before she set off again and hurried towards the small company as quickly as her weak legs would let her. Chris quickly let go of his lady to rush to her when it looked like she would collapse and she gave him a thankful smile while placing a thin, wrinkly hand on his arm,

“I never thanked you properly, Your Highness. For the coins we needed, a few weeks ago… you-” she choked up and big tears formed in her watery, aged eyes, “You saved my husband, Lance. Lance River… do you-”  
“Of course I remember. I’m glad to hear that he is well”  
“Well?” the old lady coughed, “You saved his life. He is able to walk again after the operation… you are too selfless” she shook her head in disbelief and had to collect herself slightly before she glanced over at the group behind them, “You” she pointed at Lady Isabel, “you are the new princess, from the neighbouring kingdom, aren’t you?”   
Isabel curtsied deeply and walked up to them, “I am” she said, and the woman smiled again, toothless but bright,   
“Oh, then Elicstow and all of Hinosia, is bound to be fruitful. I’m happy to spend my last living days in such a prosperous capital” she nodded to them all before taking her leave again and Chris looked back at the crown prince and their collective lifeguards that still stood where they were.

Felix himself had something familiar in his eyes, something that was like a shadow over his face. The same kind that he’d had yesterday when Chris had defeated him at the arena, and the day before that when they extended banter among themselves at the feast.   
“Let’s see what the baker has to offer, I can’t help but feel the hunger” Chris said shortly and the Lady around his arm laughed heartily,   
“Because you didn’t eat breakfast, stupid”

Chris decided to not comment on the choice of words and only gave her another small smile. Felt a discomfort in his belly that he couldn’t describe. The baker had his stall on the other side of the market and it took some time to actually get there, since person after person, both young and old, wanted to stop them and either thank Chris for something he’d done recently, whether it would be economically to save them from losing a family member in illness without medicine or their home or livestock, or just lending a helping hand while he was simply passing by, or giving them a few minutes with his own royal tailor, or blacksmith, or anyone alike that knew their profession just a little better.

“They love you” Lady Isabel concluded just before they reached the baker and Chris shrugged, shook his head, and scratched behind his ear with embarrassment,  
“Come on, take the compliment. They love you” Felix added at his other side and Chris cleared his throat when the crown prince gently poked on his upper arm in a playful manner, to dissolve the apparent blanket of discomfort that Chris wrapped tight around himself whenever someone gave him a compliment,  
“I guess that I… help, sometimes...” he said slowly but was only met by a loud scoff from Felix,  
“Good enough, oh cake” he exclaimed like an excited child before he rushed forward without warning towards the wonderful goods a few meters away,  
“Your Highness!” Minho shouted after him and pressed his spear flat on his back to not hurt anyone when he rushed after him. Hyunjin quickly in his heels with the bow in a tight grip.  
The crown prince had already paid for nearly half of the cookies and cakes on the display desk when Chris and Lady Isabel had caught up with them. The baker nodded to Chris and extended a hand towards him to shake when he arrived,

“Is this young man with you, your Highness?” there was amusement behind his steel-grey eyes, “He has no manners, buying up half my stall like that. Now, I have to call on my daughter to have her watch it so I can bake more” he complained with his usual gruff voice and Chris gave him a small smile,   
“Yes, this is my fiancé, the Lady Isabel, princess of Oranobia, and His Royal Highness, crown prince Felix of Oranobia”  
The baker’s face fell, and he scrambled around with his limbs while taking off his hat and quickly bowed deeply, “I’m so, so sorry. Please, forgive my ignorance”  
“You wouldn’t know. It’s no problem” Felix said calmly before extending his hand, “thank you for the baked goods, I’m sure they will taste splendid”   
The baker hesitated, glanced at his hand for a moment, unsure if he wanted the crown prince to touch the white flour and oil residue that seemed stuck in the lines of it and finally Felix just leaned further over the desk and grabbed it himself, “I’m a mortal man, just like you, baker. Do not put me on a pedestal just because I was born in a palace and not in a simple house. I have served my country, just like you. I have wept, just like you and I have loved, just like you”  
The baker nodded slowly before giving them all a brilliant smile, “All respect to you then, I’m happy to finally see the union between two prosperous kingdoms. Hopefully, we’ll be able to stop the useless war that is going on with the _Diocese_ " he spat out the last word with hatred, "Well, have a lovely day, to all of you and please know that you are very welcomed back if you enjoyed the cakes” he finished off, and nodded to all of them with a kind smile on his lips again.

Chris took his party to East town next, where street after street was filled with luxurious apartments with modern plumbing, the latest fashion from countries far, far away, silverware, jewellery, and everything else a person from the aristocratic sector could wish for.  
Chris noticed how Hyunjin, in particular, watched the new fashion and gleaming jewels with longing gazes until he saw his own reflection in the glass window of one of the shops that there, and stretched on his back a bit extra, proud to be wearing the darkened steel and blue armour that clad his body.

“Oh, oh! Can I buy something? Please, please, please brother” Lady Isabel begged while clinging onto Felix’s white blouse but he barely spared her a glance while he inspected the sugary jam that was placed in one of the soft cakes he was eating instead,   
“Yeah, yeah, father has given you an allowance of a 1000 Chronos” he untied a heavy coin pouch from his belt with one hand and completely missed the way the young princess’s mouth fell open,  
“Only? But that’s not enough for a new dress”  
“It’s enough for that dress-” Felix said and pointed to a beautiful yellow evening gown that was displayed in the window,  
“But I want that dress” the young woman complained and pointed at another, much more expensive dress in a deep green with silver details on the cuffs of the long sleeves and a fur coat around the neck,  
“Then don’t buy a dress, darling sister” Felix looked up with annoyance in his eyes and Lady Isabel gasped as if she just got deeply offended,  
“And what else am I supposed to buy?” she exclaimed, “A new necklace!? A new pair of shoes!? I’ll get married in a few days. I will get all of that anyway!” her voice got increasingly louder with each word until Felix just rolled his eyes and went back to his cake and she screamed out, “You will pay the rest that I need then! I _refuse_ to leave without a new dress! I _need_ a new dress!”  
Felix looked from his sister to his guards to Chris and only sighed deeply,  
“Let’s go-” he said and grabbed a hold of Chris’ upper arm,  
“Where?” Chris asked back and motioned for his guards to stay with the young lady as well,  
“Not far, just far enough to not listen to that awful screaming” Felix continued and turned on his heel, pulling the other with him as they began walking down the street.

Lady Isabel was crying by now, slamming her closed first onto Minho’s chest plate armour and he just stood there, frozen while he looked at her square in the face. Eyes unmoving behind the winged helmet and hand locked behind his back so that she couldn’t hurt herself on the Halberd while Hyunjin blocked the path to her brother,  
“Let me go! You pathetic excuse for a Lord!” she yelled and flung herself against Hyunjin next, but the man stood unmoving as well,  
“Let’s go back to the castle, my Lady-” he said with a calm voice, “there are plenty of other people there to entertain you”  
Their voices were faded by now and Chris looked behind his shoulder at the spectacle for another moment, watched the party of guards follow the young princess and did a whole-body shiver when he turned his gaze forward again,

“I’m glad that you’ve finally seen my sister’s true colours...” Felix said with a heavy voice, carefully licking the jam off his fingers before he fished out a handkerchief from one of the pants back pockets,  
“I uh-” Chris started and noticed how Felix simply followed him when his feet automatically took a left turn towards Iron springs,  
“She has her moments when she is absolutely horrible. I know. You don’t have to sugar coat it” Felix interrupted and sighed deeply, “Can I tell you a secret?”  
Chris hummed a small “Yeah, sure” and heard how Felix softly scoffed before he continued,   
“My mother bore the name of Dimia, of house Lee. Born and raised in Monta-” Felix swallowed when Chris stopped dead in his tracks, “Yes. She was born in the Diocese of Mongia and uh-” he swallowed hard and began walking again, Chris quick in his steps when he recovered from the surprise.

Oranobia had been in war with the neighbouring Diocese for 19 years now and Chris had, with his limited political interest, at least the knowledge of how that war came to be, deeply printed in his head since the war had also affected them and their country- hence the marriage and union between his own Kingdom and Oranobia.  
“You probably know where this story is heading?” Felix asked and gave him a smile that completely lacked the mischievous glint it usually bore, “My father, His Royal Highness Cassius Ashdown, married my mother on her 16th birthday” Felix grimaced and sighed deeply, feet just following on cue when Chris took another left, “He raped her, abused and mistreated her for two whole years before she finally conceived me” Felix let out a weak chuckle, “The servants at our courts has told me that she used to call me her miracle” tears dimmed his vision momentarily and he cleared his throat quickly, hoping that Chris hadn’t noticed it.

Chris hummed to show that he listened before he sighed deeply at the story. He thought back at how his own mother had been abused by his biological father and felt an immense thankfulness that she had gotten out of that relationship, even if she ate her meals with the devil now in the afterlife for the murder that Chris had always felt in his heart that she had committed.  
“Another two years later and my sister was born, and I guess that something in the king must’ve snapped” Felix paused for a long time, just watching his own feet while they walked and Chris noticed that this part must be toughest for him to tell because nearly a minute went by until he started again, “So he killed her. Cut her throat while she was asleep, with my new-born sister still at her breast and- and Isabel grew up with those stories. That her father was a murder and would’ve killed her too if it wouldn’t have been for the wet nurse that somehow managed to caught him by surprise. Of course, he claimed that he was innocent, and the wet nurse was hanged for the crime… and a clear tension broke out when the Diocese got word of the murder. It slowly changed Isabel nevertheless and she has always carried this… this darkness with her and... I uh-”

Chris was thankful that they had arrived at the destination he’d walked towards at that moment because the street they walked on opened up into a large clearing. A big forest stood large and unmoving in front of them but before that, the Middlebrook was running past in a ghastly rapid speed, whirling up foam and bubbles at the bank, at least ten meters wide and deep enough that you had to wade chest-deep if you wanted to cross. The sun was high in the sky by now and Felix had to cast a shadow over his eyes with his hand while he looked out at the scene 20 or so meters away from where they stood at the last house.

“What is this place?” he asked with awe and Chris gave him a small smile,   
“A place I only bring people who tell really depressing background stories about themselves”  
Felix rolled his eyes and though Chris could still see some traces of tears in his eyes, his smile was brighter than the sun above and it filled him with another kind of warmth, one that he had never experienced before,  
“Fuck you” Felix said and playfully shoved him while a small chuckle broke from his lips,  
“Oh, but that’s not a good thing to say to your sister’s fiancé is it?” Chris repeated the words that the crown prince himself had taunted him with yesterday, “I might take you up on that offer”  
But Felix only shook his head in disbelief, “You’re playing a dangerous game, Christopher” he said, the familiar glint back in his eyes when Chris' mouth fell open again, completely baffled,   
“It’s Chris, I’ve told you so many times. I know you’re fucking with me by now”  
“And what if I am?” Felix gave him a big cheeky grin, “What are you gonna do about it?”  
“I might throw you into the river” Chris threatened but the other just laughed,  
“And potentially kill me? You’ve grown far too attached to me by now to be able to do something like that”  
Chris didn’t answer. He didn’t have too, the crown prince’s small smile when he glanced at his reddened ears spoke the truth well enough.


	7. Importunus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter name meaning: Ruthless

They returned to the castle by nightfall, tired and with feet that ached after walking through the city’s five districts and meeting more people than Chris usually did in a whole week. It had been exciting though and his people had all seemed very impressed that the both men dared to walk through the city without their guards. Chris had smiled at that and promised that he was aware where he put his feet and what sort of streets they were walking down. He’d been walking among them since he was just a boy after all and knew the city and all it’s dark hidden secrets, just as well as he knew the castle. He was aware that his people weren't perfect but still considered himself lucky that the crime rates were low considering the just above 31.000 inhabitants that lived there. Most, of course, happened in the poorest district of Smoke town where people were way too tightly packed in far too small spaces. Petty crimes like theft, vandalism of other people’s property, prostitution outside of the brothels and disorderly conduct happened almost daily but it rarely escalated into something as hard hitting as murder or crude assault.   
All four of their lifeguards welcomed them at the castle gates and they walked together back towards the castle, ready to fill their bellies with the lack of food they’d missed throughout the day.

“ _Oh_ ” the king’s voice echoed among the city walls when they arrived at the great hall. Chris shortly met his eyes from where he abruptly stood up at the honorary table and quickly lowered his gaze again, “His Royal Highness and _my dear son_ has _finally_ decided to grace us with their company”   
The king was pissed off and Chris swallowed hard when his gaze lingered on his betrothed instead. Her eyes were still puffy from tears and she had switched to a new dress, completely brand new, and if Chris didn’t remember incorrectly, the exact same green one she had spotted in the city earlier in the day. Felix let out a small noise that sounded something between an exhausted scoff and a shallow bemused chuckle and Chris only glanced at him before he looked back at his fiancé.

“Sister” Felix said when they arrived at the middle of the honorary table, just across the king and the young princess, and bowed slightly with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes,   
“You left me” the lady said, and her lips turned down in a pout almost un cue when he sighed deeply,   
“I did leave you with both my and-” he turned to Chris with an outstretched hand, waving it slightly in the air, “your fiancé’s guards though. You were very, very well protected”   
“Yes, but _you left me_ ” her lower lip began to quiver, and the king laid a heavy, comforting hand on her shoulder,   
“Chris. Just look at what you’ve done again. Is this really how you want your future wife to feel? Comfort her”

Chris cleared his throat, a bit bothered that he immediately got the blame for the princess’s loud whining and sighed deeply, “I’m sorry?” he said, but the apology sounded more like a question and his betrothed just turned her cheek to him, closed her eyes like she was a five year old and crossed her arms over her chest, “You’re lucky that you have a kind father, _Christopher_ ” she spit out his name out like it was venom, “ _He_ had _at least_ the _decency_ of using his ears when a fair lady asks for a new dress”   
“Yeah-” Chris said with clenched up smile, feeling how the last of his temper slipped out of his usually so calm and collected person and how it quickly got replaced with a sudden surge of anger that boiled up in him faster than he could stop it, “-and the poor women of Smoke tower go through one or sometimes two full years without a new dress”

Everything seemed to stop around them and the pleasant chatter that had only been up like a smokescreen for people to listen to the gossip, now grew deadly quiet. The king dropped his fork in pure shock of his son's words and the sound of the silverware hitting the beautiful china underneath seemed to echo among them all, “But you don’t see _them_ complaining?-” Chris asked, took another step forward and leaned over the table, close enough that he could smell the jasmine from the perfume pouch the young princess wore, “-do. you?”

Everyone held their breath when he slowly spelled out the words and he should’ve expected it, but the slap across his face still hurt slightly, even though it wasn’t worse than anything he’d experienced before, and he only swallowed when he turned back to meet his fiancé’s eyes again, licking his lower lip into his mouth and tasted blood from where the palm of her hand had split his lip,  
“You do best in keeping that filthy, undisciplined tongue of yours in check, Christopher” she was shaking with fury while she spoke, eyes gleaming like she’d just climbed straight from the gape of hell to bring him down. But Chris gave her another sweet smile, leaned further over the table towards her and whispered just low enough for her to hear,   
“You say that now, sweetheart, but you’ll be _thanking me_ for my dirty, undisciplined tongue on our wedding night” he gave her a small grin when her mouth fell open, took her full plate of food right under her nose and then turned on his heel without another word.  
His guard followed quickly in his steps and the tree of them walked as quickly and collected as they could over the courtyard until they finally reached Chris’ tower and he felt how both of them slapped him in the back, laughing loudly.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen the king so angry” Jisung said and removed his helmet and balanced it under his arm while he happily accepted the piece of roast that Chris extended to him from the plate,  
“Did you see her face, though? I was just about to start laughing when her mouth fell open” Changbin continued and bit down on the chicken drumstick he stole from Chris’ plate, helmet under his arm as well, “You should watch your back. The young princess might skip you completely and go straight for the crown”  
Chris let out a small scoff, “Well, if she think that she’d be able to replace my mother, she’s dead wrong”

They shared the last of the meal together and even though Chris wasn’t full at all, he was still thankful that he brought some food. The two guards could always try and suck up for the kitchen maids later. He placed the plate on the ground, with a slight shrug and a hope that one of the servants would see it and bring it where it belonged, before he began the short ascent up the stairs, paused momentarily in the door and then broke out in a big smile at the maiden that occupied his bed,

“Hi” she said and rolled around on her stomach, showing off her perfectly rounded bottom in the light, delicate dress she wore, “I heard about the commotion at the grand hall and guessed that you needed a distraction”  
He sighed heavily and gave her a bright smile, “You know me too well”  
“I guess that’s what happens after a long time” she said and slowly rose up, gently undid the ribbon that held her dress together while she spoke and walked toward him,  
“Yeah” he breathed out while she stepped out of the dress and he took her naked body in his arms, “I guess”

She dropped to her knees without hesitation and he watched through hooded eyes how she undid the scabbard that held his sword, gently put it aside and then worked up the button on his pants, raised the white linen blouse and he bundled it up at his stomach when her hand closed around his cock. She stroked him a few times and he couldn’t help but let out a choked up gasp and buried his other hand in her hair when she finally took him in her mouth, groaning deeply and let his eyelids fall shut while she worked him to full hardness.   
She was as familiar to him as his own hand but still- something knocked like a drum in his head, a sight of someone else that didn’t want to escape his retina.

_Felix._

The memory of them when they walked down street after street, laughing, playing around with each other, extending rapid fire mocking, jokes, and teasing banter.   
_His laughter_. The way his eyes had crinkled when Chris gave him a compliment on his freckles after they left the Middlebrook. The way he’d acted throughout the day, when he gave away the rest of his cakes to a bunch of playing children between Seven seasons and Smoke Tower. Walking around down the streets like the future king he was, with his head held high, shoulders leaned back and this… _aura_ about him that forced people to listen and turn their heads after him.   
_The way he’d looked_. With that waist- lean and tiny enough that Chris wondered how well it would fit in his hands. The way his vest had stretched over his ribcage, over that flat stomach… The crown prince was in good shape- he’d proved that when they had sparred at the arena yesterday and a dark, nasty part of Chris was just _dying_ to know just _how_ good in shape he actually was.  
Fuck, since that dream that morning, he hadn’t been able to get that image out of his head and that fantasy slammed into him ten-fold now when he was getting the most enthusiastic blowjob he’d received in months.

Would Felix’s lips feel the same around him? Closed so tight that Chris wouldn’t be able to stop himself from thrusting down his throat. Would Felix look up at him with those brown, dark eyes? With that perfectly shaped face, blessed with those stars that the angels had dusted in his face when he descended from heaven to his mother’s womb. Would his body feel the same? Or well, as similar as it could be with him being a male. Chris choked out another groan when the maiden deepthroated him, but it didn’t stop his fantasy, not at all. He wondered how Felix would look, completely stripped from his clothes. Would his cock lay just as heavy in Chris’ hand as his own did when he jerked off? What would he taste off? How would it feel when they laid as close as two people could do?   
… How would it feel when he entered him?

“Fuck” he cried out when the thought hit him faster than a chariot and the maiden sucked on him harder, feeling by the shakiness of his thighs that he was getting close.  
Felix would feel _amazing_ , Chris knew that at least. With his gorgeous face scrunched up in pleasure while Chris would pound into him, and even though Felix would be his first, Chris would steal the forbidden photos and instructions that were hidden in the castle library to be certain on how to treat him well. He knew that they were there since he’d found them before, when he was just a young teen, and he’d read with horror how one of the males was supposed to put his reproductive system into the place where feces came out. It had scared him half to death then, and even though he never laboured any hate or discomfort for men that laid together, since they couldn’t be blamed for being born the way they were, he’d always had a hard time imagining himself in a situation where a man would be worth going through all the pain that was described in the text.   
Felix though. Felix would be worth it; however the other man would prefer him. _If_ he’d prefer him.

“Do you wanna fuck me?” a voice asked far, far away and he opened his eyes to look down on his maiden,   
He paused. Felt how an uneasy feeling blossomed in his stomach when he watched her, the darkness in her eyes, the flushed pink on her cheeks, the redness of her lips… and the uneasiness quickly changed to a feeling of disgust, of dismay for the situation he was in. With his forbidden, filthy thoughts of the crown prince and the only lover he’d ever taken on her knees before him, prepared to bend her body however he wanted and do everything to please him.

“No, I-” he rubbed his eyes and took a step back, felt his stomach churn a bit when his cock twitched at the sudden image of Felix on his knees, instead of the maiden in front of him again, “No. I’m fine. I… I think I just need some sleep”   
“But you haven’t finished” the maiden pressed on and reached for him again, but he quickly shook his head,   
“I’ll be fine, I promise”

She stood up again with a puzzled expression and Chris could see her own wetness glistening between her thighs. Tried to conjure up a memory of him deep inside of her to solve the tension that blossomed between them for the first time ever, but it only lasted for a few seconds before the fantasy of the crown price took over again,  
“Actually” he started, and she looked up at him with hopeful eyes, “Could you bring some bread and wine from the kitchen? I don’t think I’ve eaten properly”  
She sighed deeply, disappointment on her face and nodded, “Of course, your Highness. Will you allow me a few minutes before I fetch it?”   
He looked at her with a puzzled expression before it clicked with him and he gave her a small smile, “Off to relieve yourself too, of course. Take the time you need, as long as you don’t forget about me. I’d like something before bed”

She pulled the dress over her head again, nodded respectfully to him in the door, closed it after her and Chris laid down on his bed again. Cock bouncing on his lower stomach when he did so, and he grimaced softly to himself when he looked down at the annoyed red shade it had. The thought of sending after the crown prince at that moment crossed his mind briefly and he held back a choked up laughter when he imagined the surprise on the others face when he opened the door and his sister’s fiancé would lay there, stark naked and with an erection that was slowly but surely turning him insane.

Chris placed his thumb and finger around it and gave himself a small tug, watched with a hitched breath how a translucent bead of pre-cum slowly dropped from the tip and a thin string of the sticky substance broke off when it landed on his lower stomach. Would Felix look the same, this turned on? Would he be just as breathless, with his warm body underneath Chris' fingertips? Would his limbs tremble and dark eyes look upon him with hooded lids… Would he beg Chris to touch him, to fuck him, to make him loose the last ounce of control he had?   
He rolled his enclosed finger and thumb down the shaft again and shuddered when he nearly came from that gentle touch alone. He could feel it coiled up and building in his stomach, like a string that was getting stretched too far, slowly licked his lower lip into his mouth, bit down on it gently and suppressed an annoyed groan when there was a loud knock on his door,

“It’s open, come in” he shouted, fully expecting his maiden to be back with his food.  
But oh, how wrong he was. The door opened and the footsteps that walked in just a meter quickly paused- not that Chris noticed.   
No, he barely recognised that the steps weren't soft like his maiden’s, but heavy, like a man’s.   
“Is there something special about your room, like the dust in the air or the secluded location of the place?”   
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.  
Chris turned to the figure who only took a few more steps into his room, closed the door behind him with his foot and then looked at him with a small grin, “Or is just horny the only mood that exists within these four walls?”

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

“Please, don’t” Chris whimpered with a hitched breath when the other took three more steps towards him, slowly but steadily, with one hand rested on the sword at his side, watching Chris' figure with gleaming eyes and looking as gorgeous as he’d done the whole day. With his white blonde hair… his dark brown eyes… and those freckles on his face.   
Chris knew that he should cover himself up, that what Felix saw right then would change the feeling between them entirely. But he didn’t, and Felix didn’t move. They just stared at each other for what felt like an eternity until the crown prince finally let out a small chuckle.  
“You’re playing a dangerous game, Christopher” he repeated the same words he used back in the city while they exchanged playful banter next to the Middlebrook, “A game that is getting increasingly _more_ dangerous…” he scoffed, tongue between his teeth, “one would almost believe that the reason for your uh- _problem_ isn’t the lovely, flushed, young girl I met outside in the courtyard- but something that is much more forbidden than that”

“Stop” Chris choked out and closed his eyes shut. Hands clenching the fabric of his sheets when he heard how Felix slowly closed the distance between them,  
“You look like you’re actually hurting… what a complete change from the collective gentleman I've been with the whole day, who is _so_ truly loved by his people” Chris could hear how he was smiling while talking, standing just beside the bed now, “Is she good for you?" Chris swallowed deeply, "That sweet maiden of yours. She looked a bit red around her mouth… I would’ve dismissed it if I didn’t put two and two together” he exhaled and Chris twitched from his touch when Felix reached out to move away a strand of hair from his forehead, “But why was she in such a hurry? And why haven’t you finished?” he breathed out, “... perhaps your thoughts were elsewhere?" his fingertip lingered at the sweat on Chris' hair roots, combed through and gently pulled on them and he couldn't help but let out a hitched groan at the crown prince's touch, "Am I right then?" Felix asked with another smile, "Something happened today”

Chris held back another groan when the crown prince leaned over him, and the touch on his forehead, travelled so, so lightly over his throat, the centre of his chest, “Was it when I told my tragic backstory that you felt something jolt in your chest? Or is it purely-” the butterfly light touch stroked down his thigh and Chris swallowed hard when his cock happily twitched at the touch, “-physical?" Felix let out a small nasal scoff, "You enjoyed watching me in the clothes I wore today, didn’t you? How you could see the way I’m shaped… and you know from our little sparring session yesterday that even though I'm faster- you’re stronger than me” he paused, revelled in the way that Chris swallowed deeply, “I bet you dreamed how easily you could’ve just slammed me against the wall of that quiet street between Iron springs and Seven seasons… to pull down my pants and just take me right there, not caring if anyone watched”

Chris let out a small, deep whimper and held his breath when Felix leaned down over him, coming close enough that he could feel his breath on his face, “You sure you don’t need some help?” he asked, impossibly low now and Chris swallowed hard yet again and clenched his bed sheets even tighter, thighs shaking from the exhaustion of forcing his hips down and prevent himself from thrusting up into thin air, “I’m sure the two of us has done far worse things than that in that mind of yours, haven’t we?” Chris’ breath hitched at that, “Have you thought about it yet?” Felix’s voice lowered even more, and it was rumbling in his chest when he spoke out in a breath against Chris’ lips, “How good it would feel to be inside of me?”

Chris’ came with a low whimper, shamefully coated his lower stomach in long ribbons of cum without even a touch and he wanted to scream, to shout out in anger. But he couldn’t and Felix only snorted out a small laughter, “It’s too bad-” he started and turned on his heel again, slowly backing out of the room again, “that you’ll be marrying my sister”   
Chris hid his face in his arm, only allowing himself to look up at the coloured silk fabrics of his canopy bed when Felix had closed the door behind him. 

Feeling how his whole world was crumbling around him and he was _falling, falling, falling._


	8. Laboriosus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the circle is full. Finally I can introduce Jeongin and Seungmin. Please tell me what you think so far ♥
> 
> Chapter name meaning: Exhaustion

The next morning was filled with new faces and unfamiliar names that Chris knew he’d forgot the very moment they walked out of his line of sight. 200 guests, both old and young. Royals of different lines of succession, aristocrats, and nobles alike- all excited to attain the wedding that was happening in three days.  
“Welcome, welcome” his father spoke out a few hours later when everyone had arrived. The sun was high in the early afternoon and a sweat quickly broke out on the 56 men and 8 women that stood below the short staircase. Dressed in light leather armour with chest plates adorned with their house’s emblems and bright, happy smiles on their faces- all of them eager to represent as their country’s aptitudes in the games that were going to take place during the entire day,

“We will begin the day with a feast, to fill your stomachs after the long journey and make sure that everyone who will participate will have an equal chance of winning, and with that- you can only blame your own lack of skills if you lose” the king gave the whole party a small purposeful smile and a generous laughter spread amongst the crowd.  
Hinosia’s crown prince- Chris’ little brother Gavin- stood beside his father while Chris himself stood diagonally behind them, his arm hooked with his little sister Thea’s and his gaze fastened straight forward. The crown prince of Oranobia stood a good meter away from him, diagonally from the king as well and Chris felt how he occasionally looked over at his direction. Could smell the lemongrass and bergamot from the essential oil he had placed on his pulse points when a gust of wind blew through his clothes and Chris swallowed hard while forcing away the conjured up photo of the other man underneath him, jolting with pleasure.   
He heard a small snicker that was badly concealed as a cough at his side just a moment later, knew that Felix had seen his ears flush red and only sent him an angry side glance, tensing his jaw up when the crown prince winked at him twice with both eyes, a small teasing grin tugging on his lips; vague enough to not be interpreted as anything special.

He wore a light mint green brocade doublet with a golden embroidery to honour the beautiful summer’s day, shaped in a down casted beautiful tapestry, with a stand collar, small wings that extended from the shoulders and a short cape that fell from his shoulder, down to the arch of his lower back in a slightly darker colour. A pair of dark pants in a similar fashion to what he wore yesterday clad his legs and black leather shoes ended just below his kneecap. Hair slightly slicked back with a few strands of hair touching his forehead- just like he wore it at the feast the day after they arrived and a thin, golden crown balanced on his head, gleaming with emeralds and sapphires. The whole attire would’ve looked absolutely ridiculous on anyone else but, somehow, the crown prince just made it work and it was almost infuriating that Chris couldn’t even imagine anyone who would dare to wear something similar.

He inhaled deeply, first now realised that his father had continued talking and hoped that he didn’t miss anything important when the thought crossed his mind if Felix felt the same about him. If he found the midnight blue, velvet vest and coat with black embroidery around the cuffs and lining that Chris was wearing- just as impressive? If he enjoyed the view of the low dip of Chris’ white blouse with the light, dark hair of his chest on full display and the white, linen pants he wore?

“Let us walk to the gardens where the castle servants have set the tables” his father announced next which pulled Chris from his daydreaming. The king walked first with the young crown prince Gavin in his heels, a small group of lifeguards behind them, followed by Felix and Lady Isabel, Minho and Hyunjin right behind them, and then Chris and Lady Thea with Changbin and Jisung walking behind them.

A long train based purely on succession and hierarchy followed afterwards and Chris looked over his shoulder with curious eyes. The young King of the neighbouring country of Steilerbenia joined up behind him with a gentle, sweet smile on his lips when their eyes met. A large, heavy, two handed warhammer hung from his waist, causing him to lean a bit to the left to support the weight at his right and Chris was curious if it was all for show or if the young king could actually defend himself with it. The heir to the Kingdom of Stoding walked just behind him and he gave Chris a small, warm smile when their eyes met next. A small leather bag with the emblem of a quill and broken sword, was thrown over his shoulder instead of a weapon and Chris tried his best to conceal his surprise, not wanting to seem rude from his lack of knowledge about the large country in the south.

They walked about a hundred meters before the king took a right turn next to the big fountain in the middle of the courtyard. Two long tables had been set up in a big clearing, surrounded by hedges and marble statues of ancient gods, some of them as tall as three meters, towering above them and the gorgeous planted flowers among them. Chris, his family, and the other royalties were assigned one table while the aristocrats and nobles were assigned the other.

“Your Royal Highness, please” Chris’ father said and offered one of the honorary seats in the middle to the young king of Steilerbenia. The king gave the older a perfectly experienced, small bow and Chris couldn't help but be impressed. The black, childishly ruffled hair and kind smile that stretched his lips seemed to serve as the only reminder that he was still younger than most around the table.   
“Thank you” he said and moved the warhammer away from his hip in the process of sitting down in such a graceful and easy manoeuvre that it seemed completely intuitive.

Maybe it was more to the man that met the eye. Hell, with Chris’ weak knowledge of him, and the other royals around him, the reason why he leaned to the side could also be because of an old wound. He did know that Steilerbenia used to be at war with the neighbouring country; the Principality of Weil- resulting in the death of the young king’s father and older brother’s, causing him to be crowned when just a young teenager, since he had been the only heir in the succession. He had, after another few years successfully ended the war with a peace treaty, but the loss of the family that had been sacrificed along the way hardly seemed fair. 

“Jeongin, the only male survivor of house Yang in Carani, the capital of Steilerbenia”  
Felix’s deep voice vibrated near his ear drum and made a cold chill run down his back, “I know” Chris hissed back, not looking at the other and tried his utmost to push Felix’s presence into the furthest part of his mind. He did _not_ think about the way his shoulder rubbed against Chris’ own when he sat down properly and pushed in his chair underneath the table. He _refused_ to acknowledge that he glanced up at him, just a little, because what the fuck was he supposed to do when the other sat so close and smelled so good it was slowly short circuiting his brain? He did _completely_ ignore the way Felix’s Adam’s apple moved when he took a sip of wine the moment it was poured for him though,

“Then why did you look so puzzled?” the crown prince cleared his throat with a small grin, “Or were you just deep in thought about something… special?”  
Chris looked over at him with rage that seemed to enclose his whole body, “Don’t say another word or I swear I won’t hold back at the arena later”   
“And what makes you think that I will challenge you?” Felix asked with a cockiness that _shouldn’t_ turn his heart around in a hard flip, but he couldn’t help the feeling anyway. That, and the pounding of his heart in his ears... and the butterflies in his stomach,  
“Because you’re a sore loser” Chris answered and Felix (fuck him… seriously) only gave him a big smile that turned his eyes into two crescent moons.

He hated to admit to himself, since he was so angry, but it completely took Chris’ breath away. He knew that a second passed, and another, and another, and another, until Felix broke their gaze and rolled his eyes, still with the same smile on his lips, “Fuck off, Christopher” and Chris just broke their eye contact, sighed heavily, slumped slightly in his chair, and couldn’t help but feel how god awful tired he was. 

Tired of this game they had going on between them. Tired of playing a role in a political game he never asked for. Tired of seeing Lady Isabel batting her eyelashes at every significant man around the table as if she weren’t already betrothed to him. Tired of the fact that the crown prince next to him had been at his home for barely five days and it felt like he’d known him for weeks- months even, based on the amount of time they spent. Tired of the way his body had done a whole 180 and not even his favourite maiden could satisfy him anymore. Tired of the fact way that, even though he was going to get married in three days and have the wonderful body of his fiancé all to himself, with the blind hope that they might even live happily, as long as he kept his head down and obeyed her, all he could think about was Felix.   
Felix voice. Felix body. The playful sort of friendship they had formed, the way he was head over heels in _need_ for him.

“You know what-” he turned to the man beside him again with a hushed furious whisper and the crown prince turned to him just as he was about to stretch his hand out and grab a spoonful of vegetables and potatoes. A slice of meat from one of the whole roasted pigs that laid on the table, rested on his plate already. People were chattering happily around them, cheered and laughed and Chris took the opportunity to hide the words he was about to say in the buzzed out atmosphere, “- I’d gladly fuck off” he started and the world seemed to pause around them when Felix gave him a small puzzled smile, eyebrows furrowing “I’d gladly sit down at the other table- where I really should be since my mother passed away, but unfortunately the king decided to adopt me as his own and I’m stuck, _right here_ , with you as some kind of angel of vengeance for everything bad I’ve ever done. I’d _gladly_ fuck off, because ever since you arrived, everything has been a wild, bad lucid dream and I’m unsure if I’m even awake half the time I look at you. You are… _fuck_ ” Chris cursed underneath his breath and he wanted to grab a hold of Felix’s shoulder’s and shake his body until that stupid crown of his fell of his head and Chris could throw it away and pretend that the other wasn’t the heir to the Kingdom in the west. Wanted to kiss Felix so senselessly that he'd lose his perfectly composed figure and just give into the bullshit he was pulling on Chris’ whole body, “And you’re so fucking gorgeous that I bet you have hundreds upon hundreds of people that want to court you when it’s finally time and I can’t help but feel like none of them will ever deserve you and I hate that I feel like that because I shouldn’t... I _can't_ feel like that and it makes me so pissed off”

“Woah” Felix gave him another smile before he took a sip of his wine, “Good talk” he nodded to himself like he was just about to rate Chris’ rant from a 1 to a 10, gently picked up a piece of carrot on his fork before plopping it into his mouth, ”Gorgeous?” he raised his brows and shrugged, “Dunno about that… ‘angel of vengeance though?’ You flatter me, Christopher”

Chris clenched his jaw at that, wished that he never said anything in the first place, quickly looked away again and immediately reached for his wine as well, emptied the glass in one go, poured more for himself and downed that as well before the servant girl even batted a lash. Completely refused to look at the other while the dryness of the alcohol burned in his throat and Felix let out a small laughter. Embarrassment shaking him to the core and arousal burning in his stomach when the crown prince subtly placed a small hand on his thigh and squeezed hard in a gesture that was clearly meant to agitate him even further. 


	9. Dignus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter name meaning: Worthy

The arena was completely filled with people and Chris flourished with his sword in hand, standing next to Changbin and Jisung who met his eyes, dressed in lighter armour as well, with borrowed open face helmets and weapons ready to be drawn.  
“Are you ok?” Jisung asked with a slight furrow on his brow, fingertips brushing at his daily choice of weapon- a double-headed bronze war axe- by pure reflex and Chris paused for a second to give him a small smile, before he turned his eyes to Changbin who already had his fingers resting on his collarbones, ready to pull the longsword that Jisung had worn a few days ago from the scabbard on his back as well,  
“Yeah, just a bit tense” he mumbled, not entirely sure why his heart was fluttering so hard in his chest. 

The first part of the performance games was a round of sparring. The competitors were allowed to challenge each other in rounds and there was no time limit on how long it could continue, as long as there was no killing or purposeful mutilations, and they did best by living by those rules since opposing them was punishable by death. The winner was the person who could force the other down on the ground and hold them there for five seconds, either by exhausting them or putting in a hit that was forceful enough to stagger.  
It was a free for all, meaning that everyone could compete against everyone and it was a perfect way to either gain some respect and move up in the world for someone from the aristocratic or noble sector or lose valuable assets, friends or even your title since you were deemed not worthy enough if you were a knight or royalty.

The deep, loud sound of a horn marked the beginning of the games and Chris sighed deeply when he walked with his lifeguards and shield brother’s to the lowest flight of stairs, sat down and fully ignored how Felix sat down two seats away, with Minho and Jisung blocking them from rubbing knees again. Chris froze a bit when the two guards sat down next to each other, worried that Jisung would repel away from the other man since their last meeting on the arena in leather armour was anything but pleasant. But something had happened without him knowing while he had been busy working himself up over Felix because the two gave each other a small smile and he must be feeling dizzy from the sun already because it looked like Minho actually winked at the other and gently shoved his thighs with his own in a teasing but endearing fashion.   
He had a thousand questions but they all had to wait because the horn was sounded again and a middle-aged, strong man that Chris recognized as his father’s personal bodyguard- Sir Thomas Rowntree of Alveche- walked down the chairs, paused in front of the men and women, rolled out a parchment with scribbled names and frowned deeply, as if he had a hard time reading it before he announced with a deep and powerful voice, 

“Earl Althalos, of house Montago has challenged His Royal Highness, Seungmin of house Kim, the first of his name. Crown prince of the Kingdom of Stoding and heir to Stormchaser Fortress in Starlunde”   
“No, there’s no way” the young crown prince stood up abruptly higher up the flight of seats, white like a ghost in the face, and the quill he’d been holding trembled in his grasp,  
“Why is that, Your Highness?” Sir Thomas asked, puzzled from the sudden disagreement, “Don’t you want to show off your bravery?”   
Seungmin looked over at his challenger, a man twice his size, already standing as well, ready to slam him into the ground, “I’m not a fighter” he tried to argue, “I don’t wear a weapon”  
A murmur went around the crowd, “How do you expect His Highness to fight then?” someone said at the awaiting Earl while another shouted, “This shouldn’t be allowed, we spectators shouldn’t be forced to fight”  
Sir Thomas cleared his throat, a bit bothered by the way the Earl was staring at him as if he’d charge at him if he wouldn’t allow the fight. Not that it would be a problem, the Sir was well used to danger, even if he didn’t seek it out as much now when he had a family to care for, “Technically, it’s a free for all, and we are here to spar, to compete. Not start wars” 

There were some hums of agreements through the crowd next and Seungmin was nearly pushed down the stairs, clutching his leather bag with flickering eyes. Chris felt bad for him, he’d seemed like such a genuinely good person the few seconds he laid eyes on him. The Earl of Monago looked down on him with murderous eyes however and Seungmin swallowed hard when they were placed face to face.   
“What sort of weapon do you prefer, Your Royal Highness?” Sir Thomas asked and the young heir cleared his throat,   
“None. I was never trained… I-” he patted the bag at his hip and grounded himself, “I have everything I need in here”   
The whole crowd seemed to lean forward at that, curious as to what the prince was hiding,   
“Are you sure?” Sir Thomas asked but Seungmin just nodded, still with his gaze fastened at the man who’d challenged him, “You will begin at the sound of the horn” he continued, walked off the arena and the two that were left turned on their heel, took ten steps in the other direction, turned again, bowed deeply and the whole arena was deadly quiet when the horn broke through the silence.

The Earl attacked with a warrior cry first, mace in a tight grip while he charged towards the other with a thirst for blood and Chris wanted to shield his eyes, completely certain that he was about to witness a murder. But the strike that was supposed to hit the young heir- fell flat against the ground instead and Chris’ mouth fell open. Seungmin had ducked and simply spun away with a surprisingly easy grace. The Earl screamed out in frustration at what just happened, repeated the action and Seungmin just moved out of the way again, still with the quill in his hand.   
“Stand still you pathetic little rat. I’ll be doing the whole kingdom a favor with you out of the way” 

The whole crowd took a surprised inhale in unison from the sudden confession and then held their breath when the Earl charged again.   
But Seungmin escaped the sharp edge of the mace. Again, and again, and again.

Fifteen whole minutes passed with them just dancing around each other and Chris could see how they both got increasingly tired after each move, “They should've never given you the right. Shouldn’t have given any of your family the right. None of you fight, and you’re not strong. How can you protect our country when you’ve never even held a weapon!?” the Earl screamed while he charged again, mace above his head, ready to strike down but Seungmin didn’t move a muscle this time. He pulled the bag over his head, held onto the strap with one hand and Chris only barely noticed how Jisung grabbed a hold of Minho’s thigh beside him when the moment of impact should’ve happened. The crown prince of Stoding just crouched slightly, raised his bag, and then struck upwards with all his power. A blood-curdling scream was what happened next, quickly followed by a noise that resembled crushing glass and the Earl clutched at his nose while blood gushed out of his nostrils and down over his lips, the white tunic he wore quickly became coloured red with the splashes that fell from his chin. His mace fell out of his grip and he staggered before he fell backward, hit his head on the stone ground below and a small cough escaped his lips when he fell unconscious.

“I don’t need a weapon to become a king-” Seungmin spat at the body while he turned his bag upside down and let the big blackened shards of glass fall upon his challenger’s clothes “Just a new inkwell”  
There was another moment of silence before Chris let out a small chuckle in disbelief, stood up, and put his hands together, unsure if the crown prince even had a plan from the beginning or if he somehow cooked it up while avoiding the Earl’s fury. The applause was quickly followed by Felix, his father, the young king of Steilerbenia, and then everyone else around the arena. Two servants carried the body of the unconscious Earl away from the place before Sir Thomas took his place in front of the crowd again, 

“I hope to see even more astonishing performances like this one. Very good job indeed, Your Royal Highness”   
Seungmin went back at his place, face flushed red from the warm hands that clapped on back during his way back to his seat and Chris smiled happily at the scene,  
“Next contestants; Sir Jisung, of house Han, second of his name and heir to Whitemoor castle in Dostan, has challenged Lord Minho, of house Lee. Third of his name and heir to Elkmire fortress in Andovale” 

Minho, Hyunjin, and Felix turned to the young men next to them, and the crown prince’s eyes travelled from his lifeguard to Jisung, to Chris who looked equally surprised at this turn of events. Usually, this was a game to take control, to claim your bravery, your strength- a proof that you were a good choice when it came to taking over a castle or fortress, or even a country. This though, this was personal, and without any such reason.  
“I wanted a rematch” Jisung explained and Minho’s lips curled upwards in a satisfied smile,   
“Yeah… I didn’t give you much of a fighting chance last time, did I?” 


	10. Retributionem

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter name meaning: Revenge

They stood up at the same time and Chris cursed under his breath when Felix glanced over at him and then closed the distance between them with a gentle, innocent smile, bumping knees with a small wink of both eyes,  
“Preferred use of weapons?” Sir Thomas asked,  
“My Halberd” Minho answered with the weapon raised in his hand and Jisung raised his own,   
“My war axe” he answered as well and the Sir looked between them with an impressed look on his face,  
“Proper melee weapons… do remember to be careful” he urged them sternly before he walked off and Jisung and Minho repeated the ten-step walk and then bow process. Minho flourished his weapon between his fingers, shifted it between his hands, felt the familiar weight from the metal-clad end, the way his heart thumped eagerly in his chest and wet his lips when he watched how Jisung gripped his axe tighter, grounded himself on bent knees and then gave him a small smile.

The sound of the horn followed and the crowd held their breath. Fully expecting the two men to charge against each other, but both of them just paused and stood where they were, assessed each other, watched and calculated every twitch of hands, every step to the side, every clench in their jaws when their eyes followed each other. Jisung was at a disadvantage since Minho could cut him quicker with the length of the wooden pole as leverage, but the axe was swifter and if he got in a hard enough hit with the broad side of it, he’d win easily.   
A minute passed. Two minutes and the two men had only inched forward a little, “Wasn’t this the time to take your revenge?” Minho asked, with a cheeky smile and some aristocrats from Oranobia laughed loudly at his bashing,

Jisung glanced at them shortly, whereupon Minho took his chance and set off towards him, Halberd in a tight grip like a lie above his head. Jisung only barely swirled out of the way and the crowd gasped loudly when he pulled a grimace, flinched and staggered slightly when the blade of the axe nicked him in the soft leather at his side, where there was a lack of protective armour plates. The two met eyes and Jisung tensed up his jaw, cursing himself for acting sloppily. He braced himself next, fully prepared for Minho to launch at him again, but the latter had paused- out of courtesy for drawing first blood, or his concern- Jisung didn’t know.   
“What? You’re worried that you’ll hurt me? What an honourable man you are” Jisung said between clenched teeth and swallowed hard when he saw how Minho grinned at him,  
“I’m not worried, come on. _Try and hurt me_ ” 

Jisung paused for just a moment, made a calculated procedure in his mind and then attacked next, parried away from the sharp axe this time and then hit Minho against the plates on his back with the broadside of his axe. The latter let out a small cough when his breath got caught in his throat from the hit and quickly spun around, grabbed the Halberd with both hands and attacked again. Jisung held his breath when Minho nearly missed the middle of his chest, heart clapping away behind his ribs like a trapped bird with the knowledge that even though his armour was strong, the sharp two decimetre long pointy part of the Halberd would cut straight through him and come out on the other side. He swallowed hard, focused his strength and by pure luck managed to chop as hard as he could against the wooden pole, created a deep indent in it and watched how it ricochet out of Minho’s hands in the process. Minho himself looked quite surprised at that and scrambled to turn around to pick up his weapon again but Jisung wouldn’t let him- no, this was going right where he wanted.

He knew from the moment Minho raised his Halberd as his choice of weapon that he wouldn’t stand a chance in battle. Not with the massive advantage that the other had every time he charged and Jisung would be almost two meters away. He let go of his own weapon, closed the small distance between them with three sharp steps and then jabbed Minho straight underneath the jaw.   
A sharp crack was heard and Minho stumbled backwards, choked on his breath from the pure surprise at the pain that exploded in his body, nearly fell over but saved himself at the last second. He squeezed his eyes shut for just a moment, shook his head from the dizziness and only just barely regained his sight again when Jisung punched him in the stomach as hard as he could muster. But the plating across his abdomen was strong and though the punch made him take another step back, it wasn’t nearly as painful.

“Nice try, Sungie. It almost hurt” he chuckled heartily and Jisung angrily raised his hands and removed the helmet,  
“Fuck you” he growled and flung it at the ground,  
“Is that an offer?” Minho sneered back with a small teasing smile next, loud enough for only them to hear when he discarded his helmet as well,

Jisung drew a quick breath, felt how annoyance boiled in him at the mocking words and tried to assess the situation again. This was going the way he wanted, but he hadn’t thought much further than wanting the other to lose his weapon; actually winning was a whole other thing.   
“What are you waiting for?” Minho asked and raised his fists, much better prepared this time,   
“I’m trying to figure out-” Jisung started and punched forward, aiming for the other’s face but Minho easily ducked and swirled aside, nearly making him fall to the ground with an extended leg and Jisung clenched his jaw and tried not to think about how humiliating it would’ve been if he fell flat against the stone ground by tripping, “-how to beat you” he continued and Minho let out a burst of small laughter while he blocked the next punch with his forearms, tried to punch back with his right arm at Jisung’s stomach but remembered halfway that it was in vain because of the armour. Jisung saw his chance though, and parried away Minho’s right hand by blocking it off with his left before he drew his right elbow up and knocked it straight against the other’s lower face.

Minho felt how the hit split his lower lip and he staggered back for just a moment, nearly falling again when the sharp pain that shook through him made tears burn in his eyes and the taste of blood made him grimace. He was beginning to get angry. This Jisung of house Han was smarter than he thought when it came to fighting. Smart enough to lose the weapons from the beginning since he was stronger. He cursed silently to himself. A lot was at stake. He had a reputation to uphold and even though this was a game, and not nearly as serious as some of the lords and royals tried to make it, he could still potentially lose his place as the heir to Elkmire Fortress back home. He cleared his throat, felt how the iron taste of blood filled his mouth and grounded himself again. Jisung might be strong, but he was strong as well, and he refused to go down without a proper competition. A spot on the ground was coloured red when he spitted out the blood that filled his mouth and Jisung looked at him with… regret? Remorse?   
He launched next but Jisung was prepared and held up both arms at his face, blocked and then, quicker than Minho could blink, grabbed a hold of his arm, took two steps forward, spun the arm upwards over his shoulder with his hand downwards towards his back and he could only shout out in pain when the other locked his arm with his elbow towards the sky. He quickly stomped down with his heel, straight down on Jisung’s foot and this time it was the other man who shouted. Jisung let go, blocked when Minho punched again, a bit weaker this time since his arm still hurt from the locked position. He clenched his jaw, tried to punch up at the other’s face again but with the same result and then just screamed out in frustration with a kick aimed square at Jisung’s chest instead.  
Jisung blocked it as well, grabbed his neck in a chokehold and Minho only barely had time to take a deep breath before he felt how the stone ground hit him hard in the back. Jisung was on top of him faster than he could blink and his next breath hitched when he looked up at those brown eyes of the other,

“Do you yield?” he asked calmly, panting heavily and Minho raised his other hand, his non-dominant though, punched it against the place where he nicked the other earlier as hard as he could and Jisung gasped out in pain while pulled a pained face when he got rolled around and Minho straddled over his chest,   
“Do _you_ yield!?” he shouted next and Jisung spat at his face, took advantage of his wound as well and hit his lip again with a closed fist.  
Minho let out a hitched sob at that and automatically put his hand up towards his mouth whereupon Jisung rolled them over again, and he closed his eyes in defeat when his head hit the ground as the other flipped them over, planted firmly between his legs. He quickly reached forward, locked Minho’s arms above his head with both hands and then leaned over him like a predator that just caught their prey,

“I’d hate to ruin that face any further-” Jisung started with a small smile, chest constricting above Minho’s own, heart beating away like a running herd of horses, crotch pushed onto the back of his thighs and even though he should be pissed that he just lost, Minho couldn’t help the nice, warm feeling that spread through his chest before settling comfortably in the pit of his stomach,   
“No, no. I yield” Minho continued and smiled brightly back, red teeth and all when he looked at the man who just ruined his reputation, “But only because you feel so good where you are” he purred and batted his eyelashes, “nested so nicely between my thighs”   
Jisung’s mouth fell open and Minho could’ve sworn he saw a tiny spark flare up in his eyes, but it was gone just as quickly when he looked away again,   
“Fuck off” he muttered back and Minho scoffed a small chuckle before he accepted the hand that reached down for him after Jisung stood up again.

Sir Thomas hurried down to them again and raised Jisung’s arm as the victor towards the crowd. A deafening applause quickly rang among the stone walls and the two of them bowed deeply, collected their helmets and weapons before sitting down again.  
“Sorry for that” Jisung said softly a few minutes later when the next competitors had taken the spots on the grounds. Voice a bit ashamed while he dug around a little bit and then fished out a handkerchief from a hidden pocket in his undercoat before he stretched it out for Minho to take,  
“Don’t be. You beat me fair and square” Minho answered while he put pressure on his wound, held back a sharp inhale when he felt how swollen it was already and just barely saw how a small smile tugged in the corners of Jisung's lips. 

There was something in Minho’s eyes when he spoke. A secret. An invitation. A twinkle that tugged on Jisung’s heartstrings and he only nodded slowly before his eyes shifted to the competitors, who were already fighting. A fuzzy feeling spreading in his chest for some unknown reason.   
That same feeling stayed in his body until late afternoon when the sun was just a speck on the horizon and the games for the day was over. A feast in the great hall was what awaited them all and the four bodyguards stood up just before their friends, locking gaze with them in a silent language before closing up right behind. Felix and Chris walked side by side, gently bumping into each other while talking and laughing among themselves, discussing the games, the plans for the evening, the anticipation for the next day and Jisung swallowed hard while he tried to not think about how it felt when Minho walked just next to him. The Halberd in a tight grip, locked on his back as usual, with the axe a good meter up above their heads and his face a mystery to the rest of the world behind his own winged helmet. He suddenly got struck by a stupid wish, that he could just lay down his war axe and strip the leather armour on his back, take a walk with Minho the way Chris walked with Felix now.

Carefree. Easy. Just talking.

But no. His duty came first. He swore the oath for a reason, to serve and always protect. Chris was his light in that sense. His best friend, among Changbin and his sole reason for even staying in the capital after his mother passed away when not even a calm and simple life in the Abbey, with God, was enough to save her from the grief in her heart. Chris saved him from the streets, saved his life on multiple occasions these past years they’ve known each other and he was so, so thankful for being able to stand next to him, not necessarily as a lifeguard, but as a best friend. He knew that Changbin felt the same. But the other had a family to take care of, his old mother and sweet little daughter who just celebrated her third birthday. All the money he got from his job went straight to them and their tiny household on the castle grounds. His mother still worked at the Abbey as a God-fearing woman, and his daughter went to school there as well to learn how to properly talk, to learn the words of God and eventually write and read.   
Jisung felt for them, for Changbin who lost the love of his life in childbirth, for the tiny girl he still promised to protect with his life, for his mother who also, in a way, took Jisung under her wing after his own mother passed since the two women became good friends after hearing about their sons.

So Jisung tried his best to ignore his racing heart when Minho sat down next to him again in the great hall. Tried not to think about how good he smelled this close- of musky sweat, and olive soap, and ashwood. Tried his best to not imagine how his body had felt back there at the arena, when he’d been snuck up so perfectly between his thighs. 


	11. Consortium

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello ♥ I just wanted to point out that the fact that I gave Changbin a daughter has stressed me out so, so much BUT none of you have commentated about it so I guess it just felt right with everyone haha ♥   
> Oh, and this is a Minsung chapter, and the next one will be so as well (just a small warning haha) ♥
> 
> Chapter name meaning: Companionship

The king cheered for the lordships around the tables, thanked all the contestants for their bravery and then clapped his hands together again for the winners. Minho gently shoved him with his elbow and Jisung could only smile back while he met the other’s grin after he’d looked up in surprise. The royalties ate, sang and celebrated while Changbin, Jisung, Hyunjin and Minho sat next to their prince’s, quietly ate with them, held their heads down and watched their surroundings with cautious eyes. One hand on a dagger around their hips at all times.   
The festivities continued and he and Changbin said goodnight to Chris a few hours later like they usually did before they both started to retreat to their own places just a hundred meters away and with windows that were aimed at the prince’s tower.

“Are you sure you’re ok? Rosely tells me she misses you” Changbin watched him with wary eyes, and Jisung blamed it on the fact that he was a father because they seemed stern, like he knew what was best for him. He felt a small tug in his heart at the thought of spending some time with the small family but dismissed it just as quickly.   
“I’ll be fine, I promise” he said and smiled, even though it felt forced, “I’ll head down to the kitchen and beg one of the kitchen maids to send some leftovers over to your house,  
“You-” Changbin started but was immediately interrupted,  
“-know you don’t have to… yeah- I know” Jisung smiled again, placed a hand on the other’s shoulder and squeezed it gently, “Tell your family I wish them well though, Binnie”  
Changbin only shook his head, eyes into two thin slits of faked annoyance and a small smile tugged on his lips, “Don’t call me Binnie”

Jisung only chuckled, stuck his tongue out and they waved a small goodbye over their shoulders before he began walking towards the kitchen. He walked with quick steps, hoping that he’d be able to pull his brightest smile and charm for the kitchen maids so they could give him some good bits. He walked so quickly, as a matter of fact, that he didn’t hear the person that approached him around the corner,  
“Ooof” the person he slammed into huffed heavily while they fell to the ground. Brown hair, brown eyes, a midnight blue cape and a swollen red lower lip,  
“Haven’t you hurt me enough already? Minho complained with his eyes in a scrunched-up, pained expression,  
“Sorry” Jisung answered in a hurry, heart pounding from embarrassment while he watched how Minho pulled a grimace while he raised up again and dusted off his clothes with annoyed motions,  
“Why were you walking so quickly anyway?” he asked and Jisung gave him a small smile,   
“Oh, I was hoping to get some leftovers at the kitchen”   
Minho raised his eyebrows and a small smile curled his lips, “I didn’t take you for a gluttonous person” he said with a teasing tone and Jisung let out a small chuckle while he awkwardly scratched the back of his neck.  
“Oh, it’s not for me… Changbin uh- he has a family. His mother and a little girl”  
“And I didn’t take him for a family man…” Minho continued with a surprised expression, “What about her mother?”  
“Passed away. Childbirth” Jisung mumbled, looked away and saw how Minho pulled another grimace in his peripheral.  
Silence laid down over them like a wet blanket. Minho pushed around a pebble with his feet and Jisung had to clear his throat before he felt comfortable saying anything else,  
“Well. I gotta go uh- make sure that the maids don’t steal all the best stuff”  
“Ok… I’ll take my leave then. Good uh- good fight out there” Minho turned on his heel faster than Jisung could say anything else and he watched how the other turned around another corner and then disappeared to the guest quarters with an untold ‘Thank you, you too’ on his lips.

He walked with heavier steps down the corridor, frowning at the weird feeling in his chest, took a right turn, walked down a set of stairs and then sighed deeply when the smell of roasted meat, freshly baked goods and gentle earthiness of vegetables and fruits filled his nose. The kitchen was buzzing with servants, all of them doing their best with saving the food they could, sorting out some for themselves, cleaning off tray upon tray of dishes and Jisung met the eyes in the familiar face of Chris’ maiden in the middle of the organized chaos.  
“Hi” she said and approached him, carefully but gracefully swirling out of the way when another maid flung past with a bunch of empty wine chalices.   
“Hi” he answered and gave her a small, polite smile,  
“I think I know why you’re here” she blinked at him, turned on her heel again and fished out a bundle she had hidden in one of the cabinets before she put it back again, “I can leave it with the Seo’s after I’m finished here. I’m planning to take a trip to the tower anyway” she gave him a warm smile and he nodded thankfully at her.  
“You’re an angel”   
“I’ve heard that before” she giggled and waved him goodbye just as one of the older servants dumped a tray in her arms,

He was just about to turn on his heel again when he noticed that one of the chalices that had been carried away just earlier still had plenty of wine left and made eye contact with the maid that was currently putting them away. She gave him a small smile and nodded her head towards it to emphasise what he was already thinking before turning her back to him to make it seem like she had no idea whatsoever when he nicked it and quickly hurried away from the kitchen again.   
He let his feet lead him and he didn’t really think much about just where they took him until he stood in front of a room he’d never visited but only knew about. He paused, unsure why his subconscious decided to bring him here rather than his own place but knocked nonetheless before he could stop himself, completely on a whim and cursed under his breath because he knew that he was way too reckless for his own good. A moment passed and he quickly got cold feet and was just about to turn around again when the door opened,

“Hi?” the young man in front of him said, more like a question than a greeting and Jisung’s breath got stuck in his throat.   
What the fuck was he doing? Why the fuck did he decide that this was a good idea? And why the fuck did Minho think it was ok to open his bedroom door dressed in what looked like his nightshirt, only covered to his midthighs, dropping dangerously low on his chest and without anything else on his body?   
“Hi” Jisung answered and raised the wine chalice in his hand, “I swear I’m not a thief, the servants don’t mind… and neither the king of course and I just wanted to- to…” he trailed off and Minho chuckled while he moved aside, welcoming the other in without a word and Jisung stumbled a bit over his own feet while he stepped into the room, flinching slightly when the door closed behind him.   
“To celebrate your victory?” Minho continued and walked over to a pair of empty glasses on a tabletop next to a comfortable sofa, which was aimed towards an open window that beautifully brandished the starry night sky and the large white moon like a painting,   
“I don’t know, I just wanted to uh-” he trailed off again, and poured the wine into the glasses that the other extended to him,  
“Wanted to uh?” Minho repeated with a grin playing on his lips and Jisung could feel a small blush on his cheeks,   
“Cheers” he said instead and carefully clinked his glass with the other,  
They drank- two sips, three, four and it must be from an old barrel because Jisung already felt woozy after a minute, just when the warmth from the alcohol settled in his stomach. Minho still stood where he was, still dressed in basically nothing and still with a small grin on his face.   
“You really did well out there, I’m impressed” he said, gently leaning against the backrest of the sofa, took another sip and Jisung tried not to think about the way his nightshirt rid up further on his thighs, revealing more of muscles that stretched across his pale skin there,  
“You weren’t bad yourself” Jisung cringed at his own choice of words, “I mean you were good” he swallowed hard and Minho scoffed, slightly amused with his awkwardness, “I mean, perfect- splendid even” he hurried over his own words now and a sweet, endearing smile tugged in the corners of the other’s lips, “Uhu… and yet you won” he said and Jisung shook his head,   
“Cheap tricks” he mumbled and swallowed down the rest in his glass.   
Minho just nodded. A twinkle in his eyes again and Jisung swallowed hard. A moment passed and Jisung licked his lower lip into his mouth, already feeling the tingles of the wine there,

“I bet you’d win over me again if we ever wrestled though” Minho broke through the silence. Speaking with an entirely different tone than before while he fidgeted with the edge of his nightshirt and Jisung felt how his breath choked up a bit in his throat, “I mean-” he continued and swirled the remainder of his wine in his glass before he drank it up as well and refilled both their cups “I’m strong… but you _are_ stronger than me…I bet I wouldn’t be able to move if you held me down properly” he looked up at Jisung over the rim of the glass, their eyes met and suddenly the air between them could be cut with a butter knife.   
Minho gave him a smirk and Jisung held his breath when he placed the wine glass on the small tabletop again before closing the distance between them with slow steps,   
“If you allow me…” Minho started with a much lower tone of voice and Jisung barely had time to place his own glass at the table before the other placed an arm around him, pulling him close, “I want you to prove it. I uh- I want to see how strong you really are” he continued and Jisung’s heart was thumping so hard he thought his chest might burst,   
“We can-” Jisung cleared his throat, eyes flickering to rest his gaze anywhere other than the small smile that curled the other’s lips, or the dangerously low dip of his shirt, “We can have a re-match tomorrow if you like. The games aren’t over yet”

Minho rolled his eyes, broke though his character and the smirk on his lips disappeared while he hit him, full-on and square in the chest, not hard for it to hurt but still hard enough for him to stagger, “You’re many things Jisung” he said disappointed, and the latter swallowed hard while he gently rubbed the place where he’d been hit with a confused expression, “- but you’re not stupid. I’ve seen the way you’ve looked at me these past days. Not even a Halberd to the throat was enough to chase you away, was it?” he gently bit down on his lip, “If you want to, I’m telling you-” he paused, drew a sharp breath to collect himself, tensed his jaw, closed the small distance between them again, placed a hand on his cheek, exhaled and Jisung was blaming the wine in his stomach for completely _melting_ under his touch,   
“No” Minho scoffed, without any amusement, voice soft and eyes pleading, “I’m begging you. If the time we’ve spent together these past days have meant anything… if every muffled laughter, every bump of shoulders, every… every- whenever you’ve met my eyes and I’ve felt that there might be something there…” Jisung swallowed hard while he looked into the other’s eyes, “Lay with me, please. I… can't help the need I feel for you”

The air was knocked out of him and his heart flipped hard in his chest while he inhaled sharply again, placed a hand on the back of Minho’s head and gently pressed their lips together in a kiss that quickly became heated. Jisung let out a small gasp, felt how the other harshly combed his fingers through his hair as well and flushed their chests together with a rumbling groan. Fingertips tracing the other’s waistline while he pulled him closer with one hand while the other gently coaxed his head to the side to deepen the kiss.   
Minho was as fluid as water, enveloping his every sense and Jisung felt like he was drowning- but instead of panicking, like he knew he should do because he’d never been with a man and had next to no experience of even being with a woman, he just fell blindly into it. The feeling that surrounded him, the taste of the other, his smell, the way his hands pushed onto his lower back, rubbing his crotch against Jisung with a shameless hunger. The humming moans of delightment when Jisung pulled on the hair in the back of his neck, bending his body backwards in his need for more while he held him in a tight grip. Jisung cursed between their lips, felt how Minho smiled against him while he led them backwards towards his bed and he could only draw another sharp breath when the other laid down on it before pulling him along with him.


	12. Amans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, someone is getting it on haha 😂 Thank you so much for reading as always and please don't hesitate to comment, they are fuel for the tiny writing engine in my brain ♥
> 
> Chapter name meaning: Lover

“I’ve been wanting to do this since I lowered my weapon when we met at the arena a few days ago” Minho mumbled, while settling comfortably on his back, gently brushed Jisung’s hair away from his forehead and let out a small giggle that scrunched his nose, “the way that you looked at me afterwards. Like you wanted to murder me”   
“That turned you on?” Jisung asked with a deep chuckle of disbelief and Minho blushed while he looked away,   
“No, not the murdering part but rather the fact that you stared me down without even bracing while I could’ve easily killed you…” he trailed off and Jisung wet his lips while he placed a gentle hand on his cheek and forced him to meet his eyes again, “I- I wanted to know what more you could do. How much you’d be able to take… and if I could break you” his eyelids fell slightly while he drew a shaky inhale of air and Jisung swallowed hard while his gaze flicked down to the other’s full lips.   
He was planted perfectly between Minho’s thighs again, just like back at the arena and even though he still wore a thick layer of armour, he could feel the warmth that the other radiated from his body.   
“I need you” Minho said next, upfront and clear and Jisung felt it as well.

A passion that he’d only allowed himself to feel once or twice flared up in his stomach like fire spreading over dry grass and he swallowed hard before he leaned down and captured the other’s lips again. Minho groaned between them, deep and breathy and immediately reached for the laced string that held Jisung’s leather vest together. He undid it quickly, with trained hands from being used to do it to his own clothes and Jisung held back a moan at the way his hands splayed over his undercoat next, hastily pulled over his shoulders and let it drop to the floor as well. They broke apart momentarily for Jisung to stand up and unbutton his pants, pulled his boots off with them and Minho bit down hard on his lower lip while they met eyes again. Jisung stood in his thin undershirt, which barely covered his crotch and he felt a burning desire in the pit of his stomach like never before. Licking like scorching flames, upwards towards his lungs and heart.

“Take the shirt off too” Minho urged, elevated himself up on both elbows and Jisung let out a hitched gasp when the other lifted his shirt to reveal his cock, gently closed his hand around himself and gave it a few open fisted tugs.   
He raised his shirt over his head, pulled it off and felt how a small breeze from the open window played with the thin, fine hair on his body, prickling his skin.  
“Come here, I need to feel you” Minho groaned out and Jisung joined him in a heartbeat, placed his hands on his nightshirt and the other sat up slightly to help him pull it off as well.

Time seemed to pause between them when they finally laid down skin to skin, naked like the day they were born and Jisung chewed on his inner cheek because he was unsure if he’d ever seen someone so gorgeous as Minho. Laying underneath his body like a dessert- pale, smooth skin underneath his fingertips, brandished with deep scars here and there from fights and battles, covered with a fine brown hair and strong muscles that stretched his skin. Hair in a dishevelled mess and eyes dark enough that he could see the shape of himself mirrored in them. Chest, throat and the apples of his cheeks already flushed with arousal and a small smirk on his lips, like he knew exactly what Jisung was thinking, basking in the attention he got. Jisung had never been with a man before and now when that thought caught up with him, it pulled him back a little. How were they even supposed to do this?

“Don’t worry” Minho’s smirk softened like he could read the hesitation on his face, “I’ll guide you”   
“Have you done this before?” Jisung asked, surprised and Minho only hummed in response before he pulled the other down to his lips.  
Jisung cursed silently to himself again. Even though he hadn’t fucked around much, kissing was a whole other thing and damn… Minho was a great kisser. He fully took Jisung’s breath away, from the way he didn't hesitate for a second before he swiped his tongue over his lower lip and licked his way into his mouth- to the way his hands splayed against his back, pushing his body down on his own. One of Jisung’s own hands buried itself in Minho’s hair and he tugged on it harshly, withdrawing a deep growl from the other’s chest while doing so and smirked into the kiss when Minho carefully nibbled on his lower lip as revenge.   
“I want to do something... if you allow me to do so?” Minho asked and Jisung raised himself to meet his eyes, nodding to show that he listened, “We need to change places, though” he continued and Jisung nodded again before they rolled around and his head hit the pillow instead.

Minho started carefully, kissed his lips again with much less ferocity than just earlier, before his kisses continued down, from the corner of his mouth to the sensitive spot underneath his jaw, his throat, his chest, and he looked up at Jisung with impossibly dark eyes before his tongue flicked out and he closed his lips around one of his nipples. Jisung groaned, combed his fingers through Minho’s hair again and felt how his cock leaked with pre-cum when the other gently brushed his fingers against his other nipple, delicately rubbing it with his fingertips while his teeth grazed the other.

Was this the way sex was supposed to feel? Overpowering, shimmery rosy and with a suctioning need in the pit of his stomach that seemed to cripple him? Shit, this might be the best feeling he’d ever experienced. Minho continued downwards, hands closed around his ribcage to hold him down while he traced kisses over his abdomen, down on the side of his navel before he finally reached the place where his pubic hair begun and Jisung held his breath when the other looked up at him again, hands moving to grip around his waist while his tongue flicked out again.   
Scratch that, this was the best feeling Jisung had ever experienced- Minho licked a long strand from the base of his cock to the head, still keeping eye contact with him while he did so and Jisung wanted to look away when his cheeks blushed bright red with embarrassment because his cock twitched harshly and beads of pre-cum quickly slicked him when Minho closed a hand around the shaft.

“Fuck, that feels amazing” he choked out and Minho chuckled a bit under his breath,  
“Yeah, it feels a bit different than when you do it yourself, doesn’t it?”   
Jisung only nodded again, unsure if he’d be able to form anymore sentences when Minho leaned forward and carefully closed his lips around him.   
He jerked up, hard and unable to stop himself and Minho made a noise in the back of his throat while his hand closed even harder around his waist to keep him down.   
“Sorry” Jisung mumbled under his breath while he met the other’s dark eyes again.

Minho just rolled his eyes gently as an answer before he carefully took Jisung deeper into his mouth, gently bobbed his head, mindful of the wound on his lower lip and Jisung was unsure if he’d ever felt so much on the top of the world as he did at that moment. He felt like he could do anything. But there wasn’t a fight for control or for Jisung to be able to do anything he wanted. Minho still had him captured around his finger while he swallowed him down so perfectly that Jisung could only gasp while he swirled the other’s hair between his fingertips.   
What the ever-living fuck did he do to deserve this? For him to get this treat of a man in bed? For Minho to let him go shortly, jerking him off with his hand while he kitten licked over the head of his cock, gently dipped his tongue onto the slit to collect the drops of translucent pearls of pre-cum that dripped from the tip and met Jisung’s eyes again while he swallowed.

“I’d suck you off properly but I don’t think you’d appreciate a gush of blood if I stretch my lips too far”  
Jisung let out a noise between a chuckle and a moan at that and Minho carefully closed his lips around his head again, hallowed his cheeks and sucked harshly while he jerked him off quick enough for Jisung to see lights flicker in front of his eyes.   
“I won’t be able to hold back if you continue like that” he warned and Minho smiled before he pressed a final kiss at the side of the shaft and raised himself again to press the next kiss on his lips.  
He could taste himself on Minho’s tongue but the thought didn’t repel him, rather the opposite and he wanted to do the same, wanted to treat the other with the same kind of care.   
Wanted Minho to feel just as good.

“Can I…” he trailed off and Minho paused, “Can I taste you as well?” he asked and the other only hummed in agreement and a small blush of arousal tinted his cheeks while they switched places again.   
“How… how do I?” Jisung started and felt how embarrassment blossomed in his chest when he stared down at the other’s twitching cock.   
“Start slow, don’t do anything that feels uncomfortable” Minho answered and gently took his hand before he guided it to himself, splayed it open and then closed it around his shaft before he slowly jerked himself off with it. His head fell back harder against the pillow and back arched slightly off the bed while his own share of pre-cum quickly slicked their hands,  
“Just like that. Do me as you do you” Minho groaned out and let go of his hand to grab a fistful of the sheet underneath him instead and Jisung nodded before he placed a hand around his waist, just like the other had done with him. 

He cursed under his breath again. Minho felt amazing underneath his body, his fingers gripped hard around that small waist of his and he wondered quietly to himself how many other men had seen this as well. How many other men had held Minho like he did at the moment? Completely enchanted with the way his mouth fell open with tiny pants and the way the muscles on his stomach clenched when Jisung flicked his wrist over the head. He leaned forward, unsure of how he should do but too ashamed to ask Minho again and gently closed his lips around the head of the other’s cock to get a feel of what he was supposed to be doing.

“Fuck, a warning please?” Minho cursed while he forced his hips down to not fully thrust down Jisung’s throat and the warmth that suddenly enveloped him.   
“Sorry” he mumbled back but didn’t hesitate before he repeated what he just did, took Minho a bit deeper and swallowed around the taste that was unlike anything he’d ever experienced before.

Musky, a bit tangy but not salty or bad in any way. New and definitely something he could get used to if Minho would continue doing the amazing hitched gasps that fell from his lips when Jisung closed a hand around the part that his lips couldn’t reach.  
“You’re doing good” he praised, “try bobbing your head up and down like-” Jisung swallowed more before he lifted his head again, put pressure on the underside of the other’s cock with his tongue and couldn’t help but smile a bit when Minho sobbed out another groan, “- just like that”

He swallowed down more and more, descended a little bit further every time, tried to relax as much as he could and finally felt how the other hit the back of his throat, nose nearly nuzzled up in the dark pubic hair of the other.  
“Fuck, let me go. I’m gonna cum” Minho cried out and gently tapped him on the shoulder and he opened his mouth and let the other fall out again, watched how a string of saliva broke off between his mouth and the other’s cock, swallowed the rest that had collected in his mouth and then let out a small gasp when Minho brought him up again.

The next kiss was hungry with teeth nearly clashing and Jisung mumbled a sorry when Minho inhaled sharply at the pain that shuddered through him from the wound on his lip. Tongues swiping before lips met and Jisung swallowed down the taste of Minho, drank him up like they’d drank the wine earlier and it was intoxicating, slowly turning him into a wreck of wanton need. He couldn’t help but thrust forward, gently rubbing his cock against the other and felt how slick he was with pre-cum.

“I want you to fuck me” Minho whimpered between their lips and Jisung separated them gently, forehead pressed against each other while his hands splayed on Minho’s chest, loved how perfect his body fit in his hands,  
“I’ll do anything just-” closed his eyes and pulled a grimace, ashamed again by his lack of experience, “just tell me what to do” he mumbled and Minho nodded.   
“You need to prepare me” he started and motioned at a leather bag on the sofa with a flick of his head, “take the phial of oil in the front pocket”

Jisung scrambled up, quickly searched through the bag and fished up a small phial before he joined Minho on the bed again. Heart pounding in his chest from the awaited tension.  
Minho popped the cork, grabbed Jisung’s hand in his and dropped some on his fingers before he placed the phial on the bedside table, raised his legs and closed them around Jisung’s waist before he guided his hand between his thighs.   
“I need you to be sure, though” Minho said sternly while he locked eyes with Jisung again, “There’s no way I’m letting you poke away at me without you finishing the job. I’m gonna cum with you inside me or you can walk out the door”

Jisung swallowed and nodded with determination before he held his breath while Minho guided his hand towards his ass. His fingertips poked at the rim of muscles there and his mouth fell open because there was no way he’d be able to fit inside that small space.   
“Go on” Minho urged and pulled him closer with his legs and Jisung only swallowed while he watched how the other’s expression changed when he pushed in his index finger.  
Yep, there was no way he was supposed to fit. Minho must be insane for even suggesting such a thing. He was so tight around Jisung’s finger that his breath staggered from surprise. He carefully wiggled his finger, head tilting to the side with fascination when Minho’s mouth fell open,   
“Not enough. More” he urged again with a breathy moan and Jisung held back a groan when he dipped another finger into him, “You need to move, Sungie” Minho opened his eyes and looked at him, a smirk curling his lips while he jolted his hips down on his fingers to emphasise his words and Jisung’s breath hitched.

He slowly pulled out his fingers before he thrust them in again and watched with astonishing eyes how Minho just sucked him straight in again. Body jolting underneath his touch. Back arching slightly off the bed. Cock dripping now and a small pool of the translucent stickiness collected on his lower stomach.   
“Does it feel good?” Jisung heard himself asking and Minho nodded, lower lip between his teeth while one hand gently brushed against his nipples and the other clenched the sheet underneath him.   
“Separate your fingers” he mumbled, completely breathless and showed a cutting motion with his own fingers that Jisung replicated as well as he could,  
“But you-” he swallowed, “I won’t be able to fit”   
“You will” Minho answered with a small smile and Jisung’s felt how his heart skipped for the hundredth time.  
“Spread some oil on yourself as well” he said next and Jisung reached for the phial and dripped some of his cock, still doing gentle scissoring motions inside the other.  
“I’m ready. I can’t take any more waiting” Minho groaned and raised his hips, even more, and scooted down so that he was placed in Jisung’s lap.

He swallowed harshly and nodded, kept eye contact with Minho while he fully slicked his cock with the oil and clenched his jaw while he gently poked the entrance with the head of his cock, fingers still inside the other. He watched with hooded eyes how the tip slipped it between his scissored fingers and exhaled a breathy moan when he took them out to make someplace for the head.   
It was unlike anything he’d ever experienced, much better than anything he could ever dream off and so much unlike the feeling of a woman. Minho was warm and so, so tight that tears burned in his eyes from the feeling that spread through his entire body. 

“Fuck” Minho cursed between clenched teeth, breath hitching and with his eyes squeezed shut.   
Fuck indeed. Jisung kept pushing his hips forward until he bottomed out inside him completely and the feeling in the pit of his stomach, the burning sensation of pure lust and pleasure was choking him up. He gave it a few seconds, gently rubbed down over Minho’s hip as if the tenderness would soothe the feeling he was experiencing and while Jisung wanted nothing else than just to pull out and slam his cock into him again, he forced himself to stay put.   
“You ok?” he asked and Minho quickly nodded.

He’d missed this. Being so filled up that all he could feel was the other man. Being as close as two people could be. Jisung harshly twitched inside him when he softly clenched around his cock and he could feel how close he was as well.   
“Move, please” he moaned and Jisung only grunted, nearly sobbed out when he closed his hands around Minho’s waist and almost fully pulled out before he jolted his hips forward, gently at first- with the other’s sharp gasps echoing between them. Skin rubbing against skin while they moved in unison, both selfishly chasing their own orgasms.

“Harder, please. I’m not a frail lady who'll break easily” Minho said between gritted teeth and let out a choked groan when Jisung grabbed a hold of his thighs, separated them harshly and pulled them up over his shoulders.  
“That’s it” Minho cried out when the other hit that spot inside of him, and his mouth fell open while Jisung jolted his hips harder, going deeper with each thrust. He closed his hand around his cock, felt the stickiness of pre-cum down the shaft and sobbed softly against Jisung’s lips when the other leaned down to capture them.   
He gently licked into Minho's mouth, tasted the pure rawness of arousal in his hurried breathing and traces of himself on his tongue.

“I won’t be able to last long” Minho gasped against his lips and Jisung put down more weight on him, pushed him into the mattress with his hands on the back of his thighs, watched with hooded eyes how his cock disappeared into the heat of the other’s body and the way that Minho’s hand jerked himself off, movements erratic and more spastic by the second until he finally paused and came with a sharp, whiny groan. Jisung held his breath when the other clenched around him, managed to hold on until Minho had spilt cum all over his lower stomach and his hand fell back against the mattress- before he let go, buried his nose in the crook of his neck and emptied inside the other with a gasp, cursing under his breath. 


	13. Inimicus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The plot thickens haha ♥ Thank you for the kudos and comments, I cherish all of them so much ♥
> 
> Chapter name meaning: Enemy

Felix Ashdown-Lee was a complete and utter idiot.   
He knew that, or well- he had known that for a while now actually. From the way he had sneaked his way into his mind like the devil himself, ready to pull Chris down to his knees before him with his teasing banters and playful smile, the shape of his body with that obnoxiously perfect, narrow waist and sharp jawline and contradictory soft dark brown eyes and starry freckles- to the way that he’d absolutely refused to give him more than he could survive on. Feeding Chris tiny snippets of mischievous crumbs, turning him completely delirious and insane with a craving for more. 

… Always this craving for more.  
Always this lust that burned like a pyre in the pit of his stomach.  
Always this numbness in his limbs and choked up feeling in his throat that rendered him unable to protect his heart and mind from racing.   
Always this itch that was impossible to scratch whenever he looked at Chris with eyes that spoke of how well he knew _exactly_ what he was doing- and _loving_ Chris’ every reaction to it.

But Chris had accepted that part of him by now- a part of him longed after it. Dared even to say that he’d miss it after the wedding and they would get separated again. Hated that he loved it and loved that he hated it, because there wasn’t anything sane about feeling how he did. So Felix was an idiot. That was clear. The fact that he’d ever do something that would make Chris feel the same kind of furious hatred he did at their first meeting though- now that was unexpected.

Barely two hours had passed since they said good night at the feast and Chris had gone back to his tower, sat down and wrote a bit, humming to himself on a new tune while watching how the moon moved over the darkened sky, wondering why his maid hadn’t shown up yet. He’d seen the light of her lantern when she walked over the courtyard to Changbin’s home and watched how a very sleepy Rosely happily jumped up and down when the kitchen maid revealed a sugary, powdered pastry that she’d hidden in a protective cloth in her inner pocket. That must’ve been what? Fifteen, twenty minutes ago? He combed his hand through his tousled mess of a hair, put the quill down and frowned. Should he go looking after her? Making sure that there hadn’t been a miscommunication and she was waiting for him elsewhere? He frowned. They did have a broom closet that they used to hide in when they were younger and it was too suspicious for her to walk the steps to his tower… maybe…  
He began the descent, took left down a corridor instead of a right towards the outside and walked down a row of doors.

Which led him to the moment that was happening now, with one of his hands in a ‘what-the-hell’ motion and his mouth open from the pure blow to his entire ego. He stood in the doorpost of the closet and watched with an overpowering daze while his favourite maid gave the most enthusiastic blowjow he’d ever seen- not to him. No, no, no, no- _not even nearly to him_ \- but to the crown prince of Oranobia. The young man leaned back against the wall, one hand in a tight grip around the locks of the maiden while the other firmly held onto the counter behind him. Head leaned back against the wall behind him. Hips gently thrusting down the woman’s throat while harsh, breathy moans slipped between his lips and Chris stood as if frozen, watching the scene for a few seconds, completely dumbfounded. 

The maiden must’ve finally felt him staring because she suddenly turned and coughed out a small, “My prince” while her eyes widening like saucers and she immediately scrambled to her feet. The crown prince groaned deeply when he fell from her lips and he slowly licked his lower lip into his mouth, gently biting on it,   
“Oh, you’re no fun” he complained, not even sparing her a glance and then pouted heavily while his hand automatically closed around his cock, gently tugging on himself. Too deep into his own need for release to even care about the situation.

Who _the fuck_ did this man think he was? Chris could barely recognize him. Was this really the same man that he’d spent so many time-consuming moments thinking about? Was he the same man that he’d walked with, told stories to, damn near jumped multiple occasions when they’d been alone? The same man who had tormented him for these past days? Teased him, played with him like the strings on a harp? The same man who knew exactly what he was doing while he tortured him? The same man who knew exactly how Chris was feeling?   
Was he really the same man who also knew perfectly well who the woman between them was? That she had been Chris’ for years.   
Coming to think about it, why the fuck was _his_ maiden even sucking him off? Chris felt sick to the stomach and had to grab hard onto the doorpost to keep the content in his stomach where it belonged. Every flash of thought he’d ever had about the other man disappeared like it had been swallowed by a big wave a stormy day and he felt sadness, a sorrow even, blossom in his chest instead. 

“I’m sorry, Chris. I’m so, _so sorry_. He offered to pay, please” she stumbled over her own words, tears in her eyes while she held up a sachet, heavy with scrambling coins, “700 Chronus. I- I just couldn’t say no. You understand that, right? That’s-” she swallowed hard but didn’t have to finish her sentence.   
That was almost six months of payment from her regular work at the castle and honestly, Chris couldn’t blame her. He wasn’t heartless. He knew the amount of work that involved the castle duties, from cooking and cleaning to taking care of his many nephews and nieces. Hell, he would’ve taken the money himself if he was in her shoes. But it didn’t hurt any less. He had been with her for six years after all, and the fact that Felix was the second man she’d ever placed her lips on was like pouring salt in an open flesh wound. 

_Fuck._

He felt his chest constrict, and it was hard to take a deep breath when his throat clogged up a bit. She’d been his private advisor, someone to talk to when he couldn’t turn to his father, siblings or closest friends. Someone who had pleasured him and even though she hadn’t been the only one he’d flirted with during the years- she was the one he’d ever been with. The only one he always fell back with. He’d damn nearly fathered some bastard children from her as well before nature took its course.

“Don’t call me Chris” he mumbled with a heavy heart, before he cleared his throat and forced his voice to work properly, “It’s Your Highness for you” he continued between clenched teeth and her breath hitched when she curtsied deeply, jaw clenched up to suppress any more feelings from showing on her face before she walked past him, “and there won’t be a need for you to visit me tomorrow morning” he added, pausing her in her steps, “or any other day. Keep your job, if you want it. But I won’t take any advice from a whore”   
She sighed heavily, not even trying to fight him back. He could hear on her breathing that she was crying but couldn’t bother to look at her at the moment. Her steps echoed between the empty stone walls when she continued to walk away with quick steps. But his gaze stayed fixated with the prince’s and Felix only gave him a lopsided grin before he flicked his wrist in a way that even Chris felt. 

“Oops” he shrugged and Chris felt how anger pulsated through his veins, another kind of anger that he hadn’t felt with the other yet. It burned bright in his chest, like a blazing wildfire, shooting through his veins like he just got hit by lightning because he thought that they were on good terms with each other. Thought that Felix _actually_ liked him, that the teasing was just a part of his personality. That he might’ve even had the same tension scorching through his veins when Chris looked at him that Chris himself had felt… and the playfulness aside, the blossoming of feeling’s he’d never felt before- Chris guessed that he really thought that the two of them were at least friends. Associates. Family to be. 

“Staying for the show?” Felix asked next and Chris crossed his arms over his chest and forced himself to take a deep breath.   
He could feel how a small blush heated his ears and swallowed hard when he realised that he finally was allowed to see what his mind had only been conjuring up so far… and Felix like this was everything he’d imagined. Everything and so, so much better. With his hips bucking into his own hand, the blonde hair of his sticking to the sweat in his forehead. The red coat he’d changed into for the feast slipping over his shoulder in his need for release, pants bundled up just above his boots while he leaned back against the wall behind him and Chris swallowed hard, felt how a burning irritation, a feeling of resentment blossomed like flowers in his chest. This moment wasn’t overwhelmingly amazing like it had been in his fantasies, wasn’t rose shimmered pink and gorgeous. Wasn’t full with mind-numbing sparkles and hitched breaths. No, he felt how rage was turning his body hot, and his vision blurred from the heavy emotions that screamed in his soul.

“What? Doesn’t it bother you enough to stop?” he asked, hellbent on making the other so uncomfortable that he’d have to walk all the way back to his quarters on the other side of the castle with an erection that was going to be annoying before he even arrived.   
“No” Felix purred with heavy eyelids, “I like it when someone watches” he added, completely unbothered and shameless, front teeth gently biting down on his lower lip when the tiny hitched gasps that erupted from his throat grew louder. 

Fuck. Chris couldn’t believe what he was hearing- or seeing for that part. Even though he was so angry he could feel himself shaking, there was still a small, minuscule part of him that had a hard time letting go. He’d been so deep into his own lust for the other after all and now, when he was so vulnerable and horny and so open for Chris to just watch, and take in, and absorb- he couldn’t deny that this was the best look he’d had so far, so gorgeous that Chris’ heart constricted.  
Felix was close. Close enough that Chris could nearly taste it from the simple experience- thighs trembling, breath hitching, pre-cum dripping from the tip and slicked the shaft of his cock while the jerking became irregular. Chris wasn’t aware of how much time had passed, only that he should’ve left long, long ago.

This was bad.   
_Really bad._

Bad enough that he finally couldn’t fight the familiar warm feeling that stirred heavily in the pit of his stomach, tensing up his limbs from the rush of blood in his system. It made him frown and Chris realised, just as the prince’s mouth fell open, his head fell back with a small thud and long ribbons of cum covered his fingers, that he was getting awfully hard from the vision that had played out for him. He looked down, bit hard onto his own tongue when the Felix combed his clean hand through his hair, pulling it away from his forehead and Chris suddenly got thankful to the long dark coat he was wearing while he silently cursed under his breath when his cock twitched harshly at the sight,

“Going already?” Felix called out after him when he turned on his heel. Words that- paired with a giggle that was way too cute for someone who’d just, carelessly, orgasmed in the same place as the castle’s servants had their cleaning supplies- still echoed in his head. And that smile, when he’d looked at Chris just afterwards, with eyes that were so dark that Chris wanted to call out for God to come and save him from the obvious personification of temptation himself.   
And those freckles, that shined through so deeply on the man’s flushed face.   
Like a sea of stars.   
Countless. 

Or that’s what they must be at least. Not that Chris found himself wanting to do just that when he laid awake that same night, looking out his bed-chamber window and watched just as many stars look back at him. Cursing himself because he should feel angry. Should be enraged with the furious flames of revenge and the feeling of anything else than the hitched emotions that played through his body. Fingertips brushed against his naked skin and his hand combed through his hair when his skin prickled from lust again.   
Shame in his body when he closed his eyes, enveloping him like a cold shower that he couldn’t help but hitch from when he reached his hand down towards his cock again while the sight of Felix played through his mind again, and again, and again. Cringing at the stickiness that was there already and gave in way too quickly, again, to the thought of them being back at the closet. 

With Chris on his knees this time instead, swallowing down the thickness of the other man down his throat like he’d been fantasising about so many times already.   
With Felix’s finger’s tugging on his hair, telling him how good he was. How nice he sucked him off.   
With Chris tongue licking into the other’s mouth, allowing Felix to taste himself.   
With Felix face scrunching up in pleasure while Chris entered him, breath hitching and curses under his breath while he got fucked against the same wall of the broom closet,   
With Chris' finger’s in his mouth, Chris hand gripping onto that narrow waist of his, Chris lips on the side of his throat, tasting his skin there.   
And he came again, with Felix's name on his lips, slowly licked his dry, cracked lower lip into his mouth and suppressed a sob when tears silently fell down his face and onto his pillow. 


	14. Tumultuari

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter name meaning: Turmoil

A knock on the door woke him up and Chris groaned while burrowing his face deeper in the pillow, not wanting to face the world at all just yet.  
“Your Highness?” his servant; Ellyn, opened the door softly and he turned around to meet her gentle, old, watery eyes with a tired grimace, “You need to prepare for the games today”   
“No, I feel ill” Chris mumbled and turned around under his sheets again, putting them up above his head like a defiant child.

“Your Highness I…” Ellyn started with a soft, regretful tone in her voice, “I don’t mean to pry… and I’m sorry” she approached his bed with gentle steps, hesitating like she knew that whatever she was planning to say wasn’t supposed to reach his ears, “I couldn’t help but- um… there was some gossip going around the kitchen maids this morning” her voice was tender, raspy and Chris removed the sheet again, just letting his tuff of curly brown hair and eyes peek out from underneath while he met the woman’s eyes,  
“What do you mean?” he asked and Ellyn gave him a mixed expression between a gentle smile and a sorrow-filled grimace,   
“I only say this because I have eyes to see and ears to listen with, but the young maid that you’ve… spent much time with these past years. She-” Ellyn paused and wrung her hands together, clearly bothered,  
“Yes?” Chris asked, worry bleeding into his mind,  
“She left, early this morning. Took the first caravan out of the city and left this note” she dug through her apron, “It just said, ‘I’m sorry’... I thought it might be for you”

Chris nodded but dismissed the note when she stretched it out for him to take, “It’s fine. A minor… inconvenience happened. We fell out. I don’t… I never…” he paused and rubbed his closed eyes with his thumb and index finger, sighed deeply and gave Ellyn a small clenched up smile, “Burn the note, please. It is history now, and I don’t wish for her to be mentioned again”   
Ellyn nodded and placed the note in her apron again, sighed deeply and gave him another soft smile, “Well, your illness aside, do you wish for me to bring you your clothes?” she asked, still with worry in her voice but with a determination to let it go and Chris nodded,   
“Some breakfast as well please” he shifted, felt how the dried, crusted cum on his lower stomach broke apart and bit down on the inside of his cheek, “and soap and water. I still don’t feel well enough to join the others just yet”

Ellyn curtsied and left him again. Chris sighed deeply, ran his hands through his hair, felt the sweat in his forehead cling onto the roots and let out a deep groan while he stretched. He’d evidently slept badly from the tension in his shoulders and he grimaced while pain cracked like thunder through his head. There were dark clouds on the horizon outside the window and he pouted when he realised that today's games would be held in the rain. A sharp gust of wind flew through his open window and he hugged the sheet closer to his body, not feeling like getting up at all. 

There was a gentle knock on the door and he looked over at it with a puzzled expression, surprised that Ellyn was back already. But he barely even got the time to open his mouth before the person on the other side entered anyway and Chris felt annoyance boil up within him like an eruption of a volcano when a familiar figure entered. Dressed in a warmer cotton today- with a cream coloured shirt, dark brown pants and a forest green leather doublet, the thin sword in its scabbard and a crown of white gold, embellished with emeralds and diamonds on the top of his head.

Anger exploded in his whole body, choked him up with feelings and he hastily sat up in the bed, pulling the sheet up towards his chest, “Do you have a death wish?” he asked behind clenched teeth and Felix laughed, fingers laced together behind his back while he took three graceful steps into the room,  
“No, why would I have that? I just wanted to apologise for yesterday-”  
“Get out” Chris warned shortly,  
“No, I wanted to-” Felix started again, a small smile still tugging on his lips,  
“Get out!” Chris shouted, loud enough for his voice to echo among the clay clad walls and Felix took a step back. 

Confused why the other all of a sudden shouted. He already apologised and he was just about to explain why. Where did this unprovoked anger come from?  
“I-” he started but was interrupted by a sharp pointy blade between his shoulder blades,   
“You do best in leaving the boy alone, Your Royal Highness” Ellyn’s voice was calm and Chris swallowed hard, scared for the faith that would await her if the crown prince was feeling in a bad mood,  
“And you do best in removing that blade or there will be consequences” Felix said back and Ellyn let out a small joyless chuckle,   
“I’m an old woman. I protect my own and I’ve served Christopher his whole life, and his mother before him. There isn’t such a thing as consequences, just doing the right thing”

Felix scoffed, shrugged and raised both hands in the air before he carefully spun around to face her, “Very well then. I’d stay, since I owe the young prince an explanation…” he glanced at Chris over his shoulder, “But I see that I’m not very welcomed here anyway…” he cleared his throat, “I’ll see you at the arena Christopher” 

Chris sighed when the door to his bedroom shut again and gave Ellyn a weary look, “Don’t ever do such a thing again, please” he begged her and she just gave him a warm smile, hand a bit shaky while she put the knife back in the holster of her belt.   
“The young crown-prince may talk a big game, but he’s still a boy and he doesn’t scare me, especially since he cares so much about you”   
Chris looked away, “Apparently not enough to not hurt me” he mumbled out.  
Ellyn didn’t speak another word, Chris was uncertain if she even heard him, and just placed the clothes on his bed, fetched the water and soap just outside the door and gave him another smile before she left him again to bring some breakfast. 

He rolled out of bed with a small tired groan, stretched with arms up high and yawned before he leaned over the bowl and rinsed his hair first, pulling on it to make sure that the soap removed the icky feeling of grimy sweat, dried it hastily and then watched how the first drops of rain hit his window while he took the cloth in his hands before dipping it in the lukewarm water. He removed the stains on his stomach, pulled another grimace and made a noise of discomfort at the feeling of some of it stuck to the curly, soft hair at his lower stomach. The rain was gently pouring down against the tower wall by the time he was done and he closed the window with a deep sigh, glanced over at the clothes on his bed and knew that he’d look like a drowned cat by the end of the day, even though they were as practical as they could be- with a dark cotton shirt, a black leather doublet, high boots and cotton pants. Not the most grandiose outfit but it would protect him at least a little from the rain. He dressed in silence, received his breakfast and ate while standing, moving his body up, down and to the sides to stretch out the tension in his back and shoulders. 

Another knock on his door interrupted his racing, mindless thoughts and he glanced up at it while yelling out a, “Come in”  
“Morning. Are you ready?” Changbin muttered after he entered, quickly followed by Jisung and Chris hummed a bit, took a look at himself in the mirror at his left and then grabbed his sword.   
The familiarity of the blade in his hand grounded him a bit and he looked down on it with a small smile, much like he was looking at a friend. The hilt a gorgeous piece with intricate details, and a swirling guard in a basket form surrounded his hand to protect his knuckles. It had been his great grandfathers and the emblem of house Auelin- a hippogryph holding an axe circled by a ring of roses- was placed at the pommel and the sword itself broad enough to cut a decimetre long wound.

“Yeah, I’m ready” Chris answered and gave them both a smile that wasn’t reciprocated,   
“What’s wrong?” Jisung asked immediately and Chris pulled a grimace, both thankful and cursing the way they knew him too well.  
“I uh… had an altercation with…” he started and told them the whole story.

From the way that he’d walked in on Felix and his maid, to the feeling he felt afterwards and when he got started he just couldn’t stop. Everything that had happened and all the feelings that he’d felt these past days just poured out of him like a waterfall and while Changbin’s expression got angrier and colder with each confession- Jisung just clenched his jaw and averted his eyes with a small blush on his cheeks,

“What is it?” Chris asked after he finished his story and Jisung sighed softly before he grimaced. Fingers fiddling with the scabbard that held the same bronze war axe as yesterday,  
“I might have…” he started out and cursed, “I might’ve uh- sleptwithhisbodyguard” he finished the last words in a mumble and Chris frowned,  
“Sorry?” he asked and Jisung cleared his throat while he reluctantly met his eyes again, “I slept with the Lord of Andovale- His Royal Highness’s bodyguard. It was a mistake, I realise that now from your tales about your own experience and I realise that the same thing must’ve happened to me. I promise it won’t happen again-” he straightened his back and bowed to him slightly, “I’m sorry”

It caught Chris by surprise, and he wasn’t alone- Changbin stared at him with lips that had fallen open with shock from the words.   
“It’s fine” he said slowly and gave Jisung a small smile, “We should really watch our backs if the men of Oranobia are this deadly- surely the women should have us deceased with a wink of their lashes”  
Jisung smiled at that, tried to make it as cheerful as he could muster but Chris still saw how disappointment shadowed his face and he immediately wanted to take it back. Assure Jisung that what he felt was probably real. That he’d only gotten lucky. That Minho hadn’t played with him the way that Felix had played with himself. But he left the words unsaid- unsure if it would’ve been for the better. The fact that the two men couldn’t be any more than a secret, a hushed whisper and a broken gasp in the night- was still very much real.   
They descended the stairs of his tower and found how a servant was waiting on them at the bottom. 

“Your father has been informed with your condition and has promised that he won’t hold you accountable if you wish to sit with him instead of with the competitors for the day. He has also forgiven your lateness and wishes to inform you that you may arrive at the arena immediately”  
Chris nodded and gave the servant a small smile, walked with him to the arena and huffed at the drizzling rain that quickly turned his cotton shirt wet.   
There was already a fight going on when they walked through the marble and stone-clad valve of the arena and he did a half bow when he met his father’s eyes, smiling softly back when he received a proud grin of recognition while he took his place among the competitors at the lowest step. 

Two strong women sparred in the middle, one of them already bleeding from a gash in the arm but it didn’t stop her from bashing her opponent with her shield with a loud cry, making the other fall to the ground with a surprised huff of pain. She was on top of her within the second, locked her legs with her own and placed a muscly arm around her neck. The locked-down woman fought for a good few seconds but it was all aimless. She coughed, hit the arm on her opponent but she didn’t waver and Sir Thomas had to run down the stairs after the time had passed well over five seconds and the locked-down woman’s face started to turn blue. He quickly pulled them apart and Chris watched with worried eyes how the woman who just lost, gasped for air while her hand came up to her throat,  
“Today’s first victory goes to Dame Christiana of house Derwentwater” Sir Thomas shouted out and applauses exploded with standing ovations. 

They must’ve fought for a while, Chris realised, since they had their usual big breakfast in the morning and he was at least 30 minutes late.  
“I can see here that you have challenged someone as well” Sir Thomas glances at the scribbled names on the paper and Dame Christiana gave him a small smile while nodding, eyes locking with someone in the crowd,   
“Do you wish t-” Sir Thomas started but was immediately interrupted,  
“Jeongin of house Yang! The first and probably last of his name! The king of Steilerbenia!” Dame Christiana shouted out and aimed her longsword at him, “I challenge you, on your honour, your title, and your crown”

A murmur quickly spread through the crowd and some older knights even snickered loudly and Chris could hear how they mocked her with awful, whispering words. He glanced behind him, stared down the men just behind him that exchanged the words and they quickly grew quiet when they noticed that he’d heard what they said.   
“I’ll accept” the young king answered and stood up from the honorary seat at the very top.   
He gently removed the large, embellished, golden crown from the top of his head on the pillow he had been seated at instead, moved his warhammer out of the way and Chris watched how he walked down the steps with three bodyguards in his heels who paused just next to the lowest row of the crowd until he finally stood next to the woman who’d challenged him. He looked awfully small next to her, Chris realised, when she towered over him with at least three decimetres and even Sir Thomas flickered his eyes between them, unsure of who he thought might win.   
“Very well then” he said and nodded to them both, “you know the rules. Breaking them applies to anyone… even kings” he added and gave them both a nod before he walked back up the stairs. 

The rain was smattering down on them by now and Dame Christiana smiled while she turned around, walked ten steps in the other direction, bowed deeply to the king and barely allowed him to do the same before she charged at him. Chris held his breath while the moment of impact happened and the sound of the longsword hitting the long hilt of the warhammer rang throughout the place.   
The king was a good fighter despite his young age, swift enough even though he carried a heavy weapon in his hands and he made sure that he rather swirled out of the way rather than struck the woman. Still, though, this wasn’t like any of the previous fight’s. The ones that had been for fun. To boast, to joke around, to show off your skills as a weapon master of talent and climb up in the world.

No. This was nothing like that.   
This was about honour, of jealousy and Chris watched in awe while the king parried slash after slash, putting in his own fair of hits with the side of the hammer to concentrate each strike on a broader surface and prevent actually hurting his opponent.

They danced around each other for what felt like a good fifteen minutes, trampling up water and mud from the stomped down stone and mud floor on their clothes. The Dame screamed out in frustration when the young king once again ducked away from her sword and it was noticeable how tired she was getting with every parry, every impact of the hammer against her armour and Chris could almost see how much she regretted not letting another pair of competitors fight before she did again. Her movements grew sloppy, irregular and Chris feared that one of the hits of the king's hammer would land wrong and she’d get killed. 

“I need to win” he heard her mutter at one time when she stood close enough to him, weighing her longsword in her hands while taking some deep breaths, “need to show them no matter what”   
Chris was unsure of what she talked about and once again he felt sorry about the fact that he was so uninterested in politics. But it was like Jisung knew exactly how he felt because he poked him gently in his side at that and mumbled that the Dame was the king’s first cousin and should’ve been heir to the throne since all their closest male relatives were deceased- or, that was of course if it wasn’t for the fact that the young king had returned alive from his battles with the principality of Weil and crowned at a much earlier age than she’d been at the time. 

“Why?” the king asked back when they clashed weapons again and the colour seemed to disappear from the Dame’s face at the sudden question as if she didn’t expect him to hear what she just mumbled to herself,   
“They should’ve seen my worth” she shouted out then and slashed with the long sword at the other, carelessly and messy and Chris inhaled sharply when the king barely jumped out of the way, “They should've chosen me” she hissed out and grimaced when the king hit her square in the chest, drawing the breath from her lungs while she hit the ground, “despite me being a woman” she lashed out at him again from her place on the ground but he parried it easily and placed the hammer on the softness of her throat, where only a thin layer of leather armour covered her skin,

“Never mind them again then. I see your worth, Dame Christiana. My knight, my first cousin” the king removed his helmet and gave her a small smile, “but I can’t help my luck. I can’t help that I’m still alive while all of them are dead. I can’t help that the past is what it is, or that the future is already written in the books of God” he removed his hammer and extended his hand instead, “Let’s stop this mindless fighting” he gave her a warm, soft smile that crinkled the corners of his eyes- once again reminding the rest of the crowd of how young he was and Chris was sure that she’d take the offer.  
That she’d smile back and tell him that everything was fine. That she’d lay down her weapon. 

“No” she sobbed out and shook her head with a sad smile that stretched awfully wide on her lips, “I will show them” she growled and with a quick swipe of her sword- quickly severed the top of the king’s fingertips of his extended hand. 

He shouted out in pain, quickly held the hand that pulsated with gushing blood close to his body, covering the stumps of his finger’s with his shirt and the woman’s screaming grew louder when two men from the king’s guards tackled her while another took the king in his arms and hurried him up towards the stairs. Chris watched after them with worried eyes, mouth open with shock at what just happened and saw how some servants helped the king out from the arena and back to the castle. 

The woman’s spluttering curses echoed among the walls while some men took her away, “It should’ve been me! It should’ve been me! You don’t understand, it should’ve been me!”  
Chris swallowed hard with a grimace and felt bile rise in his throat- both from the awful, disgusting thing that had just happened and from the knowledge that she’d be hanging from the gallows before he woke up the next morning. 


	15. Quare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter name meaning: Why

Sir Thomas voice shook slightly while he rolled out his parchment when ten long minutes had passed and everything had calmed down. Chris was thankful though that the conflict had only arisen between the two houses of Yang and Derwentwater in the same country, and that the two were first cousins- or it might’ve been way harder to stop the loud protests and spiteful words that were thrown among the aristocrats and royalty.   
“Next contestants” he cleared his throat, “His Royal Highness, crown prince Felix of house Ashdown-Lee, third of his name, heir to Willowshire Castle and future king of Oranobia, has challenged High Highness, Christopher of house Westspire, first of his name” 

Chris grimaced. The lack of titles to his name was embarrassing and he felt how his ears quickly heated up. It wasn’t really new for him to experience those feelings though and one would think that he would’ve gotten used to them already, but no… somehow the fact that he wasn’t anyone special constantly slipped his mind among all the other royals.   
That he lost everything the moment Varnesvia had chosen to be independent and rejected his offering of a peace treaty between them and the Kingdom of Hinosia. That he could never again come back to his legitimate father’s old castle in Sanduos, the beautiful clay capital city with the southern sea licking at its white beaches, and see the halls and rooms where he learned how to walk or the gardens where his mother’s orange roses still, hopefully, were planted.  
Or even the walls in the castle of Vivada where his mother grew up. A storybook palace with high towers in the west, surrounded by a thin forest of kapok trees, cecropia and fern on the ground, that still very much spoke of his family’s history. But nearly all of them were dead, at least those he knew of, and those still alive didn’t want anything to do with him since the gossip spread of his mother’s alleged murder of the king. 

No, he knew that he wasn’t welcomed. That even though he proudly flourished his great grandfather’s sword in his hand- he could never go back to that place. Could never be the Prince or even Lord that all the others, the rest of the crowd around him, were. Not really. He had the blood, absolutely, and he would’ve been king if it wouldn’t be for the fact that his legitimate father was a rotten asshole and that his mother had gotten her revenge in the end.   
He had nothing to his name. No castle or fortress to be entrusted with. No land, no crown. That would fall on his father. He was the one who would be able to grant him a place to live after his marriage to Lady Isabel. He knew that- knew that everything would be fine and he would inherit riches after their marriage and yet… he looked up and met Felix’s eyes a few seats away. Saw how the other broke out in a warm smile like he hadn’t hurt him worse than another person had done in years. Like he didn’t see at all how Chris was suffering, how much his heart was bleeding for everything he had thought they were, and everything he thought they could’ve been. 

He stood up nonetheless, tensed his jaw when Felix did the same and Sir Thomas gave him a small subtle smile before he looked at them both with a strict expression, “I don’t want to see any more mishaps. You will _sparr_ with respect for each other and when one of you is on the ground, _five_ seconds will pass. No more, no less. You hear me?” he asked with his mouth in a thin line and looked between them once again,  
“I hear you” Felix said with his deep, rumbling voice and Sir Thomas just looked over at Chris, who nodded as well.

He left and Chris felt how his stomach fluttered in his chest when he walked into the middle of the arena, put on a helmet in the process, saw in his peripheral how the other did so as well, took ten steps away from Felix, turned around, bit down hard onto his lower lip when he met his eyes and then bowed gently. The crown prince gracefully replicated his move before he drew the thin sword at his side. It resembled a rapier, with a pitch-black hilt in a complex, sweeping design of coiled wire that protected his hand, the pommel a silver knob with the emblem of the falcon stretched on the side. It was gorgeous, slender like it’s owner and Felix balanced the nearly weightless blade in his hand like he was holding hands with a lover. Fingers tapping around the handle, flourishing it gently while he waited for Chris to charge at him. 

But he wasn’t stupid. He remembered their sparring session a few days ago, how Felix easily swirled around him, danced and mocked him while poking at him with the sharp pointy blade. He’d be humiliated if the same thing repeated itself. It was bad enough that he was a loser when it came to his reputation as a nobody... if he lost his honour when it came to his reputation as a good swordsman as well…

“Aren’t you supposed to draw first blood by now?” Chris taunted, “Since you were the one challenging me”   
“Oh, I was just doing you a service” Felix answered with a small smile and slowly closed the gap between them with confident, nearly arrogant steps. One at the time, like a cat that was approaching its prey.   
“Why is that?” Chris asked and drew his sword as well, weighed it in his hand and grounded himself while he watched how the other drew closer,  
“Oh” Felix tilted his head to the side quick enough for the small amount of fringe that wasn’t confined by the helmet to jolt as well, “Because of what happened yesterday of course” 

Chris stopped, nearly froze when Felix let out a burst of bubbly giggles. He should be feeling angry- furious even- but it was as if all energy, _everything_ that he’d put into his own emotions these past days just ran out into the sand. He let out a small scoff, completely breathless as if they had already fought. Heart thumping like a racing wild horse trying to escape a pack of wolves and he could nearly taste iron in his mouth from biting down too hard on his inner cheek.

“I really shouldn’t laugh” Felix frowned slightly and Chris realised that just mere two or three meters separated them now, “It’s just… the whole thing is rather comedic” he took another minuscule step, “the fact that you must’ve thought that not everything can be bought with money” another step, “and the fact that you thought that she was really yours” his voice was low enough for only Chris to hear now, and he swallowed hard while Felix took another small step, “she sounded so whiny… so desperate to have my cock in her mouth” 

Just a meter separated them now and Chris knew that he could just raise his sword and slash at the other if he wanted, that he could easily slice him up if he wanted to. The crown prince had focused his clothes more on design and flashy details rather than actual protection after all, “Why did you do it then?” he asked instead, tried his very best not to sound as shaken up as he felt and Felix gave him a small smile and a shrug of his shoulders while Chris felt how anguish tore at his whole being, “you could’ve chosen anyone, you know that right?” he continued, swallowed hard and felt how Felix stepped into his personal space, “I could’ve followed you even, guided you to the most popular brothel in town, planted you down between the thighs of the best woman there and even paid for your visit” he heard how his voice got increasingly more clenched up and pained with each word but the part of him that had held himself back for days now couldn’t keep it down any longer, “Why do want to hurt me so badly? What the fuck have I ever done to you that makes you so hellbent on punishing me?”

He grabbed the front of the green leather vest of the other and the rain that smatter down on his face got mixed with the hot tears that burned in his eyes. He turned his fist upwards and pulled Felix closer to him, “She left! This morning. The only girl I’ve ever been with. The only one I could talk to when all the other’s kept telling me to shut up because I have nothing compared to them” the crown prince’s smile was gone by now and he looked up at Chris with eyes that held a shadow of something else… a realisation? Or sorrow perhaps? Or even a shame? “She’s gone. Do you hear me? Gone”  
It felt like he was going to split in two from the pain in his body. He felt himself heaving, and the muscles in his arm were protesting hard from keeping Felix in place. This was the closest he’d been to the other and he had to force his own emotions to alleviate. The dark void of concentrated anxiety in his chest, the anger that turned and writhed like an entrapped snake in the pit of his stomach, the fullness of Felix’s lips, the heart formed arch of his cupid’s bow, his small button nose, the dark brown of his eyes, the stars on his cheeks, the way his lashes had clumped together slightly by the wetness of the rain, the- the-

“You don’t understand... do you?” Felix asked between clenched teeth and Chris swallowed hard again, body nearly jolting from the tension that shook through him, “I never wanted to hurt you. Never wanted any of this to happen” he shoved Chris back to get out of his grip, “Never thought this situation would be pushed over the line” he let out a hiss. Of helplessness, despair, and he looked back at Chris with an expression of anguish, of remorse. An expression that Chris would never think he’d ever see on the other,   
“I never thought she would take the money. I thought she was sworn to you. I- “ the crown prince paused and sighed deeply, “I wanted to find a reason. That’s why I did it, if you so desperately need to know. I had to know why _she_ was the one who had the great Christopher of house Westspire wrapped around her finger… I wanted to see what made her so special and- and-” he paused and gripped his sword tighter, “But none of it matters anyway” he mumbled, looked as if he wanted to say something more but stopped himself at the last second. If it wouldn’t be for the short distance, Chris wouldn’t have heard him at all. He drew another sharp inhale, “My sister was right- you are thicker than a tree stump and in the end, I guess that I am the one who’ll pay the price anyway”   
“Why?” Chris asked, confused as to why the crown prince seemed to have done a complete 180 turn. 

There was something about his attitude. His demeanour. The way his whole body seemed to have slumped a bit, like the exhaustion of keeping up an appearance finally caught up with him and he could barely keep his own body upright anymore. Chris was still angry, still sad and upset about what had happened but a feeling, something in the way too empathic part of his soul and mind stirred a bit at the way the crown prince was acting. But he was cautious, waiting for Felix to add something else. To laugh off what he’d just said and then say something teasing that would cause the pyre in Chris' stomach to flare up again. But Felix was quiet, watching him with a small frown and Chris realised that he actually believed that the other regretted his actions. That Felix was more than the teasing devil in disguise that he’d portrayed himself as these past days. That Chris might not have been the only one alone with his feelings of wonder, of confusion, of a deeply mortified exhilaration, of lust, an almost delirious appetite at that and an intoxication filled need for one another. But Felix had still hurt him, had still done things that were meant to cause a reaction, whether it was for Chris to hate him or- or for him to make Chris crazy with jealousy or-   
He wanted to clutch at his own head, nausea and vertigo from confusion made him stumble. The rain had stopped by now and the clouds were splitting up, allowing streaks of golden light from the sun to shine down on them instead. Felix scoffed, and looked up at him from underneath his drenched fringe, 

“I never meant to hurt you, not at first at least. You were so cocky, so full of yourself, so easily offended by the very way I simply existed and I couldn’t help but feel bothered. It was as if you taunted me. Forced me to play my part in an act that was quickly going downhill in an uncontrollable spin of unfortunate events and I couldn’t-” he drew a sharp breath, “I just couldn’t-” he paused, wet his lips and Chris could almost see the way the cogwheels in his head worked on overdrive to try and explain what he was feeling, “I couldn’t grasp you. I didn’t understand what was happening, didn’t understand why you were so seemingly angry with me all the time” he rolled his eyes slightly and sighed heavily, “A rather big part of me was pissed off. Because what had I done? Except for being a guest in your home? and another, I suppose, more playful and shitheaded part of me wanted to know just how mad you could become. If I was the reason? Or if you were just angry as a default” he scoffed but without any sort of humour, “But I guess it became too much. I’ve realised that I’ve taken it too far both by your apparent sadness and with your… should I say… indecisiveness at your own anxious nature, with what happened yesterday and the consequences that followed… but I know that I’ve caused more harm than I first intended” he frowned deeply and his lips turned downwards into a small pout, “I’ve acted rashly these past days. Completely out of my own character and completely driven by- by-” he paused yet again and cleared his throat,   
“I’ve dipped my nose in too much trouble, fiddled with things that should’ve been left untouched, spoken words that should’ve died on my tongue… and it’s too late to prove it by now, but please know that I really am an educated, pleasant person to be around normally and not the feral, disgusting monster I’ve acted like…” he cleared his throat and frowned again, “I can’t make the past undone. I can’t bring your lover back. I can’t change the fact that our closeness has also brought our two friends close together- or that our fate will break them up as well… For that I’m particularly sorry” he swallowed hard, “I haven’t seen him so happy in years- I…” he shook his head and gave Chris a small clenched up smile, “It’s too late. _I’m_ too late. I’ve done too many fucking mistakes”  
Chris’ mouth must’ve fallen open somewhere along with the speech because he noticed that he had to close it to press his lips tight together when the prince let go of his sword. The metal of it clanged awfully loud on the stone floor among the silent crowd, 

“I yield” Felix shouted loudly before he bowed deeply, first towards Chris and then to the crowd and nodded to Sir Thomas who stood dumbfounded on the edge of the lowest step.   
Confused why the two haven’t even struck swords yet. A moment passed before anything actually happened and Sir Thomas looked from Chris to Felix, to the king of Hinosia and the crowd before he cleared his throat and approached them again.

“Well, if so… the victor is Christopher of house Westspire!”   
A very confused round of applause slowly erupted through the crowd at that and Felix picked up his sword, walked off without another word and quietly sat down between Minho and Hyunjin again. Took off his helmet, received his crown from one of his servants, promptly put it on again and then turned his eyes forward. Chris swallowed hard. Tried not to think about the fact that the fire in his body had been replaced by a chilling coldness. The way that an emptiness he’d never experienced before seemed to swallow his whole being and how he knew that he should feel something, anything at all- but all that echoed in his mind was just a big hallowed space. Like a deep, neverending void. 

He felt how Jisung placed a hand on his shoulder as if to ask him if he were ok and he could see in his peripheral how Changbin tried to make eye contact with him but he just shook his head, gently shrugged their concern of his shoulders and looked down on his folded hands in his lap, completely exhausted without even sweating a drop. 


	16. Dubium

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, the angst!! ♥ this one is a bit different since half is Chris and half is Jisung ♥ please comment if you enjoyed! I read and try to answer all of them as quickly as I can ♥
> 
> Chapter name meaning: Doubt

The feast for the evening was particularly spectacular since it was the last one before the wedding. More like a banquet with the glorious draping of different emblems from the most prominent houses there, flowers on every table and giving the guests a small taste of what to come the following days. Chris sat on his usual place at the honorary table with Felix at his left while his little sister, Princess Thea sat on his right. He had barely touched his food, fork swirling around among the boiled vegetables, cabbage, potato and array of meats he had taken upon his plate. He was hungry, fatigued after the day but his stomach still churned awfully when he tried to take some to his mouth and he pouted to himself while laying down his fork again. 

Felix ate in almost full silence, just politely answered the king's gentle small talk whenever he was asked a question but didn’t try to start any conversations himself. Chris felt how he tensed up every time he moved though, pulling away from his body every time they accidentally started to get close. It was as if someone had completely changed the confident, self secured crown prince he’d spent so much time with and replaced him with a shy, young man who barely could brush his clothes against Chris’ own. 

But he was unsure if it was for the better. This exchange of attitude between them didn’t change the fact that he was still very much hurt by his actions, the weird way he’s acted these past days, the thing he did yesterday. It even made him uncertain which part of Felix that was the real one. If the crown prince was the man who had joked around with him, who’d walked down the streets of Elicstow with surefooted, proud steps, telling jokes and exchanging playful banter, giving Chris pieces of his life, moments of his childhood, snippets of his past with the military and the men he fought with, stories about Minho and Hyunjin and the brotherhood they shared. 

If he really was the man who had made Chris fall so hard, _breathlessly_ , seemingly with just a tug of a smile in the corners of his lips, a raise of his eyebrows when Chris told him about his accomplishments, a flick of his wrist when he brushed his fringe from his forehead and a glow in his eyes when he shamelessly monitored the way that Chris looked that day. His clothes, his movements, the way that he was shaped and, if Chris wasn’t completely crazy and delusional, imagined how good he would fit against his own body.

Or maybe the simple truth was what he’d mentioned at the arena a few hours ago. That he was honestly just the simple man he displayed himself to be at that moment; quiet, polite and nodding with great interest at what the royalties around the tables spoke off. But yet again, never making an effort to interact much or get another word in except for when he was spoken to directly. Almost shyly watching the people that surrounded him, ate his food, drank his wine slowly and with the grace of a future king. 

What could Chris believe in? If what he really believed to be true- and Felix regretted what had happened… Did he regret what had happened these past days? Or… or maybe everything had just been a plot of elaborate schemes to play with him? To make him confused with feelings he never thought he’ll ever experience? To make him crazy with a lust that he never truly wanted? Never even needed? Never thought he’d ever desire? 

It pained him. Because everything that _he_ had felt had been real and just the mere thought that it might all have been to fuel the crown prince’s own amusement tore through him like a wild beast. Tugging on his flesh, on his lifeform, his ability to even breathe. Slicing him up like a flesh wound that kept on bleeding, and bleeding and Chris was getting dizzy from it. The atrocious pain, the disorientation that flickered through his head like a small bird's wings.   
Maybe he _had_ just been a thing to fuck around with. An easy prey. Something that Felix could just throw away when it was time… 

But… but then again…   
Would he _really_ have seemed so upset earlier at the arena if it had all been for a good laugh? Would he really have seemed so full of regret when Chris finally confronted him and asked just why he had acted the way he’d done?   
Would he _really_ have seemed so bothered by the fact that Chris fought back for the first time and actually spoke his heart? Demanding an explanation. A justification for the things that had happened.   
Chris frowned to himself, felt how a headache was quickly approaching with all the thoughts that whirled around in his head. The disarray that fiddled with the different unfinished treads of conclusions like a puppet master at a theatre. It made his heart ache in his chest like a giant from a fairy-tale had reached between his ribs and squeezed it as hard as it could.

No. Something in his soul told him, _convinced_ him by now, with big bold letters like a stamp on his consciousness that a rather big part of Felix actually regretted everything that had happened. Felt remorse about the actions he had taken this week. Explained that things had spiralled out of control. Which just caused Chris to be even more uncertain, quietly wondering just _why_ things had spiralled out of control. 

But, alas, it was like Felix himself had said; none of that mattered anymore. It was too late. If Chris could trust his own body and there had ever been anything between them- a spark, an attraction, a tweak of affection that might’ve even been able to grow into something more- he’ll still be married within 24 hours.   
The festivities will last for another two days and then he’ll be crowned as Lord over one of the many castles and fortresses that his father possessed. He and Lady Isabel will be granted their own group of servants and then be gone the next day. Felix will go home and await the day his father won’t be able to fight against the deadly disease that wreaks havoc in his body and sooner rather than later- he’ll be king of Oranobia, marry a beautiful young princess of his own and live happily ever after. He’ll get children of his own- children with his freckles, and his blonde hair and- and he would rule with a queen at his side and Chris. Well... Chris would be nothing more than a vague memory in the back of his head. The man who married his little sister. A Lord over one of the castles near the border of Oranobia.

Yes. It had been a fantasy- and what a fantasy indeed. A wet dream, fever hot and flaming red, burning bright at the edges of his soul, blistering his skin every time they had touched, drenched his body with an inhuman need every time Felix had looked upon his body. Unreal, almost too good to be true and with a mania that had taken over his brain like an infection. But like all fantasies and all dreams, it had finally gotten to a standstill. Like a lightning from a clear sky that rumbled across the heavens and made everything around it pause- the thing between them had stopped as well.   
Chris sighed, combed some of his hair away from his forehead and accidentally but gently bumped into Felix’s shoulder with his elbow, watched how the crown prince took a shuddering breath in his peripheral and couldn’t help but feel a weird… satisfaction. 

Maybe this was for the better anyway. At least now he wouldn’t have to feel like the tormented soul he had been these past days… right? Felix let out another small noise, like a discreet clearing of his throat and Chris glanced at him, happened to meet his gaze. The crown prince’s eyes were as brown as they had always been, that hadn’t changed even though Chris thought they looked kinder now than ever. Dark, full lashes surrounded them and Chris couldn’t help but glance down on his mouth when his tongue slipped out to wet his lower lip in an almost nervous fashion. He felt his heart skip hard in his chest and how the air was punched out of his lungs like a hit to the stomach. Those full lips carefully stretched out in a small, timid smile. Hesitant. Reluctant and full of doubt. Hopeful. Inviting. Encouraging him with his whole being to smile back. 

But Chris _couldn’t_ smile back, even though he had to fight himself not to. Afraid that the crown prince swiftly would grab a whole meter if he gave him another millimetre and quickly looked away again. Saw in the corner of his eyes how Felix’s whole expression fell and he seemed to slump in his chair. How he cleared his throat again, looked down on his food, sighed deeply and paused before he placed his fork next to his plate, gently patted the corners of his lips with a napkin, elegantly bowed towards the king at his side and excused himself for the night. Minho and Hyunjin quickly raised as well, nodded to the royalties around the table, patted the corners of their mouths as well, quickly joined up behind their crown prince and the three walked with quick steps out of the great hall and to the left, towards the guest quarters. 

Chris automatically glanced at Jisung two seats away since the four guards had been seated together as usual. Watched with trouble in his heart while Jisung watched after Minho with a deep swallow, clenched his jaw and placed his fork next to his plate, eyes tired and limbs tensed up when he gently tilted his head to the side in a quick flick like he had been interrupted, expression full of regret and words probably dying on his tongue while he brought his glass of wine to his lips, quickly emptied it and then sat back against the backrest, looking like he fought back tears. But that, of course, was only to the trained eye and Chris- who’d known him for years, couldn’t help but feel worried for his friend amidst the chaos that flared in his own body.  
Maybe there was more to the two guards relationship than he first noticed. Could it be so, that Jisung had developed more than just lust for the other, more than just the physical need that Chris recognised with Felix so much? That he might actually feel more than the affection that tugged on Chris heartstrings as well? He suddenly felt even worse about the reckless words he’d used that morning. Realising with a sharp tug that he had been projecting his own uncertainty on the relationship between the two guards.   
Nevertheless- they were really fucked, both of them, weren’t they?

-

Jisung swallowed hard. Felt how tears burned in his eyes and almost skipped for air to let it down to his lungs. Minho had been as pleasant as always throughout the dinner. Talked to him with easy, playful words, being as smooth as a coursing river, as usual, gave him winks behind his glass of wine, swirled the fork around his tongue with a small smirk and Jisung hated that it took it breath away. Hated the warmth that settled in the pit of his stomach because _he_ knew that Minho knew just _how_ easily he followed his every move like a mouse after a pied piper. Hated that the other might be doing it to pull off the same kind of devilish plan that Felix had for Chris. Hated that Minho might just be fucking around with him. That Minho might’ve slept with him just to laugh about it later. That he might’ve told everything to the crown prince and the Lord of Arcos the next morning… About Jisung’s inexperience. About his lack of knowledge… the food seemed to grow in his mouth while his thoughts spiralled out of control and he took a big gulp of wine to swallow it all down.

“Are you alright?” Minho asked, with a small confused smile that curled his lips so perfectly that Jisung felt his heart ache.  
“I’m fine” he nearly choked out. Throat dry from the red grape and head woozy while he tried his best with his assurance and glanced at the other shortly before he looked down at his food again.   
“Really?” Minho had pressed on and Jisung felt how he was still staring at him with unwavering eyes. 

He looked up at the people around them, scared that someone would notice their strange exchange and question it. But no one among the tales batted an eye- everyone was too engrossed in conversations about today’s games, the welfare of the king of Steilerbenia, the wedding that would be held tomorrow…  
Right. The wedding. _Shit_. The fact that Minho would only be in his presence for another three days shook through him and panic raised up in his body like a thermometer in boiling water. _Fuck it all to hell._

“Can you tell me something?” Jisung asked before he could stop himself and Minho hummed softly back, “was your whole plan to really just get me in bed and then move on?” his words were nothing more than a mumble but Minho had heard him because he met his gaze again with a confused gaze.  
He had paused in the movement of bringing a loaf of bread to his mouth and gently placed it down on the table again, a small unclear smile stretched on his lips, but it didn’t hold any joy.   
“What do you mean?” he had asked then and Jisung chewed on his inner cheek, heart thumping away in his chest,  
“Just what I said. Chris… told me about the way that His Royal Highness has acted towards him. That he has played him for days, acting like a complete shithead and worse than any godforsaken-” Minho gave him a short look that made him quiet down again and Jisung only clenched his teeth hard to prevent any more curses from falling out towards the crown prince,  
“I-” Minho had started but was then immediately interrupted by the said prince. 

Felix only gave them a regretful glance and Minho let go of his fork, stood up without another word and Jisung felt how his heart sank like a stone to the bottom of his stomach when he walked away without even a glance back at him. Was it true then? His fear that Minho only had caused him harm as well. That the sweet nothings that had been whispered between them, the ferocious kisses in empty corners of the castle, the subtle touches when no one else saw, the sounds they both made when they moved in unison, chasing the little death together…   
And that’s when he started to feel like tearing up. Was it all fake? Was it all just a way for Minho to get his way with him? To use whenever he felt like. Devil curse him but dear fucking God… If _he_ wasn’t the one who’d time and time again had been the one bending the other backwards, over a table, across his bed or with his ass up high and face pressed down against a pillow to soften the hushed cries of pleasure that shook him- Jisung would feel _a lot_ dirtier than he already felt. 

“Let’s go” a voice awakened his chariot of uncontrollable thoughts and he looked up, met Chris’ eyes and felt remorse stab again and again at his heart.  
Was he really that deep in his own insecure feelings that he hadn’t even noticed his friend raise and walk towards him? Not only was he the worst friend ever for bringing Felix and his guards closer to Chris by involving himself with Minho- but he was also the worst lifeguard. Anything could’ve happened while he was so deep in thought. Hundreds of royals and aristocrats of different houses and alliances sat among them. But alliances was just words on a paper and Chris, being a prince that relied on only Jisung himself and Changbin to protect him, could’ve been assassinated before he’d even noticed it,

“I’m sorry” he stood up, bowed deeply and quick enough for his chair to scrape against the tiled floor, causing some guests nearby to glance at him with curious eyes while Chris gently shook his head,  
“Don’t be” he just said with a small smile and nodded to Changbin who just as quickly joined up at his heels when he started walking again.   
They walked in silence, back towards Chris’ tower and Jisung could just feel on his friend that he was dying to speak. They made it to the stairs until he finally said something though and when Jisung noticed that the words were supposed to be directed at him, he felt more than grateful,

“I was wrong this morning” Chris exhaled and gave him a small smile, “and you were right. Right to feel what I know that you are feeling. Right to, despite the near impossibility to ever make it work, be in love” Jisung opened his mouth to protest against the powerful words but Chris just silenced him again with a small shake of his head, “I knew that you wanted to say something against that… ‘in love’ but they are true. They are true in every sense” he took a deep breath, “I was wrong this morning because I think that he feels the same. I think that if you both wanted it, you’d make it work. I see the way he looks at you, the way you look at him… and I was wrong this morning because I tried to save you from the same heartbreak that I have experienced when it’s clear that we both have undergone entirely different trials” he placed his hand on Jisung’s shoulder and gave it a small squeeze, “and I want you to be happy. He can make you happy. He _will_ make you happy if you give him that chance”  
Jisung felt his heart constrict. If Chris believed in him… if he saw what Jisung himself had only hoped in… then… he looked over at Changbin who let out a small scoff,

“Well…” he cleared his throat and looked a bit bothered, “I gotta say that I’m worried because-” he cleared his throat, “Of course I am. You’re my best friend, my brother in arms, my daughter’s godfather and I’ll protect you until I physically won’t be able to do so anymore…” he paused and sighed deeply before his lips stretched out in a big smile, “But of course you deserve to be happy, I have no idea how you’ll be able to even be together but if he truly feels the same about you…” he received a short scolding glance from Chris, “Which I _know_ that he obviously does- I suppose you’ll find a way” 

Jisung couldn’t hold back the tears this time and pulled Changbin into a big bear hug, nearly confined him in a chokehold and Chris let out a small burst of laughter at the way Changbin let out a weak, “Hey, I didn’t ask for you to kill me, let me go” while he struggled in his grasp.   
But Jisung only held him tighter and felt how the two of them got enveloped by Chris as well. They held each other like that for a few moments, until Changbin stopped struggling and only chuckled softly, brushed away Jisung’s tears with a white napkin he must’ve accidentally stolen from the banquet and Jisung scrunched his nose up at him before he stuck his tongue out and they let each other go.   
“Promise you’ll tell him before tomorrow?” Chris urged and Jisung nodded, more certain of his feelings than ever. Thankful for his friends, now just like so many times before. 


	17. Veritate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my darlings! ♥ I have a ko-fi if you want to support me with something else than comments and kudos. All support will go into a saving account for my daughter 🤗 I hope to be able to take commissions in the future too and would love to know if any of you are interested ♥
> 
> Chapter name meaning: Truth

He shouldn’t feel so nervous. He was certain… right? He raised his hand, forced himself to knock and then held his breath when he heard shuffling on the other side. Minho had barely changed out of his clothes, only the first layer of leather had been removed and the chain mail still hung heavily on his body when he opened the door.   
“Oh… hi...” he said, almost a bit hesitant when he noticed who stood at the other side.  
“Hi” Jisung answered, heart ticking away in his chest and fought the immediate need to fiddle with his own fingers when silence laid above them,  
“Was it uh- something you… wanted?” Minho continued with a small patient smile and Jisung opened his mouth but found that no noise came out,   
“Or… perhaps there’s something special on your mind?” Minho’s smile quickly turned playful and he tapped gently on the doorframe with his fingers, almost like he had to fight back the feeling of just pulling Jisung into the room.

The smile on Minho’s lips was something he recognized all too well by now though and like a clockwork that was set for alarm, a familiar feeling settled in the pit of his stomach. Thoughts of the two of them flooded his brain with captured memories and he swallowed hard. _Fuck_. He wanted to forget about his feelings. The words he needed to say and the heavy emotions that tugged on his heartstrings. Just lock his arms around Minho’s lithe waist. Pull him in for a kiss, close the door behind them and fall into the dazzling, smouldering passion they both desired so bad from each other.   
But no… He had to do this, _needed_ to do this.

“I uh…” he tried again, unsure of where to start and Minho gave him another small smile- one even more devilish than the previous one,  
“Yes?” he hushed out, like a viper ready to jolt forward and dig its fangs into his neck and… and- _Minho’s lips on his throat, his hushed breaths against his ear, his naked skin underneath Jisung’s fingertips_ ,  
“I wanted to- wanted to” Jisung tried to pull away from his own thoughts, started again and watched how Minho glanced behind him to make sure that no one was watching before he gripped his hand and pulled him into his room. 

Fuck. He was so warm. So soft underneath him. Brown hair tickled in his face from the quick, close movement and the hand that still held his was so nice that Jisung would himself stammering again,  
“Cat got your tongue, sweetheart?” Minho teased with a slightly amused voice while he circled his fingers around his hip bones, closed the door behind them with a gentle push of his foot and Jisung swallowed hard,   
“No, I- I mean. I wanted to uh- to speak with you” he started again but found how his words were getting more and more jumbled in his mind when Minho pressed his body closer to his.

They were both still wearing armour but Jisung had felt his skin against his own enough times by now to know how Minho felt without it. Knew how good it felt when his muscles moved under his touch, how wonderful his abdomen constricted in his hands, how the swell of his cock felt against his thigh, how good it felt to be- no. He was here to talk. Nothing else.  
“Well… we _did_ get interrupted earlier” Minho breathed against his throat, “Sorry for that” he pressed a small, hot kiss against his jugular, “it seemed to be quite a serious subject that you started as well” his tongue flicked out to taste the spot there- the traces of rainwater, the saltiness of sweat and Jisung fought through a haze to pick down his swirling thoughts from above his head, tried his best with putting words together into a sentence that would make sense.

“Minho I- I was serious back then” he braced himself, grabbed a hold of the other’s shoulders and pulled him off his body, clenched his jaw when he heard how Minho inhaled with a surprised gasp while he was suddenly manhandled away, “I need to know, and I’m sorry, but I’m not even gonna give you the courtesy of being polite-” he looked up and met the other’s gaze. Tried to not fully break down when he met his puzzled, hurt expression, “Have you been using me? Was your aim to just get me into bed or-” he wet his lips, “or is there something else? Is there _more_ between us?”   
He felt how his heart thumped away in his chest like he was just a small, tiny rodent and Minho was the cat that could either just play around with him a bit and then spare him or swallow him whole without remorse. 

“ _Really_?” Minho seemed taken aback, “this is what has troubled you all day? If the thing that we have is just me using you or if I actually like you?” he continued and took a quick step back, out of Jisung’s grasp.   
Watched him with a mixed expression between disbelief and revolt. Jisung nodded and swallowed hard when Minho first let out a small chuckle that quickly grew into a burst of laughter. He felt how his breath got caught in his throat and his heart sunk to the bottom of his stomach again when Minho slapped his knee like he just heard the joke of the century, shaking his head and Jisung felt tears burn in his eyes again. This was it then. How stupid could he be? Of course the small spark he’d felt coming from the other had been nothing more than attraction. The small, sweet-talking had been to soften him up and the hushed hungry kisses had been because Jisung was… well… easy. _He was easy._

A small mouse in the tall grass, thinking that he had hidden his heart well enough, but still not enough for the trained killer to strike him down, punch him down unconscious and then be awakened to the process of being carefully chewed to death. He felt how his knees grew weak, how his arms seemed to become heavier and he only pulled a pained grimace before slowly started to turn around.

“I really can’t believe you. Jisung of house Han” Minho stopped laughing and sighed deeply, scoffed, paused him in his movement and made him turn around again, “You’re a good fighter. Strong. Able minded, able-bodied, with a great soul. A sublime warmth in your heart that is rare these days. A good man. A great lover. A perfect apprentice. An extraordinary listener. But still…” he paused and stared him down and Jisung could swear, if his own vision wouldn’t be so blurry, that the other’s eyes were turning glossy as well, “You so _fucking_ thick-headed that it hurts me” his lips tugged down in a thin line, “ _Using you_? Really? That’s the best insult you could come up with? Why? And if there’s more between us?” he sighed and Jisung could see how he was basically shaking with anger by now, “ _More between us_? Have you not felt the same as me? Or are you just in too much denial to understand the truth?”

Jisung was confused. He could see that Minho was clearly hurting, nearly heaving with exhaustion to not just punch him in the face by now,   
“What are you talking about?” he asked and Minho took another step back, looking like something actually snapped inside of him.  
“What am... what am _I_ talking about? Don’t tell me… are you fucking serious?” he asked with complete shock on his face and Jisung swallowed hard before nodding.

The slap across his face was unexpected and he staggered back a bit. He’d been slapped before, but that had been by a lady who he had mistaken for someone else on a very drunken night. Minho, on the other hand, was maybe not much heavier and just slightly taller, but he was much stronger, with an intention to hurt him much more. Jisung gasped for air from the surprise and had to inhale sharply before he met the other’s eyes again, hand on his cheek as a pure reflex,

“You’re such a fucking idiot, you know that!?” Minho spluttered out, “ _Of course_ there’s something between us. I’m _in love_ with you, you stupid moron, and I’m not even afraid to say so despite the short amount of time we’ve spent together. I have never experienced what I feel with you with anyone else. The way that I feel every time I simply talk to you and it makes my day, the way I feel when I hold you and my whole body just sings… and then every time I kiss you and it feels like I can finally catch my breath between the puffs of air you exhale… _fuck_ , every god damn time you’re so deep into me that it takes my breath away and you look at me with eyebrows that are furrowed with concentration, a mouth that has fallen open with those small, sweet gasps of yours slipping out and eyes that are so full of adoration that I feel my heart skip in my chest every time like I’m a young lady who experiences my first love” he stopped the rant with a deep breath, looked away, red as a sunkissed apple in the face and Jisung felt his whole chest constrict again. 

But this time it was because of happiness and he felt how tears streamed down his cheeks with relief. He reached out towards Minho, gently brushed his cheek, wiped some of the tears that had stained it as well and the other flinched slightly at his touch before he leaned into it, inhaled sharply and closed his eyes and Jisung felt how more tears wet his fingers when he gently cupped Minho’s cheek and closed the distance between them.  
“I love you too, I’m not afraid to say so either. I don’t know how it happened, but the mere thought that- that we were just fucking for the joy of it was… it hurt” Jisung breathed out and pressed his forehead against Minho’s. 

Allowed himself to breathe the same air as him for a few seconds before he leaned forward and carefully slotted their lips together and it felt like putting back a puzzle piece that he’d been missing. A part of himself that he needed. A lost soul that had hooked itself into his own these past days. He felt complete again. 

His mother used to tell him old fairy-tales when he was younger and despite them following one God as the almighty father, he loved hearing about the stories from ancient Greece, the history of the Olympian Gods. He loved, in particular, the story that Plato told through ‘the Symposium’ about when Zeus created men. Men in their original form with four legs, four arms and two heads. But Zeus, being the dick head he was, quickly realised that the humans were too powerful in that form and forced them apart in the middle, condemning them for the sole reason that they felt a bit threatened (nothing surprising here, that was basically the plot to all of the histories about the Greek gods… that and a lot of Zeus just fucking things and fucking things up) to forever search for their other half.   
Jisung had never fully believed in what his mother used to call soulmates. He thought it was a nice story, a scenario that all people dreamed off- to find their twin flame, their partner for life. His mother had of course, as any other mother would do, promised that Jisung would find his soulmate as well, and since they were a God-fearing household- his soulmate would be a Lady. A Lady that would be just as strong-minded and beautiful as Jisung imagined. That she would be able to talk to his heart without him even saying a word. That she’d make his whole body sing whenever they spend time together. For true love was just as extraordinary as a fantasy, just as heart-wrenching as a nightmare and just as giving as life itself. Because having a soulmate was like never losing a home and always feeling safe since home wasn’t a place but rather a person.

But Jisung, evidently, hadn’t found a Lady- he’d found a Lord. A Lord that was just as strong-minded and beautiful like his mother had promised though. A Lord that took his breath away, stole it with a swipe of his tongue across his lower lip. A Lord that made his heart ache when he held him tighter, whispered “I love you, I love you, I love you” against his throat like a mantra. A Lord that made his stomach run with somersault when he pressed kisses underneath his ear, fingers finding the hidden crevices in his armour to reach to his naked skin. 

Soulmates was a silly word, Jisung thought to themselves. Because it didn’t feel like the emotions that surged him stopped at his soul and nothing about the two of them felt like something as simple as just the animalistic word for a couple. It was more than that. His whole body was ablaze, jolting when pleasure made his skin prickle with need. Pulsated when Minho dropped to his knees, undid the buttons that held his pants together and took him in his mouth without hesitation. Jisung’s finger’s immediately combed through brown hair, swirled the locks around his fingertips and tugged hard when Minho closed his hand around him as well. 

Curses fell from his lips and his head rolled back when the warmth of the other’s mouth fully enveloped him. Dear God, how could he ever doubt this? Minho wasn’t just sucking him off to make Jisung hard enough to fuck him, he sucked him off because he wanted Jisung to feel good, for Jisung to feel the amount of shimmer behind his closed eyelids as he did at the moment. His heart might actually jump out of his chest from the hard tugging that happened to it every time Minho would look up upon him behind dark lashes, lips curling up in a smile around him when Jisung would let out another choked up moan before he swirled his tongue around the head, hallowed his cheeks and then swallowed hard around him. 

“Come here” he urged and gently pulled on Minho’s arm to pull him up again,   
Closed his arms around him and held him tight, kissed his lips with such ferocity that his head was spinning. They quickly discarded their clothes, chain mail mixing with leather protection and nearly shy, excited giggles spread between them while piece after piece hit the wooden floor. They stepped out of their boots, pulled their undershirts over their heads and Jisung felt emotions rise in his throat again. He’d know that Minho was handsome for some time now, gorgeous even, and now- for the first time ever, he actually paused and observed him instead of just jumping him without a second thought. 

He had taken some time to appreciate him the first time they laid but this… For Minho to just stand there, breath in his throat as well while he watched Jisung as well, observed every jut of bone, every swell of muscle, every fine hair that covered him. No… Minho wasn’t just handsome, and gorgeous didn’t even seem to make him justice. He was truly like a piece of art. Unlike anyone or anything Jisung had even laid his eyes on, biceps bulging from wielding the long Halberd, thighs thick from the way he had learned to dance around his enemies, abs from hard, intense training and if Jisung wasn’t so confident in his own body, and the fact that he was pretty damn fit as well, he’d felt his own ego blow away like a low cloud in the sky.

“Like what you see?” Minho asked with a small smirk and Jisung let out a small chuckle,   
“You know I do. I wouldn’t be so hard and twitching if I wasn’t, right?” Jisung answered and felt pride raise in his chest when Minho’s cheeks dusted pink,   
“Such dirty words… and you kiss me with that mouth?” he asked and approached him again, nearly tiptoeing with a playful smirk,   
“Because you love this mouth” Jisung answered, which pulled a small, deep scoff from Minho’s throat,   
“I do… but at the moment, I love your cock more” he leaned forward, swiftly placed a delicate kiss on his lips and then laid down on the bed, not even needing to motion for Jisung to join him before he laid down on him. 

“I can’t believe that you thought I was only using you” Minho mumbled and circled his legs around Jisung’s hips to pull him closer, “Felix is one of my best friends. My cousin by blood and brother by honour and I’d do anything for him but God save his soul- he is such an idiot. Constantly scared of stepping wrong, if his crown is sitting ajar on his head, if his clothes are perfect, if that even thicker prince you’ve sworn the oath to is noticing all those things and- uh” Minho let out a heavy sigh and traced a gentle thumb over Jisung’s collarbone before he raised his hand to cup his face instead, “But that’s for them to figure out. Whenever they’ll do that… but we’re lucky, aren’t we?”  
“We’re lucky” Jisung repeated and felt how the words resonated with his entire being.

They were lucky, completely floating on clouds and unsure how they’ll ever be able to be together for real… but that would be tomorrow's problems. Right now there were more important things on hand. Like the burning desire that flowed like lava in the pits of their bellies. The love that squeezed their hearts- like an invisible silk thread that had sneaked it’s way between their ribs and knotted itself around their heartstrings, tugging whenever they pulled away too far and singing with the tune of devotion every time they grew closer. 

Minho’s face contorted into one of utter ecstasy when Jisung finally entered him, pulling on his thighs until they were placed on his shoulders, grasping at his waist, pushing his thumbs into his skin and created tiny crescent moons there. They held onto each other when they shook together, hips jolting, thrusting and riding until goosebumps enveloped them and they fell, from the cliff they both had been leaning over, in each other’s arms, down into the warm void below.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [](https://ko-fi.com/E1E4207M2) https://ko-fi.com/yellow_beacon  
> Much love to all of you ♥


	18. Coniunctio

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This chapter marks the end of part 1 and I really hope you enjoy this fanfic so far! I hate to be begging for comments, haha 🤭 but if you want to, I'd love to know your favourite moment through these first chapters ♥ It might be the smallest thing but I really love to read everything you write back to me!  
> Chapter name meaning: Conjunction

He stared at himself in the mirror. Tried not to pull a grimace at his own reflection while Ellyn secured the buttons on his waistcoat with trembling hands. The pristine white, laced under blouse was ruffled to the max and he felt like a bird with a poofy chest while he placed his hand on the layered fabric over his chest. Ellyn only gave him a small, slightly amused chuckle before she turned to fetch his frock coat and he lowered slightly to help her put it on his shoulders. She swallowed hard, tired from carrying around the heavy fabric while starting with the buttons on that as well. Scoffed a bit, annoyed when her fingers kept slipping over the nub of the button and Chris stopped her desperate attempts after she’d unsuccessfully tried the same one three times. Gently closing his hands over hers and gave her a soft smile while he met her eyes,

“Forgive me-” she said, broke their gaze and cleared her throat, a bit bothered, “My hands don’t work like they used to”   
“No need to worry about it” he answered and finished the rest of them while Ellyn fetched his boots, dusted off his shoulder and then gave him a proud smile in the mirror,  
“Forgive my lack of sensibility but… I wish your mother would’ve seen you right now. Her Christopher. So handsome and strong” her eyes teared up a bit and Chris felt his heart jolt with sharp pain, both from her words and seeing the old woman cry, “she would’ve been so proud of you… seeing you like this”   
“I miss her too” Chris answered and took Ellyn’s hands in his again, gave them a warm squeeze and she looked back at him with tears gently rolling down her cheeks,   
“You’re a good man, Christopher. She knew that. I know that”   
“Thank you. It still means a lot that you are here. You have known me for longer than her after all” he answered and winked to put her in a better mood and she scoffed softly while a small smile tugged on her lips, gently patted away at her cheeks with the pads of her fingertips and then sighed,  
“No more tears now, let’s get you ready”

She lifted the heavy robe that would complete the outfit from its hanger and he lowered once again to allow her to put it on him. The clothes were ivory with golden and silver details, a tapestry woven with a light blue and white silk, matching pants in the same fabric and Chris had to straighten up properly to not slump over because of the heaviness of the layer upon layer of fabric. Ellyn gave him another smile and he smiled back before he lowered himself again to allow her to put the thin, delicate golden circlet crown that he’d only worn once before; his mother’s funeral.

A prince stared back at him in the mirror now. Not just Christopher- the adopted boy who had nothing more than the stories of his bravery on his back- but someone who would be able to rule a fortress and command forces in the patch of land he and his lady would inherit. Someone who will be able to be a good husband and even a father in the future. Someone who could’ve been king. Ellyn was beaming behind him and he felt a small blush on his cheeks when he realised that she’d seen how he’d admired himself.   
“Are you ready?” she asked just as the church bells outside rang- to call everyone for the sermon,  
“No” he answered but still gave her a nervous smile, “I don’t think I’ll ever be”  
“That’s good” she answered and gave him a stern nod, “it’s important to have ice in your stomach at times like these”

He gave her another nod and then turned around to begin the descent down the stairs. Jisung and Changbin waited for him at the bottom, dressed in a finer attire as well and Chris rolled his eyes when the two of them choked up on their chuckles at his new, sublime clothes and straight back. A small company of men; his shield brothers and servant boys he’d known his whole life joined up with them in the great hall where the wedding preparations were in full speed to be able to finish on time. They all slapped him in the back, sang him rowdy songs and gave him a strong concoction of ale and spirits to calm his nerves.

But he barely got to taste it when the church bells suddenly rang yet again to welcome the bride and groom and Chris’ group of friends got in a hurry, pulled his drink from his hand, nearly carried him down the stairs, through the courtyard, garden and the gates and the commoners on the big marketplace cheered loudly for him while they walked over at the church across the town square.   
Normally, the wedding would be held outside, with the people of the city witnessing the union and then the couple- as man and wife- would enter. Lady Isabel wanted differently though and Chris remembered father Letholdus face when she claimed that her marriage would take place inside- not with the commoners but only those with the same pure, blue blood that ran through her own veins. 

So, therefore- only Jisung and Changbin would be allowed in, simply because they were his guards while the rest- the shield brothers and servant boys- would wait outside and back at the castle. They entered the large doors and the whole church seemed empty from the surprisingly small amount of people there. He nodded to the churchwarden, who sent him a small smile back. Met eyes with Father Letholdus and gently shook his hand, quickly followed by Changbin and Jisung who did the same.

“Your Lady is most peculiar, Chris” he started and gripped his bible tighter, “She gave me clear instructions and though I dislike straying away from the holy matrimony, I guess some changes for a princess won’t hurt” he winked and Chris couldn’t help but feel a bit bothered for his bride’s sake.   
But the father didn’t add anything else and only raised his hand forward, “Please, we’re about to start. If you could wait at the altar, your betrothed will be here at any minute”

Chris nodded, took a deep breath and then walked the short lane down to the altar. Nodded to the guests down the path while Changbin and Jisung walked five steps behind him.   
Lady Isabel had really handpicked out the biggest names of the over 200 guests. All the way from the sweet crown prince of Stoding- Seungmin of house Kim was it? The boy sat comfortably with a bible in hand, much more in his element now than down at the arena- to the big, harsh looking emperor of the Stokholtian empire just south of Hinosia who sat several seats away from him, disgust in his face from being so close to the young boy and Chris put down a mental note that he’d have to ask Jisung about the reason why later. It couldn’t be that all royals detested Seungmin just because he didn’t enjoy wearing a weapon, right? 

The old queen of the Principality of Solnesland sat a few rows down, surrounded by her many daughters and a few knights, all dressed in light, pastel colours that didn’t had a single discolouration on them, large silver crowns on their heads and their curly dark hair flowed down heavily on their backs. The knights looked like they were wearing silver as well and Chris would’ve thought they were statues if they didn’t follow him with their eyes. 

The young crown princess and her father; the king of the Principality of Erek, were there as well, wearing a dress that was nearly as dark as her skin and Chris couldn’t help but smile- the princess couldn’t be more than 10 but he could already see the future queen in the warm but adamant stare he received from her. 

The king from Burtistan and his rival; the empress of Kapukia were currently… well… not at war but there was a clear tension since their two children had apparently tried to start an affair without their parents knowing. They both felt uncomfortable with leaving their countries but had wished Chris very well with his marriage. The rest of the seats in the church were filled with knights, dames and lifeguards. But there were still significantly fewer people than Chris first expected. 

Jisung and Changbin sat down on the front row, next to Lady Thea’s lifeguards and it felt like he had to wait forever at the altar, feeling how sweat was creeping down his back in the warm summer’s day until, finally, the church bells rang again to signify the arrival of the bride. Something churned in Chris' stomach. Like butterflies, except these butterflies had eaten stones instead of nectar and they kept bumping into the side of his stomach. The pipe organ started and Chris held his breath when the doors were opened and a gorgeous beauty that he really should be used to by now walked through the arch with a small, timid smile curling on a pair of lips that he, still in his soul, couldn’t wait to kiss. Dressed in white ivory, with similar kinds of silver details that Chris had on his own clothes, woven with a deep blue silk thread that rained a tapestry over the midbody, a floral detail in foam green down the arms, dark eyes surrounded by dark lashes and the sight took Chris’ breath away.  
Felix looked amazing, as enchanting as a fairy tale and as stunning as the dawning day when it cast the first beams on the morning dew dropped on the flowers of his mother’s roses. With that stupid fucking grin on his face when he noticed that Chris was staring and he had to manually take a deep breath and tear his gaze away when they were nearing. Lady Isabel looked gorgeous as well, but her beauty faded next to her brother and Chris couldn’t help but feel something tug on his heart. Unsure of where the pain originated. 

They were just a step away now and Felix gently reached out and grabbed his hand. Energy surged like electricity between them when they touched and Chris flinched just slightly while the grip only loosened a little when the crown prince must’ve felt the same. Chris took another breath, swallowed when Felix grabbed his sister’s hand as well and placed it over Chris’. It was delicate, smooth, with carefully filed down nails, adorned with painted silver flowers and fit quite perfectly where it was but… but.  
Felix gave them both a smile, “Don’t judge her for my mistakes” he hushed out in a low whisper and gave Chris another smile before he released his hand, walked down the steps again and joined next to Chris’ father on the front row, deliberately placing himself with a gap between himself and Jisung. Hyunjin and Minho followed in his every step and Chris couldn’t help but feel a smile tug in the corner of his lips when Jisung gave Minho a wink before the latter sat down next to him, replicating the same move. He felt easiness in the pit of his stomach at that, relieved that the two must’ve talked things out. 

Father Letholdus soon joined them at the altar and his thoughts got interrupted by his voice, “We have gathered here today to see the union between Christopher of house Westspire and Isabel of house Ashdown-Lee. To union them and their lands as husband and wife and form an alliance between Hinosia and Oranobia. Firstly, is there anyone who has a reason why these two young people shouldn’t marry today?”   
He paused, looked down over the crowd who stayed silent while peeking around with curious eyes at the rest of the rows of royalties. Chris glanced at Felix, slightly intrigued if he had reacted at all. Or… well… that’s what he tried to convince himself off. Maybe a part of him wanted the other to protest. To claim the things that had happened between them this week and that it all had meant so much more. To prove to him that the fears that he had in his heart were just that- fears. That Felix had wanted him too. Their gazes met and Felix only smiled, like he knew what Chris was thinking.   
“Christopher, Isabel- do you have a reason not to marry?” Father Letholdus continued and drilled his eyes into them next. Chris swallowed but shook his head. 

With just Felix as the slightest diversion and the fact that he used to have a lover, he had never done anything that would taint his body and soul. He could care less about what lady Isabel had experienced as well- a part of him rather hoped that she had already laid with someone so they could skip the awkwardness of having to talk it through.   
“Good-” the father said shortly at that before he placed his hand on the bible in front of him, “Prince Christopher, son of Storth Bang and Mareike Auelin, will you have Princess Isabel, daughter of Cassius Ashdown and Dimia Lee as your lawfully wedded wife, will you love her, and honour her, keep her and guard her, in health and in sickness, as a husband should a wife, and forsaking all others on account of her, and keep yourself only onto her, as long as you both live?”  
“I will” Chris answered quickly, so that he didn’t have to think about what he just accepted.   
He felt his heart pound in his ears and it fluttered against his ribs- like a hummingbird in a cage, unable to escape at all while Father Letholdus repeated his verse to the lady at his side.   
“I will” she answered and Chris nearly flinched when Felix quickly joined up at their side again and fished out two rings from his front pocket. 

Shortly met his eyes before the rings were handed to the father. Tried to see if there was anything in those eyes. Regret at what was happening? Any pain at all because Chris wouldn’t be his to play with after the ceremony would be over.   
Any… Anything at all?   
But Felix only gave him another polite smile before he turned to sit down again and Chris swallowed while turning as well. Watched while the Father blessed the rings, handled them back and Chris swallowed hard again when the golden band was getting closed tight around his finger. He repeated the action and Lady Isabel took his hand in hers and he glanced up at her while putting the ring around her finger, a bit taken aback. 

She gave him a smile that was supposed to be warm but Chris couldn’t feel it. Instead, he felt something stir in his stomach... an uncomfortable twirl of nausea that seemed to raise towards his head. She gently squeezed his hand and he looked up again to realise that he was supposed to bow down. Father Letholdus gave him a soft smile while they both slowly kneeled and Chris felt his cheeks heathen up from embarrassment while he got blessed with holy water pressed onto his forehead.   
“You shall now raise as husband and wife. The union is completed and you may share a kiss” the Father smiled at them and Chris felt himself nearly stumbling when he stood up again, took Isabel’s hands in his and just barely saw the bright smile on her lips and the brown of her eyes before she leaned forward and pressed their lips together. 

He almost staggered back in surprise but caught himself last second. The two siblings were alike in much, nearly copies of each other except for the colours of their hair and the fact that they were of different genders. One thing they shared though was the same shape of their lips and even though Felix’s were fuller- Chris couldn’t help where his mind was going when lady Isabel pressed closer to him.   
It turned him dizzy, the thought that this might be how it felt to be kissing him. Sent a shameful shiver down his back, a chill ghosting at his heart, squeezing his whole being like the ring around his finger.

The pipe organ started playing again and applauses had erupted from the royals on the rows next to them but Chris barely registered it. Lady Isabel held him close and fluttered her lashes at him with a small playful smile, “That wasn’t so bad, was it?” she asked low enough for only him to hear and he felt his ears heat up again.   
Did she know? About him and Felix and everything that had happened this week? It wouldn’t surprise him. Despite their differences, the two siblings seemed close and Felix might have said something. He sincerely didn’t hope so though, “Let’s go” Lady Isabel said and quickly led him down the small stairs before they walked down the middle again. They walked past Felix who didn’t even look up to see them and Chris once again felt something stir in his stomach. 

The church bells were ringing and Isabel nearly skipped next to him, eager to continue with the festivities. They walked out, and Chris nearly ducked with surprise at all the cheering people outside. All of them happy to finally see a union between two like-minded countries and hopefully avoid any potential war with the Diocese of Mongia.   
And Chris- felt… different. A feeling that he couldn’t pinpoint. Not necessarily bad but there was just something that nagged him, tugging at his soul like it was hooked at something and his whole being just didn’t want to follow the young woman locked with his own arm. Like he couldn’t move forward just yet. Something that gnawed at the back of his head like a mouse… was this it then? Was this what his life was supposed to turn out to be?   
He supposed that the feelings he had were going to get better when he’d get to know lady Isabel better. When they learn to become friends, partners, lovers. 

He swallowed, nearly physically felt a pair of eyes staring at him and turned around as a reflex, met Felix's strong gaze and quickly looked away again.   
_Lovers…_   
It still felt weird. This week. This amount of time they’ve had together. The long walks through the castle gardens. The way they had so casually talked, flirted, playfully started up fights just to get an excuse to throw in a punch or shove the other away when a joke got a bit too raunchy. They way they had each other in their minds at all times.  
The way that Chris _knew_ just how much Felix knew.

And then the way it was right now.  
Like nothing had happened at all.   
Like Chris _hadn’t_ imagined Felix on his back, with his legs circled around Chris' waist, arms locked above his head and the back of his head so deeply burrowed into his pillow that his throat was completely exposed.   
Like Chris _hadn’t_ seen him- all of him- jerking off in a secluded broom closet, coming over his fingers with his brown eyes locked with Chris.   
Like Chris couldn’t shake off the fact that he still, so, _so fucking badly_ would want him like that.

Despite every fucked up moment between them. Despite the fact that his recklessness and lack of thinking ahead had hurt him so badly. It was like a high that he couldn’t get down from. Like Chris had found a lifelong supply of opium and he couldn’t stop taking more. Knowing that it would destroy him but still craved more because of the rush- of feeling Felix underneath his fingertips even if he couldn’t even touch his skin, hearing him burst out in laughter when Chris told another wild story from his youth and see the figure of him just walking next to him, with one hand locked behind his back in a constant stance of attention while the other rested on the thin sword at his side… That rush was just something he never wanted to go down from.

_Fuck._

He wanted to see him like that again. So lost in his own pleasure. Feel his skin underneath his fingertips. Hear the way he’d let out a row of breathy gasps while Chris moved inside of him, thrusting into that small, cute ass of his. Grip hard around his waist and press his dented fingernails into his skin. Taste his lips. Keep that eye contact while Felix mouth would fall open and-   
He sighed. Yeah... 

_He definitely wasn’t over it._

Lady Isabel gripped around his arm tighter while they walked through the garden, the courtyard, up the stairs and a buzz of jubilation met them while they walked into the grand hall. His father gave him a warm hug, something he hadn’t been able to do earlier at the church and Chris felt his heart swell at the sweet and rare gesture.   
“I’m proud of you son” he said and Chris swallowed hard, gave his little sister and baby brother a squeeze as well when they joined up to hug him, knowing with all of his heart that despite him being shunned away from his homeland and his biological family- all he has ever known and all he has ever needed was right here with him. With a father who loved him just as much as he loved Thea and Gavin. 

“Thank you” he answered and the king motioned for him to be seated in the middle of the honorary table. A place that usually was occupied by the most important people among the ones present but now served another purpose while a small line started in front of them.   
His lady was beaming from all the attention she received but he felt rather troubled with his lack of knowledge. Guest after guest, with an unknown name and unknown face passed by the table and congratulated them and Chris thanked them- without knowing who they were. Lady Isabel _did_ know, however, and he felt a bit more at ease when she took over and began thanking the guests instead, addressing them with names and asking small trivial questions about their homes and their families while Chris leaned back in his chair.

Food shortly arrived and that’s when he first noticed how hungry he was. All the commotion had certainly kept his mind busy and when everyone, included his father at his left next to Lady Isabel and Felix at his right (since the king of Steilerbenia had to be hurried back home and tend to his mutilated fingers) had sat down again and he just placed a large piece of steak on his plate, decorated it with vegetables and was about to raise his fork when a loud voice cut through the excitement and chatter in the great hall.

“Letter for the crown prince of Oranobia!”   
It was a courier and the man breathed heavily and nearly doubled over in exhaustion like he had run all the way from the other country while he waved a letter in his hand. Some servants immediately fetched him a glass of water which he gladly took, swallowed down and Chris watched while Felix raised up and walked over with cautious steps. Hyunjin walked two steps behind him with a crossbow in a tight grip and Minho one step ahead, the Halberd towering above them. He reached out and took the letter, handled it to Felix who frowned when he recognized the seal.   
He broke it and somehow, with the sudden interruption, the room had grown deadly quiet. Chris saw how he read the letter, frown only growing deeper until he was clenching his jaw and an unsettling grim toughness had settled in his face.

“Sister” he called out without looking up and Lady Isabel rolled her eyes before she stood up from her place.   
“Brother” she called out with a big, excessive smile,  
“Take your handmaidens with you and some servants to pack your bags. We’re going home”

A hum of surprised whispered flowed over the tables and Lady Isabel looked over them all with a face that became whiter with each passing second,   
“What do you mean we’re going home!?” she shouted out with a small chuckle of disbelief, “I’m just married. I need to stay here until morning to complete the binding between us”  
Chris wanted to sink down to the floor when his soon to be wife so casually talked about them having sex and Felix sighed deeply, glance switching from his sister to Chris and then braced himself,

“The king is dead. He couldn’t fight the illness any more and passed three days after our departure. Oranobia stands without a Monarch…”   
It was so quiet that a needle pin could’ve been heard and lady Isabel’s mouth fell open.  
“Don’t you see?” Felix asked with a solemn face and Chris felt how his lips had parted with surprise as well, “Father is dead, sister… and we need to go home” 


	19. Poenitet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter name meaning: Regret

Felix sighed deeply when a pair of familiar high towers came into view. The day was hot and seagulls laughed above them, some carrying fish in their beaks that they had snapped from the fisher’s stand in Weaver’s town on the other side of the city. The smell of seawater and blooming algae came wafting in the air and his sister scrunched her nose from the smell, arms crossed like a defiant toddler across her chest while she stared out the window of the horse carrier. 

He wanted to say something. Apologise, even though it wasn’t his fault that they had to be returned home. Try to explain, even though she already knew well enough, that she was still married, that the golden band around her finger was a promise and that there would be a time in the future when she would meet her husband again and they could finish the vow that still waited to be completed.   
But he didn’t say anything and just fiddled with his fingernails while looking out the other window and smiled at the commoners who waved their hands at them and their entourage, happy to see their arrival. He smiled back but couldn’t help but feel a bit bothered as well and a frown soon settled on his face. He had left his people as a prince, someone with the task to make sure that his sister would arrive safely to her betrothed and the two would be married and he had arrived back home a king in the making with a heavy heart- not because their cursed father finally could sit down and spend the rest of eternity feasting with the devil- but because he felt the exact same emotions as his sister. 

A sadness, a longing.

But he was certain that she didn’t feel half as bad as he did. She at least had a reason to feel the surge through her veins. The bitterness in her heart… and what did he have? Guilt because there were still so many words unsaid? Remorse at everything that had gone wrong?  
He sighed, gently brushed back his hair from the sweat on his forehead and slumped back in the seat.   
He liked to think of himself as someone who was used to being in control, to be able to assess a situation and make alterations according to the changes that were happening. To even be able to alternate himself according to the people he talked to, the way he acted, the way he spoke- not to paint a fake picture of himself but rather to convert a personality that seemed best with the person he communicated with.

He tried to do so with the king of Hinosia, tweaked out his most charming, pleasant smile and the king seemed to enjoy talking with him as much as Felix himself enjoyed talking to him. Tried and succeeded with the king’s children, the servant folk around the castle…   
Tried to do so with everyone this past week and never found trouble anywhere since everyone seemed to like him- the true, pleasant, kind-hearted crown prince he portrayed himself to be… and yet, he found himself faking a personality with one person in particular.

Christopher Westspire, just a few months older than himself, his sister's then fiancé and the biggest idiot he had ever met. He completely infuriated him, started up a flare of annoyance in his chest every time he looked Felix up and down and scoffed, as if he was pissed off by his mere existence from day one and they had met up in the back courtyard of the castle and Chris, barely dressed, came storming up to them and asked questions that spoke of his ignorance. 

Felix had been puzzled then, wondering where this anger came from and even though he had gotten it explained to him later (he had accidentally plucked one of the other man’s deceased mother’s favourite flowers) it was still confusing to see how bothered Chris seemed every time they locked eyes.   
Was _he_ the reason? he wondered at first. Was Chris just finding it troubling that he had arrived with his sister and he wanted her all to himself without anyone standing in the way? 

But then he had started to act strange, the very next day in fact, after Felix had spoken some badly chosen words and accidentally got into an argument with one of the prince’s guards. Tried to alleviate some tension by spilling the truth about his own guard and explained that their culture seemed to be different.   
How could he possibly have known that Hinosia didn’t share the same kind of open-hearted, dark humour that was so popular in Oranobia? Here, people laughed about the strangest things, mostly as a way to fight off the great depression that hit the people like a racing hoard of wild animals when the tension between them and Mongia started and their biggest trade partnership immediately broke off. 

Oranobia had the biggest gold mine in all of Azgaar, and though it wasn’t tough to sell off- they had to take a much more dangerous way through a large open desert with the active volcano of Mount Totsa smacked in the middle, to reach many of the neighbouring countries and the fact that Mongia, which had been comfortably easy to trade with, still refused to trade with them years later- finally hit the country hard.   
Therefore the idea to create an allegiance with the other neighbouring country of Hinosia had been born and the two children had met for the first time when Chris had been eleven and his sister had been nine. It had been too early to marry them both off by then and years passed quickly. King Cassius had been hesitating for long, not wanting to receive help at first because he was still convinced that Mongia would just give up in another few years.

“It’s their own damn fault for starting up unnecessary fucked up bullshit!” he had cursed at an advisor, “I swear, you can’t land a hand upon a woman nowadays without someone looking at you with judging eyes” and Felix had accidentally overheard the conversation, fifteen years old then and unsure if he’d be brave enough to storm through the door if the advisor's soft cry of pain wouldn’t lessen when strike upon strike was heard upon flesh. 

It wasn’t until a raging decease had taken a hold of the king’s body five years later when he finally called upon Felix and made him promise that he’d follow to Hinosia to make sure that the man his daughter was betrothed to hadn’t grown up to be a weakling, and if he was, his son was supposed to call off the wedding immediately.   
Felix had promised, simply because a part of him still feared the sickly thin and grey man on the cotton bed, swept into three layers of blankets despite it being hot enough in the room for Felix to feel sweat drip into the loose collar of his thin blouse. 

Maybe, he tried to reason with himself later- he had followed to make sure that his sister wouldn’t see the same fate as his mother Dimia, that the man that she would marry was an honourable, kind gentleman who’d never lay a hand on his wife. Maybe he wanted to make sure that despite his sister being completely spoiled rotten by everyone- from the castle servants to distant relatives because of what had happened to their mother and nearly to herself as well, her fiancé would never lose his temper and hurt her, even though he’d get crazy with her sometimes ridiculous high demands.   
What he didn’t expect to realise though, after day three in the castle on the hill overlooking the five districts of Elicstow, still with his blood thumping hours after the two of them had sparred, that the man his sister was supposed to marry was so much more than the angry young man with wild, curly brown hair and brown eyes that he first met. 

He fantasised about him that evening while laying in bed, the window open against the mountains in the far distance- opposite of the city below. Wished for them to pick up where they had left off, with Chris hands locking his wrist above his head and their faces close enough to kiss. He found himself wondering what the other man tasted like? How he would feel inside of him. Thoughts that he knew he shouldn’t have but still weren’t foreign to him since he couldn’t remember the last time when he didn’t find both men and women attractive. 

He wondered if the other man perhaps felt the same… he had felt _something_ that very much resembled a half hard cock poking at his thigh when they had laid tangled up together on the hard floor of the arena… and he had blushed awfully much when Felix had told him a small joke that revealed the fact that he had felt what Chris probably wanted to keep as a secret.   
So he decided to do a little experiment and paid the other prince an early visit after he had eaten breakfast the next day, to see if he could tease out a reaction. If Chris reacted in a way that would suggest that he got turned on by Felix small antics- he’d stop. He didn’t want to cross any lines and would see it only as a confident booster. A little something, just to tease, because nothing was funnier than seeing a completely straight male flush like a maiden while Felix worked his charm. 

But then Chris _had_ gotten turned on and Felix _had_ felt more confident than he had in months- years even. It was dangerous- the quick fluttering in his chest and the tightness in his stomach, like the other had put a spell on him as well.   
So dangerous in fact that when they walked through the city later in the day he couldn’t help but keep spreading more on top of the layer he had already laid down, even though he had promised himself not to- a small voice in his head urged him to keep pushing.

Something about the other prince made him feel… weird. A sharp stir in his stomach- more so than the usual kind of arousal he usually felt with men like him. A jolt of his joins that resonated with his emotions rather than just the physical attraction he felt. 

They had spent that entire day walking next to each other, down street after street in the city of Elicstow and Chris showed all of his favourite places to visit. Told him stories connected to them and then asked him follow up questions and damn it if Felix couldn’t stop himself from feeling how the childish, playful feelings he felt that morning had flared up like a wildfire at the time they walked back through the castle gates with the sunset at their backs and stomachs growling for a proper meal. 

He paid the young prince a visit later- to just talk to him, thank him for the day that had passed and try to figure out for himself if the weird twist in his stomach was because he was just horny and his body tried to fuck around with himself or if he’d been lonely for long enough that he was quickly falling for the amount of genuine attention he had received.   
What he _hadn’t_ expected while walking through the door though- was the man on his back, cock gently locked between two fingers and the most fucked out face he’d seen on anyone in a long time.   
Felix felt it then, that this, whatever the fuck had blossomed between them so dangerously quickly- was something that he just couldn’t let go and he had to… _needed_ to keep the ball rolling. He wasn’t expecting though for it to completely snowball so out of control.   
What was based on an immature curiosity of how far he could push things until Chris would just let go, smash him into the nearest surface and fuck the life out of him- turned way too quickly in a fatal game that had way too unfortunate outcomes. 

The very next day and he had nearly walked into the sweet maiden that Chris had as his own that late evening after the first day of tournaments. She had just left off a bundle of food at one of the guard’s family while he himself just turned around the corner of the castle to have a talk with him and explain what he wanted since the thick-headed prince just didn’t want to fall into his own temptations.   
She had apologised profusely, bowing her head and he had waved it away gently before asking why she was in such a hurry. She explained with a soft blush on her cheeks that the prince in the tower needed a change of bedsheets and she was about to fetch his old ones, whereupon Felix had let out a small chuckle and said with a wink that he was sure that they needed a change after the two of them had soiled them down a few times. Her eyes had turned big like saucers at that and she begged him not to tell anyone. 

Something had snapped inside him at that. Something that was so darkened by jealousy that he could barely think straight and a thought struck him like a lightning- why her? What was it that _she_ had that he didn’t? Why was _she_ the one who had gotten Chris wrapped around her little finger? Was _she_ really the reason why Chris couldn’t see further than his own nose? Why he couldn’t see the apparent attraction that the two shared? A tremor bounced off him and he gave her his most charming smile, loosened the knot of the pouch at his hip and weighed it in his hand.   
Asked her without hesitation and a small smile if 500 Chronos was enough to give him a taste of what Chris got to experience every day. She had glanced at the pouch then with a small frown on her face and he had wetted his lower lip, scoffed a bit and then thrust the pouch in her hand and promised that if she took them to a secluded place, gave him a blowjob that was just as good as she did Chris- she’d get the 700 that was in the pouch. She had swallowed hard at that, glanced up at the dimly lit up window in the tower, clenched her jaw and then gave him a bright smile and just nodded to make him follow her… 

He never expected Chris to find them there, in the small broom closet. Had never wanted him to find out. Never wanted to hurt him so bad. Never basically forced the kind, young woman to flee from the city. 

He just wanted to see why. If she was so amazing that the other prince apparently thought and how he could’ve used that to be able to seduce him better. If it was the way she sucked him off, what kind of technique she used- since it had to be something… right? Fueled by a ridiculous envy at what she had because he couldn’t get Chris out of his head. No matter how hard he tried, no matter how many times he nearly called for Hyunjin to follow him down to the nearest brothel to find relief elsewhere. 

Was it really that he had fallen for him? he wondered.   
Was it really that _he_ , Felix Ashdown-Lee who had never been in a relationship his entire life but had taken more lovers than all his cousins and shield-brothers combined- was falling in love with a young man who only cursed at his entire existence? 

He had tried to explain himself the second day of the tournaments… or well, first he once again just tried to conjure some sort of reaction from the other, to make him slam him down in the ground, pound him into a bloody mess to make him feel like he could even begin to forgive himself for all the fucked up mistakes he’s done the week that had passed.  
But Chris didn’t get angry. He was just sorrowful, craving an explanation for what had happened, and Felix _wanted_ to explain.  
Except he couldn’t. Because he didn’t understand either. How they could have gone from hating each other’s guts to finding some sort of friendship to wanting to bone each other every passing second to become absolutely devastating again- all in just a week. It exhausted him and Felix wanted nothing more than for Chris to just punch him in the face so that he could walk away with a scar but a significantly lighter heart.

That didn’t happen though and in the end, he just had to give up because Chris _still_ didn’t get it.   
Still couldn’t understand that Felix was turning himself inside out, _had_ been turning himself inside out this whole week. Spoken words he had never told anyone and put himself out on a silver platter for him, again and again, to make him _see_ … but Chris had done nothing more than just taken it, appreciated it and then left Felix on hold again.   
Had done nothing more than just rain down Felix with emotions he didn’t want. Feelings towards the other prince that were supposed to be reserved only for his sister to feel. Feeling he never thought he’d ever realised he could have for someone else. 

He realised, the night before the wedding, that he didn’t just want Chris to fuck him so hard his sight would blacken out. He wanted him to hold him when the night was the very darkest and he was so cold in his bed that his teeth were nearly shuddering and he hugged the sheets closer to his body. Wanted Chris to take the time to pause and count the freckles he had on his face- something he noticed quite quickly that the other prince probably wanted to do since he stared so adamantly at them at times. 

Was it really too much to ask to feel loved?   
To be admired and told so through words and not just get a quick stare at his ass or the narrowness of his waist? A quick shove against his arm to feel skin against skin and an excuse to touch and pull him close because that same shove nearly made him trip over. 

If Chris felt such an attraction to him, then why didn’t he just act upon them? If he had been sleeping around with that maiden and were planning to do so until the night of his marriage, it couldn’t be the fact that he was detested by the thought of cheating…   
Maybe it could be so simple that he was a man and Chris had never been with a man before? But then yet again, if he wanted to sleep with him, they would’ve figured it out, right? Not to mention that Felix had a _very_ broad knowledge of how exactly to do things right…   
He had been so confused. He was _still_ confused. Why things had gone the way they had and how the fuck he was supposed to act when they met again. _If_ they met again. 


	20. Solvere

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter name meaning: Release/depart from

It felt weird seeing someone you had feared for so long lie so still in his bed. Rigour Mortis had kicked in since the road between Elicstow and Oranobe lasted for six long days plus the more than a week's time that had passed before they had even received the letter that urged them to come home. Not even the perfect work of the chamberlains could stop the decaying from happening and sickly green and blue blisters had started to form on the body, the limbs had swollen up from gases and his sister breathed heavily into a jasmine sachet to keep herself from retching from the sweet smell of rotting flesh. 

The aromas from incense with strong herbs like mint and lavender, spices and fine white wine still laid heavily in the room from the embalming and Felix looked upon the man he once called father with mixed feelings in his heart. Relief- because the era of a tyrant had finally gotten to an end, happiness at the oncoming future but still detest at the fact that the man had gotten the peaceful rest he had wished for so long... and regret at the fact that Felix had so many moments when he could’ve ended it sooner.   
Just a quick flick of his wrist and the king would have tasted the steel from the rapier he had made as a gift for his son’s tenth birthday, the only gift Felix had ever received from him. It would’ve been so easy, since the king had slept so much, always so weak and fatigued… but he couldn’t… perhaps because he was too weak or a sick, fucked up and way too empathic part of him just couldn’t bring himself to kill the man. 

In the end, the king had died the perfect death. The way any other would wish to pass, with months of planning for his eventual passing, and even though he had grown more and more fragile, he still held his people; the servants in the castle, the commoners in Oranobe and the rest of Oranobia in a tight, unforgiving grip.

“When will he be buried?” Felix heard himself asking through the absolute silence and a chamberlain at his side bowed deep,  
“The funeral will be held tomorrow, now when you’ve said your goodbye”   
“No-” Felix said and felt how disgust raised like bile from his stomach, “No, this isn’t a goodbye” he continued, not even sparing the chamberlain a glance while he clenched his jaw, arms tensed up while his fingers fiddled with the sword at his side, felt how his skin tingle when he drew it and quickly slashed up a thin mark on his father’s cheek without hesitation, “This will be your mark when we meet in the afterlife… and if I have to fall from heaven to claim my revenge for what you did to my mother, then so be it” he sheathed the sword again, not even caring about the shocked faces of the chamberlains and the Father in the room when he turned to them again, “The funeral will be held tonight with a priest, two witnesses and myself. There will be no feast and no remembrance in his honour” he spitted out before turning on his heel, simply just letting his words be the command without hearing any complaints.

Hyunjin and Minho waited for him outside the room and he looked back at them shortly, watched when they gave him a small smile each and tried to smile back at them but it felt more like a grimace. They understood though, he was certain. They always seemed to do so. He walked seemingly without a destination at first, out from the castle, through the gates and into the city before he stopped at a door he hadn’t stopped by in a long time, unsure why his feet had led him here. He felt a hand on his shoulder, stopping him from what he was about to do and he looked back at Hyunjin's weary eyes behind his helmet. 

“Are you sure? You…” he started but Felix just shook his head,   
“I have nothing, it’s in the past now… and I need to get my head off things” he spoke with clenched up words before he opened the door and gave a big smile to the madame that welcomed him.   
The smell of rosewater, lilies, sandalwood and a whole bunch of scents that he couldn’t pinpoint came wafting in the air towards him and the madame immediately reached for the nearest girl next to her,  
“Your Royal Highness, what a pleasure to see you back with us. When did you arrive back from your journey?” she asked while tracing a ring clad finger over the revealed naked collarbone of the young woman next to her,  
“Just today” Felix answered, a bit distracted by the gorgeous figure of the woman.

She was rounder than what he usually went with, with soft curves that made the silk of her loose dress billow like a foamy, green waterfall, curly brown hair, brown eyes and he found himself quickly getting lost in them while the madame turned to the two guards,   
“Anything for you gentlemen?” 

But Felix couldn’t hear what the two replied while the woman led him up the stairs to a private room. She closed the door after them, reached out her hand and Felix cleared his throat, a bit awkward while he fished out a few gold coins out of the sachet at his waist. She gave him a playful smirk at that, winked and unravelled the thread around the front part of her dress before she gently stepped out of it, completely naked before him. He felt something tug in his lower stomach. A familiar arousal that he couldn’t help but fall headfirst into.   
“How do you wish to have me, Your Highness?” the woman asked with a honey-smooth voice and Felix licked his lower lip into his mouth, watched the swell of her breast, the roundness of her hips and bottom and let out a raspy,  
“It’s ‘Your Royal Highness’ for you… and on your knees”

The woman complied, nodded silently and then sat down on her knees, reached up to unbutton his pants with trained fingers and he let out a small gasp when she closed her hand around him. His eyelids immediately fluttered shut and he grabbed a fistful of her hair, unforgivingly twirled the curls around his fingers and swallowed hard when she didn’t hesitate before she closed her mouth around him. She worked him in silence, licked around the shaft, tugged on him but they both quickly noticed that something wasn’t right,   
“Umm… you’re not getting much harder, Your… Royal Highness. Should I uh… Do you want me to stop?”

Felix frowned and looked down on her and the half-hard cock in her hand. Usually, he’s hard and ready to go before the other person has even put their mouths on him. He felt embarrassed, cheeks flushed red and she gave him a bothered smile, “Perhaps if you insert it and feel how warm I am, it will decide to change its mind?” she tried and gave it a few more tugs,  
But the action just felt weird by now and he watched with a pained expression how his cock was already getting flaccid again and swallowed hard before swatting her hand away from him,  
“Get dressed again, take the money and just… don’t speak a word of what happened” he urged as a warning and the woman quickly pulled the dress over her head again, placed the gold coins in a hidden pocket inside it and then scurried out of the room. 

He felt disappointed, tucked himself back into his pants and frowned deeply. Poor girl. He hoped that she didn’t think it was because of her. He _wanted_ to get off. To forget everything for a few minutes and just sink back into the familiarity of a wet, warm woman. But his thoughts must be elsewhere without him noticing.   
He thought about the curls of her brown hair, how good it had felt to twirl his fingers around them and how her brown eyes looked at him with so much desire. How someone else with the same curly hair and brown eyes used to look at him with the same glazed over dimness in them. How someone else used to watch him with eyes filled to the brink of adoring arousal and it was like a click of a flintlock went off in his head when his cock happily twitched at the memories. He let out a small groan at the fucked up fact of the situation he was in and nearly chuckled at the pure ridiculousness. Buried his face in his palms and then felt like he wanted to cry from the unfairness of what was happening.

Chris- the thought of him and all the characteristics that were him seemed to have followed him through countries and Felix frowned. He really was like a tick that he couldn’t shake, lodged so deep underneath his skin that he wouldn’t be able to grip him and make him disappear. 

_Fuck this._

He stood up, got himself back together and then walked down the stairs again, saved Minho from getting groped by a very adamant woman and pulled Hyunjin out of the grip from another woman while he sent him a very disappointed look back. The madame caught them in the door though,  
“Going already?” she asked and Felix gave her a smile that didn’t reach his eyes,   
“Yes, I have a funeral to attend”

-

If it was weird seeing his father dead in his bed, it was even weirder seeing his casket being buried two meters under. So many years of constant terror, both for Felix himself and the servants of the castle. So many sleepless nights spent with his bedroom door barricaded because Felix was afraid that his father would try to assassinate him next- because he was disappointed that his son wasn’t as strong as the other men on the frontline. Because Felix couldn’t choose between dipping his cock into a woman and getting a cock up his ass. Because even though not many were able to match his skilful and agile swordsmanship- Felix was still thin, delicate in his movements and _nothing_ like a king was “supposed” to be.   
It was all over, with a final prayer of the priest next to him and the dirt patted compactly over the casket and Felix felt a weird easiness in his chest that he’d never felt before. He inhaled, exhaled and felt a content comfort spread through his body.  
This chapter of his life was finished now, and a new era awaited.

-

One week passed quickly. A week filled with meetings with tailors, stonemasons, artisans, needlepointers and other different kinds of craftsmen that could come into use when building up and restoring parts of the castle, changing the tapestries, pulling down walls and raising new ones.

Two weeks and things calmed down a bit while the craftsmen worked around him. Felix spent a great amount of time pulling a page out of Chris’ book and decided to walk the city. It used to scare him, walking among his people and he blamed his father for tricking him with false propaganda. The king had always said that the people were his subjects, people that needed someone to control them or they would lose the keystone of their entire life and turn into feral monsters that would try and kill the whole royal family. They were below their family, dirty hounds that simply needed to know their place. A young prince walking the city would be confusing and the people might think that they had more control since one of the royals were equal to them.   
Chris and the way he had looked at the people of Elicstow was an entirely different story though. He acted the way that Felix wanted to act as well. To not just be a king, but someone his people could trust… and it went smoothly, he successfully dressed down to a normal light brown blouse, brown pants, black boots and took Hyunjin and Minho with him. Some of his people recognized him still and he received warm smiles from the people of Cloud Market, right next to the citadel. Feeling like he might succeed with something his father never did- being loved by the people he was sworn to protect.

Three weeks and he found himself taking more walks, to get out the castle and escape his sister's annoying temper tantrums because “she missed her husband”  
Felix missed him too. The simplicity of their friendship. The way things were before they fell out. Before the chaos of them erupted. Just like their relationship had snowballed- so were his thoughts and he found himself thinking more and more about the young prince in the east. Thoughts that were slowly but very surely turning him into an anxious mess. From breakfast to the time when he went to bed and every moment in between was curly brown hair and a smile that stretched so brightly, with a laughter that caused Felix to feel something tug on his inners. A witty, shameless personality with a kind timidness to make him polite and still confident enough that it made Felix’s breath hitch. A body that was… _Oh,_ _dear God and heaven above, he really was down for the count, wasn’t he_? 

Four weeks passed.

And then five.

Six. 

Seven.

Eight and then finally- when the summer was in full bloom and hot, humid days and warm comfortable nights were upon them- the castle was finished with the preparations for the new king.   
A new emblem had been created, with a lion on its hind legs in the middle to depict the Lee family with one of its paws closed around the claw of a hawk in one corner- to depict the fall of the Ashdown family. Minho and Hyunjin had gotten new chest plates with the new emblem, new banners had been made and an orange colour had replaced most of the dreary dark blue that shadowed the castle's long corridors. 

Felix had gotten new gorgeous clothes fitting for a king and his usual bedroom had been renovated and bigger since he refused to sleep in the same main bedroom his mother had been murdered and his father passed away. He blamed the smell of the decayed body of the king that still clung to every fabric of the room when his new advisors had protested about the renovations.   
In just a few days he’d be crowned king of Oranobia, protector of Oranobe and when the summer was over and the first leaves would start to change colour, he had to find a princess to be his queen and then simply spend the rest of his life with her. 

He had his whole life laid out in front of him… a good life, with an alliance to the country in the east and a friendship with both the crown prince of Stoding and the king of Steilerbenia.   
The young king had sent him a letter which he received two weeks ago that thanked him for all the well wishes and was happy to disclose that even though he had lost the tips of his fingertips of his right hand, the only disadvantage was that shaking hands was a bit more jarring now- for the other person so to speak. Carrying the war hammer had been troublesome at first but he had made great advances with using it in his left hand instead. Felix had been happy to hear so and wished him good luck with the invitation to the coronation.   
The crown prince of Stoding had impressed him back in Hinosia with his performance and had received an invitation as well after they had sent each other a few letters, discussing the political climate now when the old king of Oranobia had passed.

All was well- if it wouldn’t be for his sister. He never thought that Isabel could be even more of a pain than she had already proved she could be. Oh, how wrong he had been. This endless, no-stopping chattering about her man was turning him crazy. She spent every waking moment daydreaming about him for five long weeks now. What they would do after Felix’s coronation and the first night they would spend together. How much she longed after that moment and he wanted to be able to turn down the sound on his ears while he walked the garden with come servants who needed his opinion or command about something important and she walked quickly on his heels after them. Non-stop talking.

Maybe the toughest part of her chattering was that his own daydreaming couldn’t be stopped. Things had escalated much these endless weeks of boring waiting around and planning.   
The things she spoke off was, after all, things that he wanted to do as well. He wanted to feel the expansion of the other’s muscles underneath his fingertips, the way he’d probably kiss him relentlessly and make his heart skip in his chest. Wanted to feel him so deep inside that he could hardly breathe… and Isabel didn’t have a filter on her mouth when it came to those things. She would talk, on and on about how big she thought he was, how much cum he probably produced, how much she looked forward to carrying his children and how good of a wife she would be for him and it turned Felix absolutely delirious because he couldn’t stop thinking so as well.

Endless sleepless nights were spent in his new, big and empty room. Wrapped up in his bed with his legs tangled with his sheets while a breeze found its way in through the open balcony door, prickling his skin and hardening his nipples. The memories of olive soap, orange ochre, dust and a warmth that Felix couldn’t pinpoint flooded his brain like endorphins and he cursed under his breath. He had tried to go back to another brothel a few weeks ago, to try and ease some of the tension in his loins, only to have the same result. Even tried to find a man that had the same curls and brown eyes as Chris, but he had barely touched Felix’s cock before they had to stop. 

It didn’t feel right.   
Like he was doing something he shouldn’t.   
Like he was… _cheating_.  
Which was a ridiculous thought since the person who was currently married to Christopher Westspire was none other than his sister.   
Not him.   
Because it could _never_ be him. 

So he bit down on his pillow to soften his cries when the moon was high on the sky, with his naked ass up towards the ceiling, one hand closed around his cock and two fingers burrowed as deep as he could inside him. Brushing up against his prostate and he couldn’t help but whine, because he _knew_ that Chris’ fingers were longer. Knew that Chris' hand was rougher than his, with calloused fingertips and dented fingernails and would feel so much better inside him. Came again, and again with the other prince’s name on his lips. Muttered it like a mantra while his eyes rolled back and his sheets became wetter and wetter each time.


	21. Mirum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Just a small note! I'll be posting every 6th day from here on.  
> Thank you for your support and for all the lovely comments as always. Things will take a bit of a turn from now on and I hope to read what you thought about it ♥
> 
> Chapter name meaning: Surprise

Guests started to arrive two days before the coronation. It was sunny, not a cloud in the sky and Felix sat upon his throne in the great ballroom while he waited for them. It was a large room- about 450 sq.m and enough space for nearly 500 standing guests. The walls were out of white marble, bejewelled with golden artful pieces that spoke of his house’s riches and high pillars that supported it every third meter. It could only be used during a warm summer's day since his great, great grandfather had decided to remove the ceiling to be able to look upon the stars while he danced.   
A letter had arrived just an hour ago and Felix just had time to quickly wash up, get dressed, eat a piece of bread while on the move and wash it down with a cup of freshly brewed apple cider. Thankful for the post towers along the roads of Oranobia that quickly sent messages about his guests arriving so he could make himself presentable. 

Dressed for the warm summer day in a very light, clear blue satin doublet, embroidered with an intricate white floral brocade and golden button nubs that stretched from his high collar to his lower stomach. A pair of white satin pants clad his legs and a long robe in the same blue satin as his doublet covered one of his shoulders. A golden circlet crown sat upon his head with a white diamond dipped down at his hairline, in the middle of his front parted fringe and smaller blue sapphires and grey crystals lined the whole circlet. 

The crown prince of Stoding was the first to arrive and he gave Felix a bright smile while walking through the big doors, dressed like a commoner except for the thin golden and completely unembellished crown that sat ajar on a tuft of light brown hair on his head. He only had one lifeguard- a man twice the size of him that wore both a war axe and a flintlock pistol at his waist, face set in a grim mask and if the crown prince wouldn’t currently be smiling at him, arms outstretched and eyes into two crescent moons- Felix would feel a lot more intimidated.   
He welcomed them though, walked down from his throne and shook Seungmin’s hand, invited them to walk the garden, make themselves comfortable, perhaps take a small nap and then order for something to eat and drink before the feast that evening while Felix himself waited for the next guest but promised that they would be able to talk more later. Seungmin nodded with another great smile and then softly waved a dismissive hand at the servant who tried to help him with his bag. 

The whole family of Erek arrived next, with a train of guards of different ranks in their entourage. The king gave Felix a bright smile that showed off a row of impressively white teeth. He held his daughter’s small hand while his wife rested her hand on her husband's lower back, walking with gentle steps right next to them. They all bowed and the young princess curtsied with vigour when they arrived at the throne and Felix got up on his feet again to welcome them. Deeply bowing as well. 

“I thank you for your patience. I hope your journey wasn’t too difficult, especially since it had to be done so nearly after the supposed wedding” Felix gave them an apologetic smile.  
The king and his daughter had only spent two days back at their home in the capital of Chazar when the invitation had reached them.   
“It went well” the king spoke with a deep, gravelly voice that seemed to thunder up from his broad, strong chest but it sounded warm and comfortable because of the soft smile still resting on his lips, “Thank the sea for being generous with the wind for days upon days so we could arrive in time-” he laid one hand on his daughter’s shoulder and the other wrapped around his queen’s waist, “and I thank you for the invitation. I never thought I’d be able to see the golden country in the west that my father told me so much about. I wish I could say I’m sorry for your loss” he shrugged and gave Felix a wink, “But I don’t think anyone misses that son of bitch” he glanced to the heavens, “Nothing evil towards your grandmother though. Bless her”

Felix let out a small chuckle at the man’s genuinely and the king let out a small burst of rumbling chuckle as well- deep and raspy. He stroked his grey beard and held his wife tighter, “I don’t believe you’ve met my Aikysé” he gave her a warm smile and Felix held out his hand for her to take but she shook her head gently and placed it diagonally across her chest instead with her flat palm above her heart and he repeated her gesture on cue. A thin decorated veil of taffeta silk covered her hair from the crown of her head, billowing down over her back and though it was something Felix had never seen a woman wear except for her wedding day- he still found the interesting piece beautiful and very fitting with the rest of the colour scheme of the family. So red that he was sure he wouldn’t think twice about it if he saw her in a crowd of royals from up north.   
“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, Your Royal Highness” 

She gave him a smile that softly wrinkled the laugh lines in the corners of her eyes. Gentle and warm and Felix suddenly felt a bit sad that they lived so far away. He could count the times he’d met the king on one hand but he was always kind and gentle. A trait that he shared with his wife. Felix sighed a bit. He would have loved to spend more time with the king and queen.   
“And how are you, princess Saahira?” he asked the young girl instead, who only raised her chin higher to be able to see him underneath her fringe,   
“I’m just fine-” she said and held her hands clasped at her midriff. So proper that Felix had to smile again, “The trip was a bit dreary since all I could see was water. But I quickly got a friend. A sheep named Gentle because she was so friendly”  
“Oh” Felix wanted to crouch down to her level and hear more about her story, but alas, he was a future king and had to keep some sort of integrity, “Well, where is Gentle now then?” he asked and Saahira sighed,

“Right here” the girl patted her stomach and Felix had to bite down at his inner cheek to prevent himself from bursting out in laughter from her solemn expression, “I was a bit sad to hear that she died…” Saahira frowned a bit and broke their gaze to fiddle with her dress, “But uh… father said that Gentle was in a much better place now- with all her siblings that had to be food as well and that she was happy to have fed me even though it freed her from her martal body”  
“Mortal body, my treasure” the queen gave her daughter another soft smile while softly combing her fingertips through the bouncy curls on her hair.  
The king gave the young princess a loving gaze when her cheeks flushed a bright pink and she quickly looked up at Felix again with her breath in her throat. But he only gave her a small smile before he turned to the king and queen, “Please, my home is yours. A servant will take you to your room and from there, you can order some refreshments for them to bring you. Or walk the garden and stretch your legs after the long journey. I’ll see you tonight. 

The family gave him a bow which he repeated and he waved at Saahira, who looked at him over her shoulder with a shy and still slightly embarrassed smile.  
The elderly queen of Solnesland arrived just after lunch, when the sun was at its highest and Felix had to squint just slightly when the bright beams through the open ceiling cast reflections from her knight's silver armours. Her daughters came with her this time as well and Felix walked down from his throne once again. There were five of them, in different ages and looking much like a gorgeous staircase of girls next to each other. 

“Your Royal Highness, Queen Acalirea. What a pleasure to see you so soon. I hope the trip was fine?” he smiled at the old queen and she gave him a warm smile back even though her dark blue eyes sparkled with intensity,  
“It’s all mine, Felix, and it was just fine. I didn’t have much time to even see my home before the carrier had caught up with me and luckily my servants packed our bags the very same evening” she started before she turned to look at her daughters, “Now enough pleasantries. I don’t think I took the time to introduce my girls when I last saw you. You boys were all too busy showing off your worth” she gave the youngest a sharp look whereupon the young princess took a step forward and curtsied, “This is Assanella, she’s fourteen” the next princess took a step forward, “Adriarah, who’s sixteen” the queen continued, “Naulyn, who’s seventeen, Dionaera, who’s nineteen and finally-” she beamed up at the oldest and it was clear that she was the favourite among all of them, “This is Calliope, just as beautiful as the goddess herself, my oldest and twenty-one, just like yourself” 

There was something in the queen's eyes, a faint glimmer and Felix swallowed hard when he realised what she was suggesting. Oranobia could certainly use an alliance in the south. They didn’t have many fleets but more than twice the men in four different regiments spread out across the land.   
To have support at the east _and_ the south would certainly be… invaluable. 

Not to mention that the young woman herself was absolutely gorgeous- with black shiny hair, looking like smooth velvet when it billowed down to her mid-thighs. Olive skin, the same dark blue eyes as the rest of her sisters, wide hips and a pair of rounded breasts that tented the thin, light pink satin dress she wore. She gave him a small, shy smile. Watched him from underneath full eyelashes and he smiled back and was just about to take her hand in his when the familiar sound of his sister’s low heels harshly smacked down against the tiled floor, 

“Brother, brother, brother!” she nearly yelled out and the queen and her daughter’s looked back at the princess with confused expressions, rather surprised at her uncivilised behaviour,  
“Yes, sister?” he asked between clenched teeth and a smile that didn’t reach his eyes,   
“He has finally arrived. My husband, my beloved, my-” Isabel continued but her voice faded out as if Felix had just gone under the surface of water. 

Immense happiness at the thought of him seeing Chris again switched to raging panic within a second (because _holy fuck_ , he was going to see Chris again) and he took a step backwards, stumbled and nearly fell on his butt if it wouldn’t be for Minho’s quick reflexes and he caught him before he embarrassed himself further.   
“Are you alright?” he whispered in his ear and Felix wanted to nod, wanted to act like he was fine but he couldn’t hide the shortness of his breath or the fact that his heart was beating as if he’d just ran a mile.   
“Please excuse us, the crown prince probably just needs a minute. I’ll give him some water. The heath has been rough today” Hyunjin gave the queen and her daughters a big smile before he helped Minho with trying to get Felix on his feet, and they all three walked through a small invisible door in the wall behind the throne that led to a dimly lit tunnel, just wide enough for the three of them to stand next to each other. 

The smell of today's lunch came wafting through the air from the other side where it connected to the kitchen and Felix pulled a grimace, “I can’t see him. Not now. Please” he looked between his two friends with begging eyes and they both nodded, concerned still, “But-” he continued and turned to Minho, “I want you to meet him. You’ve missed each other for long enough. Talk, take a walk. You have the rest of the day off”  
Minho opened his mouth to protest but closed it again, knowing that it wasn’t any use trying to argue with the crown prince. Especially not when he was so kind as to allow him to spend time with his beloved that he’d missed so dearly. 

“Hyunjin, I just need help to be escorted to my room. You are free to have the rest of the day as well. Please just tell my advisors to explain that I suddenly felt ill but will be attending the breakfast tomorrow. All the arriving royals and aristocrats may all enjoy their time here, order some food and then attend the feast by dinner if they wish”   
Hyunjin gave him another nod and then looked between him and Minho and sighed deeply, “I hope I never fall in love. It seems exhausting” he said with a curled upper lip.

Minho just shook his head and then tilted the door before slipping out to the front again while Hyunjin escorted Felix through the short tunnel. It was surprisingly clean to not be a part of the castle he saw every day and if every tunnel looked like that he might have to make sure that the cleaners got paid better.   
The kitchen servants got their life’s shock when the future king slipped out the invisible wall and all of them immediately bowed, “Don’t mind us” Felix called out before they walked past, “just please bring some roast and potatoes to my room by dinnertime… oh, and a chalice of wine please”

“Yes, Your Royal Highness” the servants shouted out, nearly in unison before they continued about their business.   
The walk to his room was quite far, across a landing, through three long corridors and two stairwells but they successfully only came across some chambermaids and three of his younger cousins who slowly pined after them.   
“Thank you” he told Hyunjin when they stopped at his door,   
“Thank you, I’ll be sure to enjoy my time” the blonde guard answered and Felix rolled his eyes when he weighed his coin pouch in his hand with a wink before closing the door after him.

His room was silent, except for a small bird in the large oak just outside his window, singing to him on the branch next to his small balcony. Maybe he should go to bed? So much has happened since he arrived in Oranobe eight weeks ago and so many hours had been spent thinking and preparing the moment that would take place in just two days that he felt completely exhausted.   
Just a small nap wouldn’t hurt… right?”   
He had lifted the heavy robe over his shoulder and was just about to button down the brocade doublet when there was a soft knocking on the door. He frowned, wondering who it might be since he had ordered the food and drinks for later and no one knew that he was back at his room yet. Feeling rather annoyed since he just wanted to go to bed and not think about anything for a while.

“What?” he asked while he flung open the door and felt how his knees nearly gave out the next second.   
Because there he stood- the man that had been on his mind the past few weeks. With the same curls, the same eyes, the same smile, the same adorable small dimple in one cheek and Felix nearly choked on his own saliva, 

“Hi-” Chris said, a bit awkward and with his hand still in the air, fully prepared to knock again while Felix swallowed hard,  
“Hi” he croaked forth and the other man let out a small cough. Like he just had to clear his throat. Hands fiddling with the scabbard belt around his hip.  
“So uh… how are you?” Chris asked and tried to look anywhere else but at his face.  
“I uh…” Felix started and felt how he nearly stammered when he tried to speak,  
“Oh yeah, your sister and my uh… wife told me that you were here and that you felt ill so I just thought…” Chris started again. Completely Interrupting him and Felix licked his lower lip into his mouth.

The other prince was dressed for travel still. In a dark linen blouse, a leather vest, leather pants, leather boots- all in brown. Brown hair, brown eyes. Tan summer skin and tiny wounds on his cracked knuckles. Like he’d been in a serious fistfight a just before leaving.   
With who? Why?   
A thin healing wound at his lips was still slightly red and annoyed.  
Why?

“Just so you know that I wasn’t stalking you…” Chris continued and the lips Felix stared at stretched into a smile.   
He felt his heart skip and his stomach did happy somersaults. 

Fuck.   
_Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck._

He couldn’t ruin this. _Everything_ he had thought about these past few weeks had been leading up to this. He finally had him. Right where he wanted. With just a small smirk and a few well-chosen words and they could finally have the moment he had been dreaming about so intensely.

“I actually just needed some time for myself” Felix placed his hands behind his back and puffed out his chest slightly, wearing a small pout on his lips, “I heard that you were coming and I must admit. I’ve been dreaming about you. Everything that we went through. All those _tense_ memories of me and you” he scoffed, the tip of his tongue playing with his upper teeth before he swallowed hard, You-” he took a few steps closer to the other prince and gave him a smirk, “On your back. Your cock in your hand. Dripping so gorgeously… Coming nearly untouched with the ghost of my fingertips upon your skin” Chris was close now, within arm's length. Felix could just touch him now if he wanted to.

 _Dear God_ he wanted to, “I still bet you’d feel amazing inside of me” he huffed out and reached one hand up. 

Shuddered and felt how his stomach squeezed like he sat on a galloping horse when their skin touched. Felt the raw stubble of his facial hair prick against the pads of his fingertips. The shape of his jaw. The shape of his body when he pressed them chest to chest. Chris gave him a smile and reached up as well to cup his face. Started to lean in without hesitation and Felix felt his heart flutter in his chest when the smell of olive soap and orange ochre filled his nostrils again. Closed his eyes and just waited. 

… But the sweet kiss he expected never came and he opened his eyes to see that Chris was still smiling, “Keep dreaming then, Your Royal Highness”   
And then he walked out of Felix’s arms, took a bow, turned on his heel again and left him. Completely stunned and speechless. Eight weeks had passed since they last saw each other. But it suddenly felt like it had been years. 


	22. Propositum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I love reading your comments, please never stop writing them and please for everything that's good write ALOT if you want to. Freak out, ramble, repeat yourself and don't hesitate if it doesn't make any sense. I re-read them a lot and they make me feel so loved. Thank you so much so far, I love you all ♥
> 
> Chapter name meaning: Having a goal/plan

The least thing Minho expected when he left Oranobia what now felt like ages ago- was to fall in love.   
It happened fast- like lightning from a clear sky. Rumbling through the heavens. Strong enough to make his whole world shake and then fall apart.   
Jisung of house Han was nothing like he first seemed to be. Minho had expected him to be stubborn, proud and hot-headed after their first proper meeting at the arena and he, himself, had threatened to separate the other lord’s head from his shoulders. 

But no, as a matter of fact- Jisung was kind, generous, timid and never far from laughter. Enjoyed joking around, stretched the limits on everything Minho had ever known and they rather quickly became friends. Sharing similar stories of their father’s tragic destinies. Minho having one that submitted to his own insanity and then acted it out with a wood axe against his baby siblings heads and Jisung having one that passed away in a different kind of insanity. One created by years upon years fighting in a war that he shouldn’t be apart off and on the wrong side of the battlefield- for the principality of Weil and the war that would reap all the royal men of house Yang. 

Jeongin’s father. His brothers’. 

All because of honour. Because his grandfather would turn in his grave if he didn’t fight for his people. Despite them taking their home in Jisung’s mother’s family house. Them taking her name. Indirectly risking Jisung’s life because some man on the battlefield might want to take revenge for fallen brother’s or lost family and that revenge would fall on the young lord since he was the next in the line of succession to inherit that home.

So… Jisung was similar to him in that sense. Both their mothers had completely lost it afterwards and turned to God for answers. Jisung’s mother had joined the abbey in the capital of Elicstow. Begging God to forgive her husband’s mistake and finding a reason, a way to make penance. Escaping away from the slow, tedious countryside until everyone there had forgotten about Jisung and he could reclaim his place when he’d grown older and stronger. 

Minho’s mother, on the other hand, had joined a cult… or well… a man and his people, who promised answers when there were none and they had moved into a small village of barely twenty men and women- on a small hill surrounded by a supposedly ‘magical’ part of the thick deciduous forest just south-west of the capital of Oranobe. The man, who called himself ‘the Tempest-heart’ of the Circle of the Fair, had held his mother on the hook for two long years. Promising that he could see in the clouds and the eyes of the animals they offered once a week that she would soon see her lost children again and then finally get an answer from her dead husband.  
“Why did he do it? Why did he _spare_ her to walk on this earth without her children? Why not just wait for her to get home from the days work on the fields? Why not wait so they could die as a family?”

Those were all questions she asked Minho on a daily basis. Questions that burned through him like she just poured acid through his veins.   
_Wasn’t he enough? Didn’t she realise that he was still there? That she hadn’t lost them all?_

But he never said anything. Just patted her on the back and urged the thin, emaciated face that used to look like his mother that she should get some rest. In the end- his predictions were true. When the day for the third anniversary came around his mother just couldn’t wait any longer. She hanged herself just outside the leader’s cabin as if to give him the middle finger for every empty promise he ever made. 

Minho cried- obviously. He had feared, maybe even knew in the bottom of his heart, that it would happen. That she would just wake up one day and simply couldn’t take it anymore. No matter how many nights passed with him trying to aim her on the right path again.   
In a way, Minho never forgave her.   
Hasn’t forgiven her yet nearly twelve years later. Because even though he was old enough to survive on his own, he was still just tipping on the age of being a teen.   
So he escaped. Turned around with clenched teeth at his mother’s swaying, limp body, collected what he could carry and then began walking. 

It took two hours to think out a plan of what he should do.  
Two full days to reach the capital.   
Two weeks to find a blacksmith master that wanted to hire him.   
Two months for that same blacksmith to start training him with weapons.  
Two years before he had fully mastered the spear, smithed his own halberd and then another year before Felix stood before him. Ready to test the best and youngest spear fighter Oranobe had seen for a 100 years. 

The people of the city who had come to see the spectacle were impressed when he danced around the crown prince. Both just fifteen years old, still childish with a hot temper and a need for victory.  
But Felix didn’t punish him when Minho had him pressed with his back against the ground and the sharp, relentless pike of the spear lightly kissing the side of his neck within a few minutes.

“Come to castle and spar with me again before sun-down” the crown prince had said with a calm voice and Minho blushed (Because the castle? Really? Him? Orphaned Minho of house Lee? Heir to a house with a people that had evidently forgotten him since he was still here, fighting and training with lights scars between his fingers and up over his forearms from the sharp edge of a weapon and not drinking mead and wine in the halls of his home)  
“I’ll be there!” Minho called out after they both stood up and the crown prince had turned and started walking away.  
“Don’t be late!” Felix had urged him back over his shoulder.  
“Why?” Minho naturally asked next and then cursed himself the very next moment because Felix’s eyebrows raised up as if he had never been questioned before in his life.  
“Because you’re my new bodyguard” he answered like it just went without saying that such great talent as his shouldn’t be wasted fighting battles in wars to come but besides a future king. 

Years passed and though no one really ever reached out for him, Minho knew that his family was still out there. Maybe looking for him. Maybe waiting for him to come back.   
So he waited as well.   
Waited for king Cassius to die… and for Minho to be replaced.  
Because he _was_ going to be replaced. Two guards had been enough because the majority of the people of Oranobe feared Felix. Thought that he was of the very same kind as his father. Because of that, no one dared to touch him and thus, he was safe.   
But one day, he’d be a king and he would require a train of guards and Minho would thank Felix for being able to serve under him and then go home, just like Hyunjin, and take control of their lands. 

Yes. Minho had it _all_ figured out.   
He loved women.   
They were beautiful, soft creatures that could also be just as hard and unforgiving as himself if you gave them a piece of armour, a will to do what’s right and do so honourably, a weapon of their choice and then time. Companions for life with wills, minds and a mental capability equal to his, despite the ancient ways many men among him looked upon them.   
He wanted to do the right thing. To marry a beautiful girl, get a couple of beautiful kids and then live in the beautiful countryside in a beautiful castle. 

To live happily ever after with Felix as his best friend in the north and live and die under his command. To live honourably with a wife at his side, children who mourned them after they both passed.   
Except... that didn’t happen.  
That would _never_ happen.

And he couldn’t thank God _enough,_ because even though everything would be so good, and so perfect, and so beautiful- he still wouldn’t be happy. Because even though he loved women as equals to himself, he couldn’t force himself to love them as a woman deserved to be loved.   
So now, when Felix was standing on the very edge of having to tell him goodbye because of the coronation- everything wasn’t turning out how he expected. But then again… _nothing_ has been turning out how he expected for a long time. 

Jisung of house Han was the very reason and Minho stared at him now, as if completely struck yet again by the sheer ball of radiance he extended with his body. 

Warmth. Kindness. 

Something in the corner of his mouth when he smiled that seemed to hold a secret. A secret that Minho knew just as well when they met eyes from where he stood a meter or so from the throne. He shined brighter than the sun when it tipped over the high walls of the ballroom. Making Minho blink away some tears that threatened to fall from his eyes because his heart clenched so hard he thought it might implode on itself and drop to his stomach.   
Dressed in his usual light armour with the owl with crossed spears in the back in the middle of his chest plate. No helmet or gauntlets and his longsword on his back, walking diagonally behind Chris who gave Minho a small frown, taking a step to the side and glanced behind him as if Felix was hiding behind his back. 

“Uh… did we miss the crown prince?” he asked and then looked around the room as if he expected Felix to pull another devilish prank on him and jump out from behind one of his men that stood placed out on guard like immobile statues- guarding the castle.  
“Yes, he felt a bit tired with all the preparations and will be resting for the remainder of the day” Minho answered and forced his gaze away from Jisung while he spoke. 

He felt a bit bad for the prince, for the both of them actually. He’d seen how much it tore on Felix and now when Chris solemnly nodded back and then swallowed with a disappointed look- he realised that the other prince must be hurting pretty badly as well. Worse than he first noticed back a few weeks ago. 

“Well, I uh… I have no reason to keep the two of you so close now when we’ve reached… family” he glanced at Jisung and then Changbin before it moved to Isabel who stood a few meters away, barely able to hold her excitement.   
“Why don’t you, the both of you… take the rest of the day off? Stretch your legs. Get familiar with your surroundings. This will be our home for nearly two weeks after all” he turned to Jisung and the young man smiled at him,   
“Thank you...” he said sincerely and Chris gave him a smile back before he turned on his heel with Changbin nodding to them, followed the prince in his steps but then turned left at the arched doorway towards the kitchen. Minho grabbed Jisung’s arm and started dragging him with when everyone’s eyes stayed locked on Chris.   
“Wait for me, Christopher!” Isabel shouted after her husband and Minho pulled a grimace when the sound of her short heels against the marble floor echoed around the ballroom. 

He pulled Jisung with him. Out through the same tunnel that he just went through before and nodded to the kitchen servants who only nodded with knowing eyes back at him. Most of them being young men and women he has known since mid-teens and just as many accepting of the fact that he preferred to lay with men rather than women. It was either that or just turning the other cheek to him because what would they do, really, when his best friend was the future king?

“Where are you taking me?” Jisung breathed out next to him when they walked through a long corridor that formed a bridge from one part of the castle to another with arched pillars like open windows on each side.   
“You’ll see” he answered and then pulled Jisung down a flight of stairs until they finally reached his secret spot.

Or well. It wasn’t very secret. Most servants knew of it and used it as a place to have a moment for themselves, either alone or with a company. It was hidden behind one of the castle walls, just underneath a weird jutting stone that no one seemingly cared enough to fix when it was built and even though it wasn’t part of the garden- it still had a grass floor that was just a bit “wilder” since it wasn’t cut as regularly. You had to be out, taking a stroll on the walkway on the wall above and then slightly squat down to be able to see the small place that wasn’t larger than two or three sq.m.

“Can I kiss you now?” Jisung asked with a big smile and Minho wet his lips when the other pressed their chests together as well as he could with the armour still on.  
Felt his heart racing in his chest because god fucking dammit. He _did_ have it all figured out. He used to have his whole life planned. He really did… and then he fell in love.  
“No” he answered and then couldn’t help the smirk that curled the corners of his lips when Jisung’s smile fell, “Not if I kiss you first” he continued and his smirk turned into a joyful smile when Jisung scoffed and allowed himself to be swept up in the kiss when their lips finally met again. 

A bright red warmth spread in his chest like unfolding flowers, making his limbs numb with such an overpowering joy that he thought he might malfunction entirely.   
Yes. Minho used to have it all figured out. He really did… and then he fell in love… and he never expected it to be like this.   
To _feel_ like this. 

Just like his two best friends, he had a reputation of being a man-eater and despite him only preferring males when the other two found women just as excellent, he was certain that the three of them must’ve gone through more lovers than most people their age.   
So being with others- joining in the act of making love, was just as common to him as eating or drinking. But it wasn’t more than that.  
 _Never_ anything more than that.

That was until he laid with Jisung. Curious of the sudden inflation with the other man. Something he had only felt a handful of times before. Thought it was just a cute crush. A temporary fling.  
Experienced the same melancholy that he always did just after they had laid together and thought he would sleep it off.   
Except he didn’t. It gnawed on him, turned him inside out when conversations flowed on like pouring water and concealed hushed groans and whispers sounded in the dead of the night and the other man was allowed to see every part of him and _still_ didn’t turn him away.   
Still kept coming back for more… and Minho never wanted him to leave because he needed him just as much...

The fact that he was in love hit him like a slap in the face. Mostly because he never thought he’d ever experience it.   
He always thought he’d be walking on clouds when it finally happened. That a bright shimmery and light pink hue, like the heavens after sundown, would just appear and then never burn away from his retina. That he’d feel completely full and nearly bubbly in the stomach, like when you’ve had too much to eat and drink and you swear that you won’t even be able to leave your chair or you’d surely just fall over. 

But he was wrong.   
He never felt those things.   
With Jisung it was always this immediate anguish. The best possible kind that he could ever imagine, which didn’t make any sort of sense at all- because the pain he felt shouldn’t be good. It was always straight up 0 to 100% and nothing in between. 

Like right now when he was kissing him and Minho swore he never ever felt his legs turn into jelly as quickly. Heart pounding like he just ran a mile and he could feel his whole body flush like he was sixteen again and just had his first kiss.   
Just as irresistible and suffocating, mind-numbingly good and blindingly bright as it had always been ever other time with Jisung.

He sighed. Felt how tears burned a bit behind his eyes. How Jisung combed some hair away from his forehead and then gripped it tight and pulled hard to reach further into his mouth, taste him better, bending his whole body back in his desperation for more.   
The other guard tasted just like he’d done a few weeks ago. The tanginess of red wine, the sweetness of red apples, the iron of red blood from a cracked lip. Except for this time- the blood was Jisung’s and not Minho’s.

“What did you do?” he asked after they parted, forehead against forehead while their fingertips brushed at the naked skin of each other's faces. Eager to just rip the armour from the other’s body but stopping themselves since they were still out in the open.   
Jisung let out a small chuckle, “Nice to know that you still care about me”   
Minho separated them slightly with a surprised expression and Jisung combed a hand through his hair, eyes flickering nervously, “I mean. I know what we told each other… I guess-” he cleared his throat, “I guess a part of me feared that you would still find someone better than me now when we’ve been apart”

Minho sighed. The thought had crossed his mind once or twice as well, “and lose one of the best weapon masters in the north as my closest man?” he gave Jisung a playful shove, “I’ve never met someone who can fight with a longsword, broadsword, war axe, mace and spear”   
“Yeah, but I’m only good at each of them. You’re the best with your halberd, unlike anyone else, I’m just someone who couldn’t make up my mind” Jisung mumbled while his ears turned a bright red from the compliment, “and uh- the cracked lip was to defend Chris’ honour. He put in a few punches as well but we were outnumbered two to four” he sighed and Minho motioned for them to sit down in the grass instead,   
“Why?” he asked and Jisung plucked a wildflower and examined it before he let out another sigh yet again, spinning the stem between his thumb and index finger,   
“Just some youngsters that started up some rumour about him and your crown prince in the quarters they live in. The fact that the marriage between him and lady Isabel was never consummated only fueled the rumours more…” 

Minho nodded, chewed on his inner cheek and then cleared his throat, “They _are_ true, though”   
Jisung looked up at him with a sad smile, shrugged and then said, “Yeah. I know. Chris knows so as well and… His royal- uh- I mean, Felix?” he grimaced as if the name tasted weird in his mouth, “He knows as well, right?”  
Minho nodded and sighed, “They act like two children. Both very much aware of their own feelings but refusing to acknowledge them…”

Jisung looked at him, leaned back on his hands, mirroring Minho’s stance and then gave him a soft smile while he sneaked his hand into Minho’s own. It was warm, comfortable, familiar. As if they hadn’t been away from each other for more than a couple of hours.   
It felt like a weight that had been there for weeks without Minho knowing, had suddenly been lifted from his shoulders and he felt lighter, more peaceful. Like he could finally take a deep breath. 

Serenity embraced him from the curl of Jisung’s lips, the giggle from his chest when Minho jumped up without a warning, “Race you to the fountain” he shouted out behind him,  
“I don’t even know where it is!” Jisung shouted back,  
“Prepare to lose then” Minho chuckled back.

He felt how a small summer wind played with his hair, the shortness of his lover’s laughter right behind him, finger’s barely gracing the leather of his thin armour to try and pull him back and stop his lead. The warmth of the sun at his back, the smell of apple blossoms and freshly cut grass. Food cooking around the corner for the small welcome feast tonight, the gravel under his leather boots and the dust that sprung up behind him. The water underneath the pads of his fingertips when he slapped his hand on the old marble statue that stood at the edge of the fountain, holding a vase that let out a stream of water, wetting both the fountain itself and anything else close enough. 

“I win!” he said with a teasing grin,  
“Cheater” Jisung stuck out his tongue at him before he caught his breath and gave Minho another big smile.  
His heart was beating fast but he was actually unsure if it was because of the race or the fact that he wanted nothing else but just swoop the other man up in a hug and kiss him until he couldn’t breathe. Not that it would take very long, he was a bit out of breath already. 

“Come, too many people-” he said shortly and Jisung looked around him as if he released first now that the fountain was placed in the middle of a garden where other servants, residents of the castle and new guests glanced at them with curious eyes. Interrupting themselves from their small snack or the game they were playing.   
The walk was even shorter than the distance they had for the race and Jisung followed in his heels when he walked down a flight of stairs, through a short, cold underground tunnel which made the other man grip tight around his arm, glancing back through the candlelit walkway, up a flight of stairs, to the left through a corridor and then finally- with a view over the city underneath, was his room.

“Fancy-” Jisung said while stepping out on the barely half a meter big balcony that jutted out from the wall and glanced underneath him, “Do you live with the crown prince as your next-door neighbour?” he asked and nodded towards the bigger balcony next to his.  
“Yeah. Have done since he hired me” Minho answered while he leaned against the doorframe of one of the two connecting rooms the place consisted of.

One part was a lounge with a desk, a wardrobe to the right and a two-seater sofa in the middle and then it opened up into a bigger room with the bed to your right when you entered, the balcony straight ahead and a table with three comfortable chairs at the left.  
“You’ve got a nicer place than me-” Jisung said with adoring eyes and a tinge of jealousy.  
“Uhu?” Minho answered as if to urge him to go on,  
“You know where Changbin lives, right? The small house on the side of the courtyard, right on the edge of the wall?” Minho nodded, “Well, there’s another house on the other side of Chris’ tower, you could’ve easily missed it”  
He tried to remember. Pick out a memory where he could’ve seen it- but nothing. 

“Thanks-” he said instead and then swallowed hard when Jisung reached behind himself to undo the knots of the first layer of his armour, peeled it off, raised the chainmail and had almost removed it as well before he seemed to realise what was happening,  
“What are you doing?” he asked and Jisung gave him a big smile before he combed back his hair from the sheen layer of sweat on his forehead, a low dipping linen blouse still covering his chest while the brown leather travelling pants still hugged his thighs,  
“Undressing obviously” he answered with a cocky smirk and Minho though his heart might as well stop completely,  
“Are we-”  
“Yeah, I really wanna suck you off right now so come here and stop talking” the other interrupted and Minho groaned out, already feeling a warmth flood in his lower stomach. 

So yeah.   
Minho used to have a plan. Used to think that everything would turn out completely as it should. With him as a lord, a lady at his side and many children bearing his name.   
But honestly- fuck that.   
Jisung fell to his knees with a big grin, wet his lips and then licked his hardening cock into his mouth, pressed his tongue up onto the underside of it, hollowed his cheeks and sucked.   
_This_ was all he ever wanted. 

Someone who loved him because of who he was, not who he was supposed to be.   
Someone who held him like he wanted to be held, not how he was supposed to be held.  
Someone who fucked him, made love to him and took every desire he gave away. Because that’s how Minho wanted it to be- even though it was not how it was supposed to be.  
And Jisung kissed him, hugged him, promised to love him until he stopped breathing.  
And Minho was overjoyed, euphoric and so damn fortunate- even though this thing, _the love_ , they shared was absolutely _nothing_ how it was supposed to be.


	23. Proditione

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello darling readers! ♥ First off, thank you so much for all the long, sweet comments on the last one! 🤗 They make me so unbelievably happy ♥  
> Secondly, thank you so much for the support on this fanfic so far! I really, really enjoy writing it and it's so much fun to bring you all on this crazy journey as well. If any of you wish to make fanart (!! please do !!) or have any questions you can reach me on my Tumblr: treasure-my-aurora  
> and finally, since I've put this on longer updates if you enjoy my writing style and want me to write anything for you; I can do so through my ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/yellow_beacon. I just haven't really gotten the grip of how it works over there haha 😅 but you can send me a mail with your wishes and we can see if we come to an agreement. It's yellwbeacn@gmail.com ♥ and just to be clear- this is only for commissions! 
> 
> Chapter name meaning: betrayal

Chris was puzzled, completely lost and nearly frustrated. The quick steps away from Felix’s room, away from what just happened, slowed down a bit and he paused. Looked over his shoulder, down the corridor he just rushed down.   
He thought they were over this. Over the teasing, the enticements, the empty and hurtful suggestive words that led nowhere at all. He was sure that the other had changed, that he _wasn’t_ this physical form of temptation itself any longer. The one that he used to portray himself as. That he was the kind sweet person he had promised to be…  
So why?

Chris sighed, shook his head with a grimace as if the motion would make the hurt in his head go away and exhaled slowly, feeling how the weight on his shoulder grew heavier.  
His mother used to tell him when he was still just a child- _‘forgive_ the person who wounded you so that you can grow stronger from the experience, but never _forget_ if that person would try and hurt you again’   
Eight weeks had passed and that’s exactly what Chris had done.

He had _forgiven_ him. 

Decided, even though it had taken some time, that he was better off right now. That even though it was a pity that everything turned out the way it did- he knew in his heart that he never had a chance to continue the relationship he shared with that maiden. That it was just a matter of time for them to part anyway and even though it had hurt back then, he was just fine now.   
He scoffed, continued moving with slower steps now, skipped down a flight of stairs and walked aimlessly while in deep thought. Squinting when the sun hit his face as he walked out on a gravel walkway and followed it with a frown on his face.  
If it wouldn’t be for the fact that he was now a married man and he and Isabel was husband and wife (as soon as they shared a bed that was) he might’ve even taken the crown prince up on the offer that had just been given him again. Continued where the other man so directly had hinted at.

He couldn’t deny it anymore.   
He wanted Felix.   
Craved him like a drug.

The fact that they could see each other again and Chris once again felt the other’s presence filled him with such an embarrassing joy that he felt a flush warm his ears.   
It was so bad that he nearly hesitated in a step again when he thought back on how he felt in his arms just then. The pads of his fingertips on his cheek, standing close enough for him to be able to count the freckles on his face. Felix had just breathed out, speaking such nasty, shameless words without any effort or even a tinge of a blush on his face that Chris’ stomach flipped.   
He really should be used to it by now, both siblings seemed to just speak their hearts whenever they wanted, with no filter whatsoever.

Maybe the moment that just passed was just one more of those.   
Maybe the other man once again didn’t try to hurt him.   
Maybe Chris’ should just not take everything Felix said to his heart all the time and get so damn offensive about it.  
Maybe this was just another moment when the other didn’t think before he spoke. 

Chris huffed, rounded a large tree in the garden and nearly walked over a couple of castle residents that sat on the warm grass, cheering with some cold apple cider in the shadow from the leaves on the treetop. He gave them an apologetic smile and nodded awkwardly in a half-bow before he continued walking.   
No.   
He should get his focus straight.   
He should _not_ think about how good Felix would feel underneath his fingertips, how good he’d taste, how amazing he’d feel. His main task right now was to consummate the wedding with lady Isabel, move her out into one of his father’s castles back in Hinosia and then start making more heirs… 

He sighed, paused again and nearly pouted when a childish part of him wanted to sit down on his ass at the pure thought, arms across his chest while he shook his head no like a defiant toddler because the pure thought of having to do all those things filled him with such dismay that he once again frowned.  
What he _really_ wanted to do was to walk straight back to the future king’s quarters, knock the door again, demand them to just start over and then just kiss him until he couldn’t feel anything but the pure, lean, heavenly weight of the other man in his arms. 

Dear God above he wanted to kiss him so bad it damn nearly physically hurt him by now. Had dreamed about it time and time again, first with resentment when the wounds were still fresh after their departure but now since just a few weeks it had been without any doubt. Fantasised like a young teen about blissful imaginations, things that just kept escalating- from the innocent thought of them just kissing to him having his hand shut over Felix's mouth as a way of preventing any more cunning words from slipping past his lips, pounding into him from behind, pushing his chest into the mattress with his other hand, arching his back into a bow... 

He would never want to actually hurt the other but an immature part of him still craved a sort of revenge.   
Maybe he _should_ go back? Tease the other into bed and then strap his hands and legs to his bed? Use the same dirty tricks that had been pulled on him and then leave the other prince to come undone without a touch… Chris was sure he could do it. Felix was allegedly just as deep in his lust as he was himself…

He bit down on his lower lip. Sighed again and glanced through the grassy garden and then up at the gravel walkway he’d been strolling down.  
As much as his own hunger craved to be sated, he knew that he had more pressing things at hand. Not to mention that he had absolutely no idea how he was supposed to even begin to approach the other man now when he once again made it clear that he wanted nothing to do with him? 

Chris grimaced to himself and wished that he knew where Changbin was so that he could talk to someone who could give him a good answer back. Someone who could give him a proper talk and then a slap across his cheek to make his eyes turn back into the direction where his real future laid.   
Not the big main bedroom he just left. Not to the man that was responsible for his small utopia of yearning, the one that could make all his dreams reality but turn his destiny into a standstill. 

Maybe he could search up Jisung? He had at least the knowledge of how to approach someone of the same gender? How to patch up a wound of pride between two men…  
Chris let out a chuckle to himself when he remembered back at their arrival and the look on the lord of Andovale’s face when they had entered the ballroom. The love and adoration and longing that couldn’t be hidden behind his serious expression.  
Maybe not…   
Jisung was also, after all, and bless him honestly- way too deep in love to even begin wanting to deal with Chris’ problems as well. 

He combed back some hair that had stuck to his forehead and felt how his travelling clothes clung to his skin in the warmth of the high summer’s day. Maybe a change into something lighter and get something cold to drink would be a good start to literally get his mind straight.   
Maybe he even really should try and find lady Isabel afterwards so they could finally become legitimate man and wife. There was, after all, not a reason to wait for a special moment. If she was willing he’d gladly just get over with it.

He raised his hand, filled with confidence at his plan and the decision to make something out of the day and waved a servant towards him that stood a few meters away, currently serving the queen of Solnesland some wine while she leaned back against the pillows that supported her body. Half laying on a deep blue carpet with an airy fabric of linen raised above it to block out the sun. A smaller lunch of fresh fruits, nuts and dried meat laid on plates in the middle of herself and her daughters. She gave him a courteous nod, one corner of her lips stretch out in a small smile while she raised her glass as a greeting and he bowed back, properly with one hand on his back and the other on his midriff,

“Your Highness?” the servant asked when she approached him and he gave her a small smile, tried not to make it too obvious that he glanced down at her full, curvy figure that was nearly completely visible through the sheer beige fabric of her dress and then cleared his throat when she gave him a small smile back. His throat felt dry all of a sudden. Were they all dressed like that and Chris just hadn’t noticed it because he was too deep into his own thoughts?  
“Could you uh- show me my room, please? I wish to change clothes after the long journey” he tried to speak with authority but his voice nearly broke anyway and he felt a bit embarrassed. Cringing at the way his own body failed him but the servant only nodded shortly, watched him with slight interest and then turned around. 

Chris _didn’t_ stare at her ass. Didn’t imagine how well the roundness of it would fit in his hands. Didn’t remember with a heavy heart that he hadn’t gotten laid in nearly two months because he wanted to remain pure for his wife after his maiden had left him- no, not him. He _absolutely_ didn’t think about the fact that he had barely even touched himself to make sure that any of his seed wasn’t unnecessarily spilt. Didn’t think about the fact that they were walking back in the same direction as he had walked and Felix was literally just a stairwell and a corridor away when they finally stopped at a wooden door. Didn’t contemplated the fact that the crown prince _had_ offered, once again, what they both desired so fucking bad by now that the thought nearly turned Chris breathless with need.

“Is that all, Your Highness?” the servant asked after she opened the door for him and revealed a big room, fitting for a royalty of much higher status than himself.   
A big bed stood at his left, with a table, chairs and a sofa a few steps down in a sunken lounge area and Chris was struck with the familiar architecture since it was of the same kind that his own room in the tower consisted off (except there it was his bed that stood in the same kind of area) 

The servant gently cleared her throat and Chris looked back at her, surprised that she was still waiting for another order, “Was it anything else, Your Highness?” she asked again and he sighed, forced his eyes to stay at her own and not the bouncy roundness of her bosom and then shook his head.   
She shrugged and then gave him another smile, “No need to be shy. You can stare if you want to. There’s a reason why I’m dressed the way I am…” she gave him another smile, a much more suggestive one and he drew a sharp inhale of air,  
“Thank you for the offering, but I’m married” before he stepped inside his room and closed the door after himself, a clenched up grimace on his face from the awkward encounter.

His leather suitcase was placed next to his bed and he began with unclasping it to get his mind back on track, placed his clothes in the drawer next to the bed since they were staying for a while and then picked out a much thinner white blouse and a pair of dark, soft linen pants. Put them on, combed his fingers through his hair and then glanced at the full figure mirror on the wall on the other side.  
Much better.  
He approached the large window at his left, opened it and inhaled deeply when the fresh air played with the locks of his hair. The castle was placed on a hill, with a man-made drop just underneath his window to make it harder for it to be besieged.

A scenic forest, the ‘Marldown woods’ opened up before him on the other side of the drop, some hundred meters away and a river, the ‘Stelbourg shallows’ if he didn’t mishear Jisung while they had travelled down the stream, split the dense trees, disappearing behind houses at his right where it flowed through the city on the other side of the castle. Chris could barely see the edges of Ghost Row on the other side of said river, Oranobe’s version of his own Smoke Tower, and he sighed deeply while pulling a grimace when he saw an old woman nearly slip on the muddy street. Two heavy buckets weighed her down while she walked towards the poor district. Sun Town laid just next to the castle, a district that was just slightly better than Ghost Row and it pained Chris to see the suffering people walking and living a whole other world than the ones he saw in Elicstow. 

King Cassius might have died nearly two and a half months ago but the people of the city still felt his presence every day. Still felt the suffering he had put them under. Chris just hoped that they would learn to know that Felix wasn’t the same. That he’d never treat them the way they had been treated. That things in the city would get better.  
He sighed again, walked away from the window and poured some white wine from a chalice into one of the two glasses that had been provided for him, drank it in three big gulps and grimaced at the sweetness of the dry grape on his tongue. The wine itself was dangerously weak, a bit honeyed in the tone, much easier to drink than he first expected and he quickly poured another glass, sipped it more slowly while walking around the room and inspected the furniture. The bed was large enough for two, a dresser placed just next to it and small details and trinkets that made it move homey. He found it to be quite similar to his room back home. From the orange ochre on the walls to the hanging fabrics over the canopy bed. 

A ridiculous thought hit him- perhaps Felix had chosen this room as a sort of gift, maybe even a peace offering for the time in Elicstow. As a way for Chris to feel more at home in this foreign city that he was in.  
He chuckled to himself and finished his wine, feeling a bit bolder with his decision to approach lady Isabel now when the alcohol rested warmly in the pit of his stomach. He glanced at himself in the mirror again. Combed his hair away from his forehead and gave himself an encouraging smile. 

He waved another servant to him, a male this time, bare-chested and with the same kind of beige sheer fabric only covering his thighs and he gave Chris a bright smile, the flat, fiery red hair of his waving in a soft gust of wind like licking flames,  
“Your Highness?” he asked with a light, comfortable voice and Chris found himself once again a bit stricken with how gorgeous the person in front of him looked. 

There _had_ to be some kind of ulterior motive here. He had lived around a court long enough to understand so. Just a glance around the garden now when he was much more aware of his surroundings was enough to confirm it. He highly suspected that the ‘servants’ around him was more like hired in actors that were willing, or well- the man’s bright smile soften when he realised that Chris was still just unabashedly staring at him, eyes glimmering with a knowledge that he had just figured out- rather _more_ than willing to be invited to one of the guests or residents rooms- for the right price of course. 

“Show me to princess Isabel’s quarters. I wish to speak with her” Chris demanded and the man just nodded before he led the way forward.   
They walked past Felix’s room and Chris just glanced at it once. Curious if the young future king himself was behind the ensemble of pleasure workers in his garden or if the plan was one of the resident’s who wanted a good time and used the crown prince’s coronation as an excuse. They walked down the corridor, took a sharp left turn and then suddenly stopped.   
The red-haired man gave Chris another smile and then said with a hushed voice, “I’ll be here all afternoon, just find me if you wish to have a private meeting”  
Chris shook his head with a small frown, “I’m married” 

He nodded towards the closed door and the man’s eyes bulged slightly when he realized who he was talking to, “I’m sorry” he wheezed out and then scurried back across the corridor, steps echoing slightly through the stone walls while Chris knocked on the door to lady Isabel’s room.   
“Hold on for a moment please” a voice shouted out from inside and shuffling was heard, the princess followed by… No- he scoffed to himself. He was imagining things. A small curse could be heard, followed by hurried feet against the floor. Stumbling and clothes shifting and Chris waited patiently, wondering what on earth she had been doing. 

The door suddenly flung open, nearly hitting Chris in the face and he jolted backwards just in time, “Oh… it’s you” Isabel gave him a disappointed smile as if she expected someone else.  
Dressed in a nearly see-through white cotton voile dress, beautiful and unique to only be worn on one’s wedding night. A streak of wetness had coloured it darker across her thigh and he could hear the faint noise of rustling of bed sheets as if someone laid in the bed inside the room, making his doubting suspicion blow into a whole other proportion. A bad feeling exploded like a sickness after you’ve eaten something bad in his stomach and Chris swallowed hard when a rancid taste, like bile, seemed to erupt in his mouth.

“Are you not alone?” he asked and tried to not make his voice shake too bad. Felt how confusion mixed with sorrow when the princess glanced behind her and made it very much apparent that a figure still laid in her bed. Not even trying to hide that Chris had clearly interrupted something.  
“What if I weren’t?” she asked with a... joyful tone and Chris felt how his head was spinning when she gave him a small choked up giggle as if she tried to hold back on her own enjoyment because she knew it was morally wrong but simply couldn’t stop it from escaping just a little when his frown grew even deeper,

“You… shouldn’t. We’re husband and wife. We’re-” Chris started and Isabel shook her head,   
“You misunderstand me. I understand where you’re coming from but-” she nodded to the figure in the bed and a man dressed in the same kind of sheer material as the rest of the ‘servants’ outside appeared just behind her, watching Chris with eyes that were just as confused, “We haven’t truly consummated anything, now have we?”  
“Who the fuck are you?” the man asked with a curled upper lip and Chris felt how the puzzling feelings in his heart quickly detonated into a fury,   
“I’m her fucking husband, you man-whore. What the fuck are _you_ doing in her bed?” he nearly shouted out and the servant boy looked at Isabel with a disappointed expression,   
“Aww, you didn’t tell me you were married, m’lady. What am I gonna do now?” he pouted and it took everything for Chris to not just punch the living shit out of him, the both of them, at that moment.  
“I don’t know” she shrugged and stroked a finger down his jaw with a sugary sweet smile, “We’ll have to see if the seed you put in me is going to be a baby or not I guess. Who knows, maybe it will be yours. Or perhaps the boy from yesterday, or… or maybe the one from the other day. He had some pretty eyes”

Chris couldn’t understand what he was hearing. He just stood there. Completely stunned at what was going down.   
_His_ lady. The woman he had sworn to be with for the rest of his life in front of a priest, their families, other royals and the maker himself, had just slept around with God knows _how_ many men while he could count the number of times he had touched his own cock on one hand.

“The marriage is tainted. I will not consummate anything with you” Chris spoke in a voice that was almost as low as a whisper.   
Body shaking with anger and confusion. It wasn’t like he had looked forward to living the rest of his life with her but he had promised himself that he was going to make it work, even if he had to force the smile on his lips every day. For his country, for the neighbourhood countries among them. For peace… 

_For what?_ This wasn’t worth his time. Fuck it. _Fuck this_.

He turned on his heel. Heard Isabel scream after him, “Wait. I was just joking around. I said that to scare him. I haven’t slept around a bunch” he stopped in his tracks, waited for her to finish speaking. She drew a quick breath and took a step outside her room, “I still want to sleep with you” she pouted, “I still want us to be married-”   
“How many?” he interrupted her and looked back over his shoulder. Fingernails creating small half-moons from where he pressed them hard enough to hurt into the palm on his hand, 

She gave him a stressed smile, wrung her hands slightly, “I… I don’t know. But they aren’t that many! I just haven’t kept a count these past weeks”   
He scoffed, sick and tired of the whole situation and she cried out now, “I’m sorry. I know you’ll be a good father, whether it will be yours or not. I promise I won’t lay with anyone else!” her voice grew louder and louder the further he walked away, “I will be a good wife- Christopher please!” she was crying now, seemingly understanding the situation she put herself in while he walked down the stairwell, took a sharp left turn, arrived at his room and slammed the door behind him. 

Drew a long, extended breath and closed his eyes while he leaned back at the wooden surface. How could he be so stupid? He should’ve known from the crown prince’s scandalously loose nature that his sister shouldn’t be much better. That he should’ve just trusted his gut. 


	24. Tandem

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember that I love you all 🤭 and every comment is a joy to read whether it's long or literally just screaming in caps, snippets of your favourite parts or a bunch of emoji's ♥ 
> 
> Chapter name meaning: Finally
> 
> (Oh and I'm sorry that I'm doing this to you)

He should’ve known.   
A sorrow etched like tiny hooks into his heart, pulled on it like a fisherman pulled on his captured fish and he sighed deeply, clutched at the flesh above it, dented fingernails only barely marking the skin.   
_He should’ve known._  
What would his father say? 

His father who had been kind and generous enough to promise him the stunningly gorgeous fortress in Vavio. A rather small town of merchants and sailor families, reaching just above 1,700 inhabitants. A four days horse ride from Elicstow, barely 10 km from the border of Oranobia and just a hundred meters to the shoreline with the northern sea stretching as far as the eyes could see.  
The previous protector of the village had passed away and since he had never gotten any children, the relatively new castle had been empty for six months now, ready to house a new lord that could command the forces on the most northern border.

It would’ve been good. Not even nearly storybook perfect- but Chris knew that. Knew that the two of them were far too different. But they _could’ve_ made it work. If both of them tried. He knew many married couples who had to work with far less.  
 _He_ had tried.   
But alas, he guessed he’d rather have been cheated now than in the future when they had a fully-fledged life together. He grabbed the same glass as before, poured it fully with wine again and sighed before gulping it all down. 

There really wasn’t any reason for them to stay, he supposed. The only connection to the Ashdown-Lee family had just been severed and it bore him too much pain at the moment to even allow himself to think about Felix and the fact that what had been pushing them together, the promise of an alliance, was now gone as well.   
He put the empty glass back on the table.   
He should just leave.   
Only pain awaited him if he stayed.

More mistakes, forceful and excruciatingly bad meetings with his now ex-wife.   
Heart-wrenching seconds of Felix next to him and Chris not being able to act upon the fact that every minuscule cell in his body screamed out at him to just close the distance between them. No… He was better off making the journey back to his home. 

He glanced out the window, felt how his stomach growled at him from the lack of lunch he had been denying it. The sun was lowering on the sky and he guessed that it was closing in on dinner time. Perhaps he should ask if one of the servants, real or not, could bring him a plate instead? and then… then he had to pack his things again, of course… and tell his guards that they were supposed to leave...

He sighed, backtraced in his hurry to escape the place he was in and guessed that the journey home could wait for just a little- at least until he had eaten and said his goodbye to Felix because he was still a proper man before his honour and told Jisung that the visit with his lover had to be broken off.  
Chris grimaced. He wasn’t looking forward to that part one bit. 

Well… he cleared his throat, swallowed and felt how his already heavy head was slowly gaining a headache from everything that had been going on and the three glasses of wine that now splashed around his empty stomach.   
One thing at the time. 

He was sure to leave Jisung for last, giving the couple as much time with each other as he possibly could and instead walked back towards Felix’s room. He was just on the verge of being tipsy- still far from drunk but not exactly sober either and maybe it was just the confidence he gained from it or because his whole mind had concluded the rest of the day to a big, fat ‘fuck it’ from what had just gone down, but he didn’t hesitate at all when he knocked on the door. 

It took a while, three hard knocks and a minute at least and Chris had to stop himself from just giving up and walking away twice when Felix finally opened it. Dressed in just an oversized white nightshirt that reached to his mid-thighs, sloppily threaded through the hoops in the front, crown removed and the normally so perfectly combed blonde fringe in a bird’s nest, pale legs naked and feet bare on the cold stone floor. 

“Hi?” he blinked at his visitor, eyes squinting from the bright sun that shone through a high open rectangular hole in the castle wall behind Chris, who was completely taken aback from this new side of the crown prince he had never seen before. 

He seemed… younger. Like it wasn’t the glorious future king of Oranobia that stood before him- but just a simple man. A man that had lost twice as much as Chris, gained twice as much as well and had twice as much responsibility on his shoulders- all because he was the crown prince and destiny didn’t seem to like him very much. A man that was just months younger than himself, ready now more than ever to do everything he could to protect his country and build it up, restore and heal it from the ways his father had done.

“Was it-” a yawn interrupted his speech, “something you wanted?”  
“Can I uh…” Chris swallowed and tried to understand why his subconsciousness enjoyed making him suffer so badly, “Can I join you?”  
Felix gave him an amused expression, “Well, I was sleeping and unless you want to do so as well-”  
“No-” he interrupted and bit back against the embarrassed flush that warmed his ears as if he could force it away with mind control alone, “No, sorry. I just want to… talk” 

Felix shrugged and stepped aside, covered his mouth with his hand when another yawn broke his tired expression and then closed the door after him.   
Chris walked into the middle and stared around the room with ave. It was ivory white, twice as big as his own back in Elicstow and with intricate gold carvings decorating the walls. Pillars towered up above them in each corner of the room and busts of important-looking men and women at the very top gazed down at them with marble eyes. The ceiling itself was like a dome and royal blue- like a twilight sky.

Paintings of landscapes, the sky and architecture hung around them and Chris paused in his steps when he recognised some of them to be off the city of Oranobe. The canopy bed at the left from the door was draped with white silks, big enough for five grown people to lay side by side and made out of darkened oak. A balcony with an open door was right in front of him and he could see a comfortable chair with a matching table through the slightly fluttering curtains. Finally, to his right, was a lounge area. Sunken down into the floor like in his own room and Chris tried to chase away the smile that tugged on his lips when he imagined how Felix had taken inspiration on the interior design of his room to implicate on his own. There were two long sofas with many pillows to drape oneself on and a gorgeously engraved table from the same dark oak as the bed. 

Soft, cotton and silk fabrics, expensive regal colours like mustard yellow, wine red, emerald green and royal blue was cleverly placed among the white around the room, easy on the eye and enough to show off that this room wasn’t owned by a regular person in the court- but by the king himself. 

Felix gave him a small smile when he noticed how Chris was staring, motioned with his hand towards one of the sofas at the lounge area and pulled a grey fur plaid from the bed with him, sat down on the other, poured himself a glass of white, crisp wine, offered it to Chris who turned it down with a soft smile and then made himself comfortable with the plaid over his naked legs,   
“Speak-” he said simply and then sipped from his glass.

Where should he begin? Why was he even here? He was just supposed to say goodbye and now here he sat instead, inside the crown prince’s room, with said prince looking nothing like Chris was used to seeing him. A softness in his features, a tired look in his face but the brown eyes still as alert and awake as always.   
“The marriage between me and your sister has been annulled” he finally blurted out and Felix only cleared his throat, as if to mask a slight cough of surprise, “I caught her with another man in her bed and she admitted to me that she had slept with numerous others during these past weeks… I… I’m sorry… but cannot be with a woman who doesn’t honour the holy matrimony” Chris finished and Felix just shook his head with a disappointed look and then took a big gulp of wine.

“Stupid girl-” he mumbled under his breath, “to just throw everything away like that”  
He actually looked even more pissed off than Chris was feeling at the moment, brows furrowed and mouth pressed into a thin line. Chris made a troubled, small noise in the back of his throat at that,   
“It’s fine. I uh… there are others out there who will be able to help in an alliance as well” he said and felt a deep discomfort flood his belly,

“No, it’s not fine. It’s not _just_ about the alliance. She-” Felix stopped himself, bit back the words he nearly rambled out, placed his glass on the table and burrowed his face in his hands for a moment before taking a deep breath, “It’s not ok that she just majorly screwed you over by just using you like that and we… we _needed_ this alliance. Needed the help of your men if the Diocese would decide to break through our borders within the following months, hell the following weeks or even days. It’s only a matter of time before they’ll have word that king Cassius is dead and his young inexperienced son sits on the throne. They will try to attack when the court is still weak and the people haven’t still recovered” Felix rambled with a stressed expression, “Nevermind that I’m half the son of their country as well…” he sighed deeply and pulled a pained grimace, “They won’t care that I’m a Lee. That Dimia was my mother and I miss and mourn her just as much as they do. They… they will just see the abuse she was put through. They won’t see me like a king who will try and make things right- only… only the offspring of a rape”

Felix’s voice choked up and Chris saw how his body slightly shook when he grabbed onto his own hand as comfort. Gaze cast down and his jaw clenched up to prevent himself from starting to cry. A gush of compassion slashed through Chris from the sight and he stood up (blame it on the three glasses of wine) and closed the gap between the two sofas with three long strides, sat down next to Felix who looked at him with glossy, puzzled eyes,

“It’ll be fine” Chris tried to assure. “I’ll…” he sighed and wet his lips, “I’ll consider taking her back. If it’s for the alliance. If it’s to help you”  
“No!” Felix shook his head and reached forward without a second thought. 

His hand was smaller than Chris’ own and the both of them slightly jolted from the feeling of skin to skin contact. Eyes automatically glancing down on the natural way their hands had found each other, fingers lacing together like they had done so for a hundred times already. Chris felt how he nearly choked on air when he looked up again and noticed how Felix met his eyes in the same simple kind of motion like he had been staring down at the weird way they seemed to fit like puzzle pieces as well.   
He felt warm in Chris’ hands. His body just a meter away. Close enough for Chris to feel the faintness of his breath against his face. Close enough for him to see the way his chest expanded underneath the white nightshirt of his and the way his blonde strands of hair dipped down over his forehead, still standing in every direction from sleep. The way he bit down onto his lower lip to prevent the words he didn’t want to speak out.

“Don’t leave me” he whispered out anyway, unable to stop them, “Don’t go back to my sister. Stay here. Stay with me, please”   
Chris felt sick. His stomach made somersaults and it felt like the butterflies that had been flying around, happily fluttering since Felix opened the door- now turned into angry wasps, stinging him from the inside, clogging up his throat and making it hard to breathe. His heart was racing like he had run for miles, thumping in his ears like a constant white noise and he was surely going to die from a heart attack if it continued, 

“I-” he started, unsure of what he could even say in this situation, “I need to know…”  
He remembered back then. The days of endless teasing. The way Felix had put himself out on a platter for him to just enjoy. The way he had thrown his fishing rod out with temptation after temptation like a sweet lure for Chris to bite down on, just waiting for him to hook on so he could claim him as his prey. The way Chris had held himself back- first out of spite and then out of dignity. Out of honour. Promising that he was supposed to be true to lady Isabel, that he wouldn’t forgive.  
Except now... he _had_ forgiven and Isabel was just a distant bad memory until he saw her again,

“I need to know if any of it was true?” he asked as vague as he possibly could but Felix just scoffed and looked down on their hands again. His thumb gently brushed over Chris’ knuckles while a small blush actually started to dust his cheeks and Chris swallowed hard because he had been completely sure that the other man, with his filthy mouth and brash nature, was completely unable to do such a thing,  
“I can swear two things to you, Christopher of house Westspire. First off, I say a lot of shit. Most of it is just because I think it’s fun. It’s fun to see the reaction on prude people’s faces when I say exactly what I want to say without holding back. I might’ve not had a perfect childhood but I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth and that has saved me from a lot of problems” he looked up again and Chris nodded, felt how his hands grew moist from the nervous and anticipated warmth that spread through his body, 

Felix gave him a smile then, one that Chris had never seen as well. It was almost sad, melancholic like he was making himself ready for Chris to just stand up and leave him, “Secondly, I can swear to you that I never lie. I do say a lot of shit. But it’s only shit because it’s true. I don’t sugarcoat things. I say exactly what I want… and every- every single thing I’ve told you has been the truth”  
His words laid heavy in the air and Chris was nearly skipping for breath already. Everything? So it hadn’t just been empty words and suggestive teasings? He really wanted to do all those things? Wanted Chris to have him just as badly as Chris wanted to take him? Craved him just as badly as he craved Felix? 

Arousal pooled to his stomach when Felix just gave him a sly smile, brows raising while he shrugged- like the revelation wasn’t that much of a big deal. He felt his skin tingle and a small gust of wind found its way into the room underneath the door, while another flew through the open window behind him at the same time and it created a sort of cross ventilation. Softly played with Felix's hair, took the smell of lemongrass and bergamot, something floral and olive ash soap with it and when it quickly passed Chris own face, it rather hit him like a slap, triggered a sort of immediate flight or fight reaction in his body and heavens be with him, he just couldn’t help this craving he had any longer.

“If it all was true” he swallowed and spoke slowly to prevent himself from stumbling over the words, “and you’ve never lied to me”  
“Never” Felix answered and scooted a bit closer as if he noticed what was happening as well,   
“Then-” he drew a sharp inhale of air, “Then kiss me-” Chris asked, voice nearly breaking and barely managed to fit a sharp inhale of breath before Felix let out a small giggle and then placed a hand on his cheek again, just like he had done earlier in the day. Thumb brushing over his cheekbone,  
“I never thought you’d ask” 

Felix’s lips were soft, slightly chapped from wetting them all the time despite the warm weather outside and Chris choked on the breath he tried to supply to his panicky body. It was like his whole being went into haywire, tensing up like a coil for a few seconds and a flash of fear struck through him. Like his own mind couldn’t believe that what was happening was actually real. His heart was thumping so hard he feared it might explode. Felix hummed between them, immediately pushed them closer together. Needy, hungry for more. Combed his fingers through the hair just above his ear while his thumb slid down over the corner of his mouth. Dipped it in as if he even needed to make Chris deepen the kiss and then slipped his tongue between his lips, shamelessly kitten licked into his mouth while he gripped his hand tighter, pulled it up and closed it around his waist and Chris fully sobbed into the space between them because he had never held someone who fitted better in his hands. Not any of his many flings throughout the years, not even the maiden he had held so dear for so long. 

Never thought he’d ever feel like he was going to break entirely from a kiss alone, be it one that was so intense that it made his chest ache hard enough to hurt when Felix let out a deep growl while tasting the traces of the sweet wine still on his tongue. Never felt the immense and overpowering need he felt at that moment. Like everything could just disappear around him and it wouldn’t matter if they could stay like this.  
The crown prince groaned, low and rumbling and it was messy, sloppy and so incredibly dirty that Chris felt light-headed. It felt like he was floating. Like he was slowly ascending towards the heavens and only Felix stopped him from going. He climbed onto his lap in one swift movement, placed himself straddled over Chris’ thighs and grind down onto him while his fingers burrowed into his hair, tugged on it harshly and Chris let out a hitched gasp. Felix, ever so quickly with jumping on an opportunity, slipped his tongue into his mouth again and curled it around Chris’ own. Agitated and desperate and without shame, like an animal in heat. 

He closed his other hand around Felix's waist as well, circled the hip bones with his thumbs, felt how his blood was boiling with a thirst for more. How he couldn’t help the small, shallow thrust of his hips against the prince’s bottom. How his hands travelled down from his waist, down to his thighs. Lean muscles flexing up underneath his touch and Chris swallowed hard, broke them apart shortly to look down at his own hands and the place where his fingers gripped hard at the pale, naked, heated skin. Felix groaned again, parted his legs further, invited him to grasp at more while he grinds down at the erection that poked his hole.

It was turning Chris completely and utterly delirious and he choked out another gasp. Wanted to praise Felix for being so good for him, for looking like the wet dream he had only imagined so far. Fingers brushing at his full lower lip, parted them to slip his fingertips inside and Felix’s lips curled upwards in a cocky grin around them while his tongue slipped out to lick at the tips.  
Chris couldn’t get enough- of the tiny, desperate, whiny noises that fell from the other’s lips, the rumbling moans from deep within his chest when he kissed down the prince’s jaw, over his throat, tasted the salt of the sweat on his warm skin just above his pulse point. How badly he couldn’t wait to hear how those whiny noises would increase when he’d finally be inside him.   
How _amazing_ it would feel to-

There was a knock on the door. 

Relentlessly hard and quick. Enough to separate the two men who looked over at it with startled expressions. If someone caught them like this together; entangled and messy and in a completely obvious state of what was going down- a scandal unlike any other would unfold. 

Felix cleared his throat, “I’m unwell, who is it?”   
“Your sister” a very familiar voice answered and the two men exchanged a look,   
“Can’t it wait?” Felix pressed on and closed his eyes like he just sent a prayer,  
“No, I need to talk to you” she pressed on and Felix rolled his eyes, knowing that she wouldn’t take no for an answer,

He cleared his throat, gracefully stood up, picked up the fur plaid and closed it around himself again and Chris took up a pillow from beside him and pressed it down on the hard erection in his pants.  
Isabel gave him a puzzled look when she entered and noticed him on the sofa. Looked from him to her brother and though she was many things- stupid wasn’t one of them. One look from Chris and his reddened lips to the place where his stubble had brushed up a red splotchy mark on Felix’s throat and it was enough evidence for her to put two and two together. 

“Glad to know that you have the balls to just bounce over to another sibling when one wasn’t good enough for you-” she said in a tone that was laced with acid and Chris gave her a frown,   
_“You_ made that decision when you decided to sleep around and brake the vow you gave before God”  
She shrugged with a quick and tensed up motion, “Never believed in the old man…” she spitted out and then let out a scoff, “And who is he to tell me who I can and cannot take to my bed? I make that decision myself. Not you, not anyone! I make-”

“Sister!” Felix interrupted, a sigh underneath his breath while he squeezed the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger, “Please refrain from speaking such senseless words. I’m highly disappointed with you. I know since so many times before that you have next to no morals or compassion at all but you have enough wits to understand that you’ve made a mistake. The alliance between Westspire and Ashdown-Lee was to strengthen our troops. This is a _war_ we’re speaking off. You won’t be able to have your castle, your pretty dresses and men to play with if there will be a war. You had one thing in life to do since you were but a child. Consummate a wedding. That was all. Then you could’ve lived however you wanted. I’m not evil enough to force you on a man that didn’t seem compassionate or else I’d try and talk father out of the wedding, you know that right? I wanted a life for you that the two of you could have decided on. You should’ve consummated the wedding and moved with Chris and everything would’ve been fine and now I have no idea how to fix the mess you’ve put us in” He said that all with a tired, clenched up expression and Chris frowned.

 _No._

Everything _wouldn’t_ have been fine. Chris could’ve seen that from miles away. Felix didn’t look like he believed one word he just spoke and Isabel didn’t seem to believe them either,  
“Oh, like you would’ve been so happy, brother…” she crossed her arms over her chest and the loose, afternoon dress she wore wrinkled under her arms, “This isn’t about the alliance at all. You’re just pissy that I threw away your chance, aren’t you?” she spitted out, “I’m not blind, I saw the way you looked at him all week we spent in Elicstow. How you lusted over him. Pull yourself together and be true to your own nature. Yes, it would've been the right thing but you’ve hated us both for the rest of our lives. I may have made a ‘mistake’ but I’m at least living my life to the fullest. What are you doing? Fooling around with a man as if you’re supposed to be able to continue this after your coronation? Even if you keep this a secret, no one will accept him as some sort of secret lover- he is just an orphan from a country that doesn’t even want him. If it wouldn’t be for His Royal Highness, King Rowan Westspire, he’d be out on the streets!” Isabel scoffed, “and you literally have hundreds of aristocrats out there that want you to marry their daughter”

Silence fell upon them. All three knew that the sharp words were true. Chris felt how a small panic rose up in his chest.   
_What the fuck were they doing?_  
How did he end up like this? He was supposed to just say goodbye and now he stood as if frozen, between the man he so dearly just wanted to jump into bed with and the woman he should’ve jumped into bed with. 

Was it really that hard to just be able to exist for a moment?   
That hard to just get a breather between jealousy and fucked up feelings and betrayal and war and politics?   
That hard to just get what _he_ wanted for once, and not be put as a second option, or be branded as the adoptive boy, the one that will never quite make it, or in this case- as the man who wasn’t good enough. 

The fact that he hadn’t eaten all day quickly rose up as a reminder when vertigo hit him from all the racing thoughts and he suddenly felt sick again.   
Cleared his throat, swallowed hard and then choked out an “Excuse me” before he basically rushed out the door with quick steps and without a look behind him, down the corridor, up to the top of the stairwell and then leaned over the castle wall on the walkway and wretched. Felt how the wine he’d been drinking burned his throat on the way up and then placed his forehead on the cold stone of the wall when nothing but bile burned on his tongue. 

What the fuck just happened? 

Everything from the moment Felix had come clean about his intentions to the moment right now felt like a fever dream and he just wanted to go to bed, rest for the remainder of the day and forget all about what had happened.   
The way that Felix _finally_ had felt in his hands.  
Cursed Isabel once again for being the reason why he couldn’t just catch his breath.   
Unsure of how he’ll ever be able to get out of the situation he just put himself into.


	25. Mutatio

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! ♥ You can reach me on either Tumblr: treasure-my-aurora or on Twitter: @Yellw_Bea  
> Much love as usual and please do write a comment if you want to, smaller essays as very much welcomed ♥
> 
> Chapter name meaning: Change

“Brother” Isabel started with a patronizing tone of her voice, “what are you trying to accomplish? You know that this will only bring you more pain”  
Felix pulled a grimace while he tore his eyes from the door that Chris had flung open, the traces of his taste still heavy on his lips. The familiarity of his scent still lingering in the space around him, forcing him to swallow hard to resist the urgency of taking a deep breath. The faint whispers like smoke inside his head- chanting how badly he once again fucked everything up...   
“Forgive me sister” he hissed out and turned his gaze to her, “but I don’t wish to speak with you any longer. Kindly fuck off” 

She placed her hand on her chest while her mouth fell open in a dramatic, shocked expression, “Brother, please. I’m harmless as a fly. You know that. I may be irrational, a bit sporadic and do things the way I wish- whatever it might be… but I’m not stupid nor evil. I can see how much you’re hurting and beneath all this” she patted at her chest, pouting now, “Wait- what word do you always use to describe it?” she tapped her index finger on her lips and stared diagonally up as if she tried to pull down a memory, looking as innocent as a child while doing so but Felix watched her with cautious eyes, wondering what she had in mind, “Ah, behind all this _darkness_ inside of me… I _do_ care about you, you know. You are the last of my flesh and blood, not counting all of the bastard cousins, aunts and whatever more riffraff we share our space with” she rolled her eyes when he opened his mouth to defend all their unnamed relatives but gave up in the next heartbeat, knowing that he’d only give her what she wanted.

“If you don’t want to leave then just don’t talk. My head hurts” Felix just complained instead and poofed up the pillows at the armrest of the sofa before reclining against them,   
Isabel pursed her lips, twirled a lock of her long brown hair around her finger and sighed after a moment of silence, “Brother… I’m sorry ok” 

Felix shook his head with a frown and interrupted her before she could speak any further, “No, you don’t get to talk like that. Everything you’ve done behind by back is so mindbogglingly stupid. I know that the life that you were going to have with Chris wasn’t what you wanted but-” Felix stopped himself momentarily when he felt how his voice kept increasing, “He is kind, never did anything that would birth this sort of behaviour from your part… and-” he pulled a grimace, “I even went with you to make sure that the man you were supposed to marry wasn’t going to be off the same sort as our father. I was ready to protect you with both body and honour and the first thing you do when arriving back home is to disrespect me like this? I’m _so_ disappointed with you-”

“No, brother” Isabel gave him an icy look that would make anyone else turn frozen but Felix had received it enough times for it to not work on him, “this bullshit about the consummation is _nothing_ more than an act about you being disappointed with the fact that I threw away something that you’ve only been _dreaming_ about. This isn’t about _me!_ It’s about _you_ being angry that I fucked up the chance that you wanted for yourself” Felix quickly stood up then instead, fury pulsating in his veins. Like a volcano finally erupting from all the bad words that kept flowing out of her. But Isabel still continued, unphased by his reaction, “You are just _livid_ because you understand that nothing at all right now is making him stay any longer. That I blew it all and you’ll never get a true taste of him again!” Isabel’s voice was loud enough that if someone walked down the corridor outside, they’d hear everything that was being said, “You are just bummed out that you’ll never be able to know how good he _really_ feels, huh?” Felix gave her a look that warned her to push it on ever further but she didn’t seem to care at all, “You’re trying to make this all about me when it’s simply just about you, the thing that just happened and the fact that you know that it will never happen again”

“Isabel, I am your brother first but the future king of Oranobia next. Don’t make me do something I’ll regret” he warned her again and now she stood up as well, hands clenched up in fists while she looked at him with a heaving chest. Eyes not even flickering and the curls of her brown hair bopping while she continued, voice a tone higher,  
“You are just disappointed in me because you gave me a shot at the love you wanted for yourself! A love that will never be true, because he will _never_ be able to love you. Not when he’ll get to know you. Not when he finds out that you-”

“Guards!” Felix shouted out and did not have to wait more than seven seconds before two armed men from his company of shield brother’s stood outside his door. He had ordered out a few more men than the ones on the usual stations since he’d given Minho and Hyunjin the rest of the day off and even though neither of them knew or even talked with him very much, only having grown up with him on a distance like the many servant boys around the castle, they immediately relaxed when they noticed that the only people in the room was the two siblings.

“Escort my sister to her room, make sure that it is _empty-”_ Isabel gave him a confused frown, “She’ll receive two more meals today and then four tomorrow, all the refreshments she wishes for, allowed to use her balcony for fresh air but be unable to leave. Put a lock on her door-”   
“Brother? What do you- Why are you doing this?” Isabel demanded while taking a hesitant step backwards when the men walked up behind her with stern expressions,  
“No one will interact with her until my coronation. She has caused enough trouble as it is” Felix finished off and lowered his gaze when she searched for it,  
“Brother! I’m sorry. You know me. I didn’t mean it” she tried to explain herself when the guard gently placed a hand on her back to make her move forward,   
“Yes. I _do_ know you, Isabel. You will never learn if you continue to escape consequences. Think about the mistakes you’ve made, how many people you’ve hurt by putting yourself first. How you’ve destroyed what I’ve tried to persuade father to do for years in just a simple heartbeat. How you’ve put all of Oranobia at risk because you wanted to have some fun”

Isabel turned away from him then, sighed deeply, walked past him and he could hear her muffled crying all the way down the corridor to her room. Felix closed his eyes momentarily, drew a breath deep enough to feel the expansion of his lungs against his ribs. Closed the door, turned the lock, gulped down the rest of his strong wine, filled the glass again, downed it as well and then laid down on his bed. Burrowed the back of his head in his pillows and looked up at the white linen sky of the canopy bed. 

Replayed every moment- from when Chris had knocked to the way he rushed out the door. Every jolt of his heart, the warm flush on his cheeks. Couldn’t stop the big grin that spread on his face when he thought back on the way Chris had looked after he assured that everything he had ever told had been the truth. Like he was relieved that they both felt the same. That they both had this lust for each other that was unable to smother for any longer. That the goblet of their need for each other finally couldn’t take another drop.   
The way he’d felt against Felix. Larger than him, with muscles that tensed up and expanded under his body. A cock that had hardened so fast that it had made him dizzy and Felix just _craved_ it- all of it. 

_All of Chris._

If it wouldn’t have been for his sister, he was sure that he’d be down from his first- no, second high by now. Spent and disgusting and feeling so good that the mere thought made him pout. Frustrated. Agitated. Spurred on already by his imagination.   
The only thing that stopped him from actually pursuing him was that Chris had been the one who walked away. The one who couldn’t take being in the same room as him any longer. The one who had literally escaped from the thing they had going on. If it wouldn’t be for Isabel…

He sighed again, casually brushed a lazy hand over his stomach and then combed it through his hair. He was warm. The afternoon sun didn’t exactly help and he knew that he wouldn’t be able to go to sleep again after all that had been going on.   
Ugh, he groaned quietly to himself, raised up on his pillows and fanned his face. The vibrating small hints of a headache that started to form a few minutes ago was truly developing in its epitome right now. Thumping away at his temple and shot lightning through his brain in a way that made his face scrunch up. He felt something else as well, deep inside his chest at the left side, like his heart was clenching up as well. Maybe there _was_ something wrong with him?  
Maybe he should call for his physician, take something for the pain and then also a little something to make him fall asleep again.  
He sighed to himself again. God only knew how badly he just wanted to fall back into sleep by now.

Said and done- his physician arrived within 10 minutes with his glasses slightly ajar and the white hair in a loose knot at his neck. He was a kind man in his late middle ages with a lean and strong body, clear blue eyes and a gentle smile, named Crewe of house Mowbray, son of a priest in Roccupone which was a small, deeply religious town north of Monta. He had met Felix’s mother, Dimia, after he had finished his time as an apprentice and was immediately given work with the Lee family, as the young aristocratic girl’s private physician since she often suffered from a cold as a child. Later on, when Dimia had been chosen to be Cassius Ashdown’s wife, he followed her from the Diocese of Mongia to continue to serve her and like so many of Felix’s mother’s servants, chose to stay for the children she left behind after her death. Felix had known him all his life and the man lifted his arched glasses out from the front pocket in his vest, placed them on his curved nose and sighed at the young crown prince figure,

“How are you, boy?” he asked while Felix sat up slightly and frowned while pulling the plaid closer around his body despite the fact that he felt drops of sweat on his template,  
“I don’t know-” he answered, “I feel like I might go down with an illness”   
Crewe nodded them with a serious expression and reached forward, placed a hand on his forehead and Felix swallowed hard at the chillness of his touch,   
“Well, you don’t seem to have a fever” he concluded, “Could you describe the symptoms for me?”  
“Well…” Felix cleared his throat, “I uh, was talking with my sister. She acted up and I decided to take action. I know I shouldn’t but…” he looked down at his resting hands in his lap, “I wanted her to understand that she hurt me once again with words that you shouldn’t say to one another. I wanted her to see how much she has ruined for me…”  
“Do you feel guilty?” Crewe asked him next and Felix shook his head,   
“No, she needs to learn. To recognize where the line is drawn and not speak without thinking first”  
Crewe nodded, “Anything else?” he asked next and Felix wanted to shake his head because the next subject was rather sensitive, not only for him personally but for the fact that he had been with another man.   
“Uh… I had a... meeting... with the prince from Elicstow” he started out slowly and the physician nodded quietly,   
“And how did that go?” he asked calmly, 

Felix sighed and wet his lips, “I don’t think that my racing heart or the thundering pain in my head has anything to do with another man, Crewe”   
He let out a weak chuckle and his physician shrugged, placed his glasses back in the front pocket and laced his fingers together,   
“Say then, that word travels quickly in the castle and a quiet understanding might exist between the people that have served you your whole life …” 

Felix grew quiet. He knew who was loyal to him around the castle. Knew that they didn’t want to do anything that would harm him. That years upon years of oppression has turned them faithful to him since they knew that he wouldn’t ever treat them the same as his father used to do.  
“Say that I feel disappointed that he left and I wish I could go after him?” Felix mumbled and Crewe gave him a sad smile,   
“Then I’d say that your body isn’t in danger, my prince”  
“But…” Felix hesitated, “I feel pain” his fingers brushed against his ribcage, “right here”

The physician stood up and gave Felix another smile, “You are suffering from sickness to the heart. Not any medicine in the world will solve that, I’m afraid”  
Felix felt his stomach race from the sudden fear. Was it really _that_ bad? I _did_ sound bad enough,   
“Am I to die?” he asked and Crewe let out a warm chuckle,   
“We all are, my prince, all due in time. In your case, hopefully not in a long while”  
“Then how will I be alright?” Felix pressed on while his physician started to leave the room,   
“You only need one thing” he stopped in the door, “You need to follow your heart for it to heal” before he gently closed the door behind him and Felix stared at it, completely baffled from confusion.

-

He must’ve fallen asleep eventually because he was awakened by a soft knocking on the door. A kitchen maid asked if she could come in and he yelled something back that was barely coherent but she seemed to understand it anyway,   
“Please eat, your royal highness. It’s roasted chicken with boiled vegetables”  
“Thank you” he mumbled against his pillow and was just about to sit up when a thought struck him, “Wait uh” he opened his eyes and recognized the young lady, “Iseult, could you uh…” he rubbed his eyes, the headache hadn’t disappeared at all and now he felt both sweaty and disgusting after rolling around in his sheets while the sun outside had travelled across the sky and then disappeared behind the horizon, “Could you ask someone to fetch me a bowl of water and soap, please? And check if the prince is still in his quarters?” 

He couldn’t describe it, it just felt like he had to talk to Chris at that instant, or else everything… everything that had ever been the two of them, would simply be lost.   
The kitchen-maid curtsied with a smile and he gave her a grateful smile back. Another servant returned within just a few minutes, a basin, soap, cloth and a large chalice of warm water in their hands and Felix thanked them, locked the door after they left and then stripped out of his nightshirt. The moon was already up and considering the high summer, time must be closing in on midnight. A slight chill found its way through his open balcony door and the skin on his body prickled while he cleaned himself with the wet cloth and he drew a deep breath before drying himself again. Picked out a comfortable white, silk blouse that dipped low on his chest, soft cotton pants and combed a brush through his hair, pacing nearly nervously through his room while occasionally picking up a piece of vegetable from his plate, unable to sit down and eat in peace. The servant had waited just outside his room and he called for them once again to take away his water and then call upon the prince a few doors down. 

“He doesn’t answer when I knocked on his door earlier, I think he must be asleep” the servant answered and Felix shook his head,   
“No, Chris isn’t asleep just yet. He gets his sleep in when the rest of us are starting to wake up” Felix was certain and the servant nodded to him, “Take me to him” Felix continued.  
He closed the door to his bedroom, walked down the corridor, the stairwell, stopped at the prince’s door and the servant knocked, “The crown prince of Oranobia demands your attention. Are you asleep?” 

No answer. Felix frowned. Placed his hand on the doorknob and found that it was unlocked. Opened it and felt his whole body freeze up as if someone had just turned it down several degrees.   
Sickness quickly rose up from his stomach and he placed his hand in front of his mouth to prevent himself from puking. A sharp gasp of surprise from the servant beside him confirmed that he wasn’t seeing things. Time slowed down and Felix was unsure if he was even breathing.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t fulfil my duty” their voice was distant in his right ear and he saw in the blurriness of his peripheral vision how they had picked up a note on the ground in front of the door.   
This couldn’t be happening. Pain slashed through him like death itself with his lie. He couldn’t take a deep breath. Choked on it every time. Heard his heart thump like white noise in his ears. This couldn’t be happening.

_It couldn’t._

Tears were streaming down his face. Pain ached in his heart, unlike any pain he had ever felt before.   
He fell to his knees.  
Didn’t feel anything when his kneecaps hit the stone ground.  
His whole chest cramped up worse than when his mother died. Worse than when his first dog died after she grew old and sick or the poor cat that his father forced him to kill as gratitude for the sword he had been given when he was ten. 

Chris looked like he was sleeping. Peaceful. The white silk sheet in a tight knot at his neck. Hanging from the chandelier in the middle of the room. Still dressed in the clothes he wore when he rushed out of Felix’s room a few hours earlier. When his body had been underneath Felix’s own. So warm and alive.

Lips cracked- blood red, face a bit swollen, neck tilted to the left, eyelids covering the brown, sweet eyes that he loved so much.  
Eyes that Felix wasn’t going to ever see again.   
Lips that Felix wasn’t going to kiss again.   
With a smile that Felix wasn’t going to smile back at. 

He heard himself sobbing out his name.  
Chris. Chris.

**_CHRIS!_ **

Felix finally woke up by his own scream and the way his whole body violently twitched, as if his subconscious had forced him to so because what he had just seen had been too much.   
He was sobbing and his pillow was wet with tears and snot. Legs entangled with his sheets. Heaving for breath, exhausted and limbs heavy. It was still evening and the sun had started to go down on the horizon. He coughed, bit back on the immediate need to puke and forced himself up to his feet again.

Stumbled over to the wardrobe on his right, pulled out a pair of cotton pants with a dimmed vision, combed a hand through his hair with an annoyed flick of his wrist when a few strands fell in front of his eyes, paused for just a second to draw a deep breath and then walked out the door, completely forgetting about putting on shoes in his haste. A guard gave him a surprised look when they met each other in the corridor, looking rather concerned to see him in such disarray but still bowed to his crown prince. Felix barely noticed it though and jogged in a hurry down the stairs before he banged his closed fists hard on Chris’ door. 

“Open” he yelled through it and was just seconds from pushing the whole door in when Chris finally flung it open with a puzzled expression.   
“Thank God you’re ok-” Felix cried out and threw his arms around the other prince, who nearly fell backwards when their bodies forcefully slammed together,   
“Wha-” he tried to ask but Felix pressed their lips together, silencing him and turned the protest into a satisfied hum. 

He kicked the door close behind him, burrowed his fingers into the curly mess of Chris’ hair. Inhaled the smell of him, the comfort of his body. _His warmth_. The fact that he just had a bad dream and the other prince was here, with him at the moment and not dead was the most relieved he had ever felt in his entire life.  
“What is- why are you crying?” Chris asked, confused and slightly out of breath from the sudden kiss, gently touched his cheek with a curled index finger with a dazed glance over his eyes.

Felix felt a small embarrassed flush warm his ears. It wasn’t at all like him to just storm into another person’s room and kiss them senseless.  
“I… I had a nightmare” he mumbled, “You… you died and I…” he swallowed hard, “I uh…” the right words didn’t seem to come to him.   
He tried his very hardest to convey the feeling of being helpless and disoriented, the heavyweight on his chest when he had seen the other man hanging so lifeless. The happiness to have him in his arms… what- what was this feeling that made his heart flutter so bad?

“Well, you seem glad to see that I’m still alive” Chris chuckled a bit awkwardly, and looked away when Felix’s gaze found his eyes again,   
_Oh._  
He let the prince go, feeling even more embarrassed. _This wasn’t like him._

Felix was calm, collected, calculated in every detail from living with a manipulative sister and a sadistic father. Nothing he did was on a whim or because he just felt like it. He always followed a rational plan rather than what his heart wanted… but- but he was happy at the moment and allowed himself to actually enjoy it.   
Even though he had taken a step back now and Chris stood before him in a simple, plain beige linen shirt and dark brown pants. Clothes that were for comfort and practically first and absolutely not clothes he should be dressed in when in the presence of a crown prince. A small crumb from some type of bread still rested on his chin after dinner and he wore an almost uneasy expression, rolling his thumbs while staring down at the floor. 

“I’m just glad you’re ok… Sorry that I charged at you like that. I-” he swallowed, “I seem to have grown… quite attached to you” Felix softly said which made Chris’ eyes perk up again, “I’m sorry to bother you. I should just... go” he quickly added and gave the other prince a clenched up smile.  
He turned on his heel to leave but Chris quickly bolted forward and grabbed his wrist when he reached for the doorknob again. Felix looked over his shoulder, surprised at the action and felt his heart skip a beat when Chris sighed, shook his head and gave Felix a small smile, thumb gently brushing over his wrist, 

“No, I… I was just dumbfounded at the way that you- that you came at me so quickly. I-” he wet his lower lip, “Do you want to stay?” he continued shortly,   
Felix swallowed, looked away when he felt how his cheeks grew warm. That seemed to happen more and more often, despite him always being so confident and brash about what he wanted. What was wrong with his body?

“No” he let out a weak chuckle, “It was just a bad dream. I should’ve just made sure that you were ok. Kissing you like that, clinging onto you…” Felix looked away, ashamed of his behaviour, “It’s not a way a future king should act and I must’ve crossed a line still even if you’re too kind to say so. I- I should just let you sleep. I didn’t mean to rush in on you at this time” he mumbled and felt how his heart was thumping away hard in his chest, nearly worried at the way his body reacted around the other man. As if he was just a young, proper lady who had never found themself in such a tensed up atmosphere. 

“And I don’t want you to leave” Chris pressed on, his hand still wrapped around Felix’s. He bit down on his lower lip, felt how his stomach flipped with somersaults and finally let go of the doorknob to turn to the other man.   
Chris let go of him then and gave him a small smile, nodded towards the bed at his right and Felix swallowed again. Was this happening? Were they _finally_ going to lay with each other?   
The other prince stepped out of his shoes, poofed the pillows up underneath him and gave Felix a warm smile, “So... are you going to join me or not?”


	26. Expeto

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, how are you guys? Do you enjoy the repackaged album as much as I do? "Any" is probably my favourite among the new songs 🤗 oh, and of course the unit songs, I've been wanting studio versions of them for months haha ♥  
> Like I always say, please write me a comment if you want! They make me so happy ♥  
> You can, as usual, find me on Tumblr: treasure-my-aurora or Twitter @Yellw_Bea (I think my dm's are open sorry I'm such a boomer when it comes to twitter 😣)
> 
> Chapter name meaning: Demand/Requirement/Deep desire

His body was buzzing as if the room was much colder than it actually was. Nearly shuddering from nervousness and he heard his heart thump away like a hammer on an anvil. Chris sat reclined on the pillows, fingers laced and resting over his midriff and he gave Felix a small smile when he sat down next to him. The crown prince swallowed, unsure of the other’s intention. Should they just cut to the case? Should he just skip the formalities and place himself across Chris’ thighs already? He decided to sit down in a similar fashion as the other prince with a comfortable distance of half a meter between them instead. Too worried about doing anything that would make him even more embarrassed of his tactless action-before-thinking behaviour.  
He glanced at Chris. Tried to make out something in his expression that could explain what was going on. Felt how an anxious twitch pulled on his fingers, how he just wanted the two of them to join bodies again.

“We need to talk”   
Chris spoke with a sigh and Felix looked away, uncertain if he should feel disappointed or not.   
“About?” he tried to continue and Chris sat up more properly, turned his body towards him and crossed his legs underneath him,  
“Well… First off, after much consideration, I’ve decided to stay but I hope that I won’t have to undergo the bullshit your sister will pester me with for the remainder of the weeks we’ll be here-”  
“You don’t have to-” Felix interrupted with a weak smile and a quick shook of his head, “I don’t want to force you to be here. You owe our family nothing” 

Chris wet his lips and gave him a slightly pained expression, “Thanks…I- I know I might not have to but… I still owe it to my best friend to be happy” he cleared his throat, “I mean- I don’t want Jisung to be forced to leave just yet. He has missed the lord of Andovale so badly I fear he’ll hate me if I split them apart again so soon… and I was going to say that I won’t hold back the next time she is rude to me” Chris pressed his lips together into a thin line and continued, muttering, “But I suppose that a brash and unfiltered conversation is just what she wants anyway”

Oh…  
So this whole thing was about Minho and Jisung.   
About giving them the joy of being together…   
Felix couldn’t help but feel underwhelmed… Because what about their joy? His and Chris’?

“I understand” he nodded and sat up straighter like he just received bad news but had to take them respectfully and calm, like the future king he was, “I know that it would make them grateful if you’d stayed” Felix looked down again, watched his own hands, fiddled away some dirt underneath his fingernails and pursed his lips in thought.   
“And-” Chris spoke up again, making Felix quickly look up and meet his gaze again, “and I want to stay because of you” he swallowed, feeling how his throat turned dry and his stomach clenched up with nervosity.  
“Chris-” he started but the other clenched his jaw and interrupted him once again,  
“No wait I- I need to finish talking… or I won’t ever be able to say what I’m about to say”  
Felix just nodded then and tried his best with giving Chris the most patient expression he could muster even though it felt like his insides were currently melting together in a big puddle.

“Obviously I’m attracted to you…” he slowly started and Felix nodded again, “and you feel the same for me or- or we wouldn’t be here” he nodded again, wondering where Chris wanted to take this sudden turn.   
The other prince cleared his throat and something solemnly shadowed his face, “I care about you as a man that shares many of my own similarities and capabilities. I care for the partnership between us. This is more than just Isabel and a marriage to strengthen our bonds… we, you and I. I- I want to keep this… friendship... between us. I feel like it would be prosperous for both our kingdoms” Felix nodded yet again and waited for Chris to continue but the prince kept silent and only gave Felix another smile.   
He cleared his throat then, shrugged and spluttered out, “Well, I absolutely think so too. I’d be most thankful if you would want to keep the alliance between us despite my sister’s foul decisions”

 _What was this feeling inside of him?_   
Felix swallowed but it felt like he tried to swallow down a ball of cotton. Something vile bloomed up in his chest, something that made him want to grimace.   
He knew that Chris was right. Even though they _did_ have a little something for each other, his sister still spoke the truth earlier. There was really only one goal in mind after his coronation, no matter what Felix himself truly wanted; finding a suitable wife. Someone strong-minded and able-bodied to birth him a bunch of children, preferable boys so he could have a row of heirs. Someone he could spend the rest of his life with. 

His sister was wrong about taking the other man as a lover though. It _was_ frowned upon but not considered as very strange or detested by the average inhabitants in the city. One of his cousins has never been with a woman and Felix’s great grandmother had been known through the castle grounds for her peculiarly strong taste of young, fair chambermaids. As long as he would spend his nights with the queen and save his seed to put in her- no one would care if he had others to warm his bed by the side.   
Chris however, was a man of honour, of might and adventure and Felix wasn’t able to ever imagine him in a private room in Oranobia’s capital city, within the walls of Willowshire castle, waiting for the king to come around and kiss him goodnight. 

No. Chris was supposed to be outside, travelling the lands- commanding forces, upholding a household in a fortress or castle of his own, and live with a wife of his own.   
Have children of his own…  
Felix sighed. 

Chris imitated his action, hesitated for a moment, cleared his throat with a tired scoff, slowly reached forward as if he expected Felix to draw back before he became confident and let his index finger carefully trace over a knuckle until he grew even bolder and finally laced their hands together.   
Warmth spread through Felix like he just swallowed down a gulp of a hot beverage and he couldn’t help but feel how his whole body relaxed, the clenched up, serious expression he must’ve held softened immediately when he met Chris’ gaze again. 

It was certainly bittersweet. 

To know that the other felt the same sort of need for him but also knowing that it was impossible to do something about that need.   
Would it be better to just lay together and get the hunger out of their system?   
Or never touch again, force himself to be satisfied with the small taste he got and not have to mourn what they would eventually, inevitably lose? 

The Felix he felt himself to be weeks ago when they first met wouldn’t hesitate even a second before ripping his clothes off and tease Chris with his own profanity, drive him crazy with need, do all the work from getting the other hard to prepping himself and then just finally sink down on the cock he’d been longing after for so long.   
The Felix he felt himself to be right now however, the true one, paused and wavered a little.   
Just sitting right where he was while the other gently rubbed circles down on the inside of his wrist. Watched while the small smile of his slowly grew into a grin until he had to break their gaze, cheeks dusted pink when Felix’s eyes scrunched up with laughter dimples from the reaction… and he could never have guessed it… but it felt pretty damn good as well. 

“I was so worried” Felix started and cleared his throat slightly to try and break the comfortable but still tense silence between them, “when I woke up and realized that it was just sundown and not midnight like my nightmare…I- I don’t know… it felt like I got a second chance to prevent something”   
Chris gave him a sad smile, “I’m proud and do value my integrity enough to feel ashamed of what has happened but I’m lucky to have found a family that loves me, with or without a promised wife. The fortress, Bluebell I think it was called, in Vavivo, still needs a lord and perhaps, if my father is kind enough, I can make a home there until a more suitable wife has found her way to my door. You don’t need to worry about me-”

“I wasn’t” Felix interrupted with a pout, contradicting the sentence he had started the conversation with,  
Chris huffed out a small chuckle at the crown prince's very determined expression, “Good” he mumbled and Felix looked away again, cursed the flush on his cheeks and looked down on their hands instead, couldn’t help the slight tug of a smile in the corners when he saw how much smaller his own was and wet his lips while a comfortable silence fell between them. 

It only lasted for barely a minute though before Chris spoke up again, changing the topic completely, “I don’t think I ever told you but… uh… My mother died when I was seventeen. The best physician in town had declared when she first started to show signs of not being able to get out of bed that it was only a matter of time. Still, I didn’t want to believe it until the frost disappeared and my father pulled me out of my room to visit her ashes in the family mausoleum at the cemetery south-east of the castle walls. She was the strongest woman I’ve ever met. Escaped the hands of a rapist and abuser to seek shelter in a country on the other side of Azgaar. Walked through two borders and through unruly forests. Sneaked past bandit camps and hiked through the steppes and the empty borderland with Mount Totsa hovering in the east for two full months until she reached the castle in Elicstow. Hoping and begging for political asylum in a country that had nothing to do with her own. The king and man I call father, Rowan Westspire, thought that she was just a noblewoman with her young infant son and tried his best to stay away from her. But eventually, the two of them found a liking in each other and when months had passed and her past was finally unravelled, he didn’t hesitate to ask her to marry him. I was four- no wait, this was just before autumn so I had to still be three years old…”

Felix nodded along, curious about the other’s past, poofed up the pillows at his left and leaned back against them, still holding Chris’ hand and the other replicated the action, clasped their hands against his chest and pulled Felix a bit closer in the process. His heart did a tiny fluttered skip from the action and he swallowed hard to the funny feeling. The smell of wood ash and olive soap, ochre and _that warmth_ was even more intense when they just lied so close, barely three decimeters from being pressed top to bottom.

“I’m thankful-” Chris continued, “that I got so many years together with her. Even though her death was so sudden and inevitable, I still had moments with her that I could treasure. She flourished in the relationship with my father and he never questioned her about her past. Even though so many people thought she killed the king of Vernesvia and wanted her to be put on trial, he never demanded answers, never pressured her on telling him _if_ and if so, _why_ she did it. He loved her because of the person he saw that she was. The woman that travelled a journey through two kingdoms for her son and her own survival. He saw her strength and applauded her victories… and I wish that I’ll be the same kind of man as him when I’m faced with such a decision as well- if I’m ever forced to just go with what the people suggest for me or go by my own gut”

Felix let out a heartfelt giggle, “You don’t have to wish Chris, you’re already that man”   
The other prince glanced away, looking like he much rather wanted to bury his face in the pillows underneath him and scream as loud as he could into them from the deep embarrassment that contorted his face,  
“No, how?” he asked and let out a small chuckled scoff like he didn’t believe the other at all,

Felix gave him another smile, watched the tiny details on his face that he had never paid much attention to before- from the slight stubble on his chin to the traces of black thin streaks in the brown of his eyes; like the sharp end of a spear pointing towards his iris.   
Or the things that he allowed himself to truly indulge in now when they just laid there all nuzzled up against each other- the soft dip on his cupid's bow, the gentle curls that covered his forehead, wild and unruly and Felix _really_ just wanted to comb his fingers through them again. 

“You-” he drew a deep breath, didn’t even try to mask the fact that it sounded more like a star-struck sigh, “you are prepared to make sacrifices, to endure a whole life with my sister if it would help not only your own country but _mine_ as well. It’s honourable, to put your own happiness on the line just like that” Felix said and Chris scoffed lightly and looked away again, the tips of his ears slightly reddened, “and everyone would know what kind of a woman she is, what kind wife she would be and you would stay with her still, I’m completely convinced by that. You’d stay if it meant that our forces would be stronger if the Diocese would attack us. For the political promise that our coin would be yours as well. Hinosia would be able to prosper economically, with the gold from our mines and we’d be able to send your men into battle. _You’d_ be the reason why that relationship would work out”

“Nonsense. I’m just a man who was raised in the mindset of standing up for others. To help where I can and always do the right thing. I can’t say that I’ve always succeeded but… I-” he frowned and squirmed a bit closer to the crown prince. ‘Subconsciously?’ Felix wondered for a quick moment. Closing the distance between their lower bodies so that their legs got pressed up against each other.  
Felix froze for just a second when the feeling of soft linen was the only thing that separated them from feeling skin against skin but forced himself to relax the very next moment, this was the closest they had ever been and he’d hate to make it awkward, even though his heart was thumping away and it felt like he couldn’t breathe. 

“I’d gladly sacrifice myself for the greater good. That doesn’t mean that I’m a great man- just that I have a moral compass that points in the right direction” Chris added in a mumble,  
Felix didn’t say anything else. He knew that it would be pointless to try and convince the other about what he saw in him.   
“So, tell me about _your_ family. You did, a little, back in Elicstow but…” Chris trailed off, clearly meaning for Felix to continue the conversation.   
He sighed, wet his lips and wondered for himself how not to make this whole, sweet exchange between them into a sob story, “Well, I’m not sure if there is much more to tell…” he paused a bit to figure out what to say next and Chris seemed to immediately regret ever asking the question,

“Fuck, shit, I’m sorry. That was tactless of me. I… know that your mother didn’t exactly get the same happy ending mine did”   
Felix grimaced slightly and felt his heart sink to the bottom of his stomach. No… his childhood wasn’t something he enjoyed discussing. Even though he wanted to look back on it with a light heart and tried his best with picking out the good moments he had with the servants of the castle or the times when his father was off having meetings with the most prominent lords in the counties around the country- the bad moments still outgrew the good.

“It’s fine. Really” Felix tried to insure but Chris had noticed how he had physically drawn back a little from the uncomfortable subject, actually curling up onto himself from the discomfort that ticked away in his chest,  
He pulled a grimace at his clumsiness and looked so adorably awkward that Felix couldn’t help but smile, despite his heavy heart, “Why?” he asked, trying to pull back their conversation a little to prevent more mishaps, “Why did you bring up your mother?” 

Chris’ eyes shifted and he finally let go of Felix’s hand to pinch the bridge of his nose, “I honestly don’t know… I seriously went on a tantrum there. I- I guess that uh- because we were talking about nightmares I was- I was…”  
Felix fought against his impulse but decided that this was as good of a time as any and let his now free hand sneak around Chris’ waist. Hand resting against the thin blouse the other was wearing, felt the expanse of the back muscles working under the skin when Chris nearly shuddered from the unexpected action. Felix felt warmth flood in his chest then and burrowed the side of his face further into the pillows as if to hide the flush on his cheeks. 

“You were?” Felix asked to steer away from what he just so casually did and Chris opened his mouth and then closed it right after, looking rather sheepish as if he just remembered that he was in the middle of a sentence,  
“I suppose her dying is the closest thing I’ve ever had to such a nightmare as yours…” he finally answered, a bit breathless,

Felix hummed softly as a response while stroking gentle circles on the other’s back. Glanced behind Chris towards the big open window, saw that the traces of the sun had nearly completely disappeared and only a bright red hue still rose above the treetops of the Marldown woods. A few stars already twinkled on the vast red and judging by the warmth in Felix’s face- he was sure that his cheeks looked quite similar to the sky outside, 

“I’m happy though-” he said with a sigh and Chris let out a small hum while reaching up, slowly, as if he both doubted and second-guessed what he was about to do before he finally moved the thin strand of hair that threatened to fall into Felix’s eye, “I’m happy that you had it better than me” he breathed out, not noticing that he had held it when Chris’ finger brushed against his forehead, “I can at least live vicariously through your fairytale past now when you’ve promised that you won’t abandon our alliance”  
Chris raised just slightly to lean against his arm instead, a smile curling his lips and eyes while the dimple in cheek became apparent, “Was that really a joke, Lix?” 

Felix couldn’t help but let his mouth fall open to the unexpected nickname. Not because he didn’t like it, but because the only other people who had ever called him that was Hyunjin and Minho and they had both stopped doing so when they reached adulthood. Chris seemed to realise what he just said as well and his face quickly turned bright red like a ripe, sweet apple.  
“Really? Lix? Is a childish nickname something you should be calling a king?” he teased and Chris gave him a devilish grin, despite the deep red flustered blush on his cheeks,   
“No. I think _Lixie_ would be better, wouldn’t it?”

“Oh, you-” Felix placed his hand on Chris’ shoulder to get the upper hand and actually succeeded when the element of surprise made the other pause. Immediately took advantage of the situation and quickly flung his leg up, sat down straddled across Chris’ abdomen and tried (and rather embarrassingly quickly failed) to pin his hands over his head,  
“Don’t think you can win so easily” Chris growled out, pulled his wrists out from the crown prince’s grip, placed his hands around Felix's waist and flipped them around like the man on top of him didn’t weigh more than a piece of parchment, 

Felix closed his eyes in the process and held his breath when he felt his body hit the mattress, the back of his head landing softly on the pillow next to the one he’d been leaning against earlier, arms in a tight grip along the side of his face and the weight of the other prince above him. He opened his eyes again, swallowed hard and nearly choked on his saliva when they gazed met Chris', who held himself upright with his other hand to keep some distance between them.

Close enough still to have their breaths hitching between deep heaves of air. Less so because of the rolling around in the bed and more because of the position they were in- with Chris’ body so perfectly aligned with his own and Felix’s legs spread to accommodate that body.

Close enough for a familiar, heavy tingling and heated feeling in the pit of his stomach to make itself known but still not _enough_ because he wanted nothing more than to fall into the feeling of the fire that was gently licking his insides. With small smouldering flames that was going to grow quickly out of control if Chris just simply closed the distance between their lips. 

Felix asked himself the same question again;   
_Would it be better to just lay together and get the hunger out of their system?_

“I want to kiss you so fucking bad right now” Chris whispered into the silence between their bodies.   
Eyes flickering from the crown prince’s eyes to his full lips. Felix swallowed hard and could see on Chris’ Adam’s apple that he did the same. His heart was beating hard against his chest, mirroring the pace Felix’s heart was thumping away at. 

_Or never touch again, force himself to be satisfied with the small taste he got and not have to mourn what they would eventually, inevitably lose?_

“I- I can’t keep you trapped here” Felix whispered back while finding himself unable to glance away from the brown eyes that stared back at him with so much longing and desire that his whole chest and all the organs inside it were squirming. Like his very being was trying it’s damn hardest to escape from the forbidden fruit that was hanging so dangerously close for him to just pluck down. To taste. To swallow, “I can’t force you to be here. You need to be free. I need to do what is best for my kingdom” 

“But I _want_ you” Chris groaned out in an exhale, jaws clenching up when he couldn’t help his hips from jolting forward against the other’s ass, so carefully and yet so deadly that Felix sighed deeply to suppress the deep whine that died on his tightly pressed lips.  
He felt how the other let go of his wrists, fingers tracing down over the inside of one arm, down over his shoulder, brushing against his hair and he held his breath once again when a gentle finger caressed his brow bone, down over the bridge of his nose to his cupid's bow. Gently parting his lips when it paused on the bottom one. 

“I crave you so bad my whole body is aching” Chris whined and gently cupped Felix’s face while his thumb brushed the edge of his bottom lip, “I want to feel you naked in my arms” Felix couldn’t breathe. His heart was beating so hard in his chest that he was sure that Chris could hear it as well, “I want to hold you when you lose it completely” Chris thrust his hips forward again and Felix could feel how much he thickened, like a rock hard pole poking between his cheeks, “To be so deep within you that I can’t see or hear or smell anything but you” Chris’ voice was just a growl by now and Felix’s breath hitched while he circled his legs around his waist,

It felt like he was breaking from the inside. He had _never_ felt like that ever before. Like it wasn’t _just_ a bodily need or craving anymore. No, this wasn’t even like a drug or a desire.   
This was like water.   
Like air. 

More like necessity by now and something he was uncertain he could even live without… and damn it if Felix wasn’t completely fucking _high_ on it.   
The feeling of Chris so close.   
The way his whole body had entered a sort of fight or flight mode and by forcing himself to stay put the adrenaline had nowhere to go but to just shoot through him like fireworks.  
All he could smell and feel was Chris. Even though the big window was open and a gentle chilled summer’s breeze occasionally found its way into the room or the fact that the room itself was newly renovated and the other had only been there for barely a day. 

Chris was all around him and he could only imagine how it would feel to finally be caged in by his body, just like now, except the other would pound him into the mattress.   
_Fuck._ Felix bit down on his inner cheek hard enough to nearly taste blood.   
Every single minuscule cell in his body begged him to just kiss the other. To just taste him again.

But… he couldn’t.  
He knew what he had to do. 

“Chris… I…” he started and sighed deeply when a spark seemed to ignite in those brown eyes from the use of his name. The sweet brown that was nearly totally engulfed by the darkness of his iris from the lust boiling his blood. Felix shuddered, “I- I don’t want us to just- what I mean is… I don’t want you to- I mean… _fuck_ I don’t know why it’s so difficult to explain” he paused, scared that he’d say something stupid, “You know I told you the truth earlier, right?” he finally continued, “I never lie. I never try and deceive you. I want you too- no wait” he chuckled, but it lacked any happiness, “I _need_ you, I truly do, more than I’ve ever needed anything or anyone before. But you have to understand that… that my country needs me more right now. My coronation is in two days. I need a queen by my side when the summer’s over. I need to do my duty. Just like you were so hellbent on doing yours. Even though I want to be so, _so damn selfish_ , a life as a man that simply warms a king’s bed is not a life I wish upon you. I- I’m happy for what we have-” he momentarily closed his eyes to collect some courage and then swallowed deeply, ”and... I wish us to part as friends”

Chris rose slightly then with a disappointed expression, sat back on his knees and Felix sat up slightly while leaning back against his elbows, “I-” Chris started and looked away, an embarrassed flush warming his ears, “I understand. You’re strong… and honourable to not be swayed away by your own lust” he swallowed and Felix wondered if it took as much energy for Chris to speak those words as it had taken for him, “I… I won’t hold you here”

Felix bit down onto his lower lip. Felt a sorrow slash through him like an ice-cold knife. He reached up, gently cupped Chris’ face with his hand and the sudden motion made the other prince look back at him. The brown eyes that had been so dark just seconds ago, were now slightly glossy and his lips were pressed into a thin line. Still, he couldn’t help but lean into Felix’s touch and let his eyelids fall shut when he felt how tears burned in the corners of them.   
“Go-” he spoke through clenched teeth and Felix swallowed at the raw harshness in it, “Please just go before I’ll make you change your mind”   
Felix slipped out from his place on the bed like a wave of water and just missed how Chris fell back against the place where he just laid. Curling up in a fetal position, shoulder’s shaking from keeping in the emotions that nearly broke through. He started to walk back towards his room with stumbling steps and a coldness looming over him as if he’d just done a really bad mistake. 

Fuck.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. What the hell did he just do?_


	27. Vastare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I hope you've all had a nice week! I'm feeling much better ♥ I really hope you enjoy this chapter and as always, please comment on what you thought about it!!! I love to read and will try to reply to every single one of them ♥ Oh, and what do you think about me setting Sundays as the day when I upload a new chapter? That way you guys have something to look forward to at the end of the week (and I don't have to get confused with what day I should upload haha) ♥
> 
> Chapter name meaning: devastating/lay waste to

Chris lost track of time while he looked up towards the white painted ceiling. He didn’t know for how long but the moon was high on the sky outside and nearly stretched its beams to his bed when he finally snapped out of it. He had forced away tears that had threatened to fall when Felix left. Completely choked up on his own arousal and the anger that boiled through him, sick and upset because their whole situation was just so unfair. His breathing had eventually evened out as well and he felt completely empty. Like he just reached the end of a good book or said goodbye to a shield brother or long time servant who left the castle to get married.   
It was just…   
Acceptance.

Felix _had_ changed. That was for certain.   
Honestly, more so than Chris could ever first imagine. He understood that he was different when he first spoke to him as soon as he arrived, even though Felix threaded through old waters and tried to once again seduce him- it lacked the same kind of cocky overcharged confidence he used to have back in Elicstow.   
This though- this decision for them to not be together at all… it was so much more than what he first could have guessed.

He sighed to himself. In his heart, there was a flutter of something. A pleased happiness still, despite the fact that he laid on his back, alone in the bed with only a waft of Felix’s scent on the pillow beside his and the echo of a hollowed emptiness in his very being- because the crown prince had changed his ways. He had actually proved himself to be the young man he promised back at the arena in Elicstow, what now felt like ages ago.   
It was so unfair that he felt sick... but Chris still understood. 

Understood that he never actually stood much of a chance against the thousands of people in Oranobia. That Felix didn’t have much of a choice than to suddenly grow up when his father passed away- and it showed… it really did.   
And yes… it hurt to even acknowledge what had just happened but maybe it was for the better. They had established that they obviously cared for each other and the alliance that was going to bond their countries were still going strong, despite Isabel’s mishaps. 

Chris sighed again and dragged his hands over his face in slow, tired motions. Pushed the pads of his fingertips onto his eyelids hard enough for colours to appear in the darkness of them and then blinked heavily when he tried to regain his vision. He should just get to bed. Forget about what happened for now and just sleep on it. 

To _not_ think about how Felix had licked his bottom lip into his mouth when he looked up at him, blonde hair splayed out on the wine red pillow like a halo around his head. Brown eyes meeting his, eyebrows scrunched up a bit as if he tried to read Chris’ expressions and calculate what would happen next like a cautious cat.   
To _not_ think about the double layer of thin, thin linen that separated their bodies… or the fact that he so easily just slotted his hard cock between the other’s cheeks… or the sinfully amazing warmth Felix’s body radiated, how that warmth could’ve just enveloped his cock so wonderfully if the crown prince would’ve let him. 

He sighed again and fought back the arousal that simmered in the pit of his stomach from the still vivid memory.   
No.  
Fuck.   
He- he… should just go to sleep.  
Yes… yes, everything will be much clearer in the morning if he did so.

He gave his crotch a furrowed evil eye as if to tell it to get it together. Far too many sessions had happened of him forcing away the vivid imagination of the blonde crown prince on his knees before him and though he would’ve preferred to fall asleep content and with a thumping heart that slowly lulled him to sleep- he felt just a bit too vulnerable to dive into that hell hole at the moment.   
Chris stood up, stretched his arms above him and flinched at sudden vertigo and the way his vision darkened, both which made him stumble and nearly plant his bottom back on the edge of the bed. He let out a groan at that and walked slowly over to the drawer he’d unpacked his clothes into earlier, pulled out his nightshirt and discarded his clothes with fumbling fingers while he looked out through the open window and the glistening sky above.

The comforting smell of pine forest and seawater drifted into the room and he inhaled deeply with a small smile tugging on his lips. The sloshing, deep song of the Stelbourg shallows was even more noticeable in the dead of night and Chris watched the water happily sprint over rocks and debris, glimmering blue like tempered steel. A dog barked from a distance and Chris sighed again while he pulled his blouse over his head and let his pants drop to his ankles. Put on the nightshirt and cleaned his hands and face in the water basin at the other corner of the bedroom area. The moon was high enough to be past midnight. He must’ve accidentally fallen asleep while being so deep in thought… oh well, he still felt tired enough that he was sure he'd fall asleep the minute he laid down again. 

The silk sheet was big enough to be stretched twice over the bed, lightweight for the summer temperature and Chris bundled it up between his legs, found a perfect position on his side and cuddled it in his arms. Swallowed hard when the distant scent of Felix on the other pillow called on his attention. He clenched his jaw and felt how his ears grew warm when he pulled it down to his arms, bundled the sheet up more and then burrowed his face into the place where the smell was strongest, drew a deep breath that ended in a shudder and cursed loudly into the quiet room.   
He let out a weak chuckle to himself- it was quite funny, really, to imagine weeks back while he got fucked over by his uncontrollable lust for the other, that he’d be struck tenfold later. That it had actually been _nothing_ compared to being betrayed by his feelings.   
Because _feelings_ were the last thing he needed for the other prince. 

-

Chris woke up early the next morning, not even nearly as rested as he probably should be given the list of guests that were still to arrive and him having to somehow act natural when it came to both Isabel and Felix. The sun was rising around the corner of the castle and shone on the trees in front of his window, bathing the leaves in a warm glowing light. His room was dimmed down still and he let go of the pillow he’d been clutching all night, flinched when he recognized a very noticeable smell and opened his eyes in a heartbeat, gaze flickering through the room until he remembered that Felix had left him yesterday. 

He leaned over, sniffed on the pillow in his hand and cleared his throat, embarrassed even though he was completely alone and tried to push the fact that he’d been cuddling “Felix” all night into the furthest part of his mind. A small shuffle and another cough immediately followed when his ears grew warm. Apparently, his body had thought so as well because the morning wood he was sporting wasn’t just small.   
Oh... no, no, no. Chris hissed when he lifted his nightshirt and glanced down at the pink tip of his cock before he sighed again (A few more and he’d surely try and join some kind of competition of deep, annoyed sighs) 

Well, that would certainly not go away on its own for a long time and considering Isabel to be gone from his idea of being as pure as he could, well. He rolled his eyes and scoffed before spitting in his hand, gently closed it around himself and curled his upper lip when his hips jolted into the loose grip. Wetted his lips, pushed past the shame, pulled up the pillow again and completely burrowed his face in it. Bit back a loud whimper when he started stroking himself and the vision of the crow prince bloomed on his retina like a vision in the smoke from a fire. 

Felix had been the object of his desires for long enough now that it didn't take long before his imagination pulled up a familiar concoction. One that started up from an instance a couple of weeks ago when Felix accidentally walked in on him jerking off. In his imagination, they always continued and he didn’t come before Felix had his hands on him properly, swatting away his own and closed his short fingers around the girth of Chris cock. Simple enough but oh, so effective. He knew that because even though the thought had crossed his mind so many times, he had forced himself not to touch himself, nearly coming from thrusting down against his bed, trapping his heated cock between his hard abdomen and the mattress just to get some friction. Oh how much he regretted it now when he knew the true nature of his so called wife. 

He bit back another whine and inhaled deeply from the pillow, cursed and sped up, nearly over-sensitive already and closing in on the finish line embarrassingly fast from being so hard for such a long time. Hips bucking into his hand at an uneven speed and he pressed the pillow onto his chest, tried to create some sort of weight against himself, some sort of remembrance of a body pushing down on him. Pre-cum slicked his fingers and he brushed his thumb against the tip, thrusting up into the tightness of his hand when there suddenly was a soft knock on his bedroom door. Chris frowned when it repeated, pulled it from his daydreaming, out of the white noise of his need and he choked on his own saliva when a deep voice was heard. 

“Chris?”   
He burrowed his head harder into the mattress and felt his back arching when his name was called. Knowing that he was completely insane from being affected by such a casual thing, “Chris I- I don’t know if you’re awake or not… you’re… probably not but I- I’ll just say it anyway. I’m… sorry. I shouldn’t have left yesterday. I- I wanted you to have me…” there were a pause and tears burned in Chris' eyes, both from the honest words and the arousal burning through the blood that rushed through him, “I- I just- I can’t disappoint my people and I know that… if I’ll get a taste of you I’ll- I’ll… I don’t think I’ll ever leave you. I would follow you anywhere. Anywhere you’d want… and I owe my people more than that. They suffered for 25 years under my father's reign and I… I need to make things right. I know it might have looked like I led you on and believe me, I regret that I even made a move on you all those weeks ago. I didn’t know… I- fuck I’ve told you this already… I’m rambling… I-” there was a deep sigh, “I’m hurting as much as you...maybe the future will be different but- I don’t know, I- I just wanted to say that I’m sorry”

Chris was choking. He felt how tears slipped past his closed lids, wetting his ears. Tears from the rawness of his need, the fact that he’d been so close, _they_ had been so close… and the way Felix sounded so broken, like he hadn’t slept at all and just laid awake thinking about the words he just said… and here Chris was, with a leaking cock in his hand and the man he wanted so badly just a few meters away… But Felix had been clear. He wanted them to just be friends. So Chris shut his mouth about the wish for him to come in. Didn’t say a word about how much he was longing for the taste of the other. He felt bad about it but was too far gone in his need to cum. A small hitched groan fell from his lips and Felix’s knuckle tapped on the wooden door again, 

“Chris? Are you awake?”   
“I-” he forced out while his heart thumped loudly in his ears. He was close, so fucking close, “I’m… fine. Say… my name again?” he begged and Felix cleared his throat on the other side, slightly taken aback by the request.   
“Uh… Chris?” 

He came while drawing a quick inhale, breath hitched while ribbons of cum painted his lower stomach and he gently stroked himself through the orgasm while the crown prince on the other side of the door seemed to freeze up.   
“Oh… I-” Felix chuckled but sounded weird, like he realised what had happened and tried to force away the embarrassment that erupted from him speaking his heart out while Chris was not only awake but touching himself to his voice, “I’ll send after a servant to bring you some hot water. See you at breakfast… Christopher”  
Chris scoffed at the use of his full name but still couldn’t stop the smile that curled his lips when he placed the pillow aside and drew a deep breath to calm his racing heart.

-

It was still a bit chilly about thirty minutes later when he’d washed up and put on new clothes- a finer silk and linen ruffled blouse paired with a mustard yellow high collar brocade vest and white breathable cotton knee-breeches which made him look like stuck up idiot but- and he clicked his tongue against his palate when a young girl, most likely one of the Ashdown castle residents, gave him a wink over her shoulder when he passed her and her company of girls- it _was_ to honour the important people he’d be forced to greet all day. 

A servant guided him to the right pathway and Chris joined with the queen of Solnesland just as she started her ascent onto the, maybe twenty or so, steps of the stairwell that led up to the main hall.   
“Thank you for your offer, prince Christopher Westspire but I’m perfectly fine” she dismissed his helping hand with a gentle smile and he gave her a small bow back before matching her pace and took the time to greet each princess with a respectful nod while they walked behind their mother. The royal family wore their usual pastel colours, ranging from the deep purple of the queen to light pink the youngest princess- like a walking rainbow. Silver crowns weighing down their long dark hair and silver jewellery around their necks and wrists. The silver knights walked on the other side of them, one towering over each princess (two over the queen) and shading her from the still pale sun.

An arched vault of marble and twisting carved gold painted flowers with the new emblem of house Ashdown-Lee was at the top of the stairs and Chris’ eyes bulged at the sight that greeted them when they arrived at the landing and walked through the open wooden doors, which were at least four-meter high and painted the same of orange that their banners were. The room itself had to be eight or nine meters tall, big enough to house at least six hundred guests and much like the open airiness of the ballroom he’d been in yesterday- this room just screamed off the wealth Felix and his sister had grown up with. 

The walls were covered in a delicate, detailed pattern of painted blue cornflowers, daisies, red poppies and other wildflowers Chris was sure that his mother had mentioned at some time but he couldn’t remember the name off. Tapestries that showed off people eating and drinking, beautiful gardens, angels with flowing hair and light blue wings, festivities and victorious battles.   
Three tables formed a horseshoe shape with a slightly more extravagant chair in the middle of the honorary table for the king of Oranobia. The tables were already set with a big breakfast of freshly baked bread, newly plucked fruit, dried and salted meats, at least ten different sorts of cheese, jams and marmalades, honey porridge and buttermilk with almonds. Tea, coffee, pressed juice and sparkling cider kept being refilled while the mingling royals, aristocrats and other nobles slowly continued to fill the hall, some of which Chris recognised since many times before- from marriages and parties he’d been invited to when his father couldn’t go. 

Chris felt his stomach rumble at the sight of the food and still, his gaze couldn’t rest there for very long until he craned his neck upwards again. Because nothing in the whole room- from every display of riches or the amount of food that was still being placed on the tables could compare to what stared down at them from above.  
The ceiling was coffered along the sides, carved out of wood and painted with a mosaic pattern of blue and green while a baroque painting covered the middle. Chris frowned when he recognized some figures- the king himself as he’d been described by his father, Rowan. Standing with a couple of men in the victory of a battle that Chris had no knowledge of. An unknown figure of a woman with blonde, flowing hair, face half-hidden by a veil that Chris guessed must be Dimia on her wedding day. The castle itself without the city around it. The king with a knife in one hand and a bloody heart in the other. The same woman but with her face hidden behind her hands. A blonde-haired boy holding hands with a brown-haired girl.

“They’re just awful, aren’t they?” a voice asked beside him and Chris nearly jumped, too lost in the apparent story of the painting that he didn’t notice how Felix had sneaked up on him.   
He swallowed and turned his eyes away from the grin on the crown prince’s lips, turned it back towards the ceiling instead and watched how the boy and girl grew up from children to teens. How the girl’s beauty shone through even if she now held the same kind of knife as her father had done. How the boy’s beauty shone through as well, one hand behind his back and the white and gold military outfit gleaming with the thin, black rapier sword drawn in a straight 45° angle, extended from his body. A heavy silver crown planted on his head, the fringe parted in the middle. Lips in a straight line and if Chris really concentrated he could see the small splatter of freckles.

Chris swallowed, nodded and turned to Felix again, “Yeah, awful” he answered with a straight face and saw how a small, satisfied smile curled the crown prince’s lips.   
He was just about to say something else when he suddenly got occupied with a family of aristocrats who nearly forcefully pushed their daughter in front of them. Chris scoffed at the scene and sent Felix a sad smile before the crown prince turned his tired and borderline disgusted expression into a joyful one while he bowed to the girl who looked nearly ten years younger than himself. Chris turned on his heel to look out over the society, recognised a familiar face and took a few steps forward to greet the crown prince of Stoding who approached him from the other side of the room.

“Your Royal Highness, crown prince... Seungmin? Was it?” Chris asked and the other man smiled big, like a happy, adorable puppy that looked like it rather belonged in a dusty library rather than the busy cosmopolitan climate and all the different colours and shapes of the royals and nobles around them.   
“That’s correct!” Seungmin answered and Chris noticed how he had once again chosen to walk without a weapon and instead only wore the same inkwell bag resting on his hip. His bodyguard stood just three meters away, staring down at them both with unwavering eyes that didn’t seem to even blink and Chris gave him a short nod before turning back to the prince,  
“How are you? Is everything alright back home?” Chris asked and hoped that his political ignorance didn’t shine through too much.

But Seungmin let out a small, soft chuckle and nodded, “Everything is just fine with me, thank you. My older sister successfully gave birth to a little girl and my father finally fought back the illness that very nearly took his life…” Seungmin sighed, “Oh and my mother seems to have found a pretty noble girl from the port town of Solmen, west of the capital” he sounded rather indifferent with the fact, “So, perhaps the next time we’ll see each other, it will be a wedding from my part”   
Chris nodded, just happy that he didn’t step the crown prince on the toes with his lack of knowledge- he truly had no idea about the sister’s pregnancy or father’s illness.   
“Well, I hope you’ll be happy with her” Chris gave Seungmin a bright hopeful smile,  
“Perhaps. Speaking about the future women in our lives, where is Lady Isabel? I haven’t seen her since last afternoon” Seungming asked and a weird feeling stirred in Chris’ stomach, 

“She wasn't at the feast yesterday?” he asked with a frown, unknowing of the rest of the castle’s activities and what the guest and residents had done between the unexpected kiss with Felix, them getting interrupted, him rushing back to his room after puking over the castle wall, finally calmed down his stomach enough to order a plate of food because he was far too exhausted to go to a feast after everything that had happened since he put his foot in the castle, to a few hours later when Felix rushed through his door- completely convinced that Chris was dead.   
“Uh, no” Seungmin answered and worry only flashed on his face for a moment before it changed to another warm smile and he placed a friendly hand on Chris’ shoulder, “I’m sure she’s fine though. She is a princess, after all, maybe she just decided to have a plate taken to her room yesterday and then sleep in this morning”

Chris was unsure but thankful for Seungmin’s kind, sympathetic words. Not that he cared as much for his previously betrothed as the other prince obviously thought though and was rather relieved to _not_ have her next to him during breakfast. But he still had his morals and Isabel was still a young, beautiful woman, a princess, who obviously had a bunch of lovers… maybe something had happened to her?   
He gave Seungmin a nod, which the crown prince repeated back before he turned his gaze to the sea of people that currently started to take their seats. Even though Chris couldn’t stand Isabel, a part of him still felt responsible for her wellbeing, a feeling he supposed that Felix had towards his sister as well from their constant back and forth with wry honest words upon the strange amount of respectfulness they showed each other. 

The crown prince himself quickly found his way beside him again, almost as if he felt how his presence had simmered in Chris’ mind. A bright smile on his lips while he unapologetically slipped past another aristocratic couple and their daughter who all looked very eager to speak to him.   
“Come sit with me!” he exclaimed and hooked his arm with Chris’ before pulling him with.

The crown of the day nearly slipped down his head in the sharp motion and Felix’s other hand raised up to quickly put it back on its place. It was in rose gold with small shimmering diamonds and crystals bejewelling the twelve thin spires that gently curled outwards. A thin pattern of swirling small leaf petals and blooming flowers lined it, some dipped down between Felix’s strands of hair while others meagerly climbed the spires. The material of his clothing was heavy, and far too warm for the summer sun, with a peach and moss green flower brocade on his coat and breeches. The vest underneath was ivory and the same kind of rose gold as the crown edged the lining of it with an intricate embroidery. The light underblouse was heavily ruffled underneath his chin, black boots clad his feet and Chris nearly stumbled when those feet set off in a straight line to the head table.

“But uh- what about your sister?” Chris asked a bit weary to be placed so close to Felix since it sent the succession hierarchy into a jumbled mess. A servant with a basket of warm bread took two quick steps back to give place to the crown prince and Felix took a step to the side when he noticed what she was doing, allowed her to do her job and she curtsied deeply with a tint on her cheek at the kind action, not even daring to meet his eyes.

“Oh, my sister?” Felix dismissively waved his hand, sat down at his big chair, pulled Chris down to the one next to his and he lowered his head slightly when he received weird looks from people that wondered who he was and why he deserved the place at the right-hand side of the soon to be king. Felix seemed to notice the stares as well and spend a moment to look back at the nobles who questioned his decision, challenged them to speak out about their disapproval and then huffed to himself when one by one turned back to their breakfast. Not even daring to roll their eyes since they’d been caught. Felix reached forward then, punctured a grape from the closest fruit plate with his cheese fork before he plopped it into his mouth,

“Don’t worry about her” he turned back to Chris with an assured smile and reached for another grape, tipped the fork over towards Chris' mouth with a sly smile but only received a look that told him to elaborate, “She’s in house arrest- or” Felix blinked and broke their gaze while he gently chewed, “room arrest I suppose, until my coronation”  
Chris frowned, surprised at the unexpected answer, “Why?” he couldn’t help but ask and Felix sighed heavily, fork swaying back and forth like a pendulum clock between his thumb and long finger,   
“Because she told me things yesterday that hurt. Things that made you leave. Things that one shouldn’t say to a family member. She _will_ be let out though and _will_ get fresh air and food and company from her chambermaids. I just don’t…” he placed the fork back on the table and turned to Chris again, gave him a weak smile that spoke of how exhausted he truly was by the nonsense Isabel pulled all the time, “I want some peace and quiet before all hell truly breaks loose and the whole country’s responsibilities are put on my shoulders”

Chris nodded slowly and frowned slightly while he tore his gaze away. He felt bad for Felix. He’d spent one day with Isabel’s true, vile personality and it had been more than enough- he couldn’t even imagine living every waking hour with her in the same house.   
“I’m sorry-” he said purely on reflex and Felix let out a small chuckle, 

“I don’t need your apologies, or your sympathy Chris…” he sighed and Chris jumped slightly when Felix gently took his hand under the table and squeezed it softly before quickly letting him go again. Like a friend quietly thanking for support and Chris was unsure how he felt about the underwhelmed feeling that punched him in the stomach, “but I know where they come from” Felix continued and reached for his apple cider, “Thank you. It’s always so refreshing to spend time with someone who feels for you and speaks from the heart and not from what’s expected by the” he winked at him over the rim of the glass before he turned to the nobleman who quietly approached their table, asking Felix if he had just a minute after breakfast to see his daughter.

Chris rolled his eyes at that, wondered to himself if they were really going to spend the whole day like this and shook his head to the crown prince’s formal speech back while he reached for a steaming fresh scone, strawberry jam and nodded gratefully towards the servant who filled his glass with apple cider as well.   
“You should seriously consider this young man as well, my kind lordship” Felix suddenly said and placed a warm hand on his shoulder, gently squeezed his bicep and let out a small chuckle, “the marriage between him and my sister was recently annulled since they never found a liking to each other. He is able-minded and able-bodied and is a perfectly fine example of a nice future husband”   
Chris nearly choked on his scone while the nobleman sent him a scrutinized look, “Well, I’ll think about it” he finally said before leaving them.

He sent a look at the crown prince but Felix only smiled back at him with his lips curled up just the slightest, eyes twinkling with dangerous mischief. The crown was threatening to slip down again and Chris reached up to put it on its place without thinking twice. Time seemed to pause between them and Felix licked his bottom lip into his mouth to seemingly prevent himself from speaking out and drew a sharp breath as if he’d held it while he moved the crown. It had been a bold thing to do since it was part of the three holy symbols of monarchy and by the customs of Oranobia- something only the crown prince himself or his betrothed should be allowed to touch. His heart skipped in his chest when he realised. Felix’s eyes glanced down at his lips. His hand still rested on Chris’ shoulder. 

“Three cheers for the future king of Oranobia” someone shouted in the distance and the sound of scraping chairs against the stone floor echoed amongst the walls, “long may he reign!” more voices flooded in while at least two hundred people stared at them, “Hooray, hooray, hooray”

Felix’s gaze never left his. He didn’t spare even a glance towards the people that cheered him on and Chris felt like he was choking again. Like he couldn’t get enough air.   
They were supposed to be friends. 

Felix’s hand still hadn’t left his shoulder and all of a sudden it didn’t feel like the people cheered the crown prince on for his future coronation. It felt as if they cheered _them_ on for something else.  
What would it have felt like if they had been the ones who had walked down the aisle all those weeks ago? Chris wondered.  
If Felix would be the one wearing a matching ring to the one that Chris currently had locked away in a box in the drawer in his room.   
If Felix had been- no. 

No. No. No.   
He sighed.

 _They were supposed to be friends._  
This kind of thought process was dangerous and Chris begged his racing mind to just shut the fuck up and spare him the details for once.

Felix still held his hand on his shoulder when they sat down again… and Chris sighed once again.  
This was going to be a long day.


	28. Dolor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a treat, more than 1,5 k than normally haha ♥ I really hope you enjoy this chapter! Pretty please, do write me a comment if you did! They are literally the fuel for my writing ♥ 
> 
> Chapter name meaning: pain/aching (of the heart)

Changbin met them just outside the main hall after breakfast. Clicked his heels together and bowed to Felix, who had been very adamant with following in Chris’ footsteps when he took his leave from the table,   
“Your Royal Highness. I hope you’re well?” Changbin asked and was met by a slightly startled expression when Felix realised that he was spoken to by the man who had barely sent a gaze at his direction while he visited Elicstow,   
“I’m fine, my lordship, thank you for asking. Chris and I have spent a lot of time together when you’ve had your time off” the crown prince paused to send Chris a playful smile, “so I hope you can trust me with the fact that I’ve taken good care off him”

Changbin still stood with his back straight, one hand behind it, while the other rested on the same double-headed bronze that Jisung enjoyed wearing as well and at attention like the crown prince, himself, often did. He gave the crown prince a smile that looked pleasant at first, “Oh… I’m quite convinced that Chris can take care of himself” but Felix noticed the chilly coldness in his eyes still and couldn’t help an amused smile tug in the corner of his lips.   
Chris on the other hand felt mortified. His friend must be completely crazy using an attitude towards the future king of Oranobia like that. Any other royal would surely pull Changbin to the guillotine without thinking twice for saying such careless words.

“I like you. A man should be able to talk his mind whether he’s a nobleman or king” Felix suddenly exclaimed and fake punched Chanbin over the bicep with a closed fist, earning a bunch of distressed and shocked stares from older aristocrats who wondered what was going on, “I see why Chris chose you. We both need someone who is more brawn than brain, right?” he turned to Chris who looked between them with parted lips, unsure of what was going on while a small, proud tint flushed Changbin’s cheeks and he caught himself smiling from ear to ear, coughed and furrowed his eyebrows to make himself look as intimidating as a lifeguard should be again,

“Hyunjin, isn’t it?” Changbin asked and Felix clicked his tongue with a sharp nod,   
“Minho is dangerous. He is easily one of the best spear masters through the last century of Oranobia. He has the endurance, the agility and I’d rather give myself up to the diocese of Mongia than meeting him in a serious life or death situation”

A crumpled older woman who looked to be nearly 90 stumbled slightly when she overheard the conversation and her son held tighter around her arm, patted her on the back and sent a sour look in Felix’s direction, one that quickly got erased when he noticed who he locked eyes with,   
“Forgive my mother” he coughed out, embarrassed, “she must’ve misheard you” he quickly added while Felix smiled and waved his hand dismissively before he turned his gaze to a servant nearby who waited for an order,   
“Give them the best care, our older guests have experienced their fair shed of tragedies and shouldn’t need to overhear hypothetical battles between friends and enemies” 

The servant gave the woman and son a bright smile, “Please allow me to escort you, there will be candied fruits and sweet cider in the garden towards your left”   
The son looked behind his shoulder, gave Felix a thankful nod and gently stroked his mother on her aged, thin hand while pulling her closer to him when they tracked down the much more forgiving pathway. Felix cleared his throat, sighed, blinked and Chris could nearly see the cogwheels in his mind backtracking to what they were talking about, 

“As I was saying, Minho is dangerous but Hyunjin…” Felix let out a proud chuckle, “he is lethal, a natural born killer and frankly, the reason why I even tried to approach him in the first place was because I knew that it would serve me ten folds to have him on my team rather on the enemy if there was ever an uprising between the lords during my father’s reign”  
Changbin let out a “Huh” and Chris had to admit that it was a clever move as well, even though the sentence ‘natural born killer’ seemed a bit excessive when it came to the blonde lord. He had seen what he could do when they met for the first time… but that was most likely just based on intense training and good accuracy. He couldn’t be _that_ good, could he? ,   
“So when did the two of you meet?” he found himself asking, curious now when Felix had baited them with years of stories that surely would go down in history if an author would get his hands on them.  
“Let’s move to a more comfortable place first, I know that there will be biscuits and sparkling wine if we go right instead” Felix answered and Chris nodded, thinking that it was probably for the best to move in the opposite direction of the old woman earlier. He’d hate to be responsible for giving someone a heart attack or something (if someone old like that could really even get one for a bunch of stories? Chris was unsure but he’d rather not know)

The garden Felix took them to was surrounded by a high hedge and a few beautifully well-kept marble figures of the old gods of Astellia. Flowerbeds with frail pink cosmos flowers, blue and white veronica’s, yellow buttercups and ivory chamomile were cleverly planned through the garden and Felix grabbed a tall glass of sparkling wine from a serving plate while the servant who had approached them bowed deeply. The stone gravel was replaced by soft, shortly mowed grass and Chris paused to take a deep breath in the secluded area. The perfume smell of the blooming flowers mixed with the syrupy one from the still quite warm jam-filled cookies, honey biscuits and fresh fruit, causing a slightly dizzying effect and he was thankful that the sun was still low and didn’t yet add it's warmth to the heavy, aromatic air.

“I met Hyunjin while we were both thirteen” Felix took a gulp of the wine and swirled it around the glass while something distant fell over his eyes, “my uh- Cassius had decided, provoked or not I don’t know, that the lord of Arcos city paid too little in taxes. The lord was immediately rushed to the castle to pay the gold that was missing…” Felix paused yet again, “and the idiot had decided that it was a good idea to bring his son, for whatever reason. Be it to teach him a good life lesson or… or whatever, I honestly don’t know. Cassius demanded to have the missing gold within a fortnight and the lord or Arcos had laughed him straight in the face, promised that he’d never see that sort of gold because he owned him nothing and logically since… since Cassius was the king and he refused to take no for an answer- he… he”

“He decided that _I_ would be a good exchange for the missing money” a voice behind them continued and Chris glanced behind him. He hadn’t even heard Hyunjin approach them and the young man stood on the gravel, bow and quiver fastened on his back, a black leather tab over the index and long fringer to protect his string hand, leather bracers on his lower arms and dressed in regular black cotton pants and a grey linen blouse. Not one strand of blonde hair, that reached past his shoulders, was in the wrong direction and he watched the group with cautious eyes and a smile on his lips. 

Yep. Chris had to agree. Even though Hyunjin, at first glance, didn’t look like more than what reached the eyes, with a lean body and a face that was more gorgeous than many of the young princesses and aristocratic ladies that currently send their group curious glances- he would not have wanted the future lord of Arcos on any other team than his own. 

“My father sold me without even thinking twice and left within the hour. King Cassius wanted to give me away to one of his faraway cousins who apparently had a very peculiar taste for young teen boys, as an apology gift since they had fallen out about an argument ” Hyunjin continued and joined up in their circle, “but I guess that you all have figured out that it didn’t quite end up like that since I’m still standing right here” he gave them all a smile and Chris tried to smile back, even though he felt a bit sick to the stomach from the revolting story, “Felix, would you do the honour?” Hyunjin asked and the crown prince nodded, 

“I don’t know how I succeeded but I persuaded my fath- I mean... Cassius- that I needed a lifeguard and someone my age to train with since my cousins basically were not allowed to even see me. Eventually, he agreed but the agreement weighed heavily on the fact that Hyunjin would be trained to not only become deadly but a military weapon. He was placed on training from that day, mastering the bow and-”  
“I can easily kill a man from 100 meters away now, 140 if he’s standing still, that’s my record” Hyunjin proudly exclaimed and Chris felt something churn in his stomach, a mixture of admiration and raw fear of what the blonde lord could do.

Yeah, he was suddenly _incredibly_ happy that he and Felix were on good terms with each other. 

“So this is where you’re all hiding”   
Chris turned again (he really should choose a better place than with his back to the only entrance) and smiled brightly when Minho and Jisung approached them. From an outside perspective, it was noticeable that the two were close. From an insider, however- the only thing that was missing was the two of them holding hands, otherwise, it was quite clear that they were in love. A cute blush rested on Jisung’s cheeks while they joined in their friendly little circle and he looked at the lord of Andovale with such breathless adoration that Chris wanted to squeeze him. Minho himself couldn’t help but curl his lips at the sight of Jisung’s expression and reached forward and ruffled his hair with a warmth in his eyes that Chris almost felt jealous of.

Oh, he sighed, the joy of being in love. How he thirsted to feel those feelings.   
He met Felix’s eyes when he turned his gaze from the lovey-dovey couple, unsure if the same thought passed through the crown prince’s head or if the sparkles in his eyes were just the wine that had been finished minutes ago.

But then again, Felix had made it clear about what he wanted.

-

“I’m gonna show you around!” Felix said a many minutes later when conversations started to dry up and they had their fair share of biscuits and sweet, soft cookies, “and since you’re all back on duty” he turned his gaze to the four bodyguards with a smile, “I suppose we’ll be having company”   
He smiled, hooked his arm with Chris again and Changbin bit back a small smile at the way Chris was dragged along, not able to even protest. 

Minutes turned to hours while they walked the castle grounds. It was twice as big as the castle in Elicstow, with marble and gold as key components in the structure. Felix was aware of a lot of history of the place and told them epic stories of his ancestors and what sort of impact their decisions had on the rest of the country and Azgaar as a whole. Even Chris, who had never been very interested in old men and their different acts of political heroism, got swept away when Felix painted up a masterpiece off his great-granduncle who allegedly saved the whole of Oranobe from being attacked by a large gang of raiders in the aftermath of the Rocquan conflict. Chris was unsure of what the whole thing was about since history and politics, and particularly the history that didn’t concern Hinosia, still wasn't really his forte and he only nodded along and tried to not look surprised when Felix mentioned Queen Cathmyn Rocquan, Seungmin’s great grandmother, and the important part she had in the war between the kingdom of Stoding and the diocese of Mongia.

A loud horn suddenly echoed among the walls of the hallway they were in and a courier came hurrying around the corner in the very next moment, dried the pearls of sweat in his forehead with a handkerchief and drew a long breath before he stopped in front of Felix, bowed deeply and said between short inhales,   
“His Royal Highness, the- the king of Steilerbenia, Jeongin of house Yang just arrived and- and is waiting for you in the ivory, open ballroom” he bowed even deeper, “I’m sorry, Your Royal Highness! I’ve been searching for you for half an hour and no one seems to know where you’ve been”  
“Thank you for your message, Arón. Forgive me, I should’ve at least told the servants where I was planning on going” Felix answered with a smile and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.

The courier’s cheeks flushed slightly with the unexpected gentleness of the crown prince and he glanced up at him shortly, still half expecting, from having to undergo it so many times- the same kind of treatment he had gotten used to by Cassius. Felix gave him another small smile, walked past him and Chris followed in his heels, happy once again to see the fresh breath of air the other man left behind him. The kindness that flooded from his words and actions and how those things slowly but surely convinced the servants and workers around the castle that different, healing times were upon them. 

They walked back through the same kind of corridors they just passed- filled with large, grandiose paintings, tapestries, the emblem of house Ashdown-Lee and the orange banners that hang from the ceilings. The warm high noon sun hit them in the face and compared to the coldness of the stone castle, it was like stepping out into the blazing, unforgiving heat of a sauna. Felix groaned and squinted a bit next to him while they walked back over one of the back gardens, through small orchards with ripe fruit and finally reached the large arched open entrance of the airy ballroom that Chris had arrived at yesterday. 

The king of Steilerbenia was watching the heaven above them with interest and only looked towards them when the sound of their boots changed from the softness of grass to the clicking on the marble, tiled floor. He hadn’t changed at all these during the two months that had passed. Still, with the tuft of black hair in disarray, the heavy golden grown pushing it down just slightly over his head, dressed in lighter clothes now, with a deep blue, leather vest securely knotted over an ivory cotton blouse, dark leather pants, black boots and the familiar warhammer hanging from his left side now instead of the right,

“Your Royal Highness, crown prince Felix! And Your Highness, prince Christopher! What a joy to see you both at the same time” he exclaimed, closed in their steps with an outstretched hand and Chris flinched slightly when the harshly rounded stumps of his right hand closed around his, nearly letting go of the king, “Oh sorry, I should’ve warned you” Jeongin held up his right hand and showed off the shortened index, long and ring finger, “she did get quite a lot, my passed first cousin… and it has prevented me from getting a proper grip around the hammer” he patted the flattened head of it with a solemn smile, “it’s been tough to train with my non-dominant hand but I honestly get better with each passing day” 

He gave them both a smile and shook Felix’s hand as well before he reached for Hyunjin’s, who stood just behind the crown prince. The action caught him off guard since didn’t expect a king to pay much attention to a guard like him,   
“The lord of Arcos, Hyunjin of house Hwang, correct?” he asked and Hyunjin nodded sharply, “I saw you right before I left. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a man with such accuracy as yours” Jeongin smiled, “you were shooting arrows in the Gildergreen forest… behind the city of Elicstow” he continued and that seemed to make the memory click with the other.

The guard lowered his gaze while a small blush turned his ears red and he quickly raised his hand to pull his blonde hair away from its place behind it while a small proud smile softly curled his full lips, “Thank you” he mumbled but Jeongin wasn’t done just yet, “If crown prince Felix would allow it and you feel like having a change of environment around you before you settle down for good in Arcos- know that there is always a place in my court for masters with the bow and blade”  
Hyunjin bowed deeply, “I will be remembering that, Your Royal Highness” he fully smiled now, with eyes that had turned into crescent moons and Chris found himself really enjoying this rare moment of change from the lord’s otherwise stoic expression.

Jeongin continued and shook hands with Minho and Jisung, gave them a small comment about the small play around battle back at the tournament in Elicstow which made the two men smile, glance at each other and then quickly look away again, an untold secret in the corners of their lips. He finished off with Changbin who got a bright smile, “They’re lucky to have you” Jeongin said simply, “otherwise this group would be a jumbled mess, am I right?”   
Changbin gave the rest of them a meaningful look, one that was clearly meant to say ‘See, this is what I’ve been trying to say? I’m happy that at least someone can see my efforts with trying to keep up our sanity’

They were just about to turn around to head for lunch when another familiar face entered the ballroom, “King Jeongin, my dear friend, I hope your travels were good?” Seungmin asked and nearly pulled the king in for a hug when they came closer but was stopped by the guards at both sides who quickly jumped in between, as a precaution.   
“They were just fine, I had some trouble with pirates at the top of the coast of Hinosia, just north of Estés but they quickly steered the other way when they noticed that they were outnumbered”   
Jeongin laughed at the memory, carefree, very much like you could imagine a nearly 19-year-old to laugh about such a sight and Seungmin joined in with a pleasant, warm chuckle. 

Chris, Felix and their companies looked between the two men, guessing that the two must’ve grown much closer during the weeks that had passed and a small smile quickly bloomed on Felix’s face when he seemed to realize what Chris just did; this was good. No- scratch that. This was _great._   
The friendship that very clearly was developing between them was priceless, to say the least. Not that the alliance between Hinosia and Steilerbenia had ever been particularly bad but house Yang had been so deep within the war with the principality of Weil that Chris had never seen the young king while growing up and Stoding had never really been a very popular kingdom to cross an alliance with since the whole royal family, and not only Seungmin apparently, had chosen to not wear any weapons. Chris still had to ask Jisung why though and he made a mental note of just that when their group made their way back to the main hall. They all needed this, to see each other and laugh and create memories- for a better future.

-

The dinner was simple with dried meats, smoked fish, vegetables, mashed potatoes, assorted dried fruits and different wines spiced with ginger, cardamom, nutmeg, melegueta pepper and vanilla. A few guests had already taken their places and Felix gave Chris a look before he nodded towards the honorary table again. But this time he stopped the crown prince with a soft grip around his elbow, causing him to turn again, 

“Felix I-” he hesitated and was met by a pair of confused brown eyes that shortly looked down on the place where their bodies connected before he turned his attention to Chris again, “It doesn’t- it doesn’t feel right” he tried to explain and let go of the other while Felix let out a small scoff,   
“What doesn’t? You sitting at the honorary table or you sitting next to me?” he asked and nearly crossed his arms over his chest in defiance when Chris mumbled out a small,  
“Both”

Felix cleared his throat, “Well… I’m not forcing you. You can take your place at the table to our left if you wish…” he did sound rather disappointed, even though he masked it pretty well and was just about to turn away again when Chris sighed deeply,   
“I _want_ to sit next to you-” he assured and Felix met his eyes once again, “I just don’t want others to think any less of you now when you’re going to become a king. I’m just… me”

Felix rolled his eyes then, scoffed a bit with a smile tugging on his lips and Chris’ heart flipped uncomfortably much when the crown prince reached out, took a step closer him, gently pulled at the ruffles of his blouse underneath his chin and then couldn’t stop himself from giving him a bright, endearing smile,   
“But that’s it though, isn’t it?” he mumbled and slightly tilted his head on the side, causing the stupid crown to slip from his head again and Chris automatically reached out, pushed it back to its place and Felix swallowed hard, “I’m going to be a king” he gently patted Chris on his yellow brocade vest, “I’m choosing who I want as my right-hand man” he paused, “and I’d rather my crown fall off and break than you reaching for it again” he swallowed, “we wouldn’t want to send the wrong impression to the guests around us, would we?” 

Chris’ heart skipped harshly and he felt his ears grow warm while Felix once again looped his arm with his and he barely got another word in before they took their seats at the table. Minho and Hyunjin were seated at Felix’s other side while Jisung and Changbin were placed at Chris’. After that followed a long line of succession and guard or royalty, depending on the sort of allegiance that was formed with the person on the other side. Lesser royalties like cousins or step-siblings were seated with the higher aristocrats, and in the furthest seats from the king of Oranobia in the middle, were the nobles of smaller houses from some of the bigger towns in the many countries. 

Chris was unsure of how many guests were even invited but he could count to at least 400 seats at the moment, twice as many as there were in the morning and he supposed that the servants would keep adding more until everyone had arrived for the big day tomorrow. 

They ate in silence this time and Chris supposed he had to become used to this more laid back feeling between them- one that was not filled with quick remarks and Felix’s quirky, spontaneous and flirtatious nature.   
Did he miss it? Well… both yes and no, he supposed. 

It felt nice to actually eat in ease without expecting the crown prince to say something that would make him choke on his food and to feel him simply brush his arm against Chris’ own without it setting his whole body into an alarming mess… but at the same time- he couldn’t help but feel a bit empty now when Felix didn’t give him the same sort of relentless attention he had done earlier. When other things occupied his attention. When his gaze flickered over to the princesses of Solnesland when they raised after having finished their meals and how that gaze followed the tallest of the five, while still in a deep conversation about the politics in Steilerbenia with King Jeongin. 

Chris supposed he should follow his example, a celebration like the coronation was certainly a good opportunity to find someone he was compatible with- preferably still someone from the Ashdown family so that the alliance would stay strong incase he and Felix would fall out in the future. He glanced over towards his right at the end of the table. Felix and Isabel did have a lot of cousins and many of them were around their own age. Most with the deep brown hair of Cassius and his siblings and just two with the same kind of blonde locks Felix himself had- but they were both boys and Chris suspected at least, barely even legal. 

He sighed, turned his attention back on the apple chips and smoked salmon he had on his plate, took a big gulp of his spiced wine and frowned slightly when he realised that the conversation between Felix and Jeongin had changed to the eldest sister of the princesses of Solnesland.   
Something stirred in his stomach, something he had only felt a handful of times before; jealousy, perhaps?   
Felix talked like he usually did, spilling exactly everything he felt and Chris felt a bit sick when he described how pretty the princess was and how sweet she seemed to be after their short meeting when they had arrived yesterday.

The topic of conversation confused him. Was this everything he and Felix really were, Chris wondered. Even though the crown prince had said time and time again that he wanted to have him for himself, that he needed Chris as bad as Chris needed him, that he even was sorry he had left yesterday. That he wanted them to lay together… it wasn’t more than that? Right? Just a one-time thing? Something that they couldn’t even do because Felix feared that once he had gotten what he wanted, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from wanting more.   
Chris cursed to himself again and pushed away his plate, suddenly not feeling very hungry anymore, took another big gulp of wine and grimaced at the way it burned in his stomach. Felix was right though. Chris was unsure if he’d ever want to let go of the other as well… and he didn’t want to stay in Oranobe for the rest of his life. He wanted a life of freedom- just like Felix had said. 

Fuck, it tore on him. 

To be so close and yet so far away from exactly everything he wanted. To sit next to the crown prince, listen to his unfiltered dialogue with the people at the table, how he chuckled heartily at someone’s remark about how the princess Calliope and his children would have to be locked away because their beauty would be too much for mere mortals to look upon. How someone pointed out that it would be good for Oranobia to have an alliance in the south as well and how their military power, combined with their gold and the rich mines of silver in Solnesland surely would make them both even more prosperous than they already were. 

Chris scoffed to himself. A princess that amazing would surely have a lot of suitors and currently, with his young age and fame of being able-bodied both when it came to fighting and in the bed chambers- Felix was after all currently one of the most renowned bachelors in all of Azgaar.   
And who was Chris? Just the adopted son of Rowan Westspire. Not even in the line of succession for the crown. A nobody. 

The cramped space next to Felix suddenly became a bit too much and he found it difficult to breathe while the hypothetical thoughts about the future became louder and louder around him. Who was he even to sit where he was? The king’s right hand? Yeah, right. Like Felix wanted anything else from him than the comfortable familiarity of his presence and a good fuck.   
He glanced at his left, watched while Felix smiled towards the person who was talking to him, the freckles on his face, the crown that once again threatened to slip from his head. But Chris didn’t reach out this time- he stood up instead and Felix immediately broke out from the conversation to gaze up at him with a puzzled look in those big, brown eyes of his. A slight furrow on his brow and that heart-shaped upper lip parting from the fuller bottom.   
Chris placed a hand on his shoulder, squeezed it gently and watched while the black of Felix’s iris seemed to dilate when they touched, how his breath automatically hitched and his Adam’s apple bobbed. 

_Just friends?_ Yeah, fuck that and no thank you. 

He was done. The way that Felix had talked about that princess Calliope was enough to understand that Chris should just have just left, just like he planned from the beginning.   
Why did he even leave his room? He could just stay locked in there and allow Jisung to spend the time he deserved with his lover until they had to go again. He knew that only pain and misery awaited him, and yet he gave his and Felix’s relationship another try. But they could never truly be just friends, now could they? Not when it felt like he was falling apart every time the other looked at someone else but him. 

Fuck, it wasn’t even just jealousy he had felt earlier when the crown prince’s eyes had followed the princess- it was envy and resentment, a dangerous possessiveness as if Felix was his and his alone,  
“I will take my leave” he announced and nodded to the people at their table who had joined in on the conversation with Felix, “Your Royal Highness” he added to the man himself and Felix was just about to say something when Chris turned on his heel and quickly walked out the main hall, with both guards in his heels. 

“What are you doing?” Changbin asked him a moment later in a rather loud whisper while they hastily skipped down the stairs and onwards on the gravel pathway towards his room,   
“I wanted to get away from him. I… I couldn’t listen to the way they painted up his perfect future and I’m- I’m just” he trailed off a bit, “I’m nothing, no one, I just want to stay-” he stopped and turned to Jisung, “I want to stay for you. Please, take every moment you can with the lord of Andovale”   
He started to walk again but Jisung stopped him with a frown on his lips and brows, “Wait, let’s just talk… are you- you’re jealous of the princess?” he asked and Chris groaned, 

“I’m not jealous, I’m furious! How can he tell me he wants to have all the things he has promised and then just go and say the exact same things about that Calliope? I don’t understand” he dragged his hands down his face and fought the need to just scream out his frustrations, “It makes me sick to the stomach and it feels like I’m being torn apart from the inside and I don’t understand why it hurts so bad- why it hurts to be near him and hurts, even more, to be away from him and… he makes me go crazy with want but I need more than that- just him isn’t enough anymore. It’s like he takes a knife and keeps twisting inside of me with every touch and every kind word and I still can’t help but come back for more. Even if he said that he wished us to part as friends I-” he drew a quick breath, “I don’t think I can do that” Chris was shaking now and Changbin put a hand on his shoulder, backed them into a more distant place of the garden they stopped in. No one was around, but the subject they talked about was still very sensitive,

“Chris-” Changbin said with a soft voice and he looked up, locked eyes with his friend and blinked away the angry tears that burned in his eyes, “Chris, you do understand what is happening, right?” the guard pressed on and Chris looked from him to Jisung who only gave him a sad smile,   
“No, what are you talking about?” he asked he breathed out, choked up and felt how his whole face changed into a grimace when he fought to keep the tears at bay,   
“Chris-” Changbin glanced shortly at Jisung as if to confirm his suspicion and the other guard nodded as well, _“... you’re in love with him”_


	29. Contradictorium

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I just want to start up with saying that I'm usually not one for demands. I love writing and I love reading your comments, it's just that there has been very few of them lately and (I hate doing this) if you guys want me to keep writing one chapter a week- you have to step it up as well. I'm reminding you all that I'm still doing this for free and I work seven days a week and it's sometimes really difficult to scrape together enough words to pass over 4 k. I didn't succeed with that for this week unfortunately because I feel so discouraged to even continue writing. I feel like no matter what you do, work or study or none, if you've got the minutes to read the chapter- you've got 30 seconds to tell me if you even liked it as well. I have no idea what the big majority of you thinks of the progression so far. The previous chapter has eight comments (thanks for those) and nearly 30 kudos- I'd be over the moon if all those (new, might I add) readers would comment as well (and If you count hits, which you can't really rely on though, I get approx. between 9 and 7 hundred each chapter- that's a lot of readers)  
> So, long story short. Comment = 1 update a week. Don't comment and I'll have to break the schedule. They are literally the reward for my writing and the only thing that keep me going with this story (Don't worry, I won't abandon it but it takes so much energy off me at the moment and I'll most likely not upload even nearly as often)  
> Thank you for understanding. I love you all.
> 
> Chapter name meaning: Contradiction

_Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck._  
Felix felt how his whole body freeze when Chris stood up, gave him a clenched smile and then rushed out through the main hall with quick steps.  
 _‘Your Royal Highness’_  
Chris hadn’t called him that since they first got to know each other and it felt wrong to hear it all of a sudden again… and why was he in such a rush? Felix frowned slightly, couldn’t help but crumble a bit when he felt a heaviness drop upon his shoulders.  
He sighed deeply.  
 _He just fucked up again, didn’t he?_

Yet another aristocrat made an explicit joke about his future which caused the audience to roar loudly with laughter and Felix forced a smile upon his lips while he gulped down the rest of his wine. He didn’t feel hungry anymore- rather the opposite and swallowed hard to stop the sharp stir in his stomach. He cleared his throat, stood up and nodded to the men at the table,   
“I'll be taking my leave. Thank you for the wild conjured up possibilities of a prosperous future” he didn’t smile while he left the table and started to walk down the stairs back to the garden.

He wanted to chase after Chris. To apologize for the joke that had been taken too far at the table. For not stopping the men from talking so loudly. For spilling his attraction towards the beautiful princess of the south. For not saying that it didn’t matter because Chris was worth so much more than her.   
But he had _promised_ himself that whatever he had with the other prince shouldn’t continue. It _couldn’t_ continue. Even though the part of him that allowed their whole ordeal to snowball so out of control now knocked him on the side of the head and asked what the fuck he was doing. Why he couldn’t just fall into submission about what he wanted… He had wished and hoped for them to still continue seeing each other- as if they hadn’t been halfway from tearing each other’s clothes off at numerous occasions now. 

But it seemed harder than he thought. Was it really impossible for them to even be close together without the future acting as a lethal weapon, one that would eventually twist a knife into both of them and kill their relationship? Was it truly so that they had to break from each other entirely if they were ever going to be able to take on the sort of responsibility that their countries demanded off them?   
He travelled blindly, deep in thought and without noticing where he was going. Passed through a pair of open doors and found himself in the throne room, paused in his steps and looked upon the large, carved dark wooden chair. Its backrest was nearly twice as tall as himself and gold had been poured upon said backrest, causing a dripping effect towards the seat. It was done as a gift from Cassius’ great grandfather to his son after he took the throne. Large windows just behind the chair allowed daylight to slip in and the pillars that stood on either side of the room cast long shadows towards him. He would be sitting on that throne in about 24 hours as the king of Oranobia and with the responsibility of nearly 2 million people and their wellbeing on his shoulders. The pure thought of that made his breath hitch.

It had never felt like being a king would be a burden. It just went without saying, a fact and a certainty that was as clear as the wind a stormy night or the icy coldness of snow or… or the warmth of Chris’ skin on his own and the curls of his hair slipping between his fingers and the way his chest expanded with every sharp breath and the way his muscles tensed up whenever Felix was too close and the way his laughter made him feel. With that dimple in one of his cheeks. Eyes clear and dark and so inviting that Felix found himself easing up whenever he met them… or… or…   
Felix swallowed hard.  
Or the way his lips had felt upon his own. 

Fuck.  
No… it had never felt like a burden, not until now.  
He felt himself slipping from sanity. From being able to even think coherently. 

He turned around, nearly walked into Minho in his rush of escaping his menacing thoughts and received a sad smile while they both watched him with concern,   
“Tell me” Minho looked back at Hyunjin shortly before he turned to Felix again, “tell us. Let us help you”  
But Felix shook his head, “I- I don’t even know how I can help myself” his voice shook just slightly and he swallowed again.

It was tough to swallow, to even _breathe_ and Felix winched at the way a deep sorrow clogged up his throat and how tears burned in his eyes. He was such a fucking idiot for making the same mistakes time and time again. What were they even doing except for just simply falling back into the same old pattern he’d tried to sway away from, yet again?  
He had told Chris that they should just be friends. Told himself that there was no way he’d ever allow himself to fall even deeper than he’d already done. Even when his whole body wanted nothing else but just walk straight back into Chris bedroom after he’d left yesterday. Even when he tried to reason with himself and explain to the voice in his head that was shouting for him to go back and finish what they both had started- that they were better off like this. 

He’d been awake all night, aimlessly walked around in his room, paced back and forth while thoughts swirled in his head. Building up what could’ve happened just then, tormenting him in the process with the knowledge that Chris probably felt the same. What he wished for the future. How the significantly smaller Bluebell fortress in Vavivo sounded like a dream. He recognized the name of the town when Chris had mentioned it and though he’d never been there since it was besieged in Hinosia- he’d been to the town of Elucia, just barely 50 kilometres away and planted by the seaside as well and remembered that he found it beautiful. 

He kept on quietly brooding to himself about how much easier everything could’ve been if he wasn’t the crown prince. If he wouldn’t have been so fucking stupid all those weeks ago and pushed everything to a breaking point. If he would’ve had a choice to aim his future where he wanted it to end up.   
Except he _didn’t_ have a choice and now apparently, not even a voice to speak out with when others tried to steer his future. He really should have said something… and he understood if Chris once again was pissed off at him… 

But… but being a king was the only thing he was born to do. It was the way he’d been raised and the only thing he knew off. Chris knew that too, even though it hurt. Chris understood that what was best for them- was to act like nothing at all.   
_To pretend._

Because Felix had to be a good ruler to be able to stand up against the oppression of Mongia.  
And he wanted to do good. So, so much.   
He wanted to make Oranobia a blooming country again.   
One that didn’t have to fear it’s ruler as well as the land in the west.  
One that could _heal._

And yet… and Felix cursed quietly to himself, Christopher Westspire was _everything_ he wanted as well. 

The way he made him feel was... unreal. Like the first shy snowdrops saying hello to the beams of light in a still weak spring morning, the warmth of the slumbering sun on an autumn day, butter on freshly baked bread, a warm broth with a storm raging outside. But also like a wildfire that swallows everything in its way, the itch from stinging-nettles on naked legs and the feeling when you dip your head under freezing cold water.   
Too much, too intensely but still so addicting, so tender in a way Felix had never experienced before… and he had experienced _a lot_. 

So what could he do, really? When he was being torn between being a good man who’ll do his duty and the passion he felt for the man that made him feel like he could finally just be himself, just Felix, and breathe and speak and joke around and spill things he never told anyone before. To be the king that his people deserve- a people that hasn’t seen proper peace for twenty years. Or be egotistical, a scam, a traitor and let someone else take over, someone that won’t be able to promise to do their best because they aren’t him and they weren't raised to rule. All because Felix chooses _one_ person over his own people.

He felt himself choking, grabbed onto Minho’s arm to support himself and the guard took a steady grip around him,   
“I don’t know what to do. I can’t seem to do anything right. I- I keep on fucking up” he rambled out and Hyunjin gave him a sharp nod,   
“Let’s get you back to your room”

-

He fell back against his bed after getting some help with his jacket and the crown. Closed his eyes when the feeling of vertigo slashed through his head like a sledgehammer, causing a headache that he guessed would be there to stay. 

“You should get some sleep” Hyunjin leaned down and carefully patted his forehead, moved some strands from his face and he groaned,  
“No. I should talk to Chris. Need to explain” he mumbled and made an effort to stand up but Minho stopped him with a gentle but firm hand on his chest,   
“You are not well enough to speak with him now, just catch up on the missing sleep and we’ll send a courier for him after dinner” he promised and Felix groaned again, more compliant this time and pressed his fingers at his temples before he reluctantly nodded.

He’d probably say more hurtful things and destroy what little could be salvaged between them anyway. Chris had forgiven a lot of his missteps but somehow it felt like this one might actually be the one that breaks them apart.   
He wiggled out of his clothes after Minho and Hyunjin had left. Disappointed in the situation he found himself in but most disappointed with the way he acted. He’d promised himself to be strong now. To be the future king he knew he had to be… 

So how could it be that he laid in his bed once again, when the sun had barely started to descend towards the horizon?  
How it could be that he once again tucked the sheet up to his chin, exhausted- more because of what was going on than the few hours of missing sleep. He wasn’t _that_ tired. Not yet. It just felt like he’d just lost in a fistfight and his body had been beaten blue, flogged open and bleeding into the small cracks of the thing Chris and him had. The thing that he kept breaking apart.  
He sighed, swallowed down the thick lump of sorrow in his throat again and watched out the window to his balcony. Chris probably hated him- he was sure. If he felt this bad, he could only guess how the other prince felt. 

-

An hour passed.   
Two.  
Three.   
And Felix must’ve slumbered just a bit because he was suddenly awakened by a knock on his door. 

“Your Royal Highness, I was sent to ask if you wished for any food?” a servant’s voice asked and Felix cleared his throat, combed some hair away from the sweat on his forehead and answered,   
“Just some smoked fish, cheese and crackers. Oh and wine, a lot of it”   
“Absolutely” the servant answered and Felix grimaced when he turned around in the bed to his back instead.

He stared up in the sky of his canopy bed. White and wispy like clouds on his blue dome ceiling. Glanced out the window again. It was still day but the sun was a bit more golden now, perfect for a stroll around the castle gardens and Felix tried to push the thought about Chris into the furthest part of his mind when the images of the two of them just spending together showed up on his retina like a taunt from his consciousness. He swatted them away with a shook of his head as if it would help at all.

Oh well, he might as well get up and continue to mingle with the rest of the royals after he had eaten since he felt rested enough. He still wore his blouse and decided that a pair of black cotton pants and the regular boots would be good enough. Chose another crown (a silver, simpler one with tiny amethysts that more resembled a diadem) than the damned one in rose gold and found Hyunjin and Minho still at attention by his door when he opened it.  
He scoffed and felt a warmth spread in his chest while they both gave him a small smile, 

“Feeling better?” Hyunjin asked and Felix nodded, felt a bit bad that they had been waiting for him while he took his nap and invited them in instead.  
The two sat down on the sofa after placing their weapons by the table and Felix bit back a smile at the way Minho checked and then double-checked to make sure that the halberd wouldn’t fall over while he, himself, opened the balcony door. A comfortable breeze found its way into the room, which had been heated up by the sun while he slept and he closed his eyes momentarily and drew a deep breath when it fanned his damp face. 

“Your Royal Highness? I’ve got a plate for you” the voice from the same servant called through his door and Felix walked back to his room, opened it and smiled at the young woman who he recognized as Iseult, the one who had helped him with the exact same thing yesterday when he had the nightmare about Chris.   
Its memory sent a bad taste in his mouth and he clenched his jaw while she took a step forward towards him with the large plate and chalice of wine that was presented on a tray, “Should I place it on the table? she asked and he cleared his throat, nodded and then forced forth a smile when she curtsied and then left. 

Hyunjin grabbed one of the glasses from the table nearby, one that was always there with Felix’s favourite spiced wine in case he felt like having a glass to calm his nerves before bed (God knows he needed it these days) and extended it towards Minho, who just grabbed the chalice, in a silent request. The older of the two scoffed, poured a glass for Felix first and then poured one for his brother-in-arms as well, shook his head at the level of disrespect before he finally poured for himself. 

“How did it feel when you first realised that you had feelings for the lord of Dostan?” Felix asked after taking a deep gulp that made him swallow twice because of the dry grape.   
Minho coughed from the sudden, unexpected question, nearly choked and quickly pulled out a handkerchief to make sure he didn’t stain the crisp white underblouse with wine.   
“Well… I didn’t” Minho started and Felix frowned, swirled the content in his glass and gave his guard a confused look that begged him to elaborate, “I mean… I didn’t understand that it was love until I couldn’t get him out of my mind. It drove me crazy and even though I thought that it was only a stupid crush… I don’t know- I uh...” he shook his head pursed his lips in thought, “I can’t imagine a life without him and it’s crazy and it was so unexpected because basically no time has passed and yet it feels like we’ve known each other for so long” Minho trailed off when he noticed that he was nearly rambling but Felix pressed on,   
“But how does it feel?”   
“Like I’m getting stabbed repeatedly in the stomach with a thin knife and Jisung is both the knife and the wound and the process of healing back together”

Felix frowned yet again and Hyunjin even let out a small, baffled chuckle, “I’ll explain” Minho gave them a small, sombre smile, “It's a heartache because I don’t know how much time we have. It’s an unbearable pain because I don’t know how we’re supposed to live our lives together when there are nearly 800 kilometres between our houses. That’s nearly ten days by horse carriage, eight if I ride alone. I-” he stopped again and the smile that had been on Hyunjin’s face was gone again.   
Felix gave his friend a sad smile and Minho replied with a shrug, “But he’s also the only one who’s ever made me feel butterflies in my stomach or the warmth of a flustered blush on my cheeks, even after countless lovers. He’s the only one I feel completely content just laying next to, hearing him laugh at my jokes, holding his hand, nuzzling my nose in his hair-”

Hyunjin retched with a teasing smile tugging on his lips and the three of them busted out in laughter. It felt good to let go of some of the tension he had in his body for the past days and Felix had to clench his jaw hard to prevent the tears from his laughter to turn into actual tears from holding so much inside.  
“How does it feel when you’re near Chris, then?” Minho asked, still smiling widely and Felix cleared his throat, chuckled a bit and downed the rest of his wine, refilled it and closed the hand that wasn’t holding the glass around himself in some sort of self-comforting hug. 

“Well, I uh-” he started, lowered his gaze when the words he wanted to say seemed to die on his tongue, “I- I suppose I feel sort of the same way” he broke off a piece on one of the crackers he’d been provided with and pouted while he turned that piece into smaller ones, some ended up in his mouth but most just fell crumpled to the stone floor, “I like him. He’s endearing but also a complete idiot and sometimes I’m thinking to myself that everything would be so much easier if he hated me. If he rejected my… advances back in Elicstow…” he wet his lips and sighed, “and it would be so much easier if he didn’t admit to enjoying my company so much or tell me that he cares for me or- or…” he trailed off, pouted again, grabbed his fork and parted some of the fish to put in his mouth when the small taste of crackers spurred his hunger. 

“So, do you care for him?” Hyunjin asked and Felix nodded quietly, “Just cares for him? There’s no ‘like-like’ him?” the guard continued and Felix shrugged while he continued to eat, “I don’t even know what love is, Jinnie. I just… I like Chris and I like the fact that he finds my company enjoyable as well and I find him attractive as fuck and I do want to sleep with him but that’s it” Felix kept his eyes cast downwards while he took a bit of cheese as well and completely missed the way his friends exchanged knowing gazes before Minho rolled his eyes, discreetly fished out a coin from his pouch and flipped it over to Hyunjin, who caught it with a smug smirk.


	30. Coronam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!!!! First off, thank you and thank you again for all the comments on the previous chapter. I've had a really exhausting work week and wanted to just spend time with my family on the free time I've got. But I'll get around to answering all of them, I promise!  
> Secondly, I totally fell asleep in my kid's bed after reading her a bedtime story yesterday and woke up at 3am, needless to say that I just went to bed after that haha. But it's here now!  
> Also, I can't believe that part 2 of this fanfic is almost ending haha 😄 but don't worry, we have plenty of more chapters to go through before it reaches it's conclusion! ♥
> 
> Chapter name meaning: Crown

Chris woke up early by a knock on his door the next morning, stretched from the weary sleep he’d received, grimaced when a slight thumping pain erupted in his shoulders and prayed that the tension wouldn’t result in a headache in a few hours. Stood up, groaned softly to himself, opened the door and was met by a courier’s small smile.   
“Your Highness, I have a letter from the king of Hinosia. He sends his regards”   
Chris frowned but still accepted the letter, nodded to the courier and closed the door behind him. His heart thumped uncomfortably quick when he read the words, 

_‘Christopher, my son, I’m afraid your little brother and I will be unable to attend the coronation of crown prince Felix Ashdown-Lee. He is down with a fever and though the doctors have promised that he should be just fine- I cannot risk a long journey if he falls ill yet again. I believe that you will represent our country well. Be strong and do not worry about your brother. I will send another letter as soon as he is more stable. Much love, your father’_

It was vague and without the mention of any names except for Felix’s, just as usual when it came to letters. No one could know that the crown prince of Hinosia was ill after all.   
Chris sighed. He had actually forgotten that his father was supposed to join for the coronation and now when they weren’t going to arrive at all- he felt even more pressured to show off that Hinosia was a well-respected country.   
He placed the letter in his drawer and then called after a servant to bring him a basin of water and soap. It arrived rather quickly since a lot of others were probably cleaning up as well and the asked for water was already boiled up, recollected what had happened yesterday and frowned at his thoughts while cleaning up. 

The way they had left off was just awful- with him rushing out and then not seeing Felix for the rest of the day and he’d been miserable up until Jisung and Changbin forced him to walk around the castle for a bit, gave him a proper talk about getting himself together and either just confess or forget about his feelings entirely because it was currently eating him up from the inside. Eventually, they ran into crown prince Sungmin and King Jeongin, walked around some more while cracking jokes and talking about their families back home.  
The five of them found the training grounds after nearly an hour of looking and had spent the rest of the afternoon training for sport with their preferred weapons. He had finally gotten around to ask the crown prince about his decision to not wear one at all and Seungmin had gone into great detail about his family’s history. 

It all started nearly 400 years ago with two families that decided that battles and bloodshed were easier to handle than just talking something out. The Ogvikan civil war only lasted for a year but the two major families were close to being entirely wiped out. Because of their big reputation and ownership of many farms and castles among both Codmouth parish and Clifractia county, the whole of Stoding had been deeply affected years afterwards. 

Then, a bit closer upon the present, was the Rocquan conflict that Chris had heard off before. It had started out with Seungmin’s great grandmother Queen Cathmyn Rocquan, a misunderstanding about plots of land and two strong minds- with the other actually being Felix’s mother’s grandfather. It ended in a battle with over 10,000 dead on both sides before the Queen finally stepped down and allowed the diocese to claim the land they said they were entitled to. 

After that, the kingdom of Stoding was a torn land, filled with countless deaths in unmarked graves and a people that just wanted to mourn.   
Unfortunately, the worst was yet to come and the hot-headed Emperor of Stokholtia announced war when the current King of Stoding refused to pledge away one of his unborn children. It lasted for five years and ended just before Seungmin was born. House Kim decided then, after much consideration, to put down their weapons since both sides had lost so many of its people. Both from the military and civilians. The Emperor finally promised that he’d let go of his pursuit, that the two countries would never be associated with each other again and a wall was built on the border along with the signing of a peace treaty between them and Stokholita, as long as house Kim would never pick up a weapon again. 

Chris frowned after Seungmin had explained and thought to himself that it would feel weird to live every day without the broadsword weighing on his belt. But the crown prince just smiled, shrugged and told him that it’s the way he’d been raised- the mind could be sharper than the sword at times after all and he was glad that he’d found alternatives to unnecessary killings when it could so easily be prevented- like that time in the arena back in Elicstow. 

-

Chris sighed when he watched his reflection. The thin, golden throne barely weighed down the curly brown hair of his and he fastened his scabbard around his waist with a small smile on his lips. The weather had changed during the hours of the night and was cloudy when Chris had looked outside the window. He had dressed in a dove grey bottomed up waistcoat with a matching court coat in a deep red, both with a blooming flower pattern on the front, around the silver buttons, woven with blue and green silk thread. Linen breeches in the same deep red, tall boots and his sword at his side. 

He was as ready as he could be and excited the room to see Jisung and Changbin waiting for him. The two were dressed in a lighter version of their white armoury with simple but strong leathered fronts instead of the metal that usually clad their chests. Both whistled embarrassingly loudly when he exited his room and Jisung threw an arm over his shoulder, tucking his head into the crook of his arm, when he adamantly looked down, shielding his face with one hand. 

“Looking good there Christopher” he snickered and Chanbin quickly joined,   
“Yeah, remind us again why the crown prince of Oranobia rejected your advances the other night?”

Both chuckled and Chris peeked out from between his fingers to make sure that no one saw them- that would certainly make sure he’d never find a wife who respected his integrity.   
But they were alone in the small garden and he quickly jabbed a finger between the leather plates of Jisung’s armour as revenge, causing him to jump and let go of the chokehold.

“Uhu, like the lord of Andovale won’t want to jump you the very moment he sees you in that new, splendid armour” Chris stuck his tongue out and all three laughed.  
“Who’s saying that he won’t as soon as the coronation is over? It _does_ show off my best assets after all” Jisung winked and Changbin rolled his eyes while they started walking down the gravel path to where the small garden branched out into a larger one.

It had been warm and sunny these past few days with a dry, heavy heath that had lingered in the air and nearly made it tough to breathe when moving quickly. They had been sweating in even the lightest linen clothes and only getting some relief after sunset or while moving through the castle since the thick stone walls properly kept out the unforgiving beams.   
Today though, the amounts of clouds in the sky were significantly more. They were also a sad, dark grey colour and Chris wouldn’t be surprised if it would start raining after lunch. It wasn’t very windy yet but he still braced his shoulder’s up when one rolled through the Rose bushes, crab apple trees, Magnolias and Amelanchier's. They took a left and was stopped by a servant girl as soon as the small, royal church, which stood in the northern part of the castle grounds, came into view. 

“My lordships, the ceremony will be held in the throne room-” she said with a gentle voice and curtsied deeply,   
“I thought that the coronation, just like any ceremony, would be held before God?” Chris asked and the servant girl gave them a patient smile,   
“The coronation is a ceremony that hasn’t been changed for over 1000 years. The only ones that will judge the new king are the old Astellian Gods” 

Chris gave her a puzzled expression. Though Hinosia and Oranobia shared the same old Gods and beliefs, they were a part of the history books since many hundred years back and if one had a religion- people mostly prayed on behalf of the new God nowadays. To still have ceremonies in their honour was something completely unheard of in Hinosia. 

“Oh, forgive our ignorance-” Chris said then and the servant girl gestured towards a path where other royals started to join in on.   
He nodded as thanks towards the girl, gave her a bright smile and she turned her attention to another couple of young men that were on their way to make the same mistake as they did. Two familiar figures emerged after a corner and Seungmin gave them all a great smile. 

“Goodmorning, my good friends-” he said in a chipper tone whilst leaning back at the heels of his feet, restlessly waiting to be let in with the other royals and Chris gave him a greeting smile, “Weather could’ve been better since it’s supposed to be a day of celebration, right?” he continued and cautiously glanced up at the ominous dark grey cloud that currently lingered above them.  
The king of Steilerbenia looked above them as well, “Well, it will be a celebration whether the forces of nature allows it or not… but it doesn’t bode well to his reign” he quickly cleared his throat, eyes flickering to make sure that no one else but their company had heard what he just said and somehow take the words as a threat, “I mean if you believe that sort of thing…” he trailed off and Chris gave him a smile, heart heavy for the words that seem to ring some sort of truth but still with a need to settle the young king’s slightly stressed out demeanour after he realised what he’d said.

The loud sound of a horn echoed through the stone walls and a couple of servants opened the door which led to the corridor that eventually ended up at the throne room.   
It was large. Reeking of the powerful authority of a king’s judgement and Chris felt impossibly small when he looked upon the single, nearly three-meter tall, massive chair. Wide enough that two grown men surely could sit side by side. Large windows gave the whole room a lot of natural light and the walls were embellished with the same orange banners and the emblem of house Ashdown-Lee that clad the rest of the castle. Today though, it was also joined by a green banner- for the revitalization of a new era and the birth of a new king.   
Chairs lined both sides of an aisle and Chris sat down at his proper place with Felix’s cousins and other royals that still had far to go in the line of succession. Changbin and Jisung were placed at the far back with other guards and Chris glanced behind him to make sure that he knew where they were seated, just in case. 

“Hello there, Christopher” a sweet voice nearly whispered in his ear and he flinched sharply when he recognized it.   
“Hello, Isabel” he mumbled through clenched teeth, not even giving her the courtesy of looking while he greeted her back.

To be honest, he had almost forgotten her in the whirlwind of emotions that had happened during these past days and hearing, and seeing her in his peripheral, was almost comical. She was just about to open her mouth to say something else when another sound of a loud horn turned everyone quiet. An old man, dressed in a red vestment, walked in silence down the centre-aisle and his footsteps on the carpet seemed weirdly loud in the large, stone room. 

“Good Morning and welcome to witness the coronation of Felix Ashdown-Lee, third of his name. Son of Cassius Ashdown and Dimia Lee. Born under blossoms in father sun’s name. Baptised under mother moon’s lunate beams. My name is Ulric of Ciscoso. I am a clergy with the old Astellian Gods”   
The man closed his eyes for a moment, prayed while a few seconds passed and the doors opened again. Three young men, dressed in pristine white vestments walked down the aisle. Each holding a pillow with the purported divine order of things, the three that marked the symbols of monarchy; 

The crown- heavy and golden, bejewelled with rubies and rather mean looking with a shape of triangles lining a band, placed in the centre and both sides, like a thin trident.  
The sceptre- golden and with stones that lined the sides of the top. A stone, probably black quartz, Chris guessed, was enclosed by a swirl of thin golden bands and another ruby sat at the very top.  
The orb- golden as well with an embellished cross at the top and a band of silver, with emeralds and amethysts, lining the middle of it. 

They joined Ulric who kept his eyes locked forward and almost a minute of complete silence followed before the horn was heard again and Chris stood up with the people around him when Felix finally entered through the doors. He bit back a grin, not even embarrassed at the way his heart flipped in his chest. The other man looked _amazing._

Dressed in a waistcoat of the purest ivory, buttons in silver and a silver silk embroidery of tree branches and falling leaves covering over the entire lining. A forest green court coat in velvet that extended the silver embroidery laid heavy on his shoulders, with a high collar and a wide tail in the back. The same sort of silver embroidery lined from the very end of the tail to his mid-back, sprouting upwards from branches at the bottom to lithe red and lavender clover flowers. Velvet green breeches clad his thighs and new, black high boots covered his knees. He had his hair parted in the middle, as usual, the dark eyes clear and lively behind the stoic expression and Chris was sure that he held his breath when Felix passed him.   
He felt another sharp jab in his stomach and watched while fighting to actually take a deep breath, how Felix went down on one knee before the clergy, who gave him a small smile before pressing a thumb at his forehead. He said a short prayer, stroked his finger over the bridge of Felix’s nose, gently pressed his thumb over both his eyes, one at the time and then asked Felix to rise again.

“Felix of house Ashdown-Lee, do you accept the mission that the old Gods have placed before you, do you pledge your life for your people and everyone else that inhabits the lands under your protection? Do you swear it upon Father Sun, whom you were born under?” Ulric started out and Felix nodded towards his audience.   
“I do!” he shouted.  
“So be it!” Chris and everyone else shouted back.

“Do you accept the mission that the new God has entrusted you with, do you swear to bring prosperity to your people and everyone else that inhabits the lands under your protection? Do you swear it upon Mother Moon, whom you were baptised under?” Ulric continued and Felix nodded once again.  
“I do!” he shouted.  
“So be it” they repeated. 

“Finally, will you do your duty and defend your country from enemies or die trying, help your people when they need your guidance, and rule with a benevolence so that Oranobia may never see the harshness it has suffered, for as long as you live? Do you swear it upon the Children of the Stars?”  
Felix smiled at that, filled his lungs with air and shouted, “I do!”  
“So be it!” they shouted back and Chris put his hands together in an applause that only got louder when Ulric gently took the crown from its pillow, stood behind Felix, raised it up with a short blessing and then slowly lowered it until it was placed upon his head.

“Long live the King, Long may he Rule. Long live the King, Long may he Rule. Long live the King, Long may he Rule!”  
The voices in the grand throne room grew louder and Chris joined in with the stomping that had started in time with the chanting. Felix received the orb in one hand and the sceptre in the other and gave his audience a smile that showed off how immensely happy he was to finally, finally be where he was.   
The joyous, jubilee feeling spread through the room and the atmosphere was bursting towards the ceiling. Chris laughed, applauded, stomped his feet, shouted even higher-   
But… wait. 

Something was wrong… _very wrong_. 

Chris stopped, unsure of why and noticed a person in robes, that he hadn’t seen earlier, emerge from the shadow of one corner. An uneasy feeling drenched him like a cold bath and it was like his brain just kicked in on one thing, an intense gut feeling- reaching Felix before that person did.   
He fought his way out of his place, stumbled over long skirts and boot-clad feet in his hurry. Felix hadn’t noticed anything.   
Why didn’t he notice? 

The person had almost reached the short steps that led up to the throne now and confused murmurs started to erupt around him. Were they part of the ceremony? But then, what was that in their hand?  
Chris was close now as well, fully escaped out from the sea of people, onto the aisle and he was running, screaming, causing the guests that watched to turn to him as well.   
“Felix, watch out” he shouted and the, now, king of Oranobia flinched like he hadn’t been aware of the strange figure in that had approached him from the left.   
The edge of something sharp and shiny was all Chris got to see before he, just barely in time, jumped in front of Felix and caught the thing that would cause the king’s life, in his right shoulder instead. 

The sceptre and orb fell onto the floor, echoing through the walls of the dead silence when Felix let them go to fall on his knees and catch him while he slumped over, “Chris! Chris! Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck” he gasped out and Chris registered the thump of another body to his left, slightly behind him.   
He gripped hard onto Felix's velvety court coat. Felt pain throbbing in his right arm when he did so. The ‘sharp and shiny’ was a knife, just as he’d expected- he wasn’t going to bother looking but supposed that being stabbed would feel just about how he was feeling in the moment. He glanced over at the body. The three arrows that lined the assassin’s whole frame were stuck deep enough that Chris bet the arrowheads poked out on the other side. An artwork completed by none other than Hyunjin, who now quickly closed in on them with Minho shortly after, bow in a tight grip while jogging up after Changbin and Jisung, who already made an effort to help him get on his feet again. 

“I’m- I’m fine” he coughed, a bit embarrassed by the rash decision to jump in front of a knife. Like what did he expect would happen, really?  
“You fucking moron” Changbin muttered, "What were you thinking?" before he spoke out louder towards the audience, “Can someone show us the way to the infirmary?” 

That sent the guests, who had only been standing as if frozen in place, into a frenzy and about thirty servants tried to collect them without avail. Chris was led by Ulric himself who had just shrugged at the whole spectacle, muttered something about him having been to way too many coronations and showed them the way since he considered his job done and was to no help when it came to nearly 600 guests who were completely convinced that they were the next target. 

Chris groaned, winched and prayed that they were close since he felt himself losing consciousness and kept stumbling over his legs.   
Blacked out momentarily. Woke up when they laid him down on a bed.   
Out. 

Pain, like he’d never felt before. The dryness in his throat when he woke up again, screaming from the top of his lungs when a doctor pinched his wound back together and then pushed the needle through his skin.   
Out.

A dimmed down fog in his mind. Darkness even when he tried to open his eyes. He felt heavy as if he was going to sink through the thin mattress to the floor. Couldn’t move. Couldn’t speak. Couldn’t even swallow. Choked, coughed, heard his own heart thumping in his ears. His laboured breathing.  
Out.

Woke up. Flinched at the brightness of the room. Shuddered. Cold. So fucking cold. Help me. _Help me_. He tried to speak. Felt a warm hand squeeze his own. Tried to squeeze back. Nothing.  
Out.

Woke up. Crying. Sobbing. Anguish tearing at his whole being. _Felix._ Felix in his green velvet clothes. He’d looked so good, gorgeous in the way only he could be. Ethereal. Untouchable. A king. A king that was meant to rule. Someone Chris could never be with.   
Out. 

Felix. He breathed out into the silence. Felix when he kissed him the other day. Felix when they meet eyes in a room full of people and suddenly there’s just the two of them. Felix when it is just the two of them and Chris needs to say things he’d known for long now but doesn't want to say just yet. Felix when his body is so close to Chris that it feels like he can finally take a deep breath and not breathe at all at the same time. Felix when he was as close as he was right then. He felt his presence even if he couldn’t wake up just yet. Tried to squeeze the hand in his again. Something.  
Out. 

Woke up. Flinched at the brightness of his room yet again. Closed his eyes. Tried again. White ceiling. White walls. White clothes. White blonde hair. White fair skin. Stars. Tears. Dark, crescent eyes.   
“Thank you”   
The voice of the other is heavy, husky and hoarse with clogged up sorrow. He was alive. Felix was alive because Chris jumped in front of a blade. Felix was alive because Chris didn’t think, didn’t doubt the situation for a second and Chris wanted to smile. Wanted to punch Felix on the shoulder and make him promise that he’d continue to stay alive now, no matter what would happen in the future, when he owned Chris one. Wanted to say ‘You’re welcome, idiot’   
But instead...  
White blonde hair. White fair skin. Stars. Tears. Dark, crescent eyes. Pearly white teeth behind full lips that now stretched into a bright smile. 

“I- I think I’m in love with you”


	31. Cupiditas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh wow, would you look at that, a gift! I wonder what it is 😇 this was not meant to happen until further chapters but heck, whatever. There will be plenty of more anyway hehe ♥  
> Thank you for all the comments! I love to read and reply to every single one of them ♥ 
> 
> Chapter name meaning: Greed (as in craving/desire/want)

Felix stared in disbelief, not sure if he misheard what Chris had said. 

_'I’m in love with you’_   
_‘In love with you’_   
_‘Love with you’_

The words ricochet around in his head like the other had pulled off a cannonball, reverberated again and again, stronger and with more and more impact until it felt like he’d go mad. He swallowed dryly. Why did it feel like he’d been faced with a riddle that he just couldn’t figure out?

First of all, before anything else could be progressed in his mind; him? Felix Ashdown-Lee? Really? The person that Chris _should_ dislike more than anyone because of all the problems he’s caused during the short time they’d known each other. The very person who had fucked up so many times he’d lost count.   
Obviously, they had already established that there was an attraction between them and certainly an allurement that tingled in Felix’s joints whenever Chris was near and they cared for each other or else he wouldn’t sit where he was but… but love? After only a couple of weeks? After spending time that could be summarized in them wanting to both fuck and fight until exhaustion would make them fall apart. 

He looked away, felt warmth flush his cheeks, dropped his gaze upon their hands that still laid clasped upon the light grey silk sheets (because Chris deserved better than to lie on the wool ones that clad the other beds, stretched thin and smudged with blood) and sighed deeply.  
This wasn’t really the first thing he expected Chris to say after waking from the two days deep and completely numb sleep he’d been in. He felt flustered, more so than when he stood with 600 people from lands far away and the old Gods watching and judging him. 

Caught off guard and completely speechless. 

Chris gently squeezed his hand again to try and get some sort of reaction but Felix couldn’t raise his gaze just yet. He… he felt unsure. He couldn’t really reject him, could he? Not again and not when there was a clear hue of- well something, deep inside his heart. He just didn’t know what it was, what it could possibly bloom out to be if they gave it more time. He cleared his throat, prepared for the worst-case scenario, which would be either A) Chris would throw him out, curse him or B) never even speak to him again because Felix had said too many bad things and this would only be another one on the pile that kept stacking higher.

He took a deep breath, and then spoke, “I didn’t know you hit your head on the floor while you took the knife for me, Christopher”   
He gave the prince a soft smile, gently brushed his thumb over his knuckles to ease the words that slipped out his mouth. But Chris still furrowed his brows and his brown eyes quickly glazed over with a sort of acceptance and sadness before he broke their gaze, looked down with a sort of inaudible ‘Oh’ and then gave him a smile as well, quickly disguising anything that had shown on his face before. 

“I suppose I must have. Or I was still lingering on the stairway of heaven when I opened my eyes and spoke before my mind caught up”  
Felix rolled his eyes and scoffed, tried to lighten the mood a little, “Are you calling me an angel, then? I don’t think I live up to such a sweet nickname”

Chris chuckled, hoarse and with a grimacing groan, let go of Felix’s hand to support himself while he slightly raised to a reclining position on the pillows instead. Felix glanced down on his naked chest when he did so, completely unable to even tear his eyes away from the firm, toned stomach and the skin that barely crinkled over the abdomen. Speckled with scars here and there and dark birthmarks in the dips of his muscles. Felt himself nearly choking up when his gaze lingered just below the navel and then followed the thin, fine, light brown trail of hair that disappeared underneath the folded silk sheets.

He’d only seen Chris this naked once before, weeks ago when they just met each other. So much had changed since then but he still felt the ever so familiar sharp tug in the pit of his stomach just as much now as he did then. Chris wet his lips and let out a deep sigh, watched Felix with a knowing look and then slowly shook his head, “No- no angel would ever give me eyes that dark”

Silence fell upon them then and Felix folded his hands in his lap, ears warm from being caught red-handed while admiring the other. Watched them with great interest while Chris looked out through one of the high windows in front of him. It hadn’t stopped raining since the afternoon of his coronation and Felix had been restless, pacing, unable to get more than a couple of minutes of sleep. Mostly just slumbering in his visitor's chair since he couldn’t find much comfort in his room. He had shooed away all personnel when it was clear that the wound from the knife had been sanitized with alcohol, stitched together by the nurses and his royal physician and that they only had to wait before taking further action.

Felix sighed. He had really thought that his days of being scared were over when Cassius passed. But once again, it had happened with Chris being involved. But it wasn’t a nightmare this time. No, this had not been something he could wake up from. 

And he had been so _afraid._   
Mind and heart racing since Chris went out like a light the minute he was placed on the bed.

It felt strange- that he cared so much. Enough so to skip meals and the important meetings he was supposed to have just after his coronation with members of his council. Members that asked after him time and time again since an investigation had started up about who the assassin really was.   
Felix was quite certain that it was as he’d expected for a long time now and the diocese was just weeks or even days from attacking for real. That it was just a test to see how well he was guarded and maybe even succeed without sacrificing many of their own in a potential further war. Felix knew that he should be there, help his council, help his people. But he was unable to concentrate and his mind constantly wandered to Chris again. 

He didn’t want to leave his side. Because what would he do if he wasn’t there when the prince finally woke up? Or worse, if he didn’t wake up at all. The thought of _that_ made his throat choke up again but out of a deep sorrow rather than lust.   
“I’m sorry” he finally said, hesitant of what he was actually sorry for. 

Maybe for them even meeting at all. Maybe for him making the mistake of opening his soul to him. Maybe for the decision to not just let him go. For every little thing, he’d done that destroyed them even further. For everything. 

“For what?” Chris asked, met his eyes with a puzzled expression and Felix shrugged.  
“I- I should’ve just made sure to stay out of the way back then…” he slowly started off and sighed heavily, “You would have noticed what kind of person my sister is in time and we- we uh” he paused, wanted to say the words but just couldn’t.  
“We would never have got to know each other” Chris finished off and looked away again with sombre eyes and lips in a tight line, “but we did and we’re here now and I- I can’t help-”  
“Please- just please don’t say it again” Felix interrupted and felt how hot tears burned in his eyes because it was just so _unfair,_ “I think we both know what needs to be done since we can’t seem to live like friends without feeling betrayed or… or be able to live as anything more since- since-” he trailed off. 

Didn’t want to yet again speak about honour and duty when everything he wanted at the moment was right there in front of him. This, everything that was _them_ was so heart wrenching it physically hurt. He swallowed dryly again. Even if he was unsure of his true feelings- he still very much cared for Chris and just knew that he’d miss him like a starving man missed sustenance when he once again had to leave, “Just…” he swallowed, closed his eyes for a few second to gain some courage, “Just kiss me again. If this is truly the last time and-” his chest was quaking in, heart bursting when Chris gently leaned forward without wavering the slightest from the request and placed his left hand on his cheek, “if you did mean what you said… make me feel it so I know you’re not lying” 

The other let out a small scoff, smiled and Felix allowed himself to be pulled closer until he felt Chris’ warm breath gently fan at his face.   
“You know that I still want you, right? I can say that a 1000 times and I won’t mean it any less” his voice was low, deep in a whisper and Felix tightly gripped the sheet of the bed to ground himself,   
“I want you too” he gasped out when he felt the faint touch of fingertips against his loose blouse, gently parting the fabric to brush against his naked skin. 

Chris was close enough that he could see every pore on his face, the unshaved shadow on his chin, some out of place hair in his eyebrows, the faintest freckles on the side of his temples, the dips of his dimples when he gave Felix a soft smile, mapping out his face as well.

He was losing his breath already, breath hitching when lips finally pressed down on his and the adrenaline surcharge that rushed through his body felt unreal- as if he was floating. Chris was warm like the open fireplace in the kitchen during winter. Devouring like a hungry wolf indulging in its prey and Felix found himself helpless in his gentle grip. Gasped when Chris didn’t waste a second playing around and swiped his tongue over his bottom lip, tasting him, groaned when Felix moved his hand from the sheet to his naked chest.   
He’d missed this, dear God above he’d missed this. Had dreamed of them kissing again to the point of him telling his own mind to shut up because the conjured memories did nothing to help his own sanity. 

Fuck. If this could only last for longer and if he could only be less than the king and less with responsibilities...  
Chris hummed with content, hand gripping tightly onto his blouse to pull him even closer, tongue slipping between his lips and his heart was running, racing like horses in freight. A white buzzing noise in his ears had begun and Felix’s breath hitched again when Chris’ hand moved from his blouse to his abdomen, over to his waist where he harshly grasped, thumb pressing down on his hip bone to keep him in place.

Felix's whole body felt flustered, selflessly thirsting for more and he acted before he could even think twice, placed his knee on the bed and gently climbed on top of the other. Hands bracing on Chris’ chest to make sure that he wasn’t accidentally hurting him. The prince let out a groan that broke out in a sob when Felix took the lead, properly coaxed his head to the side and hungrily licked into his mouth. Tongues harshly brushing while they breathed the same air and Felix’s mind was swirling. He felt dizzy with need, with this greedy craving that he’d carried for so long now.   
Chris’s fingers carefully ventured from his waist to the front of his linen pants, completely innocent at first but Felix choked up when he felt the gentle touch against his cock. Chris just smirked into the kiss then before he repeated his movement. Felix had hardened up embarrassingly quickly and was absolutely certain that the prince felt so as well. He wanted more, despite them out in the open like this. Someone could walk in after all, even though he had forbidden it until Chris felt better. 

But he didn’t care. 

He wanted- _needed_ for Chris to just plunge his hand down his pants and take him into his hand so that he could finally feel something _more._ But the other just pulled back, separated them with a small, playful smile on his lips and Felix was just about to look away because those dark eyes were just _too_ much.   
“Oh no, don’t look away, eyes on me-” Chris said with a voice that rumbled in the chest underneath Felix’s splayed hands. 

He swallowed, bit down on his lower lip when Chris gently dragged his fingertips over the fabric of his clothed cock and it was agonizing. Not enough by far and he cursed underneath his breath when his shoulders hunched up, fingers and toes curled. Hissed out a gasp between clenched teeth while the fingertips moved over the underside of it, up towards the head and Chris’ mouth fell open, eyes watching, mesmerized by the sight above him. 

Felix was sensitive, making sweet sounds from every movement of the other and he felt embarrassed, wanted to close his eyes and look away like a shy maiden when Chris cupped the head in his hand and gently brushed over the slit with his fingertips. His cock twitched, and he felt pre-cum staining the pants, enough so that the prince felt it as well and he bit back another smirk when Felix swallowed back another groan.   
“Think you can come like this, Lixie?” Chris asked and Felix’s breath skipped. 

He shouldn’t. 

_They shouldn’t._

This was dangerous. Too dangerous and Felix knew that he was going to become the worst upholder of rules if he caved into this because there was no way he’d just be able to let Chris go when he’d get to know what he was working with.  
But then again, what the fuck was he supposed to do? He was only human and Chris quite literally had him in the palm of his hand… and he _wanted_ to. So, so bad. The arousal in the pit of his stomach was like a blazing monster that he’d put the lid on too many times. Maybe… maybe just this once. 

“Like you’re good enough to succeed” he gritted through his teeth and watched with hooded eyes how Chris accepted the challenge with a small provocative raise of his eyebrows.   
He placed his hand on Felix's lower abdomen, scooted him down just slightly and his lips parted with surprise when he felt what the prince clearly wanted him to feel. He was stark naked underneath the sheet (they must’ve undressed him that morning while Felix was away to protect his integrity) and hard as a rock. If Felix wanted to, he could just reach behind him and grab him, give him the exhilaration as well.

“Can you feel me?” Chris groaned, “Can you feel what you do to me? What you’ve done to me for weeks now” he swallowed hard and Felix wanted to cry.   
Emotions were building up too quickly and it felt like his whole chest might implode. Chris watched him intently while he carefully, as if Felix was made of thin glass, wrapped his hand as well as he could around him, softly squeezed the shaft and Felix melted to putty in his hands. The pleasure was insane and he slowly tried the waters, jolted his hips forward and Chris let out a proud scoff when Felix’s head fell back as he thrust forward once again. Supported himself with his hands and then leaned back enough to feel Chris hard length prod at his hole before repeating the pattern. The prince reached up, gently stroked him in time with the thrusting and circled the slit at the top with the pad of his thumb. 

“You look so beautiful like this” Chris whispered, as if he was afraid to properly let the naked words out, “I wish I could see you like this always. God knows I need nothing else. Nothing else but you Lix”   
It hurt. God fucking damn it, it hurt so fucking badly that Felix softly cried out, bit down hard enough on his lip that it suffocated more noise. He was close. Just a bit more now. 

“Can I… can I touch you?” he hushed out between the strangled whines that fell between his lips and Chris hummed out something broken, incoherent that Felix took as a yes.   
He forced his gaze back to the other, held his breath and then reached behind him, closed his small fist around the thick girth of Chris cock and then watched with eyes teary from lust how Chris’ eyes slightly rolled back. Fuck, Felix considered himself average but Chris… Chris was so big that Felix’s heart hammered in his chest from the very thought of having him inside. He’d feel so full he’d surely come in just minutes. 

“Tell me how good you’d make me feel” he whispered and Chris swallowed hard, wavered just a second and then pulled down the lining of his pants and Felix wasn’t even going to stop him. Too far into his own need to even reflect on the way that the prince dryly swallowed when he looked upon the cock in his hand. 

No, Felix needed this so badly and had gone so long with a need so strong that nothing was going to stop him from reaching his high now.   
Not when it felt like he was falling apart and Chris was the only thing that held him together.   
Not when he’d been afraid and conquered, seen death in his periphery, watched friends he’d gotten in his band of brother’s get slaughtered before him, won metal after metal for his bravery and still- he had never felt so weak, so fragile, brittle on the verge of splitting in two as when he looked down at Chris at that moment. Watched the sheen of perspiration on his forehead, the way he bit down on his lower lip when Felix gave him a breathless smile. Leaned down, tasted the saltiness of sweat on his cupid's bow, groaned between the air of their lips when their tongues met before lips did.   
Consequences be damned. 

“We’d start off just like this-” Chris groaned before he gasped when Felix’s fingers rounded the head, cleared his throat, drew a deep breath and then continued, sounding even more broken than before, “Then I’d use my other hand to gently pull you closer, place my fingers in your mouth and you would wet them so good for me”   
Felix swallowed, placed two of his fingers in his mouth and just barely saw how the corners of Chris’ lips tugged up in a grin before he closed his eyes. He coated his fingers properly, nodded and let the prince continue, 

“Then I’ll round your waist, tell you again that you look absolutely gorgeous, all dirty and needy like this. So intoxicated with the thought of my cock so deep inside of you that only the velvety darkness of lust consumes you. I’d circle that sweet, puckering hole of yours with one finger”  
Felix did as Chris told and felt his cheeks flush red when he arched his back and reached behind him, still with one hand tightly locked around the other’s cock, “and then I’d watch you, just like I watch you right now, while I gently press one finger inside” Felix bit down on his lower lip, forced his finger through the tight rim of muscles and felt how Chris took a shuddering breath underneath him, “all the way to the knuckle” he continued and Felix’s cock twitched heavily again when his fingertip brushed against his prostate, knowing where it was by default,

“And then I’d- I’d- _fuck”_ Chris paused, sobbed out, “Dear God, my heart. I want to fuck you so badly right now” he thrust up in Felix's hand, shallow and harshly, up against the crack of his ass.   
Gently squeezed his hand around Felix length again, picked up the speed and that, combined with the finger against his prostate, was enough to pull him over the line and Felix’s head fell to his chest while his whole body tensed up and he came in long ribbons over his own chest. Chris let out a stunned gasp that quickly turned into a groan, completely struck by the vision and let him go to focus on his own little death, working himself as well as he could with his non-dominant hand while Felix came down from his high. He hummed- whiny and tired when he felt the wetness of cum finally sticking to his lower back. Watched while Chris’ body went limp underneath him, chest heaving, skin flushed red and with a smile tugging on his lips. 

“I’d tell you again. I really want to but-” he started and licked his dry lips into his mouth,   
“Say it then” Felix swallowed hard, clasped their hands together.   
He was spent, heaving with air but happy. Happy but also completely distraught at what they had done. Nothing would be the same now. Not when they’d leapt through this together. 

And Chris sighed, “I love you” 

-

“Your Royal Highness!” the small and private group of council members quickly stood up, chairs scraping against the stone floor of his private study and he gave them an apologetic smile while nodding as a cue for them to sit again,   
“Forgive me for my absence-” he started but were quickly interrupted,   
“I understand that the young Prince of Hinosia is feeling better then?” one of the oldest members asked with a huff, lips pressed in a thin line of disdain and Felix opened his mouth to protest against the annoyed undertone but decided to just give the old man a smile,   
“Yes. Thank you for asking, he woke up just an hour ago”   
Another member cleared his throat, “Well, let’s not waste any more time on trivial matters, then” his gaze flickered around the other men around the round table as if Chris had been the subject of a discussion that Felix was not aware off, “Especially since we should be thankful to the young prince for protecting His Royal Highness’ life…”   
A murmur of agreements spread between the ten men and Felix sat down at his, slightly more extravagant, chair, “Well, speaking of that” he started, “do we have any idea or clue of who the assassin was?” 

There was an exchange of looks between the council members before one of them pulled out a bundle of fabric, carefully unfolded it and presented the blade to Felix. The blood had hastily been wiped away and some still lingered on the hilt and he grimaced when he remembered whose blood it belonged to. The knife itself was simple; darkened steel, shaped and in the same size of a hunting dagger, with a hilt of bone. Small carvings in it created a pattern of waves and dots. At the very bottom was an emblem, half azure and half sanguine with a golden cross in the middle.

“So they finally took the decision, huh?” Felix scoffed, still inspecting the knife in his hand,   
“We believe so-” a member said while another piped up,  
“There really isn’t another explanation”  
“But surely they’d know what would happen if the assassination were to fail?” Felix asked and many members nodded.   
“We have come to the conclusion that this was no accident, no rogue that has gone haywire with a lust for blood. The failed assassination was merely a decoy, a reason for us to pronounce war” one of the older muttered.  
But Felix shook his head, “We must act wisely then-”  
“And call upon our troops!” the older member who interrupted him earlier repeated his action with a loud shout and was immediately met by immense protests.  
“No!” Felix's voice echoed amongst them and silence followed quickly while all the members looked upon him with nervous eyes, bodies quivering as a result of the decades of terror they lived through with Cassius and Felix grimaced, looked down, ashamed of the way he'd lashed out, “No, we- we cannot give them what they want yet. War is not the answer to this question.   
“Then what should we do?” a younger member asked and Felix smiled at him, sighed and said with a heavy voice,  
“We will wait. ”


	32. Conflueverant

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry that I'm posting a day late. A thing is going on in my personal life atm and I've just had a hard time taking a moment to sit down, get into the proper zone and write something good enough to be satisfied with. Because boy, oh boy- I've written and erased this chapter so many times this week. I hope you enjoy it. Take care and spend some time with your loved ones, especially now when autumn is around again and after All Hallows' Day.   
> We still have one more chapter of part two and then I'm thinking I'll have a tiny break again before I start up part three. Much love ♥
> 
> Chapter name meaning: Currents (of water)

Wood ash and olive soap, a warmth that made his heart flutter and a soft groan were the very first things he noticed when he woke up. 

It was early morning, and he watched through his damp, misty balcony window how the sun just started to rise. Still only just a bleak string of light on the edge of the horizon, slowly but steadily turning the sky from indigo to cyan. Felix felt unbelievably comfortable, more so than he’d done in weeks and didn’t want to fully open his eyes just yet. Something was weighing across his midriff and he turned slightly to look behind him, a bit annoyed with the presence in his bed. But the frown changed to a smile when he noticed the sleeping presence of the man that had been tugging on his heartstrings for more these couple of days than anyone has ever done before and suddenly remembered what had happened yesterday. 

The- at least in his mind, very convincing speech he had given his physician about Chris’ health and why it was _so_ important to just have him sleep in his room because obviously Felix didn't want to go back and forth between their rooms and Crewe had kept his lips professionally tight together, tried his best with keeping a smile at bay and only flicked his wrist to get the staff to move faster when they packed up the ointments for Chris’ shoulder. The way they had gone to bed in the evening, tired after another day and Chris had been hesitant at first before Felix tugged on his nightshirt and pulled his body closer. They had just laid close to each other, feeling at ease just existing in each other presences without the usual greedy hunger that always draped across them and Felix had fallen asleep while Chris casually combed his finger's through his hair, curled up and pressed onto his chest.

So here they were now.  
In Felix's bedroom. 

He reached up, careful not to awaken him and accidentally cause him to move the arm that rested across his body, with the still very fresh wound upon the shoulder. Moved a curl from his hair away from his brow and revelled in the quiet closeness of their bodies, breathlessly while he admired the way his nose slightly scrunched up in a frown when it happened. 

To think that he nearly lost him… Felix swallowed hard at that- and to think that he might lose him in the future because of what’s to come. He sighed and frowned deeply. Tried to chase away the menacing thoughts.   
Allowed his gaze to fall on Chris' features, watched the dark lashes flutter against his upper cheekbones, those lips pout a bit while he hummed in his sleep, still deep in the land of dreams. Squirmed around a bit, hesitated and then placed a sweet kiss on those lips that he’d grown to love so much. Did it again and again until the arm that rested on him, pulled him closer instead. Chris hissed when the stitches tugged on the pink flesh that surrounded the wound, used his other arm to push Felix into his embrace instead, lifted his chin with a gentle touch of his thumb, coaxed his head to the side with a small smile and stole the king’s breath away when he deepened the kiss. 

His head was swirling, heart racing and a small, weak whine erupted from the back of his throat when Chris pressed his body onto his, covering him like a blanket from the top of his head to his toes. It was wet, dirty with tongues swiping and teeth nearly clashing and Felix sighed between their lips. Never wanted it to stop. Never wanted to fully wake up from this state of being. 

“I suppose there are worst ways to wake up to” Chris grinned and slowly opened his eyes, let out a small chuckle between them and Felix hummed back, tugged on the hair in the back of the prince’s neck before his hand travelled down, over the broad shoulders, a bit extra careful with the injured one.   
“I suppose” he agreed and couldn’t help the small giggle that slipped past his lips when Chris pressed their foreheads together and then gently rubbed his nose against his, “being in such close connection with the king has its perks”

Chris scoffed adoringly at that, pressed the next kiss on the said nose and then cleared his throat while falling back on the bed again. Felix rested his head on his shoulder, drew circles across his nightshirt clad chest and once again wished that he could just stay in this moment. Ignore the fact that he should get up and start his first proper day as a king now when the prince’s life wasn’t in danger anymore. He could almost hear the quickfire discussions about his future that most likely already took place between the members of his council- from the decision that had to be taken about his failed assassination to him having to soon find a suitable wife, despite the hovering threat of their neighbours in the west.

“What is troubling you?” Chris asked after a minute of comfortable silence and Felix looked up at him, not entirely sure why he should be surprised when the prince seemed to have been able to read him like an open book since the very start.   
“Oh… just… responsibilities. Nothing I wish to bore you with” he tried which caused Chris to shift a bit.   
“Well” he cleared his throat, “Consider me not bored, then” 

Felix rolled his eyes and scoffed at that, sighed and then told Chris about what he knew so far. About the assassin and the origin of him, what the plans probably where and if there were more to come. But still kept quiet about his other worries. They had spoken enough about such things and he didn’t need to destroy the sweet moment they currently had.

“So, what will you do?” Chris asked and Felix shrugged as well as he could in the position he was in,   
“I uh… I honestly don’t know. I have to protect my people. I want them to be safe and without needless war in these times. Especially since they have not had any time to rest after suffering so much under Cassius reign…” he trailed off, bit down his bottom lip and watched while his finger drew the shape of a small heart, over and over upon Chris’ own heart, “But I fear that this assassination was just a plot point in a much bigger battle that is yet to come. If the diocese of Mongia attacks first, then what am I supposed to do?”   
“You fight, love-” Chris said, met his eyes when Felix looked up with a surprised expression at the heavy nickname before he looked away just as quickly, “You uh… you fight and you’ll win. Surrendering is not really an option, right?”   
“No” 

Felix felt a bit absent. Lost in a swirl of thoughts- like leaves on a stormy autumn day. Up and down, left and right. The thought of war had been so far away, the least on his list of problems when he inherited the crown… and yet here he stood. Debating on what path he should take.   
“Will you be there for me?” he heard himself asking, “Will you support me in the decision I’ll be making?” 

Chris smiled at him then. Fondly and vibrantly warm. Gently cupped his face and stroked over his cheekbone with his thumb, eyes moving ever so slightly to gaze upon his freckles and Felix wondered to himself if Chris was silently counting them- like he knew he’d wished to do for weeks now. The prince leaned down, captured his lips in another impeccably sweet kiss that made his toes curl.   
“Of course I’ll be, love”

-

They ate their breakfast and Felix filled Chris in with more details that he’d missed when he’d been passed out from the knife and the operation that had followed. Seungmin and Changbin had been spending significantly more time with each other shortly after Chris had been admitted and the latter couldn’t stop his pacing outside the infirmary, visually frightened with what would happen to his friend. Nothing anyone said could calm him, not even the comforting words that Jisung repeated time and time again, all morning. 

The crown prince had begun talking to him about the most mundane stuff then- the weather at first, followed by questions about Changbin’s favourite composers, authors, painters and though the lord had been a bit annoyed at first, nearly screamed at the crown prince why it all mattered when his best friend was dying- Seungmin still returned a few hours later with a plate of food from the lunch and Changbin had apologised with a very heavy heart, told him the answers to his previous questions and soon a sweet conversation about the arts had followed, much to Jisung’s dismay.   
Seungmin had, another few hours later, when the sun had gone down, offered a place at his court if Changbin ever felt like getting a new adventure after his contract with Chris had run out, claiming that he’d never met a person who was both so cultured and so talented with the prowess of weaponry. 

“Jisung told you all of this?” Chris asked curiously while he shoved a spoonful of scrambled eggs into his mouth and a small smile tugged on Felix’s lips when he continued,   
“No, Jisung told Minho and Minho told me” he continued and Chris scoffed,   
“The young lord has a sharp tongue and a good memory”  
“I suppose it runs in the family” Felix chuckled,   
“I suppose” Chris answered and tried to hide the grin that played in his lips as well. 

-

They had almost finished their breakfast when a quick, hurried knock on the door made them both freeze up.  
“Yes?” Felix asked, a bit nervous considering the recent events and a servant girl cleared her throat on the other side.   
“Your Royal Highness, I’m terribly sorry to bother you but you are asked to join with your council at once. Something urgent has happened” 

It was Iseult, his usual chambermaid and Felix let out a small sigh before he glanced over at Chris, who regained his relaxed position after he’d automatically reached out to put his hand on the broadsword that rested against the wall. 

“Thank you for informing me. I’ll be on my way” Felix answered and could almost hear how the servant girl curtsied on the other side,   
“Was there anything else?” she asked and Felix added, after a second of consideration,   
“Well, actually yes, I’d be most happy if you could fetch my guards as well so they can meet up with me before I go”  
“Of course. Anything else?” she continued and Chris gently poked him in the side with his elbow and gave him a look,   
“Oh yes, um… the prince of Hinosia is eating breakfast with me at the moment, could you fetch his guards as well?” Felix asked and received a thankful smile from Chris while the girl answered with another,   
“Of course, could you just tell me their names please?” she asked and Chris cleared his throat,   
“Lord Jisung of Dostan and Lord Changbin of Vatano. Jisung is most likely spending time with Lord Minho of Andovale and Changbin can be found either at his room or with the crown prince of Stoding”  
“Thank you, Your Highness. Was there anything else?” the servant girl asked again and Felix shook his head and immediately felt a bit ridiculous since she couldn't see it,  
“That would be all, Iseult. Thank you”

The girl most likely curtsied again before the sound of her soft leather shoes disappeared down the stone corridor. Chris cleared his throat, finished his last drops of coffee, rose up and then started walking towards the door but Felix stopped him before he reached it. 

“Oh. I uh- made the arrangement to take some of your clothes here-” he said and adamantly looked down into his gold-rimmed cup, fingers gently tapping on the side of it with a nearly anxious expression and Chris turned to him with a small smile,   
“You did?” he asked and Felix met his gaze shortly,   
“I… wanted to make sure that you… uh- that you felt properly cared for… to make the healing process easier...” he trailed off and Chris continued to push the agenda with a big teasing smile on his lips, 

“Uhu... and you don’t think my own bed and your physician checking in on me once in a while would be a more proper way of making sure that I’ll grow to back to full health then?” he asked and Felix swallowed, chewed on his inner cheek when he realised that he’d fallen headfirst into a trap and sighed,   
“Well…” he bit down on his lower lip, gave Chris a small smile and felt a tingling sensation, like butterflies crashing into each other in the pit of his stomach. Two could certainly play this game, “I don’t see you complaining, Christopher? Or perhaps you didn't enjoy waking up next to a King?”   
“Oh-” Chris scoffed, “I’m not complaining” the prince slowly approached the bed again and Felix put down his cup on the tray at his nightstand, made himself comfortable against the stacked pillows at his back and watched while Chris placed his knees on the bed and slowly walked towards him,   
“You do enjoy it when I make the decisions for you, aren’t you?” Felix continued, “Like it when I’m in charge of what will happen?”

Chris was on top of him now, caged his body underneath his own and the tension between them was thick enough to be cut with a butter knife. 

“Speak for yourself, Lixie” Chris scoffed but the bright grin on his lips harboured only adoration, “I think you rather enjoyed it when I guided your hand in the infirmary bed a day ago” he leaned down and Felix swallowed hard when he felt how the prince gently parted his thighs with his legs as he pressed closer, “Didn’t you?” he whispered and the inhale Felix wanted to take got caught in his throat,   
“I did” he grumbled out in a low gasp and waited for Chris to lean it, to capture his lips again because God knew he needed to feel him against his body again.

The skin of their naked legs brushed and Chris could so easily just reach down and raise the material, lay his hands on those soft thighs again, trace his hand over that hard stomach, close his fist around that pretty cock and watch him come undone once again.  
But faith couldn’t be that kind to them, now could it? and a sharp knock interrupted the spell they were put under. 

“Felix?” Hyunjin’s voice broke through the wooden door and Chris groaned loudly, frustratedly while he buried his face in the crook of the king’s neck and sighed deeply,   
“Is it too much too much to ask for you to leave and come back in a couple of minutes?” he questioned and heard a snort of laughter from the guard before Hyunjin replied,   
“Forgive me for interrupting then but the King is asked for by his council and I don’t think they need to wait much longer”   
“Fuck” Felix cursed and rolled out from underneath Chris’ arms. 

He rushed over to his wardrobe, pulled out a pair of black linen pants, turned his back to the prince on his bed and put them on in hurried motion, grabbed the hem of his nightshirt, yanked it over his head and rummaged through the clothes, desperately trying to fit something good enough for the alleged important meeting. 

“Where is mine?” Chris suddenly asked right behind him and Felix nearly jumped when he felt a warm hand cupping his waist,   
“In uh- in the drawer at your left” Felix mumbled while he nodded in the direction, swallowed hard and then nearly flinched with loss when Chris left his side again. 

This was exactly what he’d feared. That the prince would immediately become his main attention and his people would suffer again.   
Why was he so stupid? 

Fuck.

He ripped out a white under blouse, put it on and grabbed a brocade vest in a deep red to match it with the two golden rings he fished out of the rarely used jewellery box. Put his feet in a pair of high, black boots and placed the golden, inherited crown on his head. Winched a bit when it’s weight collided with his scalp and then turned to Chris, who had somehow finished dressing as well. A simple, low cut white blouse covered his chest and a couple of black linen pants hugged his legs but still, Felix was impressed that he even successfully put anything on when his wounded shoulder acted as a disability for his movements.

“Let’s go then, love-” he said with a big smile and Felix sighed. 

Wanted so urgently to tell him that he should just have kept up with what he said yesterday and stopped at once before they continued down the road of madness they still currently walked on. That the moment which just passed should be evidence enough that Chris was too irresistible, too important to him and too much to hold dear when he had an entire kingdom to take care of. 

But then Chris gently took his hand, gave it a small squeeze and Felix remembered the talk he had with Crewe, his physician, a few days ago- about the sickness to his heart and love being the only thing to cure it. Felix had thought that it sounded ridiculous back then.   
Because in his eyes, Chris wasn’t the salvation to his heartbreak- he was the reason.   
Everything about the prince was just so-

“What are you thinking about?” Chris asked with his hand on the handle of the door and Felix gave him a puzzled look, “You’ve got a tiny furrow between your brows and you’re looking at me like I hold the answer to all your problems, except for the fact that you can’t understand me at all”   
“Oh. I-

“Uh, please spare me” Hyunjin interrupted the bad excuse he was about to pull and Felix exhaled, thankful for his friends loud complaining voice. The blonde man had given them a short glance when they opened the door and now quickly looked away again when he saw that they were holding hands, “Did the two of you fuck yet, or- wait. I just ruined your moment, didn't I?”   
Chris' mouth fell open, surprised of the lewd language that fell from the guard's lips and was just about to protest when Felix gave him a small smile, 

“Don’t you worry about us when there’s sweeter fruit to ripe, Jinnie” and the guard's lips turned up instead while he tried to hide the grin that tugged on the corners of his lips. He rolled his eyes, but kept quiet after that, obviously understanding what Felix so cryptically implicated. 

The three of them begun walking down the corridor, met Changbin before they reached its end and found that Minho and Jisung waited for them just outside of the latter’s room, both with ruffled hair and Hyunjin huffed, once again disgusted with the love that surrounded him with a curled upper lip and whined that the small red splotchy mark on Jisung’s neck was actually a bit _too_ much.   
The company of six walked towards Felix study, energised by the warm sunny weather that had returned that morning. Down through an old and nowadays unused undercroft, up a stairwell and through another corridor before they arrived at a big door. The servant boy outside bowed deeply before he opened it and there was a loud sound of chairs scraping when the council members stood up after they entered. 

“Your Royal Highness, finally”   
One member called out and Chris barely had time to appreciate the beauty of the room- from the emerald coloured tapestry on the walls to the small reading knock at the vaulted window, the stacks upon stacks of books around them, the desk and high chair at the end of it and finally the big rounded table in the middle where all the council members sat in their green and orange robes. All of them with shortly cut hair and in ages that ranged from the late thirties to early eighties.

“What has happened?” Felix asked with sincere worry rooted deep in his voice and it went quiet for just a moment before one of the eldest stood up, leaned on a wooden staff in his hands and gave the group of young men a grim, bitter expression,   
“Your first hurdle as a King was watching a good friend of yours nearly lose his life” he glanced shortly at Chris before he continued, “Your second one… will be in making a decision about life… or death” 

Felix could hear his own pulse quicken, thumping away in his ears and resisted the urge to just jump across the table and shake the old man, make him speak faster, crave a proper explanation but forced himself to be calm, to listen-  
“Bracca has been invaded by the diocese of Mongia” another member interrupted and sent an apologetic look to his elder, "and it has been decided- but only if Your Royal Highness does not prefer to take military action that is, that we should send a group to go there and investigate if it is planned to become a bigger scheme or if they just want to scare us- see how much we can take. Like the failed assassination a couple of days ago”

Felix felt it as if a stone had been dropped to the bottom of his stomach, sighed and then stepped forward,   
“What are the casualties?” 

He kept his gaze locked with his council, refused to look away or downwards when they confirmed that at least half the city of just above 3000 inhabitants had been affected so far- either by being taken as prisoners or killed on the spot. Families had already been ripped apart and as of when the letter was written- which was most likely just a day ago since the courier had stopped for a new horse in Allote after it failed to run any longer- the city was getting violently plundered. 

“I will go with only my guards- Minho of Andovale and Hyunjin of Arcos to accompany me. Bringing an army with me, if so only a hundred men will surely anger our neighbours into a full-blown war” Felix spoke through gritted teeth, took another step forward and Chris quickly reached out with his right arm and hissed out when pain erupted from the still very much healing wound when he placed it on his shoulder,

“Then I will go as well-” he said with a clear voice still and Felix looked behind him in confusion,   
“No” he loudly exclaimed, “You’re wounded. I can’t worry about you when I have my people to think about. Hyunjin and Minho will come with me. We’ve infiltrated cities before” Felix gave the prince a look of warning not to speak up again but Chris didn’t listen. 

Of course, he didn’t. 

“You’re the King. You need backup. More than just long-range melee weapons. What will happen if you find yourself surrounded or in a situation you can’t escape from or if you- if you-"  
“Young prince of Hinosia" one of the members interrupted, "We salute your bravery but the fact stands. You are still wounded" the man still gave Chris a warm smile, but it was the sort of smile that one gave to a child, “Are you even able to swing a weapon?” 

Felix gave him another look, one that now begged him to just shut up. 

“I have yet to try. But if it’s about life or death, I’m known to be resourceful” Chris answered with a convincing smile and Felix sighed when many of the members shrugged,   
“If Chris is leaving then so are we” Changbin muttered from behind the whole group and a council member frowned,   
“And who are you?” he asked with a nasal, high-pitched voice and Changbin stood a bit straighter, bowed slightly and said a bit higher,   
“Changbin of house Seo, lord of Vatano in Hinosia”   
“And the other half of ‘we’ are?” the member continued and Jisung stepped forward towards them from his place next to Minho,   
“Jisung of house Han, lord of Dostan in Hinosia”

The members of the council met eyes with each other and nodded, all satisfied with the small fellowship, “So be it then. The six of you will travel to Bracca, make sure that you aren’t recognized by anyone on your journey. Investigate what the diocese of Mongia is planning and then send letters of the plans”

“And if a fight breaks out? Chris asked and was met by a heavy sigh ahead of him and Felix's small hand closed around his, which still rested on his shoulder before he spoke with a determined voice.  
“If they want a fight- I’ll give them a war. No one invades my country unpunished. Even if I have to kill all of them myself” 


	33. Cadere

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thank you for your patience!! I worked double shifts at yesterday and fell asleep on the keyboard while editing the last touches, haha 😅 but it's here now!  
> As you may know, this is the end of part two! I really enjoyed writing this. It's been so much fun describing how Felix lives versus Chris ♥  
> The next one will be the final!!! 😄 I'm so excited for things to start wrapping up. To those who wonder- I have a clear idea of how everything will end and some key points that need to happen before that but I'm happy to read if you got any theories/requests on where you want everyone to end up ♥ 
> 
> Here is an updated map to remind you of the layout of Oranobia; https://treasure-my-aurora.tumblr.com/post/634391478765076480
> 
> I really hope that a lot of you will take a short time and tell me what you think so far because I really pushed myself on this twice as long one ♥ That is including both the ones that don't often comment- your words are incredibly encouraging and the ones who comment on every chapter- thank you so, so much ♥ It really means a lot ♥
> 
> Chapter name meaning: To fall

Felix had been walking through a haze since he received the news. Apologetically cancelled meetings with a couple of significant lords and knights, who all sought courtship between Felix himself, and their young daughters. Sent a servant to the kitchen to disclose that he would not be at the great hall at either of the two times when food was served and asked for discretion towards his real whereabouts if anyone asked.

He hated having to step away, felt like he was a big disappointment but honestly... he was completely drained and just spent the time with his guards and the easy friendship he shared with the king of Steilerbenia and the crown prince of Stoding. Oh, and Chris and the prince’s guards too of course. The eight of them had strolled through the private rooms of his Solar, conversating about everything between heaven and earth, away from the bustling areas where his guests still resided. 

He tried to hide it as best as he could but was certain that at least Chris, Hyunjin and Minho noticed how badly he was affected throughout the day that never seemed to end. Jisung only had eyes for his lover while Seungmin continued to perk Changbin’s interest and the two served as a perfect way to keep each other occupied when Felix’s smile couldn’t fully reach up to his eyes. Hyunjin sent him worried glances though and he only gave him a tired look when no one paid them any attention, indicating that he didn’t wish to speak of the havoc that rushed through his body. 

The day went on nevertheless, slowly but steadily while everyone blankly refused to even ponder on the irrevocable fact that they were under attack. Chris sighed deeply when they finally retreated to their own rooms just before sundown and Felix allowed himself to let go of the polite mask he’d carried all day. 

“How are you?” he asked with a gentle look in his eyes and a small wrinkle of worry between his brows.  
Felix only shook his head with a deep sigh while he stepped out of his boots, tugged off his vest, the white blouse and put on his nightshirt before he let his pants pool at his ankles, stumbled over to his bed and buried himself in the blankets before he answered, half-muffled by the silk fabric,  
“Just hold me, please”

Chris didn’t say anything else, just undressed and climbed into the bed as well. Drew Felix close to his body and placed a soft kiss on his forehead. His breath hitched in his throat from the act of affection and a comfortable warmth spread through his chest. It felt as if he could breathe for the first time that day and he wrapped his own arms around Chris’ broad frame, closed his eyes and revelled in the feeling of his body so close. The smell of him, the way he felt underneath his fingertips. 

It was so effortless, like two inseparable beings that just needed each other. A dark, looming part of himself reminded his conscience once again that there was still a clear fact that the moment they shared couldn’t last forever. But he decided to push that thought as far back in his queueing line of worries as he could and just inhaled deeply when Chris placed another kiss on his forehead.  
“I love you” the prince mumbled against his hairline while he nuzzled his nose against the baby hairs at his forehead and Felix swallowed, feeling as if he should say it back but there was still something that held him back, something that was still unsure of the feelings that burned through him. 

Because once again, honestly, what did he know about love? 

It was completely foreign to him. Something he’d never felt before. He knew of compassion, affection and the selfless, sincere friendship he shared with Hyunjin and Minho. But the three of them were like brothers. Bonded by the things they’d been through during warfare when Cassius had sent the three of them and his shield brothers to the very edge of the border to the diocese of Mongia. When he’d fought and risked dying next to them, dressed as peasants to avoid actual confrontation and war… Because Cassius wanted to teach him to become a proper man and everyone in the council was too afraid to oppose him when he time and time again sent out his son to do the job of war able men and defended small towns of only a hundred or so inhabitants because their neighbours wanted to have a bit of fun. 

He knew of the fear of having to lose them when they, as a small group in the night and armed to the teeth, were detected and had to kill their way forward.   
He knew of the concern that exploded in his chest when they were accidentally split up and he couldn’t find them until the sun stretched its first beams over the couple of houses and fields that surrounded them.   
He knew of the panic in his chest, the anxiety, the worry. Hoped, prayed that the man he called father would just pass so that he could finally rest as well and the medals he had received when he arrived home again would stop weighing so much on his chest. 

But then he felt panic in his chest, anxiety and worry yet again and the reason was the prince holding him so close, so close that it seemed like he thought that Felix might break if he loosened his grip,  
“You don’t have to say it back” Chris almost seemed to have heard the cogwheels turning in his head and Felix let him go just slightly to be able to look up at him. 

The sun hung low and the deep red and purple of the sky sent a flushed colour across Chris’ face. Bathed him in a glow that made Felix swallow hard. The prince smiled down at him while he gently combed through his hair before his hand moved to delicately swipe a thumb over his cheekbone, where his freckles were most noticeable.   
Felix _wanted_ to say it back.   
Wanted Chris to have the same warmth in his chest as he got when the prince said the three heavy words. 

“I-” he started but his tongue seemed to swell in his mouth, causing him to clench his jaw tight, “I- uh. I can’t…” he tried again and watched while Chris’ eyes soften while he reached down and pressed their foreheads together,   
“But you care for me, right? You’ve said that before”

“I do” Felix nodded, closed his eyes as well and relaxed once again in the prince’s arms,   
“Then, that’s good enough for me” Chris gently pecked his lips and it felt as if his throat got clogged up when he felt those lips on his,   
“But-” he tried to protest,  
“If something were to happen the days to come... I- I’m happy to have been by your side for this long. The passing days have been a blessing. Minus the shoulder accident though” he let out an embarrassed chuckle before continuing, “I could never have guessed to feel so much- to… fall so deep for you. When we first met you were a thorn in my side. Driving me completely insane with a lust I couldn’t fathom but- but...” 

Felix suppressed a small smile when he remembered their past as well. It almost seemed like a lifetime ago. Everything had happened so quickly. Nearly too fast for him to keep up with and he supposed that the time aspect of their relationship was one of the reasons why he felt so unsure. 

“Just give me time, Christopher” he smiled and the smile only grew bigger when he felt how Chris drew a quick breath and then chuckled under his breath,   
“It’s Chris. You know that, Lixie” 

Felix rubbed their noses and placed a gentle kiss on the prince’s lips at that, pulled him close again and yawned softly,   
“And you know it’s Felix… or do I have to force you to call me ‘Your Royal Highness’ like everyone else at my court?” he mumbled, low as a whisper and heavy with sleep now and Chris scoffed before pressing the last kiss on the crown of his head,   
“Anything that makes you happy, love”

-

They left before sunrise the next day, discreetly before the rest of the royal court and any still lingering guests had woken up. With light luggage and only as much as their horses could carry and still sprint away from danger if needed.   
Felix already felt defeated when they had crossed the bridge over the Stelbourg shallows, entered the Marldown woods and let the trees swallow up the shadows of their figures in the moonlight. He had been so sure that he could’ve avoided actual confrontation and that he didn’t have to resort to violence. 

It wasn’t what he wanted for his people. They didn’t deserve to ride into battle because his father’s selfish decisions still branded Oranobia as the enemy. But the whole conflict wasn’t his call to make any more. The diocese of Mongia had taken that away from him when they walked the first step upon the board in the deadly game of chess they had started and now just waited for Felix to push forth his first pawn. Waited for him to make the first mistake that would aid them and allow their troops to push forth, closer to the capital.

His mind was continuously foggy with dark thoughts and nightmare-like scenarios throughout the first three hours of their ride and he reached forward, gaze fastened in front of him while absently stroked the mustang over his neck when they slowed down from a hurried trot to walking again. 

“We should stop for a minute and let the horses catch a breath” Chris called out beside him and Felix looked up then, saw that they were fully slowing down when the forest came to an abrupt halt and a large prairie opened up with tall, swaying grass. Reaching as far as the eyes could see. 

The sun stung in their eyes when the trees disappeared and he frowned, annoyed while dark spots danced on his vision as he shielded them. He never even noticed when it raised up above them.  
“No” he disagreed and grabbed the reins tighter, ready to set off in a sprint again but Minho drove his horse closer to him, placed a hand on his knee and shook his head,   
“We need a pause to eat some as well or the feeling of hunger and fatigue will set us off later during the day. There is still much land to cover”

Felix bit down on his lips, ready to argue again but everyone else nodded in agreements and he realised that he was outnumbered. Well… he supposed that a _small_ stop wouldn’t hurt. The pain of hunger became more and more noticeable the more he came down from his thoughts after all. The horses finally came to a halt and he dismounted, stumbled when his stiff legs found the ground again and sat down next to Chris by default. The loyal animals stood where they were, unfazed and started to graze at the long grass while the men unpacked some bread, cheese, salted and smoked meat, fresh apples and spiced wine. 

“I know that you didn’t want to tell us- me, yesterday but if we’re going to end up fighting the enemy tomorrow... I- I need to know what’s been troubling you. I feel that it’s more than the fact that your people are under attack” Chris mumbled while he parted some cheese from its block with a pocket knife and reached it out for Felix to take, which he reluctantly did before the prince parted some more and placed it into his own mouth. His gaze cast downwards on his hands and Felix sighed, 

"I'm fine” he answered, tried not to sound too bothered and Chris let out a small scoff,   
“You’ve been riding next to me for the journey so far but you have not been with me when I've spoken to you and you were completely abstracted yesterday” Chris looked up again, watched him with gentle eyes while a small smile stretched his lips, “So what has occupied that mind of yours?” 

Felix felt a small annoyance bubble up in his chest, “Isn’t it obvious?” his voice was a bit louder than he first intended and the four guards paused their own small talk to look over at him, “I-” he gave them an apologetic smile and tried again when they quickly fell back into the conversation- a bit softer this time, grimaced and sighed, “I have not even been a king for a full week and here we are- travelling for two full days to assess if I should call upon all able men of Oranobia and force them to ride into a battle that- that” he pulled a pained expression and Chris placed a warm hand on his thigh, “Into a battle that we might actually lose. I… _fuck…_ “ he looked down on his clasped hands, squeezed his fists hard and fought back the angry tears that threatened to break through, “Chris I feel like a _horrible_ leader. What if I make the wrong decisions and what if… What if I’ll cause even more harm the following weeks to come? What if I send my people to their deaths? I-” he met the prince’s eyes again and wet his lips when he received a sad smile back. 

“A war is still not for certain, though” Chris ensured with a strong, fond hand on his thigh, “and don’t forget that you have Hinosia supporting your decisions as well”  
“Yes, but... I still feel distraught and outraged with what’s to come” Felix hissed out in a loud whisper,   
Chris put an arm around him then and gave his shoulder’s a squeeze, “I’ll be there, every step of the way. Even if everything we know off will turn to ashes in the end- I’ll never leave your side… and my people will aid yours, however, we can”

To be honest, he _had_ actually forgotten about the union of their lands in the panic-ridden plans in his head and the point that he might have over-exaggerated the potential loss eased some of the heaviness upon his heart. Felix gave Chris a small smile back, thankful now that the prince had persisted with coming along. He was actually unsure if he would have wanted to make the journey ahead with just his guards. Not that they weren’t at any help- but Chris was just… another sort of comfort. 

He ate in silence after that while the others continued to make small talk and sooner rather than later, they were on their way again. They rode throughout the day, followed the main road, paused to eat at a small roadside Inn after walking past the side trail to the city of Allote and Hyunjin remarked with a strong pride that if you continued down that road for another two days, you’d eventually reach his family home. 

They watered the horses past noon and didn’t stop until they reached the small river town of Monteno at sundown, closing in on just an hour or so until midnight. The people in the small town were nervous, giving them short glances before they continued to skitter around the trampled roads with quick, nearly stumbling feet. 

“What’s the hurry?” Chris asked a woman who nearly sprinted into the side of his horse and she gave him and their fellowship a frightful look before jumping back- as if she hadn’t noticed them at all and nearly let go of the piece of fabric in her hand,

“They are coming for us” she sobbed out, “They have taken Bracca and the boy king sitting on his throne in Oranobe is just like his father! He has done nothing. _Nothing!”_ she immediately placed both her hands over her mouth, pupils dilated at the words that just spewed out from his lips. Chris looked back at him at that and Felix sighed, swallowed hard and clenched the reigns in his hands while he looked down, lips pressed together in a thin line, “He could’ve _at least_ sent a few men to protect us” the woman was crying now, rubbing her hand across her lips but it was as if she’d been forced to keep quiet for so long and now, in the dishevelled state her mind was in, just let it all pour out, “We are doomed. Doomed”! We have not received a bird from Bracca since this morning and fear for the worst” she clutched at her head, “Oh, what should we do. What should we do”

“Dear mistress-” Minho approached her with his horse instead, “We have travelled all day and the horses are exhausted but there is still much to cover before we arrive. Do you have any to spare? We would greatly appreciate it”

The woman gave him a grim expression, “The horses are gone, young mister” she shook her head like she still couldn’t believe the fate that awaited her, “Do you see any children or old folks? They’re gone as well, escaped” her face scrunched up with pain again before she started to walk away, clutching what Felix now recognized as a small bonnet, “My little Freya, oh my child. May you have survived, may you have survived” 

“Mistress, please” Chris dug through his pouch and fished out a couple of gold Chronos, “Escape if you can”

The woman looked from the company to the money in Chris’ hand and curled her upper lips before she spitted on the ground beside her with disgust, “I don’t need your pity. A few gold coins is nothing when I’ve lost all that’s dear to me” she shook her head, “No, I will await death with dignity”

She held the small bonnet in her hand in a tighter grip, turned around a bit too fast and stumbled into a nearby house, nails scraping at the facade to keep herself upright, dropped to one leg onto the dirt road before she slowly stood up again and continued walking, still wailing about her lost child and Felix grimaced at her pain when they gently drove the horses forth again.  
Minho stayed back for a second to let him catch up and then nudged him with a poke against his thigh, “Felix. I know that I won’t have to tell you what we must do”

He sighed. Their last hope had been to change horses since their own were completely spent, having been forced to trot and sprint for hours and were just meters away from refusing to even move at all- leading to the fact that their group _had_ to stay the night. Better in a town than on the road where they risked being attacked by thieves and raiders, strays from the diocese that walked ahead and craved more of the taste than they already had inflicted. 

“I know” Felix spoke through clenched teeth, looked ahead and made eye contact with Chris who nodded towards a sign that read ‘Golden Heart Inn’ a bit further down the road.   
They dismounted, tied the horses to the hitch rail just outside, got inside and a large man behind the bar eyed them with suspicious, stern eyes, “What are ye strangers doin’ in me Inn at this hour?” he asked with a voice that was as rumbling as his appearance and they approached him with cautious steps, 

Felix cleared his throat and paused at the barstools, “Good man, we seek shelter for the night. Do you have any room here for the six of us?”  
“Aye, I might’ve… now care to tell me who ye are?” the man grumbled under his breath and studied them from top to bottom. 

Felix, Chris and their four guards had decided to wear normal peasant clothes underneath the leathered armour fronts and only small details served as hints- like Minho’s infamous halberd and Hyunjin’s long, blonde locks. Otherwise, they had made sure not to draw any attraction to themselves and Felix understood that the man must be confused as to why anyone would seek shelter in their God-forsaken town at the moment. 

“We have been sent by the king of Oranobia to assess the situation in Bracca” he answered and was met by a burst of deep laughter that echoed amongst the empty walls, 

“Well then, I have two rooms but am afraid yer too late, ‘Sire’ because there’s not much to assess in the city to the west-” the man answered, “But sure. I’ll let ye stay if ye want” he shrugged with a nod and then pointed at them with a thick, knobbly finger, “Just heed this if ye know what’s best for ye- turn ‘round at sunrise t’morrow. Ride back to yer capital and warn the king before tis too late. Wer goin’ to be next by tomorrow's sundown and I swear to ye that the knight templar of Mongia will slaughter and feck _everything_ under the sun in the name of God” he gave them a chuckle that lacked any sort of joy, “Especially sweet, young faces like the six of yer’s”

Felix swallowed dryly at the man’s vulgar words and then nodded, “Thank you for your words of caution. How much do you want for one night?”

The man scoffed and crossed his arms over his chest, “Feck the money, it’s worth nothin’ when am dead anyway” he looked out through the window and at the sun which was now only a golden speck at the horizon as the sky became darker every minute, “Now excuse me, am to assume that ye folks are the last ones that are stupid enough to brave this damned town. I’ll have a night of loving with me mis’ess that awaits”

Felix nodded and watched while the man exited the place and walked across the street, opened a door on the other side and then disappeared inside.   
They looked around the ghostly empty inn and Felix sighed, “Two of us should make sure that the horses are fed and watered, two more can unpack the provisions and set up a supper while last ones can unpack the bedrolls and make the beds upstairs”

“We’ll take horse duty” Changbin raised his and Hyunjin’s hand and the blonde lord protested wildly,   
“Why are you taking me on your team? Why not choose Jisung?”   
Changbin pretended to be hurt and rolled his eyes, “You’d rather prefer it if Minho complained loudly that we’ve separated him from his Jisungie? Not happening” 

He hooked arms with Hyunjin who just shrugged, rolled his eyes and reluctantly followed out the door while Minho shouted, “I would not!” to their backs,   
“I suppose that makes us bed duty then?” Jisung gently elbowed his lover in the side with a grin and the two were just about to head out for the bedrolls when Chris stopped them with an outstretched hand, 

“We’re on a mission boys and I know it’s hard right now” he paused and felt his ears grow a bit warmer when Jisung snickered, “Not hard in that sense” he mumbled, “Fuck it, just… please keep it together and in your pants, alright? The two of you can put that relationship of yours on the line and put together some supper instead. We’ll take bed duty” 

“Ooooh” Jisung exclaimed, eyes wide, cheeks puffed out and lips parted with disagreement, “Don’t you try and sneak away. You might be doing something dirty as well”   
Chris sighed and then nodded with a fake smile, “Yeah, I have definitely been waiting for nearly three months just to have our first time in a shabby inn the day before we stand face to face with the enemy”  
Jisung and Minho met each other’s eyes and the latter scoffed, “That sounds as romantic as any fairy tale would go. But each man to his own I suppose”

Chris' cheeks grew red and Felix couldn’t help but smile endearingly at that, “Go away and do your task already” the prince shooed at them with his hands and then reluctantly met his eyes, “Sorry. I took the words out of your mouth there” he mumbled and Felix placed his arm around his frame, tightly hugging him from the side,  
“I wish our first proper time will be at a better place as well”  
“Better than an infirmary bed?” Chris mumbled against his hair and Felix let out a short laugh,   
“Yeah, definitely”

They stood there for just a minute until the couple returned with provisions in their arms, complaining that they wanted to hug each other too and then walked out with bright grins on their faces, retrieved the bedrolls and walked the stairwell to the second floor.   
The two rooms were complete copies. The same small table, two chairs and two beds each… _two beds_. Felix frowned and called upon the rest of their company to come upstairs, 

“Oh” Hyunjin mumbled when he and Changbin joined with Minho and Jisung just a moment after they reached the doorposts of both rooms, “only four beds, it would seem”   
Jisung shrugged then and clasped his arm around Minho, “I don’t mind”

Hyunjin had given the rooms a look of dismay which didn’t change at all when he looked over at them. He blinked rapidly while looking away as if he could undo what he just saw from his retina.   
“I’ll take the other room. I refuse to listen to the two of them trying their very best to not fuck each other’s brains out the whole night” the blonde lord said and walked a couple of steps into Felix and Chris’ direction,   
Changbin sighed deeply and strolled over to the couple then, “So be it, let’s just get some sustenance in us before going to bed”

The group walked downstairs again, ate in near silence of the same bread, cheese and some of the smoked and salted meat that Jisung and Minho had mixed with a hot broth that they heated over the heart in the middle of the inn. All of them felt the tension tomorrow would bring before they returned upstairs, bid each other goodnight and agreed that they should start their journey an hour or two after sunrise again. With some luck, they would be able to arrive just after dark.

“I trust you, Felix. Don’t go and break my heart with your lusting for each other” Hyunjin said before he stripped himself of the longbow on his back, the quiver, the leather armour and Chris quickly looked away, embarrassed with the blonde man’s lack of modesty when the sound of fabric rustled against the wooden floor as his woollen pants pooled at his feet. 

The prince turned back to Felix then, who gave Chris a small clenched up smile, fingers twitching and expression locked in a tight mask of panic while the anxiety of his worry bled through his joints and poisoned his blood. It hurt and he quickly looked away and started undressing as well to occupy his fingers.

“I-” Chris started and then swallowed deeply, seemingly unsure of what he wanted to say.   
Felix swallowed, peeled off the armour, the rapier at his hip, his own pants and then climbed into the bed, dressed in just his short underblouse which barely covered the swell of his ass.   
“Come on then-” he said and the prince nodded, undressed and then climbed into bed as well. 

Chris was cold next to him. Skin chilly from staying immobile on the horseback all day and he snaked his arms around Felix’s body, pulled him closer and his breath hitched when he felt his nearly naked form getting pressed onto his own. 

“Don’t fuck with me in the same room. That’s all I ask” Hyunjin’s voice came through, slightly muffled by the bedroll against his face and Felix swallowed,   
“Promise” 

The sky outside was completely black now, except for a few twinkling stars that were visible through the small square window at the foot of their beds. The room bathed in the same darkness and Felix could only see the contours of Chris’ face in front of him. He could hear his own breathing, heavy and warm against the prince’s naked throat. Their body warmth had heated up the shared bedroll and if it wouldn’t be for the factual inevitability that they might not live to see the light the day after tomorrow- he’d be pretty comfortable.

Hyunjin’s soft snores filled the room after only a few moments and Chris gently rubbed small circles down his back, sensing that he had some trouble relaxing. 

“Are you afraid, love? Of what’s to come?” the prince asked and Felix softly cleared his throat,   
“No, I’ve been in worse situations. I just wish… that it didn’t have to end so soon” he mumbled and Chris sighed deeply,   
“Which of it?” he asked and Felix nuzzled his nose further into the crook of his neck,   
“Us. The way it’s been since you woke up after taking the blade for me... I… I don’t want it to end”   
“It doesn’t have to end. I’ll be by your side, I promise” Chris looked down at him through the dark and Felix reached up to cup his face, 

“It feels weird and unlike anything I’ve ever experienced but I- I know that I can ride head-on towards the enemy without an ounce of fear. I can endure the harshest torture for weeks on end and I can be without food and drink” he swallowed dryly and felt a deep sorrow clog up his throat from the pure thought, “But if something goes wrong. If fate forces us apart and you end up going where I cannot follow you… I- “he paused and forced back the tears that burned on his eyelids from the mere thought, “I will not be able to go on without you...” he cursed and felt how the prince leaned down and captured his lips, causing a soft sob to break through the air between them, 

“I love you” another kiss, “It will be fine”   
Chris breathed against him and smiled softly when Felix grabbed around his neck to pull him down to his lips again, holding him there until he couldn’t breathe. Until there was nothing but the other man all around him.

-

Felix woke up by the sun in his eyes. Closed them again with a soft groan. He had dreamed so strangely… about a foreign town, a castle and orange roses by the sea. It felt like he had only closed his eyes momentarily since last night. The bed was cold, he was cold. 

_Chris._

He flung his arm out, prepared for it to hit a warm body. But there was nothing. He opened his eyes and panic shot through him while he looked around the room. It was completely empty and he rushed up, nearly falling over from vertigo when he threw his clothes on in a hurry and rushed down the stairs, two steps at the time. Five heads immediately turned to him and his knees nearly gave in on him at the last step from pure relief.

“Good morning” Chris caught him in his arms and Felix let out a small scoff, felt his cheeks grow warm of embarrassment while he awkwardly dusted off his clothes, “You didn’t think we’d leave without you, did you?” 

He hid his face in the prince’s shoulder and felt completely ridiculous with the reckless and nearly childish reaction, “Of course not” he replied, half-muffled, 

“Let’s go then, everything is ready. We were just about to wake you… there’s a long day’s ride ahead of us” Changbin muttered with a small smirk tugging in one corner of his lips, 

They were just about to mount the horses again when Felix frowned to himself, handed the reins to Minho, turned on his heel and gently knocked on the door that the innkeeper had walked through yesterday. A frail woman opened, dressed in her finest dress, 

“Yes?” she asked, voice shaking like an autumn leaf while she stayed half hidden behind the door and Felix dug through his pocket, where he had a few pieces of gold Chronos, 

“You are the wife of the innkeeper, yes?” he asked and the woman nodded, a bit hesitant,   
“I want the two of you to escape while you can, there is still hope for you” he urged and the woman let out a weak chuckle,   
“There is nothing for us out there” she answered and Felix thrust the ten gold coins in her direction,   
“There is a life, now pack what you can carry and go” 

The woman looked from the gold in her hand to Felix, to his fellowship and back to the gold before she swallowed deeply, tears quickly flooding her eyes and rolled down in heavy drops down her sunken cheeks, “Thank you… Your Royal Highness” she quickly averted her gaze when his mouth fell open, a bit stunned that she knew who he was and could only watch while she gave him a small thankful smile before she closed the door after herself. 

He turned around, sighed and hoped that at least two lives could be spared if the men of Mongia decided that Monteno would be their next target. His friends smiled at him, nodding their heads in agreement of his action and then they were off again, travelling slower than before now and tried their best (and for as long as nature allowed them) to go offroad. They couldn’t risk being seen in daylight after all. 

The company arrived by Ishiano River just past noon and set up a small camp in the grass. All they could do now until the sun lowered was to stay hidden and wait. 

It was a beautiful day with just a small wind that gently brushed through the dense leaves above them and Felix sat down and leaned back against a big tree while Minho and Changbin agreed on a schedule of who should scout the perimeter first, who would follow next and so on. He closed his eyes, feeling fatigued already and convinced that even though he slept through the whole night- he must’ve had a very troubled sleep. 

“Rest for a bit” Chris placed a warm hand on his thigh, “Changbin and I will take first watch for the next three hours. You’ll be awakened if something happens” 

Felix nodded but didn’t open his eyes and felt his body relax while the rustling of the trees above him, the hushed voices of his friends and the lovesong of a tweeting bird some hundred meters away slowly lulled him to sleep 

-

A strong hand around his mouth awakened him and he stared up at his assailant with sharp eyes, ready to bite down on the fingers if needed. But the eyes that stared back were a familiar pair of browns that gently urged him not to make a noise and he nodded slowly while the lord of Vatano removed his hand and placed a finger against his lips in a small ‘hush’ before he pointed behind the tree Felix rested against. 

His heart dropped to the pit of his stomach and he swallowed hard while he watched the Azure and Sanguine colours on the scout’s hooded cloak. The golden cross over his chest gleamed in the sun while he walked with slow steps into their direction, crossbow in a tight grip with eyes that flickered from left to right. He hadn’t seen them yet and Felix looked over at Changbin with large eyes, 

“Where’s Chris?” he whispered, remembering now that the two of them were the first to keep guard and the lord pulled a grimace,   
“We got separated, I believe he’s with Jisung and Minho. To move the horses out of sight” he pointed with a thumb over one shoulder, “Hyunjin is just three meters behind me, ready with the bow” he swallowed hard and peeked out from the tree again, “They caught us by surprise, three of them. I barely made it back to you” Felix nodded, breath hitched in his throat while he made an effort to move, “No, no. You’ve gotta stay” Changbin urged and placed a firm hand on his chest, “The very moment the lord of Arcos got a clear shot he’ll take it… and you, if any, know that he won’t miss, right?” 

Changbin gave him a short look and Felix nodded, a bit uncomfortable still to be pressed up against the tree and sighed deeply when the lord came closer. He looked down at him, rolled his eyes with the signature lopsided smirk and shook his head, “Don’t flatter yourself, Your Royal Highness. You’re pretty to look at but I need more than that if I ever give myself away again” 

Felix’s brows rose up and he curled his upper lip while he looked at the man that currently caged him down, “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” he hissed out, “Are you calling me an imbecile?”  
Changbin quickly peeked out from the tree again with a grin on his face now before he looked down at Felix again, “Well, you’re dense enough to be in love with Chris without doing anything about it, aren’t you?”

He opened his mouth to protest, felt his cheeks flush red and just about saw the feather of an arrowhead swish past their heads before it hit the target behind them with a thick ‘thunk’ followed by the sound of a body falling limply onto the ground below. He gave Changbin another look, one that warned him not to trample in too deep waters before he stood up again, quickly brushing the other lord of him,

“Thank you” Felix gave Hyunjin a bright smile while he emerged from his hiding place, the blonde hair in a ponytail, secured with a blue ribbon and he gave the two of them a smile of his own that turned his eyes into crescents- seemingly completely innocent and not at all like the cold-blooded hunter he was. 

“Let’s go find the others-” he said and they had just started walking with Changbin in the lead when a blood-curdling scream cut through the trees, 

“That’s Minho-” Hyunjin gasped and they quickly set off in a sprint towards the noise.

Azure and Sanguine.   
Blood.   
Azure and Sanguine.   
So much blood.   
So much red.   
A body.   
Chris with his broadsword high above his head while he cut down towards the scout in front of him. Screams of pain when the blade slashed over the complete lack of armour, straight through flesh.

“Fuck” Jisung threw away the hatchet in his hand, grabbed the longsword from under his cloak and swung it as hard as he could towards the other scout. The new, until then unseen weapon seemed to have caught the other scout off guard because he barely had time to react until his sword arm was cut off in a clean swipe.

Blood gushed out from the wound like a waterfall, quickly soaking the moss below and the man placed his hand against the stump by pure reflex, screamed out with pain with tears bursting from his eyes. He hovered down a bit as if to protect himself but Jisung only grabbed the hilt of his sword tighter and attacked again, unforgivingly aiming for the man’s head this time. It hadn’t finished rolling before the lord fell to his knees by the body that Felix had noticed at first and he had to look the other way for a moment to fight the revolt in his stomach.   
Minho had lost a lot of blood. His right hand was completely severed and he could barely keep his eyes open when Jisung pulled his body into his lap, rocking him back and forth while snot and tears mixed with the blood on his face, 

“Stay with me, love. You can’t die. Not here. Please, oh please, please, please, please” Jisung cried while he buried his face in the other lord’s shoulder.

Minho. His brother.   
Felix swallowed deeply and blinked when tears swam over and quickly dimmed his vision. He felt a familiar hand squeeze his shoulder and knew that it was Hyunjin without even looking. 

“We need to put pressure on the wound” Changbin ordered and ripped a good chunk out of his undershirt, “give me something I can wrap this up up” he continued while he sat down next to Jisung, placed one hand on his shoulder as silent support while Hyunjin pulled off the harness to his bow and gave it to Changbin who quickly made a secured package around the stump, 

“You promised that we’ll get a house together, right?” Jisung said and wiped away the tears from Minho’s cheeks, “Not a castle or servants, just the two of us and a nice crop of land? Right, my darling?” Minho nodded weakly and tried to smile but it just turned into a hitched grimace of pain, “And we’ll have a cow, a horse… and- and a couple of chickens? Right? And a couple of flowers out front? Didn’t you promise me?” Jisung continued and Minho coughed,   
“I did”

“You need to go”   
Felix jumped. He hadn’t even noticed that Chris was right beside him. The body a few meters away still oozed fresh blood. Had he been so out of it, distracted by the two lover’s that he hadn’t noticed what happened to the third scout after the prince had slashed at his skin?

“Take a horse, you need to return to Oranobe or at least back to Monteno if Minho will have any chance at all”   
The lord of Dostan swallowed deeply, nodded, placed a shuddering kiss on his lover’s lips before Changbin helped him up and led him to Felix’s mustang. They then helped Minho to stand and lifted him to sit in front of Jisung to make sure that he didn’t fall to the side during the ride. 

“Good luck” Jisung mumbled and wiped his face before he nodded to them with a stoic face and then kicked the horse with his heels,   
“Godspeed” Chris mumbled while they watched the couple ride off down the off-trail path they had gone down. 

Felix sighed. Fell to his knees and felt a heaviness of worry for his friend weighing down on his chest. It only felt like he could take a deep breath again when his fingers got interlaced with a familiar hand. Chris gave him a sad smile and then nodded off to the place where they had stopped the first time. 

“We still have a few hours before sundown. Let’s rest and get something to eat”  
Hyunjin gave him a look of disgust at the mention of food but didn’t say anything, probably for the good of team spirit while they walked back. 

They unpacked the same cheese, bread and meat but only took small bites, all in their heads with what had just gone down. Felix had known Minho for a long time, he’d been by his side since the lord defeated him in that spear fight all those years ago after all and knew, while he looked over at his other guard who hadn’t even looked upon his share of food- that he wasn’t alone in his concern. 

The air was heavy between them when the sun finally settled and they mounted their horses again, travelled the three last hours in complete silence and arrived just as the moon had gone up. They walked the last part with the horses next to them, looked upon the destruction before them in the moonlight and couldn’t stop their lips from parting with revulsion.

The city was in ruins, many buildings still on fire and Felix held back a cough when the smell of cinder, dust and burning fabric and flesh pierced through his nostrils. This was his town. His people who had suffered and finally had burned. 

Anger blossomed through him like the smoke that towered towards the sky and he blinked through fresh tears, but these ones were of fury and not sorrow. It was clear that the men of Mongia had entered the city with a mindset that screamed off ‘no survivors’ and he was well aware that three full days had passed since the attack had started but… it was _too_ quiet.   
Too calm. 

“Where is everyone?” he mumbled, more to himself than the other three that surrounded him and Chris, who were by his side, whispered back,   
“I don’t know. Could it be that they are all…” he trailed off, knowing how much of a sensitive topic it was and Felix gritted his teeth.   
“We have to get closer… try and figure out what way they have taken”

They were currently on the east side and if his memory served him right- the ten-meter high statue of a man, dressed in a Lorica Squamata armour and high boots, guarded the gate towards the sea. Holding a shield over the massive wooden doors with one hand while the other warded off enemies with an at least twice as long spear.

“Let’s head towards the northern gate, it should still be completely intact” Felix urged and they walked, nearly tiptoed the three hundred meters until he stopped, confused. 

Perhaps it was the grey smoke in the air, or the darkness itself… but he’d been to Bracca before as a young boy. The statue _should_ be here- looming above them. 

“Who are you?” a voice suddenly broke through the dead silence and he reached for his sword by reflex, pulled it and nearly punctured a hole into an old man’s throat, “Hey be careful where you’re swinging that” he complained and moved the thin blade out of his face with a walking cane, 

“What happened here?” Chris asked and the old man let out a grumbling snicker, 

“The diocese of Mongia is what has happened boy” he answered as if the question was ridiculously obvious while his gaze lingered over the town, “I barely got away. Hid in my cold room underneath the floor of my house, right next to my vegetables for three full days before it grew silent” he let out another snicker, “I wasn’t hungry at least”

“But where are they now?” Felix urged and the man drilled his eyes into him,   
“Well if you didn’t meet the whole company, I suppose they continued north after destroying the statue” the man looked down on the crumbling pieces of stone that Felix first had thought had been houses or pieces of the wall, 

“What do you mean?” he asked, unsure if the old man was only kidding because the statue of Bracca was a known wonder of mankind. A marker on the map that had been up for centuries- maybe even more, 

The man came closer to him, walked with small steps while supporting himself on the cane all the way. He gave Felix a small smile, “I recognise you. You are the boy king. Cassius’ son”  
Felix swallowed but stood even straighter while he looked down at the man, “I am” he admitted and the old man smiled again, 

“The spear has fallen, Your Royal Highness. Bracca is but history now but if you hurry there is still time to undo the curse your father placed upon us. Ride back to the capital. Prepare yourself for war. Call upon the troops. Save Oranobia and save your people” he placed a trembling hand on Felix’ shoulder, gave him a short bow and then turned around, disappearing into the grey smoke that surrounded them.


	34. Cruor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!!!!! I hope you are all good ♥ Bea here to smooch your cheeks with a new chapter! ♥   
> As always, please comment! I've missed all of you so, so much ♥   
> Also, I'd like to shamelessly put my ko-fi right here (https://ko-fi.com/yellow_beacon) since Christmas is coming up and I have a kiddo with a birthday in the same month haha ♥ if you want to tip me and you enjoy my work(s) here it's the same price as a coffee ♥  
> And please come and talk to me on Twitter if you want: @Yellw_Bea
> 
> Chapter name meaning: Blood (clotted from a wound)

* * *

Jisung had always been someone who, unfortunately, and rather easily, got cold.   
He had been cold in the castle where he spent most of his childhood.  
Cold to the very bone, cold to the touch and always with a headache from the way he kept his shoulders tensed up towards his chin.  
Cold and even terribly sick with a fever from time to time when five layers of long-haired beaver hide and fluffy sheep pelts were not enough to stop the shivers. If it weren’t one tough illness that held on with a tight grip around his lungs through the winters, it was a simple cough or stuffy nose that continuously bothered him during the rest of the year. 

His mother had hoped that the heat of the capital with significantly more warm bodies and tighter living spaces would make it better. That they could start anew, away from any potential threat in Dostan, after his father’s betrayal and eventual death on the battlefield. But Jisung was still cold and he still shivered up in a bundle with covers up to his chin every night. Too shy, even though his mother had gotten so in touch with them, to head down to the baker and his wife just two doors down and warm himself by the ovens while they made the morning bread. Too reserved to find boys his own age to rumble around with.

“You need to go out into the sun more boy. Meet someone to share your life and help warm your bed at night” one of the monks at the abbey whispered to him one day after he had visited his mother, eyes flickering with fingers that graced at the cross around his neck like he internally regretted speaking up.  
Jisung had given him a side glance and a small uncertain smile at that, wondered quietly to himself how a monk could be endorsing sleeping before marriage. But he decided to keep his mouth shut out of respect and followed the advice nevertheless, deciding after a lot of consideration that it couldn’t hurt to get some company. 

Some, very awkward and ashamed (and with ears and cheeks flushed red) asking around eventually led him to the biggest brothel in the city. The madame had been very welcoming and he’d been seated by a small table near two other men his age. He was just about to order some ale from one of the cute brunette workers when he accidentally overheard the conversation that quickly got heated. The men didn’t seem to be fighting but rather complained loudly, in agreement, about the disappointment their father’s had been. Jisung scoffed at that and couldn’t help but claim that they ‘at least weren’t a war criminal who placed his own family on the line’ The two laughed at that, invited him to their table, boasted that they could do worse than that and Jisung smug smile quickly changed to surprise while he swiftly rushed up to his feet the moment he sat down and bowed deeply when one of them introduced himself as Prince Christopher Westspire. 

That night was the small sprouting seed to a blooming brotherhood and Jisung had gone back to the abbey several days later to thank the monk at the abbey for his suggestion. Because even if he hadn’t found a girl to warm his bed- the two men he had gotten to know through shared stories was the first true warmth he’d felt in years. 

Time after that passed in a hurry. His mother, unfortunately, passed a cold winter morning a year after they moved to the city, too sick with the loss of her husband and the betrayal he’d done to be able to move on, even with God as a standing stone in her life. It had been just a month after Chris had declared him as his personal guard and the prince helped pay for the whole funeral and for the ashes of his mother to be returned to her family in the cemetery of Whitemoor castle in Dostan. 

Jisung was still thankful for that, just as Chris was thankful for the countless times where Jisung had saved his life. Quick to action with a mace or hatchet in his hand- like the famous moment when they were ambushed by a pack of wolves. A story that was widely popular from the number of times it had been told. 

Nearly half a decade of wild journeys across Hinosia had gone by now. Adventures that bonded them closer- across hills and prairies and small towns with private inns. Deep and immense forest that never seemed to stop, fine sand beaches and jagged cliff edges along the coast.   
The warmth in Jisung’s heart grew brighter every single time they returned home. Filled with more memories and experience and stories to tell in the grand hall. To boast and impress the ladies with, many of which got him rather popular- even though it was known that Jisung weirdly actually preferred them to stay at an arm's length with their clothes on. 

It wasn’t until a warm late spring day nearly three months ago that the simmering glow completely exploded into a blazing firework, one that caused his cheeks to flush and heart to pound quicker than ever before. His limbs seemed to act on their own and his whole being burned like a fire, fluttering and flicking its flames against the thousands of butterflies that had somehow found their ways into his chest.

Minho of house Lee, future lord of Andovale and the, nowadays, king of Oranobia’s right-hand guard and first cousin on his mother’s side was… well, Jisung were simply certain that he’d never seen someone so gorgeous in his entire life.   
He had never considered himself having a particularly bigger fancy for men but there was just something about Minho that Jisung just couldn’t pinpoint. Something that made him weak in the knees and his heart to quiver and his head to be filled up with a whole lot of nothing. 

Maybe it was his elegance and the simple way he carried himself with such nonchalant effortlessness… or perhaps the stoic expression on his face at the beginning that made his breath get caught in his throat or the nearly childish joy that crashed into Jisung like racing animals when he successfully made him crack a smile or cause a pearl of laughter to pour between his lips. The unstrained way their conversations flowed after that, the jokes, the way their bodies gravitated towards each other like magnets… it was all insane, just… _unreal-_ like a fairy tale ending where the princess gets her prince and they live happily ever after. 

After years of being so cold that he many times was completely certain that death stood on his porch with a hand raised to knock on his door- a warmth unlike any other filled every moment of his life. Minho became the body that warmed his bed, his heart, his soul- his very being and Jisung never wanted it to stop, never wanted to come down from the high clouds he walked on. He was sure, completely and utterly certain, despite his closeness to Chris and Changbin, that Minho was _the_ one person he’d ever need in his life. 

He was on a whole other level.   
Someone who made him feel whole.  
Someone he wanted to spend the rest of his days with.   
Someone that made him feel complete and the love that he felt for him could surely move mountains.  
His soulmate. His warmth…

But the only warmth that Jisung felt at the moment when riding down the trail towards aid, was the warmth of his lover’s blood pooling against his thigh where the flow had breached through the soggy package. 

Why?   
_Why?_

He pressed his thighs closer around the mustang, urged him on to sprint on harder while he gripped his arms around Minho’s waist, panic nearly blinding him when then the other slipped a bit, almost completely limp against him,   
“Hold on, my darling. We’re nearly there” he mumbled and blinked away some tears while swallowing hard, 

He had taken a spontaneous, brash decision to ride north- away from the path to Monteno. The people there had been too hopeless and Jisung were completely sure that none of them would care much about them when they were convinced that they were all going to die. Their only chance was going elsewhere and the small road sign to Cambellasta they passed a few hours ago, completely convinced him. 

The sun had disappeared an hour ago and Jisung knew that by pressing the horse further, he forced the three of them on a mission that only demanded one misplaced step before their lives could be in grave danger… but he couldn’t stop. Not now. 

They reached the town after another hour and he screamed out for help the second he passed the first houses. A tall tower of a church stood out in the midst of dark houses and he pressed down, jumped off the mustang the second he stopped, nearly slipped in the trampled down mud street and slammed his fists against the wooden door to the house that stood connected with the church, screamed from the top of his lungs until the flickering ball of a candle shone through the window and the stern, unhappy face of an old man peeked out the front door, 

“Who are you and why are you screaming at my front door at this hour?” the Father asked while he peered up at him. Jisung swallowed hard, tried to take a deep breath and felt how his whole body shook while he tried to force forth the words that still got caught in his throat, “Who are you boy?” the Father asked again and Jisung pointed back towards the horse and the love of his life that slowly but surely bled out, drops falling from his arm downwards in a long stripe, turning the animal’s hide from light shimmery white to bright red, 

“I’m Jisung of house Han royal guard of the Prince of Hinosia we are guests at the court of His Royal Highness Felix Ashdown-Lee” he breathed out in one quick sentence and the Father turned his eyes from him to Minho with suspicious eyes,   
“If you’re guests at the court, what are you doing here then? Shouldn’t you be with the King?” he asked and Jisung felt panic bloom in his chest.

He didn’t have time for this…   
Minho didn’t have time for this, 

“I believe you’ve gotten a bird about it already but Bracca is under siege. We are split up from a small company that was set on an investigation mission from the King. Some scouts attacked us by Ishiano River, caught us by surprise and- and- my friend here-” Jisung looked over at Minho who sat slumped over with his hand on the reins to keep himself upright, body jolting from falling in and out of consciousness “He lost his hand and so much blood by now and I fear-” he choked up as the words thickened and seemed to get lost on his tongue but the Father nodded, wide awake and with a softer wrinkle between his brows now when he understood the grave situation and placed a firm hand on his shoulder,   
“My house is open to all of God’s children. Sit down by the fire, I’ll fetch Joseph, our town’s physician ” 

He disappeared shortly into the house again before returning in a pair of boots and a heavy coat on his shoulders, nodded to Jisung and then rushed away down the street that was surrounded by a couple of lights from curious inhabitants who wondered what had woken them up at the late hour, muttering to them to get back to bed and forbade their unchristian behaviour. Jisung ignored them all and turned to Minho, brushed his tears away with the back of his hand before he placed it on his lover’s thigh,

“Can you get down from the saddle, darling?” he asked softly and Minho twitched again from his slumped over position, looked down at him with heavy lids, lips and cheeks pale- nearly white while beads of sweat had collected at his forehead causing the brown hair to stick to it,   
“What?” he mumbled and the mustang trampled, slightly bothered and confused about what was going on when Minho held back the reins and squeezed his thighs at the same time to prevent himself from falling off when another wave of vertigo hit him.

Jisung reached up, placed one hand on Minho’s waist and urged him again, “You gotta swing over your other leg, my heart”   
The horse was way too tall for Jisung to be able to help Minho off by himself and the older looked from his place in the saddle to the ground, moved his wounded hand and nearly fell over when he tried to grip onto the withers with a hand that wasn’t there,  
“Wha-” he started and looked down at the red fabric that surrounded the stump of his lower arm, “Sungie. My- my… hand?” he asked. 

First now seemingly realizing what had happened since he’d been in and out of it from the moment of impact and probably never even realized that he was missing a limb from the surge of adrenaline that had been working on overdrive to keep him alive for this far. He winced with an expression that went from confused to revolted and Jisung swallowed hard while he patted his lover’s back when Minho stumbled on his feet, leaned over and retched towards the side of the street, vomiting up the small amount of food he got into himself that morning.   
“Let’s get you inside” Jisung whispered moments later and hooked his arm around Minho’s waist when his stomach was empty and only bile joined the splatter mixed with the mud. 

Minho nodded tiredly, spit on the ground and shamefully averted his eyes, on the verge of being too weak to even stand. Tears stained his cheeks and snot and mucus lingered on his upper lip. Jisung gave his appearance a sad smile and placed a small kiss on the crown of his head while he led them inside. He sat the other down in a fur-clad chair closest to the fire heart before pulling a similar one closer as well, fished out a handkerchief from an inner pocket of his vest and kneeled down before Minho, gently cupped his cheek and dried the fluid traces on his face with gentle movements. The older looked down on him shortly, hand twitching in his lap like he wanted to reach out but couldn’t find the energy to do so and a worn-out smile tugged on his lips, 

“When I imagined you kneeling before me-” he cleared his throat, “this has never really been the situation I envisioned us to be in”  
Jisung scoffed and couldn't hide his smile while he slowly stroked his finger over Minho’s cheekbone, “And here I’ve been walking beside you with the conviction that you are a true romantic?” his finger traced up and carefully brushed away the small collections of teardrops that caused his lower lashes to stick together, “What is more romantic than me asking you to marry me when we’re in a situation like this?”

Minho eyelids clipped from exhaustion but he still successfully rolled his eyes while the smile grew wider, “That’s a heavy question Sungie… one that you probably shouldn't ask while drying away snot from my face like I’m just a child that needs to be taken care off”  
Jisung tucked away the handkerchief into the pocket again and took Minho’s left hand in his, “Well… never mind the situation then…” he mumbled, afraid to hurt Minho’s proud integrity even further if he disagreed and paused, “Would uh- would you say yes? If I ever asked?” he continued and the other nodded without hesitation, eyes fully closed now while he breathed in heaves of air, body tensed up from the pain that throbbed through him while he slowly slipped into unconsciousness again, 

“Of course, silly” he sighed heavily, “I love you”  
“I love you too” Jisung answered, gently squeezed his hand and quickly got on his feet again when the Father returned with a middle-aged man in his steps. 

The physician pushed up his moon-shaped glasses higher on the bridge of his nose, the salt and pepper hair in disarray since he’d probably just been awakened while he nodded to him shortly and Jisung took a step back when he took his place by Minho’s feet, placing a large bag by his side in the process,   
“My name is Joseph Fendrel. The Father has told me who the two of you are-” the physician said when he inspected the blood-soaked fabrics, “When was the limb separated from his body?” he asked with a bitter demeanour and Jisung struggled, hands tugging and fiddling on his shirt to keep them occupied while he tried to remember back, 

“I’m… unsure… what’s the time?” he asked and the Father gripped his bible tighter while he gazed out towards the sky,   
“Just after midnight, I believe”  
“Maybe… about eight hours then” Jisung answered and bit back a loud protest when Joseph slowly nodded, too deep in his mission to be polite as he began unwrapping the layers of once-white linen,   
“Father. I need two buckets of water from the well, please. This wound needs to be closed now or the young man won’t survive through the night” Jisung felt his stomach jolt at that, lips parting from shock while Minho groaned with pain, “Young man, do you have any fabrics to spare?” Joseph asked over his shoulder and Jisung nodded, jumped up and nearly rushed out to the mustang who happily chewed on a small dropped pile of hay, quickly tied the horse to a hitch rail, dug through their luggage and pulled out a spare blouse before rushing back in, “Oh, and Father… you don’t happen to have some strong help for the ailment I’m about to inflict, do you?” 

The priest gave him a weary look and then opened a small cabinet in the kitchen where a lonely bottle was hidden away and he handled it to the physician before walking out the door with quick steps while Joseph who popped the cork and said with a loud voice, “Young man, I need you to drink” he gently poured some of the alcohol between Minho’s lips, who spluttered and grimaced when he nearly choked on it,   
“Please drink” Jisung urged and the physician pushed the bottle in his direction before he laid out his instruments on the seat of the other chair, pulled it towards himself and made sure that Minho had swallowed at least a few mouthfuls. 

He then gave the Father a thankful smile when he returned with the water, dipped his hands in one of them before he dried off against a spare towel he placed on one knee, slowly peeled away the soggy package around the stump of Minho’s arm and cursed silently to himself when blood started gushing out.   
“This is going to hurt” he warned, quickly threaded a needle with a fine tendon suture and Jisung nodded while he held onto Minho’s left hand and tried to force more alcohol down his throat. 

The hitched scream that his lover let out cut through his body like a sharp knife through butter. It was like a loud sob mixed with a broken whine and Jisung wanted nothing other than to just pull him closer and then escape away. Save him from the ruthless and unforgiving way the physician stitched the open wound together with slow and precise motions.   
The Father reluctantly held him down as well with two strong hands on his shoulder, praying for his life like a mantra and Jisung blinked away the tears that dimmed his vision while Minho struggled his hardest to fight against the pain of the needle that time and time again punctured the raw flesh when his skin was pulled tight around the gaping wound again. The older grasped around his hand and pulled the bottle out of Jisung’s grip, pushed the head to his mouth and gulped it down fast enough for him to retch again while Jisung could only hold his breath and wait for the procedure to be done. 

Minutes felt like hours and the older had quieted down into crumbled sobs when Joseph saturated one last time, grabbed Jisung’s spare blouse, ripped it to shreds, cleaned the surface of the wound with the water from the other bucket and made a new package around the stump. Wiped off all excess blood from the area and then sighed heavily while packing up his instruments again, 

“What now?” Jisung asked, voice weak while he still held Minho’s hand and Joseph gave him a small smile,   
“You’ll see in the morning after you’ve woken up. He might be just fine, on the brink of death, yes, but fine enough for the two of you to carry on your journey still- or…” he trailed off, eyes cast downwards when he stood up again,   
“Or?” Jisung pressed on,  
“Or the two of you were too late and he won’t wake up because he… because he most likely lost too much blood”  
Jisung felt how his body froze and the coldness that he hadn’t experienced for years slapped him with full force across the face, “Is there… something- anything else you can do?” he asked, breathlessly,

Joseph shrugged with a sad smile, “I’ve done what I can. His life is in God’s hands now”  
“I will pray for the boy-” the Father assured and nodded up the stairs with a small, warm smile, “take my bed for tonight, I’ll make sure that your horse is fed and watered before your journey tomorrow”

-

Jisung had always been someone who easily got cold.   
He used to always be cold until he met Minho and now he was cold yet again, freezing, even though the man rested right next to him.   
Jisung counted his heartbeats, unable to sleep as the hours passed, “3 360, 10 080, 16 800, 23 520”  
Minho had a cold fever and ague throughout the night and Jisung dabbed his forehead with a damp towel, sat by him in the bed while he watched the way his love’s brows furrowed and a small pout lingered on his lips from a dream so far away.

He was, without doubt, the most beautiful man in the whole world and Jisung felt how his whole body just ached for him, thundered down on his heart, weighed on it like a boulder with this immense need to protect and shield and keep safe so they never had to, yet again, experience what just happened. Jisung wanted them to run away, to go to the furthest part of Hinosia, as far as the border of Steilerbenaia and hide from everything and everyone north-west of his hometown, in the thick leaf forest between the farmer towns of Nayostes and Irueteja. Maybe even by the shore, in a wooden cottage that would quickly get bitten by the weather-the winds and saltwater that found its way between the thick trees.

He sighed, brushed away a few strands of hair that stuck to the beads of sweat on Minho’s forehead.   
They couldn’t. 

He still had a duty to fulfil towards Chris… and Minho wasn’t someone who backed away from a fight- no. Jisung had to physically go between him and the scout that had taken his hand off back then or else he was sure that the other would’ve fought until he was slain.   
His heart swelled with pride and respect, with love and affection at the memory of the other’s determination to keep going on. 

Those feelings lasted until he finally allowed himself to take a deep breath when peace burrowed itself deeply in his heart as the first beams of sunlight searched their way between the drawn woollen curtains and Minho was still alive, grasping at the line of consciousness with both hands, breath still laboured because of the pain- but stable. 

Jisung blinked away tears when the older slowly opened his eyes, winced and peeked at him before closing them again, “You’re still with me” he concluded and swallowed hard, dryly while Jisung quickly wiped his eyes with the back of his hand,   
“Of course I am, you idiot. I’m not leaving you”

Minho nodded then, lips tugging up in a small smile and Jisung couldn’t help but smile as well, relieved because the love of his life was still alive. Not fine, not yet. But alive.   
“Thank you” he mumbled under his breath and Jisung felt how his body glowed with the comforting warmth he’d gotten so used to, yet again,   
“No” he whispered and kissed the knuckled of Minho’s hand before he rested his forehead against them, suddenly feeling how tired he really was, “Thank you”


	35. Paeoniae Exercitu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!!  
> First off, thank you so, so much for patiently waiting for me. I'm almost fully recovered (my sense of smell is still completely gone and I hope it will return soon. It's so weird to lose something you take for granted)  
> How was your Christmas? Did you celebrate or was it just a regular day for you? I hope you're all well nevertheless ♥  
> Secondly, I will try and push for this to be a weekly thing again. I clearly hit a large bump in my miserable state of always being home and never going out that caused me to be so unbelievably unhappy with what I was writing. Nothing seemed good and everything seemed too fake and awkward so thank you for all the kind words and support I got when I truly needed it ♥  
> Thirdly, I'm very interested in how you (yes, you) think that this will end up. I'd love to read some theories if you've got any and I know that there are other readers here that loves going through the comments as well. 
> 
> Thank you once again for reading ♥
> 
> Chapter name meaning: Homecoming

Chris woke up with a sharp twitch, cold and damp from the morning dew that laid heavy, like an extra blanket, over the deer hide sleep roll. He gently let go of the slumbering person in his grasp and elevated himself slightly, blinked with a grimace to get used to the warm glow of sunlight just above the treetops before he looked out over the hill they made camp on last night. 

A thick, grey curtain of smoke still covered the city a little over two hundred meters away and the smell of it- the destruction, the suffering of its people- still lingered in the air. Chris’ brows furrowed while he looked out over the grass and spots of tree groves that still flourished, blissfully unaware about the city beside them. The burnt wood, burnt flesh and cinder had started to settle on the environment around it, like a layer of freshly fallen snow.

He grimaced again, more grim this time, but it softened quickly when Felix hummed beside him, moved around a bit and searched blindly for the hand that had been holding his own during their sleep. Chris sighed, leaned down and took the king’s hand again, squeezed it and jolted his body softly,   
“Wake up, love”

Felix hummed again, nodded, still barely awake and Chris rolled his eyes adoringly and sat up fully, looked around him and made eye contact with Hyunjin, who sat cross-legged in the grass by his horse. Arrows already fastened on his back and the longbow in a hard grip. The blonde lord had not changed expression since Jisung left with Minho yesterday and Chris couldn’t imagine the pain and stress he was in at the moment. He didn’t even blink at Chris' act of love with the obvious pet name- something that would usually have him wrinkle a brow and curl his upper lip at least. 

But Chris understood, he was worried about the unknowing fate of Minho as well and _he_ didn’t even know the young spear-master that well. To be someone who considered him as a brother- the way that he could only guess that Hyunjin and Felix felt… Chris sighed again. 

Changbin was a few meters away, book in his hand while he sat on top of the only small boulder on the whole hill and with a very serious expression on his brows. Chris was unsure though if the look was because of his concentration or because of their current situation.   
_And where did he even get that book?_ He wondered. Perhaps Seungmin had given it to him in case the journey would get boring? Chris snickered to himself. If that was the case then the crown prince was too kind. 

“No, don’t wanna wake up” Felix mumbled, “I was having such a nice dream” he groaned when Chris jolted his body again but reluctantly opened his eyes anyway, “We were having tea in the garden… and it was such a lovely weather” he pouted when he sat up and Chris was just about to answer when the rustling of clothes caused him to turn. 

Hyunjin quickly stood up, hooked his bow against his back and cleared his throat, “I’ll scour the area now when you’re all awake” he jumped up on his horse and grabbed the reins before mumbling, more to himself than them, “don’t want to repeat yesterday's mistakes” before he softly kicked the horse with his heels and then set off before anyone got the chance to answer. 

Chris sighed and sat up, dragged his hands down his face in a tired motion before combing back his hair and stumbled over to sit down by Changbin with Felix in his heels. His friend closed the book and fished out some of the same proviant they’d been eating for the last days,

“This is the last we’ve got” he started while he reached it out towards Chris, who broke of some of the bread to give to Felix as well, “I’ve talked with Hyunjin while the two of you were snoozing away and there is really just two options to consider-” he continued while he clasped his hands in his lap, “We’ll try to make it back as quickly as possible, only stopping when the horses force us to but not for resting, enough time has passed while just sitting around… and though it will still take time… four riders move faster than an army after all… or-” he paused and gave Felix a sympathetic smile, “we’ll try to find some food in the city- but I honestly don’t think that there’s much left” he trailed off and looked away from the bitter expression on Felix’s face, “That also means trying to find a bird to send word of our result. That Bracca is gone and the diocese made, according to our calculation, their way north with Reruedo as their next target” he cleared his throat, “and there is, unfortunately, a highly likely scenario that the significantly smaller town is already wiped out”

Felix clenched his fist, “Don’t say another word, please. I cannot imagine more of my people suffering without me being able to do anything to help”  
Silence fell between them for a moment before Changbin cleared his throat hand spoke up again,

“So what do you want us to do, Your Royal Highness?” he asked respectfully while he watched the king with a seriousness in his eyes,  
“I agree with you. We’ve wasted enough time. We know what awaits us” he wet his lips, “I need to return to the capital, to collect my men for the war to come and plan ahead our next move”

Chris nodded and Felix swallowed deeply while he mumbled to himself and stood up again, too restless and wanting to go as soon as possible, “I hope that the next city will get a bird before it’s too late”

“Which one is that?” Chris asked, cautiously since it was such a heavy subject, while he sipped on the spiced wine, slightly embarrassed of his lack of knowledge when it came to Oranobia’s geography but Felix didn’t seem to mind and just sighed deeply again while he crumbled the bread into tiny pieces, looking like he didn’t have any appetite at all,

“If they ride north- um... Turre, a small town of just over 1000 inhabitants. Easy to conquer and they can... if they want to take that route, steal a ship to continue over the water to Arcos, Hyunjin’s family home. The city is rich from being the most prosperous fishing town in Oranobia and it’s said that the Hwangs have a treasure chamber with gold from the lord’s greedy and stingy personality” Felix shrugged, “But if their main goal is my head on a stick, the crown in their hands and the capital- they will be riding east to the devoted and thinly guarded city of Cambellasta.

-

“You need to leave”  
Minho was shaken awake by someone who jolted his body back and forth in hurried motions. 

_Leave?_   
Where? When? Why?   
_What’s going on?_

He opened his eyes and blinked in the bright sunlight that shone through the window. Jisung was sleeping next to him, holding tightly around his midriff like he was certain that Minho would disappear if he lost his grip. An old man, a priest, stood hovered above them and Minho realised that he was the one who had awakened him.

“You two need to leave” the Father repeated, _“Now”_  
He didn’t sound rude but strict. Like he tried to hold a comfortable tone in his voice but was too tense to be able to hide it. Minho swallowed hard, glanced over at the sleeping man next to him and immediately understood. 

He remembered the blurry sight of a white church tower against the dark summer night sky.   
Jisung’s face, the worried line between his brows and pouting lower lip when he looked up at him.   
Then how someone had held two warm hands on his shoulder, speaking in tongues, praying while another man at his feet stitched his arm.   
He raised it, absently and observed the neatly pressed together white bandage. It didn’t hurt as much as before and he felt immense joy in his heart since it seemed like God had smiled at him from heaven, adamant that his time wasn’t over just yet.

“Are you deaf as well, boy?” the Father pressed on, “I told you- you need to leave. Pack your things. Hurry”  
Minho nodded, sighed and was just about to use his hand to jolt Jisung awake as well when he paused, looked at the bandage again and felt how his body grew warm when the scattered memory of the fact that he only had his left by now enveloped him with embarrassment. He just gently bumped Jisung with his elbow instead and the other lord mumbled in his sleep, burrowed his face against his arm and sleepy pressed his lips against it,

“We will hurry” Minho assured while he freed himself and slowly sat up, “But I will not ask for forgiveness, regardless if you helped save my life- for who I am” he glanced at Jisung again before he met the Father’s eyes with a colder expression, “or who I love”

The priest looked between them then and the stressed furrow in his face softened while he watched them both, clearly surprised before he let out a pearl of hearty chuckles and shook his head, “Oh, dear boy. I have lived an awful amount of time on this earth, more so than you might think since I’ve been fortunate with good health even in my twilight years…” he gave them a smile, “Love comes in all shapes and forms. We should be counting our blessings every time we find someone new to hold and be held dear by. God is good and the almighty Father created mankind, in all its shapes and forms, in his image after all. We are _meant_ to love, just like he loves every one of us” he nodded towards Jisung who now started to stir awake, “and that man truly loves you. I’m certain he’d somehow demand the heavens themselves to release you and get you back down of earth if you would have passed away in the procedure yesterday”

Minho smiled to himself then while the priest’s expression became serious again, “No, I won’t send you away because you found happiness and peace with each other…” he paused and sighed, “Our scouts in the west, just five kilometres from here, have spotted an army… dressed in Sanguine and Azure” 

Minho pulled a grimace and placed his legs over the edge of the bed, causing Jisung to finally open his eyes and immediately sit up in the bed, 

“What’s wrong?” he asked and Minho looked behind his shoulder, gave his lover a small smile and stood up on unsteady feet before he reached out his hand,   
“The diocese of Mongia is coming this way. We need to go”  
“But-” Jisung protested and looked over at the priest with large eyes,   
“We have many horses and still time to flee. The people of Cambellasta will live on” the Father assured and nodded to the two of them with a soft smile before he exited the room. 

They dressed in a hurry and Minho barely felt a sting of the wound until he realised that his beloved halberd must’ve been left strapped to his horse and forgotten when Jisung rushed them away after the incident. He felt what should have been both hands, twitch with anticipation of holding his weapon again and a strong gut-wrenching feeling of pure misery struck him then and even Jisung stopped putting on his boots promptly when he felt the change of air around his lover, 

“What is it?” he asked and Minho just shook his head, feeling like a child that had been refused to bring along his favourite toy,   
“Oh, my… my halberd” he mumbled, a bit embarrassed while he put on his boots as well, “I’ve never been separated from it. I can’t help but feel a bit… vulnerable”   
“I’m sorry-” Jisung said, honest and with a heavy voice while he chewed down on his lip, “I should’ve remembered”

But Minho just shook his head and gently grabbed the other by the collar, pulled him towards himself and gently pressed their lips together, scoffing adoringly into the small space between their lips when Jisung smiled into the kiss, separated them for just a second to look into his eyes like he couldn’t believe that Minho was there with him before he clasped his arms around his midriff, pulled him closer again and planted another kiss on the older’s lips,

“Thank you again for saving my life” Minho mumbled against the other and Jisung protested with a soft hum,   
“Thank you for giving me something worth fighting for” 

Minho couldn’t help the small chuckle that erupted from his chest at that but he still had to ask when they left the room and headed downstairs, “Why?”  
“Oh, I’m sure I would’ve been killed by that scout that took your hand. If you wouldn’t be there on the moss floor, bleeding so badly, giving me that splurge of 'I need to save him'- I’d surely make a mistake, take a wrong step or swing too slow when picking up after you” Minho was on the verge of protesting, to proclaim that Jisung was talented enough and that he would’ve made it just fine. But Jisung only shook his head, “No- I was so tired, completely pent up from not getting any sleep that night. It was pure adrenaline that caused me to succeed” 

“I’ve already collected your horse from the stable,” the priest said and roused them from their conversation when they’d walked down the stairs, “He has been given a good night sleep and food and water” he continued from where he stood by a window that was placed toward the west, gazing out with a solemn expression mirrored in the glass,  
“Thank you” both of them answered while Minho saved his untold protest until they were out of the house. 

“I don’t agree. You’re a good fighter” he concluded and Jisung only stuck his tongue out to that, knowing that they’d continue forever otherwise while they packed their luggage again and led their horse from the small sheltered hitch rail a few meters away before they turned back to the church where the Father awaited them, 

“Thank you for everything” Minho bowed deeply whereupon the old man placed a warm hand on his shoulder, “You’ll be just fine, boy. Especially with a man like yours by your side and a guardian angel that watches over you”   
“Where will you travel?” Jisung asked, “You are very welcome to seek shelter at my home in the royal castle of Westspire in Hinosia. I’m certain that you will find it very comfortable until the worst is over” 

But the priest just shook his head, “Thank you…” he sighed while gently brushing his hand over the old, worn down, wooden doorpost of his front door, “But I will accept my fate. There are enough horses for the men and women and children who will be able to prosper… but I am old, far too old… and I miss my loved ones, my dear wife who left me many springs ago, my son who I lost in his battle with himself” he trailed off and smiled sadly and the expressions got copied on Jisung and Minho’s faces, “I’m happy that I was able to make one final good deed before my time ended” he nodded to the both of them at that, “Please have me in your thoughts when you continue living, thrive and flourish and do all the things you want to do. Oh-” he stopped himself with a dry swallow, “and pray that it will go quick for me, please?

They nodded with expressions heavy of gloom and acceptance before sitting up on the mustang, gave the Father one final glance and then Jisung gently kicked it with his heels, causing the horse to set off in a sprint towards the nearest town; Allote. 

-

“Brother, brother, brother” 

Felix had barely dismounted his horse when his sister’s high pitched yell reached him. He gave her a short glance while she approached their company as quickly as she could muster- which wasn’t very fast since the hard, low heeled shoes she wore, on top of the cobblestone ground towards the stables, lowered her speed significantly. That and the four handmaidens that hurried after her, urging her to ‘Please, slow down, Your Royal Highness!’

“Are you ok, brother? We received a bird from Cambellasta two days ago about lord Minho of Andovale”

Felix’s heart nearly stopped in his chest and he cleared his throat before daring to say anything at all, “What did the bird say? We haven’t heard from them since they left our company three days ago”

It looked like Isabel paused for a second, debating with herself if she should tell him the whole content of the message since doing that meant giving him full leverage of the situation but she recognized the situation- she wasn’t dumb after all and just sighed theatrically while whirling a strand of brown hair between her thumb and index finger, pursing her lips with a glint in her eyes, 

“They are both alright... if that’s what worried you. We received the letter from the town’s priest who told us that the two had arrived late, around midnight, the surgery went well, the boy seemed fine and that they travelled south-west to Allote” 

Isabel looked at him like she wanted some sort of explanation to the, from her perspective, weird message but Felix just nodded and felt how an enormous weight lifted off his shoulders. Jisung had been smart. He’d seen the state of Monteno and taken a very calculated risk that seemed to have been paid off greatly. Felix swallowed and turned to the men around him that had listened in on what Isabel had said, met Hyunjin’s eyes and the blonde archer gave him the first smile he’d seen since he’d placed an arrow in the middle of the cross of that scout’s leather armour three days ago. 

“He’ll be fine, he'll be alright... ” Hyunjin said, more to himself than Felix but the king still nodded with a smile that got increasingly wider until the two closed the distance between each other and embraced in a tight hug that allowed all the stress and anxiety they’d carried for their brother the past days to course out of their systems. 

“If the two of you are finished…” Isabel started just a moment later, seemingly incredibly bored and Felix let his guard go, eyes a bit dim from the happy tears that threatened to slip out, “Your council has bid me to tell you that they wished to speak with you when you’d be back” 

Her lips tightened up in a thin line, evidently from her being treated as a mere courier rather than a princess and Felix nodded to her, “Thank you, sister. I’ll make sure to see them at once”   
He gave the hostler’s a final thankful glance before they took away the horses who had carried them for such a long journey and called out, “Be sure to treat them properly with a long rest and the finest apples” before Isabel cleared her throat, not yet finished with her messages while they started to walk back towards the castle, 

“And I can inform you, since I _very_ honourably shouldered on the responsibility of your castle, the servants _and_ your people when you rushed off without much warning-” Felix gave her an unamused look that was meant to be a warning but she just shrugged it off with a sharp flick of her head, “Most of your guest left the minute they heard the slight whisper of a war. A good decision if you ask me-”

“I didn’t-” Felix interrupted but she didn’t mind and just continued talking while she lifted her skirt to prevent it from getting soiled by a wet puddle as they started the climb up a small hill. 

“The only ones that decided to stay, stupidly, again if you ask me-” she paused again, even glanced over at him but Felix didn’t interrupt this time and just sighed deeply while Isabel just cleared her throat with a small smile playing on her lips, “is a few insignificant lordships and their families, probably for the free food and good protection of the crown and... and there’s also the crown prince of Stoding and the king of Steilerbenia. I frankly have been unsure of what to do with them since they seem to want to stay for a much longer while. I heard that they wanted to ‘assess the situation’ from your perspective before rushing off. I suggest-” she paused theatrically again, still fully prepared for her brother to cut her off again but Felix only glanced over at her with a small nod that indicated that he wanted her to continue- an action that nearly caught her off guard, “I uh- I suggest for them to be at the meeting of your council as well…” He gave her a small smile, one that didn’t conceal any despite this time and it once again surprised her, 

“Well, if you want a pat on the back” he gave her shoulder a small squeeze, “there you have it. The castle is still standing” he nodded towards the building that now towered over them, “the garden is intact and though we’ll have enough food to handle out to the people of Oranobe for a few days since our guest left early- you’ve done an overall good job sister” 

That stopped Isabel in her tracks, “Really?” she asked,   
“Really” Felix assured and let his feet guide him when they passed the inner circle of the stone walls that surrounded the main caste,   
“I’ll send a servant to pick up the guests in... an hour then?” the smile on her lips, that always seemed halfway from a sneer, was genuine this time and Felix couldn't help but scoff a bit to himself at her demeanour,  
“That will be fine, Thank you, sister” he called out over his shoulder while he and his company started walking up the large stairs that led him to the great hall. 

Breakfast was on it’s way back to the kitchen and the small number of lords that sat there, spread out and still according to the hierarchy of their worth and titles, quickly stood up when Felix, Chris, Changbin and Hyunjin strolled through the large, open, wooden doors. They all awkwardly bowed when he approached the table and one servant, that must’ve been informed of their arrival, quickly walked up to him with the royal crown, still as heavy, sharp, red and golden as usual, on a pillow. He sighed, raised it and planted it down on his head (he hadn’t missed it’s weight at all) and sat down on his place at the table. 

A few lords, closest to them, swallowed dryly and scrunched their noses at the stench of sweat, grime, blood and animal on their clothes and bodies but Felix just let his gaze pass between them, silently requesting for anyone to refuse their presence before their expressions fell and they either stood up and left or went back to their plates of food while continuing making conversations. 

“What can I bring you, Your Royal Highness?” a young servant girl asked him behind his shoulder and Felix who, with his company, hadn’t stopped for anything else but to make sure that their horses got enough rest to carry on, felt his mouth salvage at the food that still lingered on the table.   
“I got everything I want right here, just tell the kitchen to wait another 30 minutes so we can eat in peace”

The girl behind him curtsied but he barely noticed it because the only thing that mattered at the moment was the blackberry marmalade that currently nearly hurt his taste buds when he took a big bite out of the freshly baked bread he’d set sight on the moment he sat down. That and the way Chris’ shoulder gently bumped into his own from time to time while they ate… and the way the dimples in his cheeks made a welcomed appearance when he turned towards Felix with a big smile. Happy to be back and with the great news of their right-hand men. 


End file.
